(11) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Realityy #11 My Life Story. c: Downnnni
-Trippz To Aurora, Blackq Out Kissed By Thee Sun(; on 6/18/2015- (written in Aurora Charter Oaks Mental Hospital, https://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&biw=320&bih=460&dpr=2&client=safari&um=1&ie=UTF-8&fb=1&gl=us&sll=34.100328,-117.866798&sspn=0.0002136,0.0003439&q=aurora+charter+oak+behavioral+health, 1161 E Covina Blvd, Covina, CA 91724. CALL US: 800-654-2673, .Open Today Open 24 hours)
----6/18/2015----
"Off to the mental hospital cuz I had a physcotic episode I went insane and I'm unstable so I'm going to Aurora Charter Oak cuz I am unstable, I told my mom cuz I kept it in for so long, number 8 is chasing me && my mom is gonna call CPS and my lawyer to transfer me to UCI, last time I was at Aurora I was physco in 30 reatraints a day, but I had an episode and before I killed myself I told my mom when it was a 9 out of 10, off to the mental hospital, got my stuff && it's 9:56 pm on 6/18/2015, bye bye 🔫🔫🔫🔫 -at Aurora Charter Oak Mental Hospital in West Covina..."
(6/19/2015) Fernando C & Debbie Jo from Aurora charter Oaks.
I Renaway nothing on my mind but I don't feel like anything running around but I still don't get it I feel so depressed and I feel comfortably numb, I block it out of my head woke up kicking at the floor dreams aint mine nomore when you yelling at yourself that you're okay, but you know that your empty you've been through so much since I was four years old my life has been traumatizing I don't even know who I am I don't know what I'm supposed to be or why am here at age 12 my dad died he used to torture me and my mom but mainly me that I've been through a lot in my past is already bad really bad, then I went insane like literally one of the craziest girls i'm fucked up and never had anybody I've been through trauma all day every day since I was four then from 12 to right now I've been doing psycho shit, i'm here for everything people are scared of me because they know my past and my dangerous behaviors and how insane I can get it they know my Darkside my dramatic past has made me the fucked up mentally unstable person I am today okay peep this think of any think of any crazy or illegal thing I've probably done it, for five years I've been losing control in and out of a psychotic episode misbehaving this is my 86 mental hospital, and I've been doing bad stuff since I was 12 some bitch be crying and I love what I do I was raped four times and I was tortured and I'm psychotic so you don't know what to expect I'm not normal it's 1:45 AM in the morning and I had a nightmare, because I didn't get my sleeping pill I had a dream that I cannot awake from there was this outside group saying it's not called group and miss Nicole was screaming as there was lots of noise, it was daytime and they said it was breakfast they were scary things each time I woke up and went back to sleep it's like I dreamt the door was cracked open and it was daylight going crazy and then it flashback to empty chair in the hallway when it's night I woke up and it was too hot because I have my leather jacket on, they want to give me my sleeping pill so I waited for a long time to wake up so I walked out into the hallway and I feel like I was still on a dream on Topamax and about to pass out on the spot so I walked into the day room and Debbie gave me Coco Roos and milk and I was scared I met a new girl and told her about my past, my whole life has been trauma. I never had a minute where it wasn't drama from age 4 to age 12 then from age 12 to age 17, I was psychotically insane and I was still going thru trauma but this time I was the one going insane and losing control, I been through a lot a lot of stuff a little girl haven't should have gone through always out on the streets raising hell and going crazy doing bad things because I lost my mind, for breakfast I had French toast bacon two raisin bran cereal and hot cream of wheat and fresh fruit for lunch I had Bisque, butternut squash basil veal cutlet ,parsley rotini , broccoli and cauliflower and an ice cream sundae strawberry with chocolate syrup , for dinner I had 2 Saulsberry steaks with gravy herbed pilaf, sautéed spinach, cucumber radish lettuce salad and three toffee bars , for snack I had three Smuckers peanut butter and jelly's , string cheese and 2 raisin bran cereals, cornflakes and a lot of water , i'm going back to sleep good night.
(6/20/2015) something stuck inside your soul making you lose control eating away make you going to say nightmares common crying and screaming make you lose control like someone else is in control break me down eat me away I'm gone insane, i'm not in control losing my mind not in control let me up I've lost control I get to go to the cafeteria today because I got here at 12:00 AM on Friday and now it's 2:13 AM on Saturday it's been 24 hours and my roommate Jessica is really nice , I talk to all the girls here, I told him about my past Fernando keeps flirting with me and I sang for the girls a song that I wrote freestyle made out of my songs help me save me love me , I told you not to cry , I'll catch you when you fall , miss Susie out of the blue, and nothing else to lose. All combined together I'm going back to sleep now good night someone fell asleep inside your soul John the staff remembers me he told me to be good and he'll check up on me to see if I'm okay and to say hi to me he says I'm all grown up now and since I've been doing good, Josh from Aurora cares about me and flirts with me he ask if I'm okay and looks at me . for breakfast we had eggs and 2 coco Roos cereal and a roll , for lunch I went to the cafeteria and had 2 sugar cookies, grilled cheese and cranberry juice I love Josh we had a singing group and I think for everybody then we have a process group and I talked about my past I can relate and so convey Josh is like Hector, "Lala Lala fire gun when you need one I need someone to lean on", I got tropical fruit starburst from the vending machine I saw the adults I hung out with Jessica for quiet time and slept for a long time I'm watching Nickelodeon I was hyper all day and anxious and we play cards and knock you off , I want pizza and it's somebody's birthday, breakfast smells like shit LOL I had fun today and was hyper hanging out with everyone in the day room noe I'm going to give my homie a makeover I ate hot Cheetos and Takis. We are watching easy A and confessions of a teenage drama queen on TV for dinner I had to chicken and macaroni and banana pudding I was sleeping a lot I feel special you're not pretty in pink anymore I got everyone's information and we were hyper talking about music , sex, and our past. Brian and Josh worked last night there's cute girls here like the one in the cafeteria I talked to my mom today and Oscar said he hopes I feel better and it's not a party without her which is me I sing for Brian and he cares about me I told him I cared about him, he told me he appreciates it he told me have a good one and he's glad I'm behaving he was deported and I told him about my past we talked and he related to me he says I have potential I told him the timeout room was my best friend he said sweet things to me and we talked and he gave me a fist bump, he told me he's sorry that he forgot my name he smiled when I told him I Cared about him I talk to him about my past and said I had and he said I hope I get better, I love Brian he's so sweet to me and nice he knows I care about him and now it will be sweet when he staring at me when he sees me or when I walk past him he's my buddy and he asked how did you know my name was Brian? I said it's called looking at his name tag we had fun and crack jokes just messed around "what what what ha ha you go girl" I'm taking a shower now good night. He said keep the girls in check but he cares about me one of the nurses said she remembers my psychotic crazy ass in restraints . Damien said "hi how are you hope I'm well haven't seen me in a while that it's good I'm behaving you need to go to sleep girl", me and Damian talked and chilled. Me and Brian talked about music for two hours like modest mouse and nine-ish nails he wrote in my notebook.
Brian T. (He wrote in my notebook)
Modest mouse-cockroach song
Tool-46 and 2
Deftones-tempest
Queens of the Stone Age-better living through chemistry
Interpool-rest my chemistry
Rage against the machine-bulls on parade
OutKast-spottiotdopalishous
OutKast-Prototype
Nine inch nails-no you dont (the fragile)
Red hot chili-peppers parallel universe
Then he wrote in my notebook , people say and saw he was flirting with me and being extra nice and possessive.
He wrote "have a good day. Get well and keep singing!"
----Push push push black out break it down try to fuck up everything you see blacked out again and remember nothing but strange things bizarre and brushing up your time making mind no eyes bitch come back she's in control you've lost your mind little time, broken mind vital signs hey don't you see you're just like me strange experience all his emotions disease crawling up your skin body out of control feeling weird going insane like someone else is in control, say my name scream it again burning on fire till it's completely black 0h oh, pick it up put it down spin around lose control, no you're not in control no more 0h oh (x2), like you lost complete control taken over and let her go.
(6/21/2015) for breakfast we had toast with jelly, tootiefrooties cereal for snack I had 2 peanut butters hot Cheetos, takis, tootiefrooties, for lunch I had beef corn bread and two strawberry shortcake's and Italian pasta. For dinner we had roast beef to frosted space cakes and then we went to the gym we play soccer handball basketball and we listen to music. Anthony talk to me and he told me "thanks for noticing , glad to talk with you, I'm here for you for sure" he asked me about his treatment and told me about his past. He said that we are friends and we should hang out right now I asked him are you okay and you said thanks I really appreciate it we talked all the way from the gym to the dayroom where he sat next to me and we hung out and talked. He cares about me and you so sweet to me he gave me his Facebook and I showed Jessica how Brian wrote in my journal it's weird in a good and bad way because he's a staff and a whole bunch of people caught him looking at me and he likes me but he has a girlfriend so yeah. We watched salmon cat on TV we watch maleficent and teen Titans go (I miss the old Teen Titans) and hung out with everybody, I saw the doctor and have my family session then visited with my mom I drew a picture of my hallucinations then at night I told the nurse right before they close the unit down for lights out they give me my sleeping pill so I ate extra food and watch music videos . went to the vending machine and I got water and went to bed, "boundaries" "you disgust me" , it took me about 20 minutes to go to sleep and I had to close the door plus I never get to brush my teeth and my moms and my bun good night. (6/22/2015) I woke up at 6:30 AM and I ate two corn flakes and a hash brown, I did my make up and hygiene and I let Jessica use my mascara , she help me make my eyelashes big and she did my hair , and I put orange eyeshadow on with the brush on top and bottom, then I put on gray and glitter black on tip, then did orange and light pink again, then I put grey on top and bottom . Eyeliner on and then reapplied orange, then mascara on very thick with my eyes close and then I put on eyeshadow and then lipstick . right now I'm in the day room watching teen Titans go , for lunch we had hamburger and soup, then we have quiet time after that we had gym with Laurie ,then we had dinner . for dinner we had pork and rice we had a group about happiness and then a music group. That girl that sings that annoying song we have another group and this guy was staring my homie down . they had shift change and Lupe did my hair I was hyper with Jessica and the staff got mad damn I love this Haldol .I had a visit with my mom, I drew her picture and I was singing "girl crush" and hanging out with her .then me and Jessica were singing songs we know , and now are watching TV , playing cards and eating 2 tootiefrootie cereals and I got $20 from my mom. I bought tropical starburst and grandma's chocolate chip cookie I love my money on the table but then I found it there's this guy that works here he looks tired mad and looks like he's having a bad day he looks like he had a bad past. we are watching the "Syfy" channel .there's a line between flirting and being nice. Flirting = Hector, Nice = Oscar, and then Bruce, Brian, Josh, Damien, Jon, Fernando are in the middle. What's up I gave Anthony a hug he said thanks for asking if he's okay David talk to me and laughed at my jokes , he's chill and Bruce told me to have a good night and he kept looking at me , me and my roommates played spin the bottle, I gave the bed a lap dance and I farted by the door with the lights off and twerked on the wall then we played "truth or dare" where we got sexual , shit then we are down for anything. I did my drunk walk and said we need our own personal bottle of Grey goose vodka. I told my crazy ass physco stories and sexual stories to . I showed them my hallucinations were pulling an all nighter and it's 11:30 PM we stripped naked and had our blankets ready to jump in and the lights off I took my shirt and pants off then when staff came and I ran into the bathroom we put on a show and got sexual , and sang with our brushes. Janet did my hair three times after my shower. we hid all over the room and danced turning the lights on and off , and then staff came to do room checks and we rushed to our bed then I told them my crazy stories and they shared their's too. we sang "summertime sadness" ,"Grenade", "just the way you are" ,"lights", and "stay with me" and I sing really loud we were so loud that the staff got mad. We were hyper , kept telling us the quiet down then there was a big ass roach in my room because of the hot Chito's and I sat on Janets bed, and I couldn't sleep cuz Sara the staff wouldn't kill it. I was hungry so I was going to walk out and Janet was going to be like "Sara come back" and then she would walk out and we would go to the dayroom to get food I got three string cheeses, but all three of us couldn't come out without getting in trouble. "Really Sara you have to eat food now? , come back your gonna get us in trouble." "What if they saw us naked and walked in?" I was hyper as fuck and then there was water on the floor and they dare me to fart by staff. We went out to get water and pretended to sleep and I snored it was so obvious on my messing around made them laugh off that were staring at me there are two new people a girl and a boy named Marcus good night. Anthony is freaking out I am in the contraband room good night <3
(6/23/2015) For breakfast we had waffles and sausage with surup, then Jeanette did my make up then we went to the gym and play Janga and Connect 4, and then for lunch we had scalloped potatoes, cranberry juice ,water and an oatmeal cookie. Then we went to the art room and we made Sand stars I made mine for my mom and put a lime green background and a pink Apple in the middle . we came back for group and I sang for them. Arcenial said "that was badass" he liked my shirt, my socks, and my leather jacket. Matt said that I had pretty eyes. we had snack and I forgot to get my money for the vending machine, then we had a quiet time and I took a nap , I woke up and got anxious and unstable so I got my Visteral or my "Anti-Anxious" medication. For dinner we had turkey and cheese rotini and then for quiet time I was singing and rapping me and Jeanette hung out after that I went to the dayroom watching Narnia . we had shift change about three or four hours ago, I'm just chillin in my RHCP t-shirt, leather jacket, and grey sweats. I'm talking to Sulema about stupid ass doctors asking if I got in a fight, bitch nawww, it's dark in here , circle time, get your big man hands out of here, now Leslie is reading my journal and she said that she thought it was deep and then all of us people talked and hang out and laughed then we got deep .I ate blueberry muffins, Arcenio says he can change me , we went outside showed them pictures of my hallucinations . then we went to the patio and talked about our past and memories , got inappropriate and play footsie's. Just acting hyper and breaking "boundarrriess" then we were on the grass and hung out with everyone we were talking about what goes on to us since weve been here. We are like in a deep convo group, about people not trusting people and talking shit we went inside and I ate two more blueberry muffins and gave Arcenial my eyeliner. People are scared of me and think I can fight they know I can get down and did some hard shit Anthony is being sweet to me I got burgers on my feet where inside still hanging out and watching TV, letting out secrets, and who we have a crush on. Just hanging out talking about life we have to go to bed early me and Jeanette played cards and I cut myself with a pencil sharpener and Jeanette did it too we were both unstable and we cried . then people ask us if we were okay even Arcenial asked if I was okay, tell me to smile and wanted to talk to me and sit next to me we saw eachother through his door and he kept making sure I was okay and talked to me, and we kept doing stuff through the door. Me and Jeanette talk and we got unstable and we both wanted to kill ourselves , I was unstable so much and I almost acted out but I did cut my hand I told them I wanted to go crazy I wanted to jump off a bridge ,time to die, then staff came in but I couldn't process what she was saying. She talked to us and separated us because we were both mentally unstable we got in trouble and I was being defiant all the staff were concerned and I talked about my past and what's killing me inside I feel like nothing , "A Nothing", I need to dye my past life has been all traumatizing, I am in the day room and she's in the seclusion room and I'm really unstable . I got in trouble but I didn't act out I feel numb , brain-dead , empty just want to die , run right out of this place, die and never come back. Jvonne asked if I was okay me and Jeanette play trash with me it's 11:30 PM and I'm still unstable I need to go insane , I don't know what I am , nothing inside so unstable that I'm already dead I'm at my breaking point , to insane everything haunting me and killing me and rippin' me apart , I'm so out of it so mentally out of it I just want to lose it all, I still don't feel good I want to die , all this past life hunting me damn I'm not a toy everything goin' all at once I can't take it anymore I don't feel good you see me lying on the floor already dyin' from the start already insane and all alone Cuz bitch don't know. The whole world is against me , darkness chasin me n taking over me so much pain I'm about to lose myself , wait I'm already lost . what yo' saying doesn't go thru my head I'm nobody don't you fucking get it? I don't belong here I belong up there , because since I was four I've been through so much trauma 24/7 and when I was 12 I went psychotically insane 24/7, I'm not normal don't you get it they said baby don't cut but nobody ever said that to me because I ain't got nobody I ain't nobody I don't know myself and I don't know reality just stuck in an illusion. Bad delusion I ain't never got nobody, had nobody, Cuz I ain't nobody. I feel like nothing so just leave me dead , lay me down as I take my last breath ,bullet in the brain ,dead , good night. (6/24/2015) I woke up and ate 3 blueberry muffins , I talked to everybody and they were worried about me we are watching law and order Arsenio and everybody at my table is worried about me we talked about it plus talk to Alexia about my past new people I was depressed Janet told me to cheer up because she hate seeing me sad we talked about cop cars in deep shit and we laughed and joked around I do something new plus Arsenio sent next to me Anthony knew I was checking on him he's worried about me too I'm lost points because I miss behaved and everybody knows about it Anthony and the new guy were listening to me talk I comforted him the new guys stared at me it seems like everyone cares I talk to Yolanda she had a bad past two and I sat by the window with Alexia and we talked about why were here people are sad about me being in trouble, now we're in group and Arsenio and I on our now we're in group and are sitting on our joking around or talking about drugs I'm not happy I introduced myself to the new people I'm talking to the group leader about me being unstable last night and really thinking about my past now we're in group watching drug videos "the truth about drugs documentaries" , i'm thinking about my past I about to go crazy I can't do this no more too unstable I'm very out of it right now I just don't know wait never mind I went to music group and I played instruments I didn't feel good or right so I didn't feel like doing anything I feel like nothing I need to be in a better state of mind I talk to Emily about my dad and abuse, suicidal thoughts and problems I think my own song I feel like nothing freestyle to the group they all clapped the song was really sad . I talked about me being mentally unstable and not "there" I told the group and they listened I can relate and so can they, I talked about my issues but people seem like they can relate I'm so depressed none of it I do not know what to do anymore for five years ever since I was four I've been through traumatizing things and done insane shit it's a bad way of coping I pretend to be happy my life isn't perfect it's bad I pretend to be okay you can see right through me. I'm watching big mama and it's lunchtime me and Janet are not on unit restriction which is you are we were supposed to be but they gave us a chance give me a specially we both gave each other high-fives I don't feel well, mentally out of it not in reality unstable but I'm not telling everyone or anyone but I'm very out of it I'm acting strange I don't feel good and I'm going to go crazy I can't do this no more during lunch I had pasta I stole a spark and went to the bathroom to cut up my left arm. I wanted to hang myself Janet found me they moved us rooms and I got in trouble and I had to sit in the hallway because they needed to watch me I knew I was unstable and they knew something was wrong and I was not safe I got mad and almost got a restraint I talk to Dennis about it I ate corn flakes all the nurses talk to me so I got in trouble, I took a long ass nap and missed two groups that I acted out we are watching White chicks for dinner at three cakes but I gave my stew and grilled cheese away, I told Anthony I hope he feels better Arsenio gave me comfort and Anthony is cry Alexia made me eight and Janet made me give up my sport because I was so unstable and I wanted to die I hope you feel better Anthony. It's quiet time and want to go out on myself we went to quiet time doing squats and talking about my past and told me Anthony kept smiling at me and knows I'm there for him because nobody else was, he was listening through the wall I talked to Janet through the wall to Anthony was crying and I gave him a hug , so much drama I talked about on my past trauma, Edwyn said I have a nice voice and asked if I'm okay , saying "I'm fine" is bullshit people agree, we play Charlie Charlie and got hyper and I snuck into rooms and misbehaving , Arcenial wants to make sure to comfort me and cares about me , we're playing "trash" the card game , Janet misses me , for snack I had pretzels and I'm really unstable people see me not like myself. I've changed I'm not okay foundries saying I touch people just messing around foundries we talked about stuff and got hyper it's Noah's last day today, for the vending machine I gave $3.00 for Dr Pepper, Grandmas Cookies, I want to go outside everyone tends not okay I'm tired of life I'm not okay everyone wants to go outside and I feel sick they took a picture of my cuts now we're watching Disney channel and the incredible's is on. I'm about to act out I'm good at acting out going crazy not expressing my feelings everyone is making sure I'm all right I want to be there for everyone even if no one's there for me, me and Emily chilled she did my bun, and we talked. I feel like crying I feel fucked up being silly acting funny but I'm not okay now are eating cereal for a snack I'm eating cocoroos again talking with Edwin , and the admitting staff gave me a fist bump and asked how I was doing, so did Dennis he remembers me and really cares about me make sure I'm okay I have an attachment to Anthony , this is my drunk walk Ive already did enough damage to myself ,Dora the Explorer? okay soggy asf' tho, let's do the cholo handshake, I'm high af' , hey lady! nurse nurse ! I want to go outside and i'm fat and I need to lose weight , were watching Rio on TV I'm still unstable they gave me too much medication, people care about me and are like family here . people keep staring at me and they like me . I feel like shit if I cry don't call staff. I'm "happy" IMMA bug the shit out of you until you smile. Vending machine snacks are here ,all right guys ,now calling our names , people like me here. "Sara" , "yeah?" Yeah yeah I'm good that's wassup in a high voice. "I'm going to go home and cry" "yeah you no I'm good" "cheers" *clamps bottles together*, we're going to go outside in a bit .where's Patrick Star? I'm talking to Edwin about stuff he said he was here for me. We talked about stuff and lives , me and Sulema are homies. We have stuff in common just chillin. Arsenio was worried about me because what I'm going through , I told Arsenio that I like him and he already is worried about me , that's right preach it! Arsenio wants me to feel better I'm eating hot Cheetos, Takis and skittles, how many points do I have? they were dropped fuck , fucking shit , I'm going to act out tonight , people be worried but okay WTF ever I kept having dreams because my mom is out of shape not in good shape.
(6/25/2015) me and David with the pink shirt were joking around talking about home alone doing uncle Bucks laugh and talking about John Candy he looks like the captain from Wall.e, he told me we're here if you need us I kept waking up but shit IDK Sara do you ever shut up? No Raul and I talked and said his name like a howling sound we were messing around and just chilling he's so sweet to me we laughed & shit it was funny because that shits nasty yo nastyy I redid my bun in the bathroom, I wish I can give Yolanda and Debi Jo a hug but I got 50 bucks (fist bumps) I love you! *makes a heart shape with hands*. Your name is Raul right? That's wazzup. Renée cares about me he asked how was I doing he remembers me we talked and chilled, to now it's breakfast time in the cart is out now I woke up every hour then at 6:30 AM they said 20 more minutes ,they said I can come out now hi Yolanda what channel are we watching ? she just turn the TV on there's apple ,grape ,and cranberry juice on the table. Oh wait it's SpongeBob , I hear the water Fossett I wonder who's working for morning shift? here you go Hun. Hello young lady, I had a dream that Patrick was smart and my job is on crack (sponge bob was on crack) you get a Nug, you get a Nug, everybody gets Nugs! It's was fuckin crazy. Sara your stupid, lol you crazy. If you're hungry you can get your tray now Imma go get it . I laughed so fucking hard that's creepy LMFAO, it's a fork and spoon shaped like Charlie Charlie it's butter ,syrup ,sausage and pancakes Patrick screaming where's Patrick star? Crave those crazy squares the pancakes taste like banana pancakes. It's tummy ow my tummy. There's bites on my chest and look like they're from the bug in my old room that Sarah the staff didn't kill today I'm wearing red hospital socks pink hello Kitty pajama bottoms tank top and my naughty and nice black shirt. I took a shower last night but they didn't have scrubs and all my pants were dirty when we go to the gym I'm going to get more clothes and hospital scrubs, I cleaned out the shower last night I used 2 shampoo/conditioners from the hospital and I didn't have deodorant and I couldnt get my contraband because Anthony was sleeping in there. I didn't have a shampoo and conditioner I always like my head up and say sup . my mom was in my dream and in my dream my mom was on drugs and not in good shape , I did my good morning sheet, Angela talk to me about what's going on she's concerned she's asking me questions about my safety I want to choke myself and I feel unstable I'm going to show her my hallucination paper, if you wanna know, if you want to come to me or talk to me it's in my room, I showed her told her I only trust a few people John's tired and having a bad day or something is wrong something is bothering him I'm going to go fucking nuts .im talking to Marcus and I have a crush on Nicole I told her she was pretty and I flirted with her I'm mad because John doesn't work on our unit and I like him and I want to talk to him I told John that I wanted to talk to him he cares about me he has issues and problems too he has anger issues and used to be troubled I told him through Yolanda that I want to talk to him he doesn't work of adolescents anymore because he gotten trouble John's acting weird a completely different person that passed has issues give me a fist pump and hi5 wants to make sure I'm okay, IMMA be Yo Yo Yolanda or Yo Yolanda for a day, oh you have to work with Renée naw he's chill, hes nice ,I like him go watch SpongeBob, what an idiot, somethings wrong with him acting different eyestrain (eyes deranged) just used the excuse "I'm tired" but he's not okay . you look pretty today look at the cutie nurse, look at Miss cute nurse, ask Anthony if he's feeling better I hope he's okay he knows I care and he said he cares too for sure ,there's only three people in here , I'm making a complaint because this bitch didn't kill a bug in our room, i'm still unstable not any better you don't want to ,Yolanda doesn't trust me but she has a right to cuz at betrayed her trust, i'm straight up Imma fuckin real one I'm crazy to, people are scared of me they haven't seen my psycho side , my height heighth high physco side Cuz it's bad heights. I don't trust a lot of people and nurses be pissing me off I always shake my legs, naw not shave my legs lol, cause that's how I do , now were watching teen Titans go and I'm still very troubled , unstable but it's none of their business, Homie bitch bitch Homie. See I don't look like the type of person that does shit like that you know what i'm Cray I'm real for real you feel me you know Huh? I figured it out have you figured it out yet you should call her for real? But I'm insane I just don't show it in a more stable now on meds I got treatment so the same but good at hiding it , cuz for real I'm a psycho bitch insane and I show my good side so I can chill with people. I say I'm fine but I'm going insane everyone is usually scared of me because they see me losing control and going crazy they see my psychotic side don't get on my bad side people say I look scary and mean been through a lot and done some hard shit that is true I do look like I've gone through a lot. I've had a bad past the crazy things done drugs very hurt you can see it in my people tell Maria that people say and it looks sweet or tough or tired or unstable but when I really am a psycho some people see it some people don't. You just gotta notice in observe. I'm a call my mom I call her for 15 minutes now I had to come out Mansionette talked I gave her cranberry juice we talked about stuff in my dream and Anthony was listening. I talked to Anthony he's feeling better and appreciates me he said "I'm all right" , Arsenio said "hello Child", i'm like a cousin to him I might leave tomorrow if I'm good Mandren at the cheers for Redwire And red wine like for Thanksgiving. We just talked and we like sisters I love you I love you bitch I asked , Anthony if you wanted to call his mom he said it's all right I asked Anthony do you want to come sit with us he's like naw I'm good ,I need napkins , say good morning to Sheila , good morning guys, he turned in his key is not allowed to work on this unit that's about John. (Talking bout Jon) , it's community meeting I want an extra breakfast I did can I have an extra breakfast I did my hygiene said hello to Arsenio through the door he said what's up I asked what are you doing I put a lot of lotion on and Anthony keeps staring and listening to my conversations. It's great time with Leslie the other lady that one chemical dependency (CD) group or Addicts Anonymous (A:A) group about drugs. She's the staff at Carmen and the other nurses were talking about .good morning beautiful. what's new guys ? what? What happened? She's the one that had a bad past along with a lot of the other nurses here. Great time, I'm happy , here you go again ,I wasnt whispering I'm not allowed to laugh? Share it with us, I'll tell you you look bright eyed and bushy tailed, I'm chappy, I'm "happy", okay now I'm offended . you going home ? uhhhh nooooo *laughs* , I can't do it , Awwww, huh? I like that show, we're gonna have a group, it's group time, this is group. We watched the truth about alcohol and talked about my alcohol abuse everybody listen to my story Anthony was listening and everyone can relate I didn't eat tho. now it's over and I'm fucking bored. I already saw the doctor damn. Alcohol groups make me want to drink even more, I want to talk to Leslie about her past, Yolanda you look beautiful today, I have a crush on Nicole, you can't have a crush on Nicole, yeah can I give her a hug, well that's as far as it can go, no no no hell no more than that, Brian is a little tipsy I came out and played with Nicole hair, Brian was out there and I was talking about getting drunk, that's what's up, he said it's not what's up, he gave me a fist bump and he was happy to see me because he likes me we talked and he's so sweet he told me to look up the songs after I get out of here. Really John? What's up he looks tired your eyes red, you're so sweet, he cares, we're going to the gym, for snack I had chips and cereal, I got money for the vending machine. I want to go to the pool me and Emily walked around talking about weird and crazy shit plus our treatment then I kept handing Anthony the basketball, I talked to the gym leader about being overweight, how it's making me anxious. I got starburst in the vending machine and Janet gave me gone through the window I made up songs for Emily and Janet sexual parts to freestyle Jenna is in the bathroom I don't like hot dogs I just don't every girl likes hotdogs, oh those hotdogs yes yes I do ewww *laughs* , for lunchtime we had a barbecue , Lays chips , my Dr Pepper, and hotdogs, I didn't eat but Janet told me to eat, so I ate a chunk of her cookie, happy? Fine I ate. We made a deal of no more self harming. She's allergic to almonds and the vanilla cookie and almonds in it me, Edwin, Arsenio, Janet, Masha, Emily, Delilah, and Mathew hung out at the lunch table, there is a new guy named Hunter, they're doing his evaluation, it's quiet time right now, I got my laundry back in the bag with my name on it so it's clean, I change my pants to Lawrence pants and redid my bun, they gave me lotion because there is no soap. So I can wash my hands the hand sanitizer was empty all around the hospital or just the unit because honestly I can't know, Cuz honestly I don't know actually. Me and Janet walked and talked about a AWOL, cop chases , crazy shit , let's run oh thanks for holding the door open , is she going? No, LOL silly goose, where is my sexy bitch with a big ass, in the gym we sat on top of the stage and listen to "stay with me", and a couple of other songs I didn't know what to do I love this feeling, Adele, shut up and dance with me. Me and Janet are bad, no I'm a good boy, like I said are you sure? Yes, no you're not, no he's not,
Why does everybody keep asking me about that? Pissing me off for real. I hate fake cutters, Leslie talked about her alcohol and heroin addiction. Are you sure about that, no I'm not, I'm not okay LMFAO. Adolescent unit, adult unit (boys/girls) , names: Hunter, Alexia, Maja, Marcus, Topaz, Sulema, Arsenio, Noah, Edwin, Leslie, Alex, Gladys, America, Jessica, Aisha, destiny, Delilah, Jillian, symphony. Are you going to dream about roaches? Sex with your boyfriend? Seeing your boyfriend? Lollipops? Here's Johnny, see "orange is the new black", Chucky, Smiley:-)? We have a group the first day I was here where we had to draw shapes as the person instructed us to confusing AF, though then I'm going to take a nap now, no my buns fine, just leave me the fuck alone, yes please. Anthony has schizophrenia and flashbacks so he cries, no 10 out of too , Noah has an IQ of 2, good night. I'm awake up for the next group, and group we had an open conversation, about our past issues, I helped Anthony out and told him I can relate, he's upset because he's not in reality, I helped him, he talk to me and said thank you he sat next to me stood behind me because he can relate, I gave him a fist bump and give him advice he's really out of it, we lined up for our and I flat Jeanettes ass, I'm a virgin, she's not bisexual, let's book it I'm a fast runner, I got this, so yeah I'm good, Merry Christmas the screw is for you, fuck it. Fuck it Thug Life. Me and Jeanette kept saying it and laughing, it's official I'm an idiot, me and Matt bumped asses, I need to screw in a box with my mom's name on it saying "I love you mom", yolanda is my grandma ,Renée is my uncle you seemed bitchy today, no naw just kidding I'm confused what? What was the question again, we're watching "Steven universe", is change of shift change of shit, I poop gold, the show is so retarded I painted my art blue, Arsenio drew me a picture I ate peanut butter and jelly for snack , excuse me! Find another chair please! We need space, hey we still cool, you're walking like a drunk? I'm drunk, where's the gum? I don't have it I'll buy more I hate this world, she didn't believe me, I miss my mom, I'mma call her, who's number 2 for the phone? Who? Then go ahead idk where there at? It's all her fault JK that's weird. I walked in the door like I was drunk are you okay, yeah I'm just walking like this, uhhhhh I'm drunk, I feel high off my happy little pill take me away this shit was whack Arsenio played smells like teen Spirit and hey there Delilah on the guitar. Sulema dropped her painting and I screamed really loud she did first tho, did I creep you out? Make you feel uncomfortable do you get creeped out easily? Id kiss you. When are you leaving ? oh that's sad ,that's cool, i am umm that's nice, ewwww gross, rocky road pudding, LOL no, I don't, it's 3:24 PM I'm feeling unstable asf' put my name on the phone list, I make where noises, Sulema scared me, and they have report, come here. She gave me a hug, Sara Sara Sara, goodie Jones. The street that I wonder what would happen if I went in there the nurses station Sarah get out of there, can I give you another hug Nicole? Hi5 X2, I'm number four for the phone John gave me a high-five and a fist bump, said he's going to be here tomorrow Obama phone not here been in the hospital, now I'm talking to Yohlanda, I do not know honestly, John how much do you think I weigh 140? No 167, I got two passes Facebook you're going to get restrained, I'm a go in here, talking about Noah and flirting, eating flaming hot Funyuns, snickers, girls get outta there. Emily wrote me something, Delilah talk to me about writing songs and that's cool, I don't feel good. I have to go out to a patient after this, inpatient treatment I made a dick out of the screw, and jacked off to it, Sulema you're not gonna do anything, she was acting all bad, Anthony you good?, Yeah I'm all right, talking to Leslie and Matt, Matt yelped when I sat on his foot, I have to stick it up your ass, I'm sorry Sarah I didn't mean to slap you I was just joking around (Sarah is the staff) , we went outside and sat at the table and the umbrella broke my green balls Dee's nuts I was going to touch your nipples, Me Jeanette and Sulema snuck into the room and we laughed so hard we went into the shower and head Jvonne saw us, we had a party, I gave her send you my eyeliner to give him a makeover, I talked to Hunter about Corona and treatment, I got in trouble, I'm slick huh? we were so hyper in the room and laughing like idiots. We acted really defiant chilling and Jeanettes room, he partied and we had to be really quiet, we're going to go to dinner now were lined up, it smells like shit in the bathroom, me and Sulema we're talking and playing with the hallway door trying to open it, or being sexual, and I put my feet on Emily's chair, being defiant I might seem like a bitch but I really nice, dinner time, for dinner we had chocolate pudding with marshmallows I didn't eat anything else, Anthony freaked out and I said at the boys table with me and Matt and Hunter we talked about John (Jack off hard nigga) and we laughed our asses off, we were really hyper and I got and I got up with the boys to get juice because we didn't know about what was wrong with Anthony I got Anthony ice, he said thank you anyway. I can't even finish my fucking dinner, I can't even finish my fucking meal. Me and Sulema are going to run we walked out and me &&Janet were making jokes about AWOL . Your John, your Jon, what's John, I was laughing so hard, you're going to John in your room, I like stuff in my ear, i'm going to John in your ear, Sarah be appropriate, I have no boundaries, oh fuck you and your boundaries, JVONNE told us you guys are something else, we got quiet time to be longer, we were laughing so hard that they can hear us all the way from the hallway, me, Jennete, and Emily we're talking through the window, handing me empty gum wrappers, making fun of Sara the staff, fat bitch, bitch please, nurse please, anyone but Sara, then Sara comes I laughed so hard we were so hyper I couldn't breathe. I was banging on the walls, running around, so hyper that I couldn't stop, we saw Sarah the staff running cousin old man went AWOL, we were making fun of her and laughing pretending to mimic her, flip her off, slam the door in her face and make mouth movements. I was dancing. SUGAR SO SWEET! We talked about how Sara treats us like shit, Jvonne kept coming in and I asked a natural like I was sleeping I don't feel special anymore, I'll try to take your vitals but no promises, look at the pretty view outside, I was really out of it and I didn't look good and I kept making jokes I told Jay VON and E to suck big dick out the door, I was dancing really weird making people laugh, Dee's nuts, hyper, defiant and acting out, I'm visiting with my mom there's this weird stuff coming out of my ass, I showed it and my butt hurt, they wouldn't refer me to a medical doctor, I asked for a nurse , a female nurse any nurse but it's weird we were being inappropriate when JVONNE came I shut the door in his face he told me I was too loud, bye bitch, now I'm with my mom, the pill makes me horny and go crazy and out of that we're talking and I'm sad I want to go with her, I made a report, we're laughing really loud just cuddling I love you mom she got my card and I'm losing weight, I got in trouble cause I'm acting strange, this pill makes me really strange, leg shaking, high. Dumb hi, going crazy They don't know I'm not eating and I don't feel good I hate people and I feel sick I'm with my mom I don't give two fucks , hands up chest up and I don't give a fuck. They know I'm acting weird, I'm not hyper now I'm sleepy and I'm upset and not reality don't know what it is and me and my mom talking about life, I love you. Do you want to get tackled by the swat team, I'm down I'm so down, shit oh shit, Ha ha ha, my butt, my butt? Big booty Judy, you're so stupid Sarah ha ha in a good way, flip EM off with both my hands. Nice. Thanks for that.
We went outside again and we were Johnning without them, your Johnning without me, no one does, we had to go back into the unit because they were spikies or burrs on my feet. We had an A:A group (Covina) and good morning Carina.
Where justice and Wes and this other guy were talking about their dramatic past, one I could relate to both, my life since I was four, I started getting in the mental psychotic episode, and everyone wondered if I was okay, Jvonne , Arsenio, Jeanette, Emily, Edwin, and Alexia. I was shaking and Wes kept staring at me because he knew something was wrong , everyone asked if I was okay, I want bootyjuice! Then lemme give it to you, it hurt like shit tho, I mean fuck I just said that, all three of them share their stories, dramatic like mine, they can see it and I looked into Wes's eyes now it's bedtime and Massaconnic episodes so I took my meds, I'm not okay and I'm about to lose it all, I'm very psychotic mental hallucinating about to go out on it, but I'm going to bed it triggered me, all the trauma, IMMA get something to eat because it's 9:22 PM right now. I cocoroos, bomb as fuck. I know something about you that you don't. You're not going to take us through, the maze again are you? Following the pattern through the darkness, then into reality can't figure it out my left eye swollen and I'm getting shakier somethings wrong with me, mentally and physically. Emotionally broken and there's a big ass roach in the bathroom, I was listening to that been a good good sleep, I was out of reality hallucinating and out-of-control saw them everywhere, everyone was concerned even Emily, I told Sarah the staff and Jvonne asked if I'm okay. I was hallucinating a shit, I couldn't stop because it got really bad, Jenna asked if I'm okay thought I called her ugly but I called her sexy. I finally fell asleep still uncontrollable. Good night.(6/26/2015) I woke up at 6:30 AM I a Cocoroos and I Johnned in my room, everyone kept asking me questions about my safety and concerns about my safety because I filled out deep stuff on my good morning sheet. (the excess I'll make a morning shoot) I showed Hunter the hallucination paper and told him what happened last night is Anthony and Marcus were both freaking out plus me I was worse because that night I get psychotic and out of reality type of hallucinations, Anthony was listening and I knew he can relate, he heard me talking about abuse , hallucinations , Janet ,all my problems, now I complain about my stomach, and I'm going back to sleep. I redid my bun I wasn't hungry so I guess ate cereal. Hunter said it's not good to lose weight, going to bed now while they're watching TV, still unstable. "Jurassic Park/Jurassic World". My legs are shaking and I'm getting out-of-control, I said I would tell the nurses and I feel like doing anything. People said I was acting weird plus I was joking around, and I was hallucinating like crazy. Then took a long nap. Took a shit, Jannett kept calling me to come outside but I had to put lotion on and brush my teeth with my hands, I went out to group and I sat next to Maja and Anthony , we moved the table so we can make paper bags of what we see ourselves on the inside and the outside. I drew my body and purple and Janet wrote nice things on the outside of my bag, my bad. I got my meds because I was feeling; "off", and on the inside of my bag I put my inside and I cut pictures out of magazines and manly bad ones, we all shared, young thug, fuck it thug life, I lick Janet's drawing of a cute guy and I shared mine and Arsenio likes my picture I gave everybody high-fives, I can't my back and we're lining up for Jim, I John in my room and Mathew left, it's like wow I've been here 8 days, almost 9, shit. At the gym Arsenio taught me how to play guitar and I heard songs on the radio, sad because I got 50 X worse than when I first got here, people are scared of me because of what happened last night, from lunch I have three lemon meringue cookies, and icewater, I talked about the stupid doctor not letting me go because I still feel unstable, I didn't eat anything else and I saw John and he was upset, I got three fruit tropical starburst and some mint gum, we went back for quiet time and I kept hallucinating so I fell asleep. I woke up and it was groupware I filled out a healthcare sheet, and she asked questions to all of us about deep stuff and fun stuff. We call eachother John (Jack Off Hard Nigga/Jack Off Hard Nipples) , we shared stop and answer questions from the group leader, it's 2:50 PM and we're going to the art room, I'm lining up now, "bitchass bitchass" , I made a drawing that looks like a need to sign, then I wrote a song called "Winner" here's how it goes. "you got to see what you do for me, what you do for me, broken bells and faded like a sad song. Sorry sorry little darling, it's a broken piece to you. And melody for you, sweet summer and lost in December, remember all the winners when you get out of treatment. Need one yeah I got one, I don't want it now, it's all just a fairytale.Move, my Way, take me away, I'm missing you and I need you, this is over, don't start over, inside out and no flush left in your bones, deep down digging and killing your skin, dying myself blue, to make it true, I hate all of you, not playing my tune, dead in five seconds, Paint me blue then kill me, faded away the pain, I'm now insane, colour me blue, i'm missing you, goodbye my children, never see you again, never never it's over." (Songs over, that's the ending)I ate a piece of gum, I'm leaving later so they took my stuff out of contraband and I thot Sulema took it. They put it in the nurses station and the nurses got all butthurt about it. We ate ICEEs outside, but I didn't get one Cuz I'm not hungry. We had to finish it before we came back to the unit. We're gambling with the UNO cards, Jesee from Toy Story, I got my stuff from the art room, a screw and a cube I made for my mom. Your adorable. Now I'm back on the unit and I'm tired, I've lost a lot away, come here bitch, it's too far, move bitch get out the way, I want to call my mom and eat my starburst and we're in the day room and it's 3:24 PM. They told me I'm leaving but a lot later, I got everybody's information and the staff got mad and I have an obsession, the guy Wes from A:A share his story and he started freaking out and kept staring at me, he had a really traumatizing past like me, bad effect, Homie (hold me) you chill, Arsenio keep saying sup to me and so does Hunter, I'm not because I'm like a cousin but I wish I was like a sister, to Arsenio, Emily wants to do my hair and it shift change, I couldn't get Arsenios Takis out of the bag and they're playing UNO and eating vending machine snacks. Imma get some and chill, no-chill no-chill, chillin. In art we went around and gave compliments im eating my tropical starburst and I'm getting water, and 163 pounds now and that's how much I weigh, I'm going to go to sleep because I don't feel good, I'm not important to anybody, so I'm good, I'm just nothing, empty worthless, I'm white I'm like you, Anthony likes me Emily said and so does Hunter, maybe. I'm gonna talk as loud as I want *slams the door* , and watching Matilda and for dinner I had rice that didn't eat it, "I'm leaving tomorrow I'll be there", I'm leaving today 8:00 PM, mom (Emily), Grandmama (me.Sara), grandson (Hunter), grandpapa (Topaz), dad (Matthew/Arcenial), Auntiti (Jannett) , Aunt Jamima (Maja) -is hunters name for our family. We have private quiet time and we were loud and talking to loud , being a bitch, empty wrappers, I don't wanna watch Austin&ally, no gowns no clothes, I'm a stripper, IMMA sleep in a gown, Gramdpapa do you sleep with a gown? I don't I sleep naked because my nipples are sensitive. I will adopt you, Wes keep staring at me and then at Janet, looks like someone's getting arrested, I'm leaving in an hour, I kept coming out camping three minutes and then walking to the dayroom to see who has a crush on me, I'm Taurus , how many people can I beat up here, a lot. On the oldest here I'm 17 and your 13, Jesus Christ mom. Paper towns, untold stories of the ER, the fault in our stars, grandmama you smoke? Yeah wazzup, that's what's up, you smoke crack? No I smoke weed , you bully me, how do I bully you? Grandmamas abusing me, I'm white trash nigga, I'm dead I'm gonna have a funeral. Do I get your stuff? No I take it to my special place. I'm gonna cry. Lol. That's how grandma dies from choking on a starburst, your mama said, bury me with weed marajawana and starburst, really John? Really nigga? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? I'm crying, I'm a survivor from choking on starburst, grandmama is dead, I'm back, I rose thru from the dead, I'm dead then why did u come back in here, I'm alive. Ugly whisper bitches, ugly white bitches. Respect your boundarrriess, my feet on the wall, I'm writing my funeral vows, grandmama's dead, IMMA stick this pencil up your ass, excuse me grandpapa. I'm eating five tropical starburst and Fritos, mom is cancer, from vending machine, I signed a piece of discharge paper, your mama has to die early, mom is going to kill me, Sarah come here one more thing, are we going outside, can I have one more starburst, writing like crazy, anti-Jemima/auntie Jeanette, I'm not black I'm white as fuck, your almish, stop saying that. There getting me back, don't trust a hoe, grandmama is dying, are you going to call a doctor? Do you want to stay here longer? Grandmama, where's grandpapa? You don't say that in front of a nurse, you should give me a starburst, grandmama's dying, Anthony is really sad I'm leaving, real people are fake, fake people are funny, no you get it now, real people are funny, Anthony Lowkey has a crush on me, we're in a mental hospital because were special, we are all getting help as a family. On a mental hospital, you're leaving? I hate this shirt it keeps popping up making my belly show, I'm fat, grandmama is writing the will, wait wait that's sad, the vending machine snacks are here and I'm going to pack up, my great grandmamama is in traffic, in her room, does it ever come out or what, she's there? No he's black, Anthony said bye Sara have a good one and gave me a hug all happy and sad, I'm here, I'm dead , I died of old age, i'm adopted, great job aunt Jemima. Everyone gave me a hug, I pack my stuff up, Anthony was really going to miss me. I fell on the floor, my funeral money, I got to clean my bed, dick white whale that's how the exercist started, white whale Moby Dick, I died at the end of the movie, 8:30 pm, grandmama you need to clean that, you're the new grandmama. I left and everyone gave me a hug and then my mom took me out the door I left... Goodbye Aurora charter Oaks BHC mental health hospital, I'm out of my 86th mental hospital, my brain doesn't process it, like I said it's like I'm not like I'm in reality, it's 8:30 PM and I'm gone, I'm gone, and I'm never coming back.... Goodbye. <3
THE END!!!!(This is the end to this dairy entry at Aurora Charter Oak mental hospital, it's 6/26/2015, it's over.)
Your the last person I will love and I'm not gonna miss you , all things I've said or done, I'm never gonna see through your eyes again
Bitches rattle, IMMA go bakk to fuckin prison if I don't Get my shitz together, serio 🔫🔫🔫✌️
IMMA murder everyone on these streets, ain't no one got nothin on me... Kickin it at my padd. About to get 911 called on my physcotic ass -.- Gonna go back to the mental hospital for the 87th time, I'm on my way to a fuckin 5 out of 10. What have u done too me??????? You relly are my Ecstasy.... 💯👏
There's knives && pills in my closet, bust dat shit down, on my way to criminally insaneee ..... 💞💕❤️-I Did It All For You Devil Number 2- by me 💯👏👌💞
Lost all hope in my strange ways Lost it all from my fucked up ways
I'm watching the sky's
Forever young , bitchin it up
On the sidelines becomin my own enemy
I'm becoming weak to too much things killing me
Makin me lose all control, I wake up in a lifetime of a nightmare
Whatever is on your mind, yeah I'll be fineDo you really wanna live forever ???Nah homie I'm good just goin thru shit like no other
Out gettin arrested && livin up the criminal lifeMy gang is my crew nah don't let me gDo you really wanna live forever, just let me knowI can't do this on my own
IMMA kill me my mom and my little brother Cuz I'm lostI'll be in prison or in an institution I'll be dead wait I'm already dead
I've gone insane Cuz bitch I'm burning down the empireShake off all of your sins
I wanna be your hero, wake up I'm not aliveYeah we are alive, every single nightHomes got no meaningBreak open my skin and eat me aliveI'm shaking and bleeding, I just murdered 20 men
Homes didn't work, I wanna be yoursMy heartbeats going deadBlack out we are alivI didn't kill them cuz there still alive oh yes I triedWe are alive we are alive
I'm gonna raise my hand, livin on these streets, IMMA hold you close
Yes we are alive, never had a life, now I'm alive,And now I'm like a physcopath
Raising hell in my little mind
My minds gone dead and broken into my own flesh
What if we're already alive
Came back from hell yes no more tears
Cuz we're alive , this time we got our insane selves
My whole life has been traumatizing since I was very little
Hasn't gotten any better, so that's when I went insane
One of the most insane people on this destroyed earth
No my skin yes know my skin
Not in reality, like a rock I float
I'll take you too the unknown
Where we'll go crazy you can't turn back
In my world is my happy little escape
Dry my eyes cracked in the skies all these lies
Yes know my skin, too the unknown
I've gone insane , so insane I'm already out of the human form
I'm a wild animal
Bring color to my skies
I'm on the dark side
I've turned into a monster
I can't do this, everything gone
Know my skin, happy little escape
Make way for me my king
Children run here she comes,
Take me away, every breathe
Everything will work out fine
Not in reality I'm in control by someone else
Do it all for you, I will do it all for you
I've gone insane I'm like hell on wheels
Bittersweet my broken dreams
I'm posessed by another devil
Devil number 2 I'll do it all for you
Bittersweet my broken dreams
I'll do anything, anything, I'll do anything for you
What's fading turned me into darkness
Just stay I'll do it all for you
Bittersweet just like me, fuck it up, cuz all I am in a mentally disturbed physcopath
I used to be Sara Berger, now I'm devil number 2
Yes I'll do it all for you, bittersweet like my broken dreams
I'll do it all for you
The lights go out
Came on to strong
Tonight we lose control
We go crazy that we'll end up ILL
Baby I like it the way you posess me the way you control me
The way you fuck me up and making me sick
Yes I'll do it all for you Ya it never gets old
Welcome to my life, I'm controlled by devil number 2
Take over me so I can go insane
Somebody's watching me, don't stop baby don't stop baby
It never stops till you can get enough
I'll never get enough yes give me your all gimme some more
It never stops cuz I'll do it all for you
I can never get enough, cuz I'm already, yes I'm already dead
Cuz I did it all for you, so I went so OUTTA control, that I ended up criminally insane
Everyone turned over cuz I did it all for you
Devil number 2, back to hell again
Visiting time is over and we all just walk away...
The End 🙌💋💯❤️
Izzy got so attached and to close to me everyone knew it , he was hurt that he left me and that he left period, going home crying cuz he broke my heart and never could talk to me again, then he had to block me after how close we were and he knew he broke my heart but couldn't show it or tell me anything, he couldn't express anything, it's not me he doesn't want to get fired, he couldn't say anything or give me a hint, he's hurt he had to leave, me && my moms talking about it. 💔💔💔💔💔💋"Susie Called Out Of The Blue"
I'm sitting in the chair, all alone
This is not home, I'm wishing I was home, I'm done now I need my mom. My mind is a big blank, your all wrong , I'm taking my daughter home now, you can't have her, she's mine, bye bye, We are done here, you can't take me away, this is my home, this is where I belong, I am Sara and I belong with my mom, who takes good care of me, The people at CPS don't know that, I take very good care of my children, and well meaning people keep calling the hotline to complain about my daughter , and me not taking care of her, that don't know what it is that I am doing, they are not in my shoes cuz my daughter is very unstable , she's one of the most crazy and needs mental help , mainly my help, and doing the best I can with what I have , I think the schools trying and somehow were gonna make it work, we don't need you to take her away, if you could help some other way that would be fine, yes Ms Susie Out Of The Blue, just know that you can't take me away from my home, your making me sick, I belong with my mom, if you could help Ms Susie out of the Blue, we would take you up on it, woohoo, my daughter may have problems and she may be out of it and unstable but I love her with all my heart, ms Susie out of the Blue, would you tell me what to do, poof, show us your magic and what you can really do, my name is Sara and God put me here for a reason, to live with my illness and be gifted with a wonderful family, my mom and my brother, Ms Susie Out Of The Blue go away go away bibiddy boo, I ain't comin home to you.
I agree sis, also my mom had a TDM at CPS because 2 separate calls came in, say you can call my mom, she will explain, also they said I might have to live with a relative for awhile
What the fuck? Stupid ass bitches, there's kids around and one was disabled, bad parenting too, but the boy was protecting his mom, I've gotten into fights at Walmart, but I have class, not white trash ghetto ass fighting , there's fuckin kids around, plus one was either disabled or being a dumb bitch, I would protect the mom, but it's none my Buissness, at Walmart we fight in public but not infront of kids or damaging property that's retarded, plus the people recording it are even more stupid, dumb bitches 😂😂😂😂😂😂When your in a 4 hour cop chase, && then you shoot dem with yo shotgun, nigga be down, I was crazy on the streets homie, I almost got shot actually they attempted to shoot me cuz I attempted to shot 6 people first, i got arrested becus I was possessed by Johnny. Burn this city on fire, for my funeral I will be remembered by the physco street killer; they called me Sweet Insanity, aye imma let chu no my real name, it's Sara, out on the streets again, so outta control, gonna taste prison food again, take me to the place I love , take me all the way, I've attempted to murder these half niggas, get down or get shot, shit that's how these bitches roll, you not a thug, you go yolo homie ✌🏼️👌💕💋💨🚬---Elizabeth Ramos's Life With Her Mom- (Elizabeth is my hallucination, this is me living in my hallucination, so this didn't happen in real life but I saw it in my hallucinati
My mom was always drunk, abusing herself and cutting herself, she was always having sex and masterbating everywhere she went, she was drunk she couldn't even function, all night and day, we watched men beat her and she always grabbed my boobs and sucked my pussy, she jabs herself with knives all night and takes pills all day, she pops pills wherever she went and comes home blacked out and bruised, she gets more drunk she can't walk, we have no meal on the table, the house is a mess with pills and piled up dishes, she masterbates on the couch telinh me to come lick it, she never showers, she farts and she scratches herself, throwing up and keeps drinking, me Elizabeth Ramos comes home with mom crying on the couch with pills in her hand, she's always in the hospital, she always falls on the ground and she has Alzeimhers, she pees on the floor, she shits all over and walks around naked, we have to put her diaper on and give her a bath, and breast feed her, she doesn't know who I am , she bangs her head on te wall and injecting crystal meth, she cries and slits her wrists, always sleeping on the couch, she goes out everyday and comes home at 5 am drunk and singing, then she gets naked and puts on a show for me , she's really drunk she has sex with me then drives us down the road with her smoking cigarettes, then she starts to hit me , she hits me really hard, she starts pooping in the car and asks me to eat it, she masterbates in the car with her slow sexual music always talking about sex and hitting on me, grabbing my boobs and laughing uncontrollably, she's drunk and slurs her words and can't walk and falls over, she drinks 6 packs of beer at the dinner table on the couch while we watch porn, she always hits me and gets sexual shoving beer down my throat, drinks everyday but always has it on the table, she smells of booze and tells me to drink, if I don't she laughs and calls me a pussy, then she rapes me 17 times a day, comes into my bed naked and laysontop of me, then she gets CPS called on her for raping me in public, so then I go to a safe house, and I end up gone insane.... I am Elizabeth Ramos, this is my alter life....
The End 🔫❤️😭"Parties Over and Go Home" by me 😓😓😓🙌🏻🚬
Popping pills no other reason
Stabbing people too homoscidal
Bitch I ain't clean I'm falling in reverse
Having a bad reaction to whatever the fuck this is
I can't figure it out, I'm spiraling out of control
Hang myself && not give two fucks about what happens next
When the air runs out and existence is extinct
When everything fades to black
Every bodies already dead
I'm in a bad way and it's driving me insane
I'm a southsider && bitch I have no reason to give up cuz I just gotta protect myself
Don't you understand that the parties over now
No you don't, it's not all fun and games
Right now is myself to sick to even function
Too unstable to understand reality
And what this is I still don't get it
Something's controlling me, like I'm taken over
Possessing me , gone physcotically insane
I go home to my mama with a smile across my face
Cuz she's all I ever had , everyone else is gone
Husselin dem streets like 1,2,3
Don't underestimate me cuz I ain't a player imma queen
Livin goin all out losin control
They call me sweet insanity for a reason
Spice it up maybe I'll give you a reason
The parties over now
On my way to number 87
On my way to the 100%'s
Where I ain't go 2 cents
Nothin else makes sense
And I ain't got no sense
Cuz I've gone completely insane like I'm a walking animal
They say release her but then they tease her
The party's over now take your shit and go home
I'll just sit here all alone with no sense or control
I'm one of the craziest alive
Do I have to fucking prove it
Yea ya wait I already did
Honey I know you seem like 2 and seek 23's
But you need to go home before I get to insane
Husslin den streets like 1,2,3
Players of this game they all go insane
Just have your way and jump into my game
Fall down in fucked up behaviors
Why you in trouble , my little troubled wounded child
Changes are among us and now we're coming home now
The parties over now go home
The end 😊💕💨💯😘💋
Presenting Problems
Primary: Bipolar Disorder
Secondary: Substance AbuseSecondary: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity DisorderSecondary: Oppositional Defiant Disorder
TREATMENT PLAN
1. Primary Problem: Bipolar Disorder
Behavioral Definition
Suicidal thoughts or actionsUse of alcohol or street drugs to elevate moodMoody IrritabilityFrequent verbalizations of low self esteemAbnormal reaction to grief and loss
Long-term Goals
Eliminate suicidal ideation and gesturesDevelop healthy interpersonal relationship skills, cognitive patterns and beliefs about self and the world that lead to alleviation and help prevent a relapse of depressive symptomsEncourage and allow for a healthy grieving process surrounding the loss and begin reinvesting in life
Short-Term Objectives/Therapeutic Interventions
Individual Therapy Objective: Describe current and past experiences with mood changes, including suicidal ideation/gestures, including its impact on functioning and attempts to resolve it as evidenced by resident and therapist report.
Intervention: Sara and assigned therapist will discuss past and current mood episodes including frequency, intensity, duration, and triggers.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara changed therapists during this review period. We are still working on building therapeutic rapport and a relationship of trust. Sara has been opening up more during individual therapy, talking about her mood and triggers. We will continue to address her experiences with mood changes and how it affects her behavior.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has denied suicidal ideation during this review period. She has experienced auditory hallucinations and has been able to identify some of the triggers leading up to the hallucinations. Sara has been able to request PRN medication during these hallucinations which has help decreased the length of the hallucination. She has been open during therapy regarding the hallucinations, when they began, triggers and coping strategies that seem to help.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has denied any suicidal ideations during this review period. She continues to endorse auditory hallucinations, but says that they have decreased during this review period. Sara has been able to recognize the triggers to her auditory hallucinations and has utilized her coping skills and PRN medications when needed. Sara went through psychological testing during this review period.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to deny any suicidal ideations during this review period. She also denies any auditory hallucinations, stating that she has not heard voices in over three weeks. She has been able to identify triggers to her mood changes and has been utilizing appropriate coping skills to help decrease anxiety. These skills include journaling, processing feeling with staff and peers, as well as deep breathing and mindfulness.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara reports having had no suicidal ideation and no thoughts of self harm. She has denied having any auditory or visual hallucinations. She has reported feeling "triggered" and has worries that her voices would come back, but denies that they have. Sara has been able to talk about her past behaviors and suicidal thoughts and actions and how it has affected her functioning in the past. She often says, "I don't want to do that stuff anymore" but is still encouraged to talk about those past experiences.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been open about her past suicidal thoughts and her past hallucinations. She has denied any current thoughts of suicide and has denied any auditory or visual hallucinations. Sara has admitted to having dreams that are related to death and violence, but has reported a decrease in those dreams recently. Sara has been able to maintain a positive mood during much of this review, but was depressed and tearful when she had her level dropped. She was able to express her sad feelings and redirect quickly.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has struggled this review period with suicidal ideation, self harm and auditory hallucinations. She had her level dropped for SAO behaviors. Sara has been able to identify her triggers and thoughts that occurred leading to these behaviors. She had been restrained 4 times this review due to these behaviors and was not safe enough to go home on her LOA. Toward the end of this review she has been able to earn her level 3 and currently denies the suicidal thoughts.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara denies any current thoughts of suicide or self harm. She has struggled this review period with hearing voices, but has been able to control her behavior related to those voices. She has been practicing controlled breathing and using it when anxious or upset which has decreased the length and frequency of the hallucination.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not had any thoughts of suicide or self harm during this review. She has said that she has stopped hearing voices, but has been struggling with dreams and thoughts about her mother. She has been able to identify when these thoughts make her feel anxious and has been encouraged to use calming strategies and techniques to help decrease the anxiety.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has had a couple incidents of seeing "Johnny" or hearing him during this review. She denies having had any suicidal or self harming thoughts during these times and has been able to use self soothing and distract skills. She has not had to miss activities, school or group because of the incidents and has become more aware of what triggers these things.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not reported seeing or hearing "Johnny" this review period. She denies any suicidal or self-harming thoughts this review period even when she got her level dropped for SAO behaviors.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual Therapy Objective: Identify and replace negative or irrational self talk that produces fear and low self esteem in 8 of 10 trials as evidenced by Sara's documentation in a journal.
Intervention: Sara and assigned therapist will process incidents of irrational self talk. Sara will practice changes to rational self talk and document rational self talk and outcomes.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara continues to exhibit negative or irrational self talk. She struggles to reframe the negative self talk into positive or rational talk. She continues to journal and has shared some of her entries in her journal, but struggles to process what she had written about after sharing.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to exhibit some irrational or negative self talk; however this has decreased during this review period. Sara continues to journal her feelings and has been encouraged to include positive entries. She has shared these with her therapist during individual session.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to use her journal as a positive coping skill. She has been encouraged to write down positive events as well as positive affirmations about herself. Sara has shared with her therapist many positive entries, including reasons she has changed while in treatment and ways she wants to continue to improve. Sara also writes about her hallucinations and often becomes fixated on what they mean. She has been able to process some of this in individual therapy where this therapist encourages her to identify positive things in her life and positive skills that decrease her hallucinations.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to exhibit some irrational or negative self talk, it continues to decrease and Sara has been focused more on her positive improvements during this review period. She continues to journal, but has been writing less about her past hallucinations and more about what she sees for her future. She has been encouraged to continue journaling positive things and sharing those in individual and family therapy.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara's irrational and negative self talk has decreased during this review period, but she still turns to those things when upset or speaking of negative interactions with peers. She continues to be fixated on her discharge date and discharge in general. She has done a better job listening to prompts and redirects when she becomes fixated. She is also very demanding with staff and peers and continues to work on listening instead of demanding from others.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to journal her thoughts and feelings. She has a tendency to fixate on situations and ideas and becomes obsessed with talking or thinking about those things. Most recently it has been her LOA in which she is fixated. Sara has been encouraged to journal her thoughts rather than becoming demanding with staff or her mother regarding these things. She continues to fixate.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has struggled with using negative and irrational talk during this review period. She has been saying "I can't" in relation to her negative behaviors. She has been has been encouraged to journal these thoughts and identify things she can do in relation to her treatment.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been journaling and processing her negative self talk. She continues to struggle with negative self talk and has been encouraged and has practiced reframing negative thoughts in to positive thoughts. Sara has been practicing thought stopping in terms of many of her intrusive and often negative thoughts. She is able to stop the thoughts and change them, when prompted about half the time, but struggles to do this on her own.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been utilizing thought stopping techniques to help stop the negative self talk and reframe it to positive self talk. Sara often uses words like "I can't" or "never" and is encouraged to reframe those thoughts during individual and family therapy. Mom has also been encouraging Sara to use positive I statements in their phone calls home and during family visits.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with negative self talk and obsessive thoughts. She has been continuing to use thought stopping techniques, but often needs prompts to do so. She can replace those negative thoughts with more positive thoughts, but will quickly revert back to the negative thought. She can do this on her own in about 5 out of 10 trials.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with obsessing and negative self-talk. She continues to use thought-stopping techniques and con do it on her own about 6 out of 10 times. She often needs to process with staff members and take time-outs to redirect her feelings and thoughts. She hasn't reported any instances of Johnny talking to her this review period.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual Therapy Objective: Develop a trusting relationship with assigned therapist as evidenced by the open communication of feelings and thoughts associated with loss documented in therapist note.
Intervention: Therapist will actively build level of trust with Sara through consistent eye contact, active listening, unconditional positive regard, and warm acceptance while asking her to identify and express feelings associated with the loss.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara was transitioned to a new therapist in the middle of this review. We are continuing to build therapeutic rapport and a trusting relationship during our individual sessions in order to help Sara feel more comfortable to share her thoughts and feelings associated with loss.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara and this therapist continue to work on building a therapeutic rapport and trusting relationship. Sara has reported feeling more comfortable with her therapist and has demonstrated this by opening up during session, sharing journal entries and turning to her therapist when she is struggling or needs to process her thoughts and feelings.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara received a book with pictures of her father. This book remains in this therapist's office. Sara has been able to look at the book during individual therapy and talk about the loss of her father. Sara often becomes very emotional during these sessions and processes her feelings of loss and guilt surrounding her father's death. She continues to change the subject or becomes distracted if she does not want to talk about something. This therapist has encouraged Sara to open up about her father's death and other losses, even when it is uncomfortable.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has continued working on processing her feelings of grief and loss around her father's death. She has been looking at the photo album of her father. She has opened up about physical abuse she experience from her father and her feelings of anger towards him. Sara has struggled to express her feelings and emotions about her father and is guarded and quiet when talking about him. We will continue to address her feelings of grief and loss during this next review.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has expressed anger toward her father and is continuing to work on her grief and loss issues. She continues to be open and honest with this therapist and has been more willing to talk about her past trauma and abuse with her father as well as her negative behaviors while at home. She still struggles to stay on topic and is often tangential in her speech. She struggles to listen and often interrupts. When she is prompted to stop and listen then talk, she redirects well.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to talk about her loss issues in relation to her father's death and her separation from her mother and brother. Sara has been asked to read the letter she wrote to her father during her family session, but has put it off for a number of weeks. She has been able to process that she is worried what her mother might think of the letter and would be mad. Sara has been able to talk about her SAO issues and her sexual abuse toward her brother during these sessions as well. She has improved in her ability to stay on topic, but still requires multiple prompts throughout the sessions.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to open up and share her thoughts during this review period. She was very upset when she was told she could not go on her LOA, but was able to process those feelings of grief and loss and how her behavior led to these consequences. She has shown some insight in her behavior, but continues to struggle accepting responsibility for her actions. She has digressed during this review in talking about her hallucination "Johnny" and thinking that her mother is going to die. She is willing to talk about these things and process those thoughts during therapy.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to individual therapy each week. She has been willing to try new techniques to decrease her anxiety including controlled breathing and thought stopping. Sara has done a better job of completing assignments given in individual therapy. She has been open to talking about her negative behaviors and has been able to process what coping skills are working for her. She continues to work on dealing with her grief and loss issues surrounding her father's death.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to all individual therapy sessions. She has been working on controlling her obsessive thoughts through controlled breathing and thought stopping and has shown a decrease in her obsessive thoughts. She has not heard voices for over a month and has been able to use coping skills to relax and calm down when she fears she will hear voices. She continues to work on her roadmaps to recovery workbook and processing her grief. Sara will need to continue practicing her controlled breathing and thought stopping to help her decrease her anxiety and processing in therapy.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends weekly individual therapy sessions. She has been working on identifying her triggers to her dissociative episodes and using calming strategies and distress tolerance skills to help her to calm down. Sara has shown an improvement in her obsessive thoughts through using thought stopping. She has been able to acknowledge when she is having obsessive thoughts and redirecting without needing multiple prompts. Sara has been practicing using mindfulness during individual therapy and has shown an improvement in those skills. She has also been working on her roadmaps to recovery workbook and talking about her past sexual acting out behaviors. She has had no incidents of sexual acting out during this review. She was transferred to a new therapist at the end of this review.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara and the new therapist have been working on developing a therapeutic relationship and are building trust in the relationship. She is more open about her feelings and thoughts. She still obsesses about her treats and watches the clock until it is time to have her treat. She wrote a clarification letter to her brother and shared it with her mom. We mailed it and are working on improving the relationship before Sara returns home. We have not worked in the Roadmaps workbook during this review period.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual Therapy Objective: Sara will discuss and reduce her sexually abusive behaviors through retelling the events and learning appropriate boundaries with others.
Intervention: Sara will complete the Roadmaps to Recovery workbook with assistance from her assigned therapist.
Plan date: 6/4/12 Target date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara has started her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook. She has not yet opened up about her past sexually abusive behaviors in individual therapy. We will continue working in the recovery workbook during the upcoming review period as well as address her past abusive behaviors.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has continued to work on her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook. She has been ale to retell the events of her past sexually abusive behavior as well as identify her current triggers to that sexually abusive behavior.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not worked on her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook this review period. She has been open to talking about her past sexually abusive behaviors. She has been working on her autobiography for substance abuse treatment which includes past trauma history.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not worked on her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook during this review period. She has been open about her sexually abusive behaviors and has talked about them in individual therapy and a little during family therapy. Sara has been on SAO precautions during this review period due to lifting up her shirt and showing her peers her breasts. Sara has been willing to process this behavior in individual therapy and understand how this is considered a sexually acting out behavior.
Entry Date: 10/2/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has completed more of her roadmaps to recovery workbook during this review period. She has been able to talk about her sexually abusive behaviors toward her brother and show remorse and regret. She has been able to share this with her mother during family sessions. She has been able to understand how her behaviors have affected her family life and her brother.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has struggled this review period with sexually acting out behaviors. She is on SAO precautions for those behaviors. She has been talking about sexual things with peers and was masturbating in her room with peers in the room. Sara has been able to accept responsibility for her behaviors and process her sexual feelings during her individual sessions. She has been working on her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook during this review.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with sexually acting out behaviors. She has used inappropriate and suggestive language with her peers and continues to not accept responsibility for her behaviors. Sara is on communication block with a number of her peers due to these behaviors. She has been willing to talk about her behaviors during therapy, but often says things like "I can't control it." Sara has been working on her roadmaps to recovery workbook.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not had incidents of sexually acting out behaviors, but struggles to understand the severity of her previous behaviors. She has been working on her Roadmaps to Recovery workbook, but is often hesitant to do so. Sara will continue working on her workbook and talk about her sexual thoughts and urges. She has been taught thought stopping and has been encouraged to use it in cases of sexual thoughts.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been working on her roadmaps to recovery workbook. She has been showing an increased understanding of her sexual acting out behaviors and thoughts. Sara has started a sexual issues group and has attended every week except for the week she was on her LOA. Sara made a sexually inappropriate comment to her mother during her LOA, but was able to be redirected and process that during family therapy. She has been doing a better job of accepting responsibility for her behaviors.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to work on her roadmap to recovery workbook. She has been more willing to work on this during this review period. She has been attending her weekly sexual issues group and has shown an improvement in her involvement in the group discussion. She has shown more insight into her sexual thoughts and past sexual behaviors, but continues to struggle with what is socially appropriate at times.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: We have not worked in the Roadmaps workbook during this review period. She wants help to learn how to control her sexual thoughts so we will be working on this area in the coming weeks. She was reminded that the SPARCS skills help with controlling thoughts, no matter what kind of thoughts they are. She said she will work on it and we can review her experience in family therapy tomorrow.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Family therapy objective: Family will develop skills to communicate openly and effectively with each other. Sara will demonstrate an increase in honesty and respect as evidenced by factual information and appropriate expression of emotion.
Intervention: Therapist will utilize role play and modeling to teach effective communication skills such as active listening and use of open ended questions. Therapist will ensure respectful communication among family members.
Plan date: 6/4/12 Target date: 2/30/13
Update: Sara has willingly participated in weekly family therapy sessions. Sara continues to struggle with staying on topic and needs to be frequently redirected during these sessions. Sara, at times, struggles to communicate openly and effectively during family therapy, but has showed some improvement in showing respect and not interrupting when someone else is talking. Sara's mother is willing to participate in family therapy and has been available each week.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended all weekly family therapy sessions. During this review period, Sara's communication with her mother has improved. She has been expressing her emotions in a positive manner. Sara had an LOA during this review period. She was able to leave campus and spend time with her brother and her mother. She stayed the night one of the nights they were here. Sara did very well during this LOA, using appropriate coping skills and managing her anxiety. Sara had a difficult time when her mother and brother left, but she was able to redirect, return to treatment and do very well following her visit. Sara's mother, Marcia, is available for all family therapy sessions.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has willingly attended all family therapy sessions. During this review period, Sara has been able to communicate with her mother more respectfully and openly. She has been able to process some of her negative behaviors with her mother during these sessions. Sara often struggles to stay on topic during the family session. She needs to be prompted to stay on topic throughout the sessions. She can also be very demanding, requesting that her mother come and get her. Sara's mother is actively involved in the therapy sessions and encourages Sara by prompting her to stay on topic.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sarah has willingly attended all family therapy sessions during this review period. She has been working on staying on topic and not obsessing about discharge. Sara continues to be respectful to her mom during family therapy and has been open to feedback and encouragement from her mother. Sara often needs frequent prompts to stay on topic, but is redirecting more quickly during this review period. Sara has been encouraged to have more positive phone conversations with her mother outside of family therapy, but continues to pressure her mom to take her out of the program or to talk about discharge.
Entry Date: 10/2/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has willingly attended all family therapy sessions. She has been open and honest with her mom during these sessions and has used appropriate and respectful communication techniques. Sara continues to struggle with interrupting, becoming fixated on a topic or not listening. When prompted she redirects, but sometimes requires multiple prompts. Sara has been encouraged to use active listening skills and she has shown some improvement. Sara has been open to her mom about some of her past behaviors that she has not shared previously. Marcia has been available weekly for family therapy. Sara had an LOA this review period that was very successful.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly attends all family therapy sessions. Sara has shown an improvement in not interrupting and staying on topic. She has required fewer prompts to stay on task and when she is prompted redirects quickly. Sara has been encouraged to share the letter she wrote her father with her mother during family therapy, but has been hesitant to do so. Sara continues to struggle with listening and has been practice active listening skills during this review. Sara will be going on an LOA the week of Christmas and we have been discussing goals and expectations during family therapy. Marcia has been available each family session.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to family therapy each week. She was supposed to go home for Christmas on an LOA but due to her unsafe behaviors was unable to go. During family therapy we have been working on appropriate communication skills to be used during the session and when she calls home. Sara continues to fixate on things and needs frequent prompts to stay on topic or to not interrupt. Sara has shown some digression during this review period, but will continue to work on these skills during the next review.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly attends all family therapy sessions. She has been able to be open and honest during therapy this review period, but continues to struggle to stay on task and topic. Sara has been able to express her feelings more openly in family therapy and has done well sharing with her mother the new skills she is learning in individual therapy. Marcia attends each weekly session via phone.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to weekly therapy. Her mother is also consistent with family therapy. We spent much of this review discussing Sara's LOA home and what the expectations would be. After the LOA we were able to process the visit, what positive things occurred and what incidents were not appropriate. Sara had asked her mother to "French kiss" her while she was there. She was able to process in individual therapy and family therapy why this was not appropriate. Sara is showing increased understanding in her sexually acting out behaviors.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willing comes to all family therapy sessions. She has shown an improvement in her ability to communicate openly and respectfully to her mother. She has been able to stay on task during these sessions and when she does get distracted or off subject she has been able to redirect after just one or two prompts rather than 3 or 4 like she had done from the past. Sara has been able to call home to her mother and have appropriate conversations outside of therapy.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSWUpdate: Sara looks forward to family therapy and likes to talk to her mom. They have been able to discuss Sara's sexual acting out with her bother and Sara wrote him a letter of clarification. She did a good job of taking responsibility for her actions and of dealing with the feelings that she had about the situation. They are both excited about Sara's upcoming discharge and want to be able to spend some time at home before she goes to the group home.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Milieu & PRS Objective: Participate in social skills, anger management, communication skills, and life skills groups and activities on the unit to increase interpersonal relationship skills, emotional regulation, and self esteem as evidenced by earning daily behavior points.
Intervention: MHAs will provide 2 hours of daily skills groups as well as activities to increase the use of anger management, life skills and interpersonal relationship skills. MHAs will encourage Sara to participate in all scheduled activities.Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 2/30/13
Update: Sara has got as high as level 1, and shows, that she is trying to be appropriate. Sara has been, complaining to staff, that at night she hears, voices that tell her to hurt herself. She is good about asking to call the nurse for her PRN, to help when she is feeling like this and hearing voices. There are times she attempts to go to school and participates in groups, but most of the time she refuses. Sara got an A-1 for hitting staff, and was hitting walls. We as staff have sat down and talked with Sara, to find out ways she can be able to refrain from acting out, and we have found that she loves to journal, and as staff we will look out, that when we see agitation from her, than we pull her out and let her journal, her feelings, and that will hopefully help to calm her down.Entry date: 7/9/12 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara received a new milieu goal this review period.
Entry date: 8/8/12 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Milieu & PRS Objective: Participate in social skills, anger management, communication skills, and life skills groups and activities on the unit to increase interpersonal relationship skills, emotional regulation, and self esteem as evidenced by earning daily behavior points.
Intervention: MHAs will provide 2 hours of daily skills groups as well as activities to increase the use of anger management, life skills and interpersonal relationship skills. MHAs will encourage Sara to participate in all scheduled activities.
Plan Date: 8/1/12 Target Date: 8/31/13
Update: Sara B is currently a level 4 and is doing well. When she first arrived fed into others negative behaviors, but has learned to ignore and keep her busy by journaling. Lately she has been complaining that she is hearing voices, and so she usually needs to take timeouts one on one with staff, which has been helping. Resident has been going to school and attending all schedule activities, and just had so much progress, and staff have noticed, and are proud of her. Needs to really work on being patience.
Entry date: 8/8/12 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara Berger has had a great treatment review. Has made it as high as level 5. She was dropped, later into the period, for lending and borrowing. Did an awesome job, accepting the consequence, and the level drop. Took, full accountability and has turned in her rf packet and working to be a level 5 again. Has to take timeouts, at night, because she says, that she hears voices, but this has improved, because when she first arrived, it was like every night she needed a timeout, now it's like once a week. Sara has done amazing, and has grown a lot; she can still work, on having patience, with staff.Entry date: 9/4/12 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Update: Sarah is currently a level 3 freeze. She seems to struggle with getting hyper during the night time. She reports hearing voices more at night, or she will be more alert and awake seeming. Sara struggles with having appropriate boundaries with staff and peers, but shows improvement in stopping negative behavior when prompted. She has expressed to staff that she is motivated to achieve level 5 again and seems motivated to achieve this. Sara can benefit from continuing to learn how to appropriately focus her attention when she is stressed as a means to calm down and cope in that moment. Entry date: 10/3/12 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara has done amazing this treatment review. Is currently a level 5, and is trying really hard to stay out of the negativity on the unit. Has done a lot better with needing timeouts, 1 out of 10 times this review period, she is asking to take timeout before she goes to bed, this is a big improvement because when she first arrived she needed one every night before she goes to bed. Still struggles with increasing patience and instant gratification, but has been learning to catch herself, when she is asking for multiple times. Over all she is doing amazing with following staff prompts and unit rules.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara is trying very hard with controlling her impulses and is doing a great job with communicating. Sara does handle prompts and codes better if staff could pull her to the side. Staff would like it if Sara could handle herself around peers and take self accountability. This review period, Sara was dropped for SAO. She struggles with SAO, and has been lately. Her peers don't feel comfortable with this, because she does it in the bedrooms. Other then the SAO incidents, she has done a good job. Currently a level 2, and is trying to communicate to staff, when she can't handle herself appropriately.Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara seems to be more obsessive over staff and has bad thought about peers, she has told staff she is not going to say what she is thinking just so she can go home. It feels as though she wants to go through the motions to get out. The month of December was a rough month for Sara; she was in multiple restraints and has self-harmed. Has been taking timeouts, but is encouraged to journal her feelings so that staff and Milieu as well as Therapist can better understand her concerns to better able to help her. When she does journal it is very beneficial for her and for her staff. Sara is currently a level 3.Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
Update: Sara seems to be more obsessive over staff and peers, she has told staff she is not going to say what she is thinking just so she can go home. It feels as though she wants to fake her treatment to get out. The month of December was a rough month for Sara but did a lot better the month of January, she does really well at making sure her hygiene is well kept. Does pace and seems to need timeouts more this month, but has done well when staff help redirect her. She is currently a level 3 and is trying really hard to maintain her level and stay positive.Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
February Goal: Sara needs to work on her sexual obsessions with peers and staff; She needs to learn that she can have healthy relationships without them being sexual. Intervention: Staff will help Sara by watching her boundaries, and letting her know she can take time out when she is thinking sexual things, or to let her journal to get the thoughts out of her mind. Plan Date: 2/1/2013 Target Date: 3/1/13
Update: Sara has been struggling with taking accountably with codes and prompting, it seems like she tantrums more often than not. It does seem although the sexual obsessions have been decreasing. Sara has also been doing very well with her hygiene and following group and line norms. Sara is trying really hard to be appropriate, has been taking appropriate time outs. Can work on trying to me open when it comes to groups, and with interactions she has with her peers and staff, Overall she has done a lot better with keeping good boundaries with her peers staff.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
Treatment Goal For March: Sara increase positive self-talk, as well as learn to use the coping skills that help her cope with anxiety.
Staff Intervention: Staff will help Sara, to use her coping skill off journaling, which really helps her, when she is feeling anxious.
Target Date: 03/01/13-04/01/13
Update: Sara seems to be getting better about her obsessions on peers and staff, but staff would still like her to work on it. All Interactions with peers on the unit seem to be with the same peers, we also would like her to talk to more peers on her unit, and not isolate. Sara needs understand when staff prompts or gives out codes she has to take accountability and not act out especially when she gets freezes. Overall this review period, has done better with staying positive, but needs to learn to not get involved in the unit drama, by simply saying no to her peers, or communicate when she feels that she is being bullied. Also with staff checking in with her daily, this will help to process her feelings and how to deal with situations.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Rebakah Schuler, APC
Treatment Goal for April: Handle prompts, interact more with peers, and not obsess over peers/staff.
Target date: 04/01/13-05/01/13
Staff intervention: Staff will help Sara by talking to her about her interactions, let her take time outs, and hold her accountable.
Update: Treatment Goal for May: Handle prompts, interact more with peers, and not obsess over peers/staff.Target date: 05/01/13-06/01/13
Staff intervention: Staff will help Sara by talking to her about her interactions, let her take time outs, and hold her accountable.
Update was not available at the time of review. Sara reports that she handed in her level 2 packet and that she has been doing better since her level drop for asking a peer to live together after they both discharge. They exchanged phone numbers and got caught. She handled the level drop well and has processed with staff about her feelings.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Rebekah Schuler, APC
Group therapy Objective: Attend and participate in group therapy twice weekly as evidenced by verbal interactions, appropriate and safe behaviors and active participation in group activities per therapist report.
Intervention: Group therapist will provide a safe environment for expression of feelings and increase understanding of interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance skills through one weekly SPARCS group and one weekly process group.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara has attended most of the twice weekly group therapy sessions offered. She has refused on occasion, typically in conjunction with other acting out behaviors or refusals to participate. Early on, Sara would attend group but not participate; however recently she has been more active in her participation. We have continued to focus on SPARCS including mindfulness skills, distress tolerance, and LET'M GO.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Amanda Freeman, LPC
Update: Sara has attended twice weekly group therapy sessions consistently throughout this review. She frequently appears preoccupied with writing during group therapy sessions. She will typically check in at the beginning of group and infrequently participates for the remaining time. When Sara does participate she is willing to share experiences and insights with the group. Sara demonstrates that she remembers most SPARCS skills and can improve by sharing how she can apply them on a daily basis.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Amanda Freeman, LPC
Update: Sara has been attending her twice weekly SPARCS group therapy sessions. She has missed a few sessions due to speech therapy. She is often quiet but compliant in the group session and willingly participates in the group activity and group discussion, although is sometimes limited in what she is willing to share with the group. Sara is beginning to demonstrate increased understanding of the topics presented. We have completed the SPARCS program including mindfulness skills, distress tolerance, and LET'M GO and will be starting the program again this next review period.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending her twice weekly group therapy sessions consistently through this review. She willingly participates in the group activity and discussion, but can be guarded and quiet when asked to share personal experiences with the group. Sara displays understanding of the group topics discuss and utilizes some of those skills outside the group session. Sara will be starting the SPARCS program again during the next review period.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends her twice weekly SPARCS group. She appears to understand the concepts being taught and can provide examples of those concepts to show her understanding. Sara is quiet throughout much of group, but will answer questions when directly asked. She is encouraged to open up more during group and talk without being prompted to do so.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends her weekly SPARCS groups. She is attentive and cooperative in group, but remains guarded during much of the discussion process. She shows understanding of the skills being taught and has been able to express appropriately ways to use distress tolerance, mindfulness and LET'M GO skills. She could open up more during the group and share her thoughts and feelings with the group.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to SPARCS group twice a week. She missed a couple of sessions due to behavior. She is often quiet during group, but has been more involved in the group discussion and activity towards the end of this review. Sara appears to understand the SPARCS concepts, but could share more during group. Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attended all twice weekly SPARCS groups during this review period. She has completed another 16 session round of SPARCS group and seems to understand the concepts being taught in SPARCS. When she is prompted to do so, she is able to use skills such as mindfulness and distress tolerance. Sara is encouraged to participate more in group discussions and to use SPARCS skills without needing prompts.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara willingly comes to her twice weekly group therapy session. She has been limitedly engaged in the group discussion and activity, but often remains quiet and guarded. When prompted to speak or share she will do so, but does not elaborate on her thoughts or feelings. During this review she has been the group started SPARCS again. This will be the second time Sara will start SPARCS.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended her twice weekly SPARCS sessions. She has been involved in the group activity and discussion and has been able to show an understanding of the concepts being taught. She has put forth more of an effort to share her thoughts and feelings in group and ask questions when appropriate.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends group therapy each week willingly and participates in the group activities. Sara has been speaking up more in group each week and answers questions appropriately that are asked of her. Sara has looked as though she is sleeping in some of the groups, but is able to redirect when prompted. Sara has shared insights in group and reports she has been using the skills she is being taught in group. Sara is typically on task and appropriate in groups.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Jessica Swink, LCSW
Nursing objective: Patient will identify triggers that increase unsafe behaviors and be able to verbalize alternative options to retain control as evidenced by quite time, individual staff time, change of environment, relaxation. Sara will notify nurse if she should choose to explore using medication to assist her with her behavioral needs.
Intervention: Nursing will continue to monitor mood/behaviors related to diagnosis of Bipolar, ODD and OCD. Nursing will give medications as ordered and monitor for related side effects.
Nursing staff will monitor medication effectiveness; Nursing staff will monitor Sara for compliance with medication.
(12) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Reality #12 c: My Life Story. Deadd To Myself xc
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 2/30/13
Update: Nursing Update: Consent was given to start Wellbutrin SR 150 mg/daily on 6/6/12. On 6/10/12 Wellbutrin was increased to XL 300 mg/daily. Benadryl IM was given on 6/16/12 for a possible allergic reaction. Per Mom Benadryl will not be given again due to possible side effects. Prn Seroquel is ordered for agitation with 3 recorded doses given since the last review. There have been no CPI restraints.
Admit weight: 114 lbs.
6/30/12 Weight: 112 lbs. BP: 97/72 P: 115
7/7/12 Weight: 113.2 lbs: BP: 92/64, P: 125
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Zyprexa was increased to 10 mg/daily on 8/8/12. Prn Zyprexa is ordered for psychotic symptoms/agitation with 17 recorded doses given since the last review. There have been no CPI restraints. A lumbar and cervical spine x-ray was normal (done on 7/18/12).
Admit weight: 114 lbs.
8/25/12 Weight: 115 lbs. BP: 97/66 P: 110
9/1/12 Weight: 115 lbs. BP: 105/63 P: 125
Nursing goal: Continue to monitor prn psychotropic medication with goal to decrease use.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Lo/Ovral po/daily was ordered on 9/18/12. Prn Zyprexa is ordered for psychotic symptoms/agitation with 4 recorded doses given this review period. There have been no CPI restraints.
Nursing goal and intervention: Continue to monitor for psychotic symptoms. Monitor amount of prn use.
Admit weight: 114 lbs.
9/22/12 Weight: 119 lbs. BP: 103/77 P: 104
9/29/12 Weight: 117 lbs. BP: 102/75 P: 116
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: No medication changes since last review period. PRN Zyprexa is ordered for agitation/psychotic symptoms with no recorded doses this month. There have been no CPI restraints.
Nursing goal and intervention: Continue to monitor for psychotic symptoms and monitor amount of PRN use.
Admit weight: 114 lbs
10/27/12 BP 118/77 92 weight 121.7
11/3/12 BP 108/79 95 weight 124.6
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Sara has had no changes in her medications this review period. She has Zyprexa 5mg ordered PRN for agitation and has used this 3 times. Sara has not been in any CPI restraints. She is compliant at medication pass and has had no medical complaints.
Nursing goal and intervention: Continue to monitor for psychotic symptoms and monitor amount of PRN use.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Sara has had no medication changes this review period. PRN Zyprexa is ordered for agitation with 9 recorded doses given. There have been 4 CPI restraints. Nursing goal and intervention: Continue to monitor for psychotic symptoms and monitor amount of PRN use.
Admit weight: 114 lbs
12/22/12 Weight: 123 lbs. BP: 103/76 P: 104
12/29/12 Weight: 126 lbs. BP: 105/73 P: 97
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Sara has had no medication changes this review period. PRN Zyprexa is ordered for agitation with 5 recorded doses given. There have been no CPI restraints since the last review period. Nursing goal and intervention: Monitor for reports of auditory and visual hallucinations and monitor amount of PRN use.
Admit weight: 114 lbs
1/12/13 Weight: 127 lbs. BP: 109/75 P: 122
1/26/13 Weight: 126 lbs. BP: 106/74 P: 112
Labs: 1/4/13 HFP, Lipid panel and FBS reviewed by Dr. Vance
Medications/diagnosis: Zyprexa 10 mg/nightly Bipolar Disorder
Lo-Ovral i/daily regulate menses
Wellbutrin XL 300 mg/daily ADHD
Zyprexa 5 mg PO/IM bid prn for psychotic symptoms
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Sara has had no psychotropic medication changes this period. On 2/26, an Amoxicillin order was cancelled due to dentist stating she had no abscess or infection. She has no reported uses of prn Zyprexa this period and has been in no restraints.
Medication/Diagnosis: Zyprexa for Bipolar Disorder
Lo-Ovral i/daily regulate menses
Wellbutrin XL for ADHD
Zyprexa prn for psychotic symptoms
Nursing Goal/Intervention: Monitor for reports of auditory and visual hallucinations and monitor amount of PRN use.
Vitals:
2/23 H: 62" BP: 119/80 P: 102 W: 125
3/2 H: 62" BP: 111/79 P: 100 W: 125
Labs: No new labs this review
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Sara has had no psychotropic medication changes. She has one reported use or prn Zyprexa po for agitation and has been in no restraints.
Medication/Diagnosis: Zyprexa 10mg po nightly for Bipolar Disorder
Lo-Ovral i/daily regulate menses
Wellbutrin XL 300mg po daily for ADHD
Zyprexa 5 mg po/IM prn for psychotic symptoms/agitation
Nursing Goals/Intervention: Nursing will continue to monitor mood/behaviors related to diagnosis of Bipolar, ODD and OCD. Nursing will give medications as ordered and monitor for related side effects.
Vitals:
3/9 H: 62" BP: 111/75 P: 99 W: 124.8
3/30 H: 62" BP: 117/88 P: 89 W: 126.4
Labs: No new labs
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Nursing Staff
Update: Due to URI symptoms, Amoxicillin was scheduled for 10 days. Due to complaints of constipation, Colace was ordered 100mg po daily along with prn Milk of Magnesia on 4/21. She has 2 reported uses of prn Zyprexa po for agitation and has been in no restraints.
Medication/Diagnosis: Zyprexa 10mg po nightly for Bipolar Disorder
Lo-Ovral i/daily regulate menses
Wellbutrin XL 300mg po daily for ADHD
Colace 100mg po daily for constipation
Zyprexa 5 mg po/IM prn for psychotic symptoms/agitation
Milk of magnesia 30ml po BID prn constipation
4/13 H: 62.5" BP: 106/70 P: 122 W: 126.2
4/27 H: 62.5" BP: 102/77 P: 97 W: 124.6
Labs: Quarterly labs done 4/5/13 with CMP as ordered last review...reviewed by Dr.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Nursing Staff
Recreational therapy objective: Sara will demonstrate positive behaviors and assertive communication 80% of the time in recreational activities as evidenced by earning appropriate scores for all activities.
Intervention: Recreation Therapy will provide psycho-educational groups, challenge course groups, adventure based outings, community integration outings, service learning opportunities and animal assisted therapy to enhance resilience, positive leisure experience and emotion, lifetime resources and well-being.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 2/30/13
Update: For the first few weeks of her stay, Sara refused RT group. She has been able to improve her attendance since then, but is still only moderately involved when she attends. She often has her journal or other personal things out during group time and needs prompts to put those away. She usually engages in initiative or task, but is reluctant to contribute during processing. She generally gives the minimal effort required. She has not been able to come out to Ropes course yet d/t being an ER risk. She is encouraged to continue coming to RT groups and to increase her investment while she is there.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: S.Knowlden TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara does well in RT groups, sometimes needs time outs depending on the group and her peers, but is able to return to group and quickly re-engage. She participates well in initiatives as well as processing and is great at sharing how she is feeling and what she thinks. She is learning to be a good listener as well as a good contributor to groups. She is doing well to get her levels and will soon be able to attend outings. Overall she has done great in RT groups and is still improving. Keep it up Sara!
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: S.Knowlden TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara has been doing well in RT groups. She struggles to remain focused sometimes but redirects quickly. There were a few groups this period where she had a hard time listening when asked to re-direct and although she remained in group she wasn't focused and wasn't willing to respond to RT staff prompts. When she is focused and participates in groups she does really well to engage in initiatives and process with peers about the group. She has great insight to share with peers and is very open about her feelings. She was able to attend rock climbing this period and needed constant prompts that the reason we had left the facility and went on an out was to rock climb, so she was expected to try. This was clarified before leaving but she would often try to manipulate the situation so that she didn't have to climb. These outings are not set up to force kids to try things they don't want to, but they are encouraged to push themselves and they are made aware of the expectations before the outing. They are given choices whether or not they want to go. She chose to go and we would like to see that when she gets on level to go on outings she doesn't try to manipulate situations to get what she wants out of them. This is part of her treatment, and sometimes she will need to be willing to try things that she isn't 100% comfortable with.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: S.Knowlden TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara does really well in RT groups. She is positive and engaged during initiatives and processing. She does well to try during group, but sometimes struggles to understand the concept. Overall she is doing better at being a positive peer in group and not blurting out, but raising her hand and following group norms. She has been eligible for ropes course and does well to work positively with peers when outside on an element. She has been on a few outings this month, but has struggled to remain on a high level and off RF or Freeze which has prevented her from attending most of the outings. She overall is doing well in RT and we would like to see her keep it up and get her level back to go on outings again.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: S.Knowlden TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara is doing well in RT by attending all RT groups, being eligible for challenge course groups and attending the majority of adventure and community outings. Sara was initially terrified of the horse during the equine therapy outing but was able to work through that fear and eventually interact with them comfortably and lead them successfully. Able to gain insight that she has the ability to lead and with confidence. Sara has a tendency to be needy and not accept limits on outings. Sara is encouraged to accept limits give by RT and not ask multiple times of those limits can change for her. Sara is encouraged to take more initiative on outings, during groups, and on the ropes course and utilize that leadership ability she discovered during equine therapy.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara continues to make progress in RT. She attended all RT groups, challenge course groups and community and adventure outings in which she received high level participation points for following group and outing expectations and having a positive attitude. Sara has been able to progress in the area of independence and initiative. She has taken more initiative on the ropes course to involve herself in spotting and is not as quick to say "I can't." She is still really timid in being a verbal coach to her peers on the course but is encouraged to take that next step. On outings she quiet been able to accept limits more however she still becomes preoccupied with food. She is encouraged to remain present on outings on not focus on food until it's time to eat. Sara is very quiet on outings although has appropriate social interactions. She is encouraged to increase overall social interactions with peers in order to continue to increase her overall social skills.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara is doing moderately well in RT. She attended all RT groups and has been attentive and compliant. However she has not been able to attend ropes course groups or outings which has limited her progress since she was consistently involved in these RT services before. She is encouraged to become eligible to attend these RT program in order to continue practicing her social skills and self-determination and competence on the ropes course.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara has done well overall in RT. She has attended all groups this period except for one d/t being in therapy. She is usually appropriate and needs little prompting to have good behavior. She does well to try and be an example to her peers. She has been struggling of and one the last period to stay on her higher level and not get freezes. She was able to go on one outing this period and she did well to be positive and appropriate while outside of the facility. She struggles to be independent and do things on her own when out of the facility, so we are working on that for her. Overall she did well this period.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Sara has moderate participation in RT. She always sits in the group room for groups, but is not always fully invested in the group initiative. She is often quiet and reserved during processing and speaks up only on occasion. She is encouraged to be more actively involved and committed. Sara displays a lot of fear on the ropes course. She has done a good job of trying things even though she is intimidated. However, she is encouraged to improve her attitude and to try and push herself more than she currently is.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Update was not available at the time of the review.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
Update: Update was not available at the time of the review.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: S. Knowlden, TRS/CTRS
2. Secondary Problem: Polysubstance Dependence
Behavioral Definition
Self report of almost daily use of alcohol or illicit drugs or regularly using until intoxicatedCaught or observed intoxicated and/or high on two or more occasionsMarked change in behaviorsContinued substance use despite persistent legal, social, vocational, and relationship problems that are directly caused by the substance useMood swings
Long-term Goals
Maintain total abstinence from mood altering substances no prescribed by a doctor while in a treatment programDevelop skills that are essential to maintaining a drug-free lifestyleDevelop an understanding of the pattern of relapse and strategies for coping effectively to help sustain long-term recovery
Short-Term Objectives/Therapeutic Interventions
Individual therapy Objective: Describe the type, amount, frequency, and history of substance abuse as evidenced by documentation by Sara and assigned therapist.
Intervention: Therapist will work with Sara to gather a complete alcohol/drug history, including the pattern of her use, signs and symptoms or use, and negative life consequences
Plan Date: 5/25/12 Target Date: 7/25/12
Update: Sara has completed a SASSI questionnaire. She has not completed an autobiography of her substance use history.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has started on her substance abuse autobiography. She has been very thorough and honest through the process and has been excited to share it with her therapist. She is willing to share the autobiography with her mother in family therapy but is still hesitant to present it in substance abuse group.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has completed her substance abuse autobiography and was thorough in the information she has provided. Sara is refusing to present her autobiography in group and is even hesitant to share it with her mother in family therapy. She has been open about talking about her past substance use in individual therapy but struggles to understand why she needs to share it with her family and with group.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has completed her substance abuse autobiography. She continues to refuse to present this in group, but was willing to present this in family therapy. She continues to be open to talking about her past substance use and it's negative affects on her behavior and relationships.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has presented her autobiography in family therapy as well as during the substance abuse group. She was very anxious to do this and it put it off for a number of weeks. She did present it this week and did a thorough job. She was honest about her past use and how it has affected her family relationships and behavior.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW Completion: 11/6/12
Individual Therapy Objective: Increase knowledge of addiction and effects and consequences of continued drug use as evidenced by verbalizations made to assigned therapist.
Intervention: Therapist will educate Sara on cycle of addiction and effects of illegal drugs. Therapist will assist Sara in creating a list of consequences of drug use to self, family, peers, and environment.
Plan Date: 7/25/12 Target Date: 9/25/12
Update: No change. Not yet addressed.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara is starting a substance abuse group in August that will meet every Friday. Sara will be completing assignments, sharing them in individual, family and group therapy. She has started her autobiography.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has started the substance abuse group and has attended all sessions. She has completed the autobiography assignment and will start working on the next assignment during this review period.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended all of the substance abuse group sessions and has completed the first assignment which is the autobiography. She has started the second substance abuse assignment and will continue working on it this review period. She is limited in her involvement in the substance abuse group and is still refusing to present assignments in group.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended all of her substance abuse groups during this review period. She remains guarded, quiet and anxious during these sessions, but has been more willing to open up and is starting to participate. She presented her autobiography in group and did an excellent job. She is attentive during these groups and is able to recognize the consequences of her drug use.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending her weekly substance abuse groups. She is guarded and quiet during the group, but has been challenged to share at least one feeling or experience each session. She has done this 3 of the 4 sessions. Sara continues to report feeling anxious during these sessions, but is able to express those feelings to this therapist.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: She has been attending her group, but has not completed her second assignment, the accountability assignment. Sara does often not want to attend group or talk about her substance abuse issues. She is encouraged to keep working on her substance abuse goals and assignments.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending the weekly substance abuse group, but still has limited participation. She has worked on and completed assignments and seems to have an understanding of addiction and how its effects have negatively impacted her life. Sara will continue in the group and processing her assignments in individual and family therapy.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending her weekly substance abuse group. She struggles to be engaged in the group process, but will talk about what she heard or learned in group during individual therapy to show that she is listening and retaining some of what is being discussed.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to attend her weekly substance abuse group. She has been more willing to share her thoughts and feelings during group, but continues to be guarded at times. Sara is working on her assignments and motivated to completing them before discharge. She is currently working on her thinking errors assignment.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: She talks openly about her substance abuse and her desire to not use again.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual Therapy Objective: Complete relapse prevention and safety planning to reduce the risk of returning to substance use after discharge as evidenced by a detailed, written plan.
Intervention: Therapist and Sara will identify high risk situations including thoughts, feelings, people, and activities that will promote the use of illegal substances. Therapist and Sara will identify coping strategies and emergency contacts assist in maintaining a drug/alcohol free lifestyle
Plan Date: 9/25/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: No change. Not yet addressed.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: No change, not addressed yet.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has started her substance abuse group and one of the assignments is relapse cycle. She will also be working on a relapse prevention plan in this group. As of right now there has been no progress on this goal, but Sara is aware of the upcoming assignment.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has started her substance abuse group and one of the assignments is relapse cycle. She will also be working on a relapse prevention plan in this group. As of right now there has been no progress on this goal, but Sara is aware of the upcoming assignment.
Entry Date: 10/2/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has completed her first assignment in substance abuse group, but has yet to start her relapse prevention plan.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara is currently working on her accountability assignment and will share it in group and in family session, she has yet to start working on her relapse prevention plan.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara is currently working on her accountability assignment and will share it in group and in family session, she has yet to start working on her relapse prevention plan.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has completed her accountability assignment, but has not yet presented it in group. She will be working on her thinking errors assignment before working on her relapse prevention plan.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown motivation toward her substance abuse assignments, but is still on her accountability assignment. She will likely present it in group and then in family after which she will work on her relapse prevention plan.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has begun working on her relapse prevention plan. She has been able to start understanding what triggers and situations could lead to her relapse. She will continue working on this and complete it before discharge to share with group and family.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: We have not worked on the relapse prevention plan during this review period. We will work on it and the thinking errors assignment so she can complete them before she discharges next month.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Group Therapy Objective: Increase coping skills to better deal with cravings, maladaptive and unhealthy coping mechanism of past use of unhealthy substances.
Intervention: Resident will complete, process and present substance abuse work within a six month period of the following five core concepts of substance use: substance use autobiography, cognitive distortions that led to relapse and substance use, accountability/impact Letter, Relapse cycle and relapse prevention plan. Resident will do this work in individual, group and family therapy.
Plan Date:8/1/12 Target Date: 8/1/13
Update: Sara started the chemical dependency group on August 10. She has attended all sessions. She has been given her autobiography assignment and has started working on that, getting it ready to present in group and in family therapy. She has been hesitant to come to group, but has been participated fully in the group discussion and activities.
Entry Date:9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended all of the substance abuse groups during this review period. She has completed her autobiography assignment, but refuses to present this assignment in group. She has presented the assignment in family therapy. She has been given the next substance abuse assignment which focuses on accountability, but has not yet started on that assignment. Sara will be encouraged to share her assignments in group and to participate more fully in the group discussions and activities.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends her weekly chemical dependency group. She is guarded, quiet and visibly anxious during this group. She has had her autobiography completed for over a month, but has not shared it in group, even after committing to do so. Sara will participate in the group activity but rarely in the group discussion. Sara is encouraged to share her auto during this next review period as well as share her thoughts during group discussions.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended her weekly substance abuse groups. She is attentive, but quiet during the groups and often expresses feeling anxiety before and sometimes after the groups. She has presented her autobiography and did well sharing with the group, but in terms of group discussions or activities she does not share much. Sara has been challenged to share at least one feeling or thought during each group and has done well with that in the recent weeks. Sara is working on her accountability assignment.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara attends her weekly substance abuse group, but remains quiet with limited participation. She often says "I feel anxious" and does not make eye contact with peers or group leaders. She has been working on her accountability assignment, but has not presented it in individual or group.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending weekly substance abuse groups. She struggles to be involved in the group discussion and is often quiet and guarded during the group. She has completed her accountability assignment, but is hesitant to present it in group. She will be encouraged to share the assignment during group this group.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending her weekly chemical dependency group. She has been quiet and guarded in much of group, but has showed an increase motivation to work on assignments and share them in group and family sessions. Sara has been encouraged to speak up in group and has been given the challenge to share at least one comment or thought during the group process.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has attended every substance abuse group during this review period. She has completed her accountability assignment and shared it in individual, group and family therapy. She is currently working on her thinking errors assignment. She has shown more motivation during this review to be involved and participate in group.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been attending and participating in the substance abuse group and needs to complete her thinking errors assignment and share it in individual, family and group therapy.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
3. Secondary Problem: Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Behavioral DefinitionImpulsive behavior having difficulty waiting turn in group situations blurts out answers to questions, and frequent intrusions into others' personal businessConsistent regular disruptive, aggressive, or negative attention-seeking behaviors, or has difficulty accepting responsibility for actions, projects blame for problems onto others, and fails to learn from experienceTends to be careless on potentially dangerous activities
Failure to follow through on instructions or complete assignments or chores in a timely mannerHigh energy levels, restlessness, difficulty sitting still, or loud or excessive talkingLow self-esteem and low social skillsShort attention span; unable or difficulty to sustain attention on a regular basisHighly susceptible to extraneous stimuli and internal thoughtsGives the impression that is not listening well
Long-term GoalsIncrease use of age appropriate social skillsLearn to maintain attention and concentration for longer periods of time than usual.Increase frequency of on-task behaviorsShow a marked improvement in controlling impulsesTake medication as prescribed to reduce impulsivity, hyperactivity, and distractibility.
Short-Term Objectives/Therapeutic Interventions
(13) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Reality #13 xx My Life Story. When Pain Is Hurting Yeww :3
Long-term GoalsIncrease use of age appropriate social skillsLearn to maintain attention and concentration for longer periods of time than usual.Increase frequency of on-task behaviorsShow a marked improvement in controlling impulsesTake medication as prescribed to reduce impulsivity, hyperactivity, and distractibility.
Short-Term Objectives/Therapeutic Interventions
Individual Therapy Objective: Improve social skills and boundaries as evidenced by daily behavior points and observation in 4 of 5 trials.
Intervention: Therapist and MHAs will utilize role playing and modeling in individual sessions and unit groups and activities to teach Sara positive social skills and boundaries. Sara will be rewarded with puzzle pieces and daily behavior points to immediately reinforce new or emerging socially appropriate behaviors.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 4/8/13
Update: Sara has struggled to display appropriate boundaries and has been unable to remain on a level for an extended period of time due to those boundary issues. She is able to redirected and recognize when she is struggling to maintain appropriate boundaries. We will continue to address appropriate boundaries and social skills during our individual therapy sessions.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has improved in her behavior with her peers and her staff. She has been displaying appropriate boundaries and has been able to recognize when she is not having appropriate boundaries and is able to redirect. She has worked up to a level four and has been able to maintain that level through the use of appropriate boundaries and social skills.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has improved in her behavior with her peers and staff. She has struggled to maintain appropriate boundaries with some of her peers but redirects when prompted or when she receives a consequence. Sara continues to struggle with being demanding and accepting no for an answer in individual therapy. She needs to be told "no" multiple times, with threat of a consequence in order for her to redirect. She often asked for the same thing each therapy session, even though she was told "no" during a previous session. Sara has been given an assignment to list all of the times she has been able to accept "no" for an answer the first time.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has improved her behavior with her peers and staff. She has struggled to maintain appropriate boundaries during this review period. She is currently on SAO precautions for showing her breasts to her peers. Sara continues to struggle with being demanding and accepting no for an answer, although she has been working on this and been able to recognize her demanding behavior when prompted and can redirect rather quickly.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown appropriate behavior with peers and staff during this review period. She has been able to maintain a level 5 and remain off precautions due to that positive behavior.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has struggled to maintain appropriate boundaries during this review period. She has had multiple issues with Sexually acting out behaviors and was dropped to level 1 from a level 5 due to those behaviors. She continues to fixate on things like discharge, LOA and when she will have therapy. She often becomes demanding and intrusive. We have been working on decreasing these negative behaviors though modeling and role playing during individual therapy.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown less control of her boundaries during this review period. She continues to have SAO behaviors with her peers and struggles to accept responsibility for those behaviors. She has improved during the last part of this review and is currently a level 3. She will need to continue working on her boundaries and start accepting responsibility for her negative behaviors.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has not had as many incidents of sexual acting out or inappropriate boundaries this review period. Sara is often quiet and reserved with her peers during groups and activities. She has struggled to appropriately ask for what she wants or needs from staff, but has been practicing MAKE A LINK skills through role play during individual therapy and has been encouraged to use those skills with staff, peers and her family.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown an improvement in her boundaries during this review. She has had no incidents of sexual acting out with peers during this review, but did have an incident during her home LOA where she asked her mother to "French kiss" her. She is able to process her inappropriate behaviors and recognize them but is often impulsive and needs prompts. Sara still struggles with social skills and understanding social queues.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown an improvement in her social interactions in group and school. She has had no incidents of sexual acting out behavior during this review. She has been able to earn her level 4, but it took some time due to her struggling to follow simple staff prompts. Sara continues to work on being present and focused.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara had an incident this review period where she asked a peer if she wanted to live together after they both discharge. They exchanged phone numbers and then got caught. She was dropped to level 1 refocus. She handled it well and is working her way up the level system again. She should be level 2 today or tomorrow.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual therapy Objective: Use cognitive methods to learn to control trigger thoughts and reduce impulsive reactions to those trigger thoughts as evidenced by self report and no observations of impulsive behaviors 4 of 5 days.
Intervention: Explore the use of -stop, think, listen, and plan- in daily living and identify and list the positive consequences.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 4/28/13
Update: Sara continues to display impulsive behaviors and struggles to slow down using stop, think, listen and plan. She has participated in mindfulness exercises during individual therapy, but struggles to use that when outside of a therapy session.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with impulsive thoughts and behaviors, but has been able to decrease those thoughts and behaviors during this review period. She has been working on slowing down using stop, think, listen and plan, when prompted to do so.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with impulsive thoughts and behaviors. Even when prompted to do so, she struggles to use stop, think, listen and plan. There has been little to no improvement in this since the last review.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to work on using stop, think, listen and plan. She continues to struggle with this; she has done better with the first two steps of stopping and thinking. Sara still struggles with listening, often becoming distracted. Sara will continue working on these skills and improving them.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to be impulsive in her speech, often interrupting and not listening to others. She has had less incidents of being impulsive in her behavior which is an improvement. She has reported to auditory or visual hallucinations, but has complained of dreams about her mother dying and has even said she has started day dreaming about it. We have used mindfulness, distract and retelling the story in a positive way to help with these intrusive thoughts.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has shown some improvement in thinking before she speaks and acts, but continues often to show impulsive and intrusive behaviors. She has been more willing to practice mindfulness through breathing techniques and music and has shown the ability to slow down her thoughts and her speech.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara's impulsive behaviors have increased during this review period. She has been encouraged to use Stop, think, listen and act, but struggles to remember it if she isn't prompted. She continues to use mindfulness exercises but can be argumentative or defiant when it is suggested or isn't her idea.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: During this review period Sara has struggled with intrusive or trigger thoughts. She was taught thought stopping to help aid in decreasing those trigger thoughts. During individual therapy, Sara has been open to practicing her thought stopping so that she will be able to do it on her own. She struggles using it when upset or using negative self talk, but if she is mindful or prompted to do so has been able to use this skill. She will continue to practice this skill and be encouraged to use it on her own.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been encouraged to use thought stopping during this review to help with trigger and impulsive thoughts. She is able to control those thoughts and not have impulsive behaviors about 2 out of 5 days observed. She does well with prompts, but requires frequent prompts in order to use the skills she has practiced and learned.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues working on using thought stopping to help decrease those trigger and impulsive thoughts. She still requires some prompting to do so, but has been able to utilize her self soothe and distract skills to help during these times as well. She continues to use her PRN when feeling those intrusive thoughts come on, but that has decreased. She has been able to control those trigger thoughts in about 3 out of 5 days observed.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to practice using coping skills such as thought-stopping, distraction, self-soothe, and breathing to decrease impulsive and triggering thoughts. She also takes time-outs and processes with staff members. She reports that they all help her control her impulses. She still needs help controlling her sexual thoughts and impulses but wants the help and is willing to do what she needs to do to control them.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Education objective: Sara will stay current with school work, completing assignments and interacting appropriately with peers and teachers as evidenced by teacher report and passing grades.
Intervention: Sara will attend and participate 4 hours of school 5 days a week, completing 80% of assigned work as monitored by teachers and staff.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 11/30/12
Update: Science-Gelyn: Sara has missed quite a few days of my class due to her behaviors. Sometimes she can be focused and stay on task, but too often, she talks to her peers instead of focusing on her work. Sometimes she can turn in quality work and sometimes she turns in work that is incomplete but with song lyrics written all over the page. I would like to see some consistency in the near future. She can be very bright if she could just stay focused and on task most of the time instead of chatting with her peers. Her interactions and boundaries have been appropriate. She has been prompted about inappropriateness a couple of times in class, but each time she complied to the prompt and redirected with an apology.
History- Hillary: The last 2 weeks Sarah's behaviors have improved. She has been attending and staying in class. She participates and completes her work. Her grade is currently low due to missing class and assignments previously. Sara struggles with staying focused and not feeding into peer negativity. English: Linda- Sara is doing well in class. She has good focus and is completing her work. She refused school two days this review period. She has not had any behavior problems in class.
Math - Jared: Sara did her work today in math class. This was the first day that she worked most of the time during math class since her arrival. She is working on borrowing numbers for subtraction. She got frustrated for a moment and instead of giving up she kept on working. She needs to work everyday.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: Linda- Sara is doing very well in class. She has great computer and writing skills. Writing seems to come easy to her. We are working on correct usage. She is following directions and completing work even though she does not want to.
History- Hillary: Sarah's behaviors have improved this review period. She has been attending class and completes her work. She is polite to staff and myself but struggles with bullying some of her peers by talking about them or laughing at them. Sarah has been working hard to move up the level system and has done well with staying out of other peers negative behaviors.
Science-Gelyn: Sara has shown an improvement in almost all aspects of class. She does not ask for may time outs, and when I told her that I had limited her class to 2 time outs a week she actually took it well and found some way to occupy herself if she is done with her work. She is no longer that rude to staff, but she still has major issues with peers. She will tease them or give them the finger or other little things like that and then when staff gives her a look or starts to say something about it, Sara will just laugh and say "I'm sorry!" or "I'm just kidding." Other than these little covert behaviors, she has shown a positive change.
Math - Jared: Sara has good attendance and she completes her work. She is usually respectful to me but on a couple of occasions she has bullied peers by saying or writing mean things about them.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English: Linda- Sara is doing very well in class. She stays very focused, but tries to work on her own agenda instead of assigned work. She responds in a snippy way at times, but will still follow directions and complete her work.
Government- Hillary: Sara has been doing well in class. She attends regularly and always completes her work. She sometimes gets off task talking to peers, drawing or reading, but will redirect when prompted.
History - Jared: Sara has great skills at doing multiplication and addition. She has some small holes in her understanding with subtraction and division, but instead of working through it she avoids them. I have to prompt her often to do her work. Otherwise she will doodle the entire class period. Once she can master these basic skills she can move onto much more advanced forms of math.
Science-Gelyn: Sara attends class regularly. She is doing great academically. Behaviorally she only has a few small issues. She will tease some of her peers and if she knows a staff was listening she will automatically say she is kidding. She usually responds appropriately when prompted. She completes all of her work and likes to doodle or come up with song lyrics after she has completed her work. There have been several times she has asked for a time out but if I tell her she will not receive a star or she will receive zero points for too many time outs during a week then she will often sit back down in her seat and not complain about it. She usually tries to stay away from her peers' negativity, and this is really helping her improve her attitude.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: Math - Jared: Sara works in class if I remind and prompt her. If I did not constantly check on her she would doodle the class period away. She does not disturb class and she follows directions.
English: Linda- Sara is doing very well in class. She completes all her work and does a great job with it. She does rush through it and could do better if she slowed down. She has not had any behavior problems in class.
Science-Gelyn: Sara attends class regularly. She has been a model student both behaviorally and academically. She has improved on not letting her peers bring out the worst in her. She has been successful in staying away from the negativity of others. She is currently making an A in my class. She should work on the frequency in which she asks for a time out.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English: Linda- Sara continues to do well in class. She understands the work and performs well. She does rush through her work and acts irritated when asked to fix her mistakes. She has not had any behavior problems.
Science-Gelyn: Sara has missed 2 days of class this review period. Most of the time she can do her assignments unaided and very accurately; however, some days it seems like she daydreams halfway through class. When she gets prompted for being chatty, she redirects well and is usually not a behavior issue in class. She has been requesting a lot of time outs this review period, but when I tell her she will not get a star for the day if she does, she usually just sits back in her seat.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: Science-Gelyn: Sara attends class regularly. She has transferred to the tigers class for this term. She struggles a little bit, but usually does well on her daily assignments. She should study more for tests and quizzes. She is not a behavior issues but she has started asking for more time outs lately.
Math/ History- Hillary: Sara attends class regularly and participates when asked to. Sara tends to do the minimum amount of work and will draw or write throughout class rather then ask what she is suppose to be doing. In history she seems more on task but I am concerned with what she comprehends and if she is actually listening. Sara is always polite and appropriate with her peers.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English - Annie: Sara attends class regularly and completes 80% of her reading and writing assignments. Sara earns at least 95% on her weekly vocabulary tests and is positive and appropriate with her peers. Sara has been able to self advocate for herself when she feels frustrated or needs a seat change.
Science-Gelyn: Sara B has had her ups and downs this review period. She has missed 3 days of class due to her behaviors on the unit. When she attends class, she usually can stay focused and on task to complete her work. Her biggest issues are relying on talking to staff even when she has work to do. Luckily this does not happen often. Otherwise she participates and usually does well academically; however, within the past couple of weeks, she has not completed a test or other pertinent assignments and she is currently failing my class due to this. She has improved on not asking for time outs as much and she has been putting forth more effort into turning in quality work. If she can continue this and not be placed on shut down, she would so awesome in my class.
Math/ History- Hillary: Sara attends class regularly and will participate when asked to. If she doesn't have the materials to do an assignment she will sit and doodle rather then be proactive and find what she needs. Sara is always polite and appropriate with her peers. She tends to ask to put her head down in class, not because she needs a time out, but because she wants a break from her work.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: Science-Gelyn: Sara has attended all classes this past review period. She usually puts forth a lot of effort into her daily assignments. She earned a D for this past term because she walked out on one test and did not receive credit for it and she also did not perform well on her first quiz. Otherwise she usually does okay academically. She is usually quiet requiring few prompts to stop talking and get back on task. She is usually polite towards both staff and peers.
English - Annie: Sara attends class regularly and completes about 70% of her assigned reading and writing work. Sara struggles to remember to complete and turn in her homework. Sara earns at least 85% on weekly vocabulary tests so I know she is studying, she just needs to remember to turn in her homework more often. Sara's behavior in class is great. She has been lying her head down less often and is more aware of her surroundings.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English - Annie: Sara attends class regularly and completes 70% of her reading and writing assignments. Sara earns an average of 90% on her weekly vocabulary tests. Sara needs to work on participating in class discussion.
Science-Gelyn: Sara attends all classes. She is never a behavior issue and if she ever gets prompted, she respectfully and quickly abides. She has a tendency to rush through her work, but she usually turns in satisfactory work. She does well to complete all assignments (though rushed) and she is always respectful towards staff and peers.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English - Annie: Sara attends class regularly and completes about 70% of her reading and writing assignments. Sara struggles to complete and turn in homework assignments. Sara earns at least 95% on weekly vocabulary tests and is positive and appropriate in class.
Science-Gelyn: Sara attends all classes. She is usually not a behavior issue. She completes all of her work, although many times she rushes through it so that she can put her head down. While in class her interactions and boundaries are appropriate.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
Update: English - Annie: Sara attends class regularly and completes about 80% of her assignments. Sara struggles to remember her homework on a weekly basis, but studies for vocabulary tests, earning an average of 95% weekly. Sara is positive and appropriate with her peers. Sara requires prompting about 2/5 days to keep her head up and appear awake.
Math-Carl: Sara attends regularly and routinely completes her assignments. She behaves appropriately with staff and peers. She sometimes talks but will redirect when prompted.
Science-Gelyn: Sara attends class regularly. She completes her work, even if some days she does not feel like it. She is usually apathetic to do anything and would rather put her head down, but when prompted or encouraged, she gets her assignments and other tasks done. She is quiet and participates minimally. She turns in quality daily work, but she really needs to study for my tests and quizzes. She is rarely a behavior issue and interacts appropriately with all peers and staff.
History- Hillary: Sara continues to attend class regularly. She completes her assignments but she tends to rush through them and will get multiple answers wrong. On her last test she received a 41%. Sara could be getting an A if she put more effort into class. She currently has a C-.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Elizabeth Barchanski
4. Secondary Problem: Oppositional Defiant
Behavioral DefinitionTemper tantrums if confronted on a negative behaviorBlames others for own mistakes or misbehaviorsResentful or angry toward others
Long-term GoalsStop temper tantrums with respectful compliance to authorityImmediately verbalize responsibility and accountability for mistakes and misbehaviorsLearn to deal with conflict without relying on anger, hostility, and defiance
Short-Term Objectives/Therapeutic Interventions
Individual therapy Objective: Verbalize connection between feelings and behaviors as evidenced by use of appropriate expression of feelings in 4 of 5 trials.
Intervention: Therapist will utilize play-therapy sessions allow Sara to express feelings and relate them to the problems and conflicts in her daily life.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara has been able to express her thoughts and feelings during individual therapy but still struggles to identify a connection between her feeling and behaviors. Sara uses a journal to express her feelings and is able to share some of those entries in her individual sessions. We will continue to work on connecting her feelings and her behaviors.
Entry Date:7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has improved in her expressing of thoughts and feelings during this review period. She has been able to identify triggers to her negative thoughts, as well as to her auditory hallucinations and how that is related to her behaviors. Even when Sara is struggling with auditory hallucinations, she has been able to control her reactions to those hallucinations in a positive way- through journaling, taking a time out or using her PRN.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: With some prompting Sara has improved on verbalizing her thoughts and feelings during this review period. She has been able to recognize how she is feeling and how those emotions can sometimes affect her behavior. She has struggled to express her feelings appropriately at times, she often raises her voice or becomes impatient, but when prompted to slow down and share her feelings, she is able to do so.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle connecting her negative feelings and thoughts to her behavior. She has struggled to accept responsibility and often says things like "I can't help it." She has been able to process some of her feelings and through prompting connect them to behaviors she is displaying on the unit.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to show some understanding of the connection between her feeling and her behavior during this review period. During the time of the incidents she could not connect those things, but as they were processed in individual sessions she has showed more of an understanding.
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to recognize how her feelings are related to her behaviors. Sara has noticed that she struggles with hearing voices when she is feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Sara still struggles with obsessive thoughts which lead to her anxiety. She has been using thought stopping techniques to help with decrease the obsessive thoughts which could decrease her anxiety.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: During this review period, Sara has shown an improvement in relating her thoughts and feelings to her behaviors. Sara has been able to identify her feelings 3 out of 5 trials, but needs prompting and encouragement to do so. She often says things like "I can't help it" or other negative self talk and needs help reframing.
Entry Date: 3/5/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to identify how her feelings and thoughts have affect her behaviors during this review. She continues to be able to identify her feeling 3 out of 5 trials. Toward the end of this review she has struggled to understand her thoughts and feelings, but seems to be related changing to a new therapist at the end of this review.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sarah is able to identify how her feelings, thoughts and behaviors are connected when she is calm but struggles to be able to stop the thoughts that escalate her anger without help. However, she is learning to stop and think before she blows up and takes time-outs to help calm herself down before she deals with the situation.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Individual Therapy Objective: Identify situations, thoughts, and feelings that trigger angry feelings, problem behaviors, and the targets of those actions as evidenced by creating a list of at least 10 triggers and outcomes.
Intervention: Sara will work with assigned therapist to thoroughly assess the various stimuli that have triggered her anger and the thoughts, feelings, and actions that have characterized her anger.
Plan Date: 6/4/12 Target Date: 6/15/13
Update: Sara has been able to identify some of the triggers of her angry feelings and problem behaviors, but has not yet been able to open up about specific situations or past trauma that has caused these feelings. We have worked on building rapport and therapeutic trust so that Sara feels comfortable opening up about past trauma and triggers in her individual sessions.
Entry Date: 7/9/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: She has been working on being open and honest during the sessions and has done well this review period. She has been journaling consistently and sharing those thoughts during her sessions. Sara has been working on being mindful during sessions and staying on topic. She has improved in her listening skills and has decreased the amount of times she interrupts her therapist during sessions. She is also doing well with redirecting when prompted.
Entry Date: 8/8/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to work on identifying triggers, including her thoughts and feelings when being triggered as well as how her body responds to those triggers. Sara has used mindfulness to help calm her down or in order to stay focused on the topic being discussed. She still continues to struggle with listening skills, often not listening to who is talking but thinking about what she will say next. This therapist has encouraged her to use active listening skills and often asks Sara to repeat something that has been said during the session in order to check her listening.
Entry Date: 9/4/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to identify triggers and how her body feels when she is being triggered. She is also able to recognize what decisions she makes when being triggered. Sara has expressed a decrease in her anxiety during this review period. She has been able to use mindfulness through breathing, journaling and music to help her decrease her anxiety. She continues to struggle with listening skills, but has been utilizing active listening skills to help improve her listening skills.
Entry Date: 10/3/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been more open with her thoughts and feelings during this review period. She continues to be fixated on certain things and struggles to see past the issue at hand. She has been able to identify triggers and has been willing to practice mindfulness during individual therapy. She struggles to use these coping techniques on her own and needs a series of prompts to successfully calm down when upset. She has shown less anger, but still continues to use manipulation to try and discharge sooner than what is suggested.
Entry Date: 11/7/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been fixating on her peers and what they say to her. She internalizes negativity which often triggers her inappropriate behaviors. She has been able to identify positive coping strategies to help her to calm down or stay focused on what is happening around her. She has shown less manipulation to try and discharge, but has become more fixated on her LOA.
Entry Date: 12/6/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to fixate on her peers. She often cannot recognize her triggers on her own, but is able to during sessions when prompted and helped. Sara struggles to accept the consequences she receives for her actions and will attempt to change them through manipulation or begging. She has been able to accept those consequences toward the end of this review, but then becomes fixated on the next thing she will get (ie, LOA or candy, etc.). This therapist has encouraged Sara to write down what triggered her most recent behavior, but Sara often responds with "I forget."
Entry Date: 12/31/12 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara will continue to work on identifying her triggers and the outcomes of those triggers. Sara has struggles with anxiety and recently that anxiety has led to her hearing voices. Sara is learning some calming techniques like controlled breathing to help when she is feeling triggered or getting anxious to calm down. She has had less incidents of losing control this review period.
Entry Date: 1/28/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to struggle with triggers that consume her thoughts and influence her behaviors. She is reminded often to use her coping skills like controlled breathing, journaling or thought stopping to help control those trigger thoughts. She does well when prompted to do so, but struggles to do it on her own.
Entry Date: 3/4/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara has been able to recognize what triggers her angry thoughts and feelings, but struggles to recognize how she can stop from getting angry or upset. She has been able to utilize the skill of controlled breathing on her own more often during this review period.
Entry Date: 4/1/13 Provider: Angie Johnson, LCSW
Update: Sara continues to get angry easily but is using her coping skills most of the time to deal with the feelings. She used her PRN twice their review period. She still needs prompts to remember to use the skills but is much more open to using them and just needs a reminder most of the time.
Entry Date: 5/1/13 Provider: Linda Carlson, LCSW
Response to Plan
Response to treatment plan presentation:
6/4/12: Sara will receive a copy of her MTP and will review it in the next therapy session
7/9/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan goals. Treatment review will be 7/11/12.
8/8/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 8/8/12.
10/1/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 10/3/12.
11/7/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 11/7/12.
12/5/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 12/5/12.
12/31/12: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 1/2/13.
1/28/13: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 2/6/13.
3/4/13: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 3/6/13.
4/1/13: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 4/3/13.
5/1/13: Sara was present and participated in updating her treatment plan and goals. Treatment review will be 5/1/13.
Significant Others (Parents, Guardian) response to treatment plan presentation:
6/4/12: A copy of Sara's MTP will be sent to her mother, Marcia, via mail; updates will be sent each month.
7/9/12: A copy of Sara's MTP will be sent to her mother, Marcia, via mail; Marcia will be present for the treatment review 7/11/12, via phone.
8/8/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother, Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the treatment review 8/8/12, via phone.
9/4/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother, Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 9/5/12.
10/3/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 10/3/12.
11/7/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 11/7/12.
12/5/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 12/5/12
12/31/12: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 1/2/13.
1/28/13: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 2/6/13.
3/4/13: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 3/6/13.
4/1/13: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 4/3/13.
5/1/13: A copy of Sara's treatment plan will be sent to her mother Marcia, via email. Marcia will be present for the review via phone 5/1/13.
I, Sara Berger, have reviewed this treatment plan.
_______________________________________________ ______________________________
Resident Signature Date
(14) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanity Becomes Reality #14 :3333 My Life Story. Stay Stronq(:
Insanityy Becomes Reality 14 c; <3 xo ^.^
---{{{{HotTeaaac: xoxo}}}} :3---
Hi I'm Sara :3 you can see past me. Stay strong, I'm becoming stronger(;
Today is 10:53 pm, I'm in darkness, I remember all 4 lamps were on the table, but now I'm ready to start new , u gotta stay strong, cuz I know that your berries will grow, I use the term berries as whatever's blocked ur way, I may be disfunctionalble but I'm in darkness and I'm still losing it cuz I'm unstable and I have nobody, I'm all alone trapped in my cold dark empty body, my mind is scary, my berries are growing I'm trapped in darkness, I'm insanity and I can't take it, I'm tramatized my whole life even right now, only one noes is my mom, when she's asleep I have NOONE but me and my insanity, I'm goinG CRAZY!!!!!!!!! The dark is killing me its May 24 2015 I'm in my moms bed scared in darkness in my physco tic episodes and I'm scared it's like I'm ALoNE not in reality trapped al by myself, no one around just a black world, don't u get I'm alone.
Anyway it's time for bed its 10:58 pm and I'm on an episode my moms asleep I'm losing it, I need help but goodnight, I love you <3333 NO I did not get sent to the principals office, I'm have daylight hallucinations I'm in darkness alone, goodnight this is Sara u can stay strong cuz I believe in u. <3333
I could relly use a drink right now, my homie bought liquor into the house, I attempted to drink it && she likes no no no lmfao 😂😂😂 I needs get ill 😜 you don't put alcohol infront of an alcoholic or u don't no how crazy I am, I might lose it and start goin on doing bad shit again, but no! I'm not disobey my mom 🙊👌💯😍
It was ok but I just got out at 8:00 pm on May 29, 2015, my mom took me out cuz I was on special program other then that it was good especially the staff there mainly Hector, I'm in love with Hector Alverado 😍👌💕💋🙊❤️ from Canyon Ridge mental hospital, he's been flirting with me all this Tim 💯💞💕😜
Hector didn't want me to leave, he cried and guarded and blocked the door anyway where I could leave, he was sad I left and he teared up and he tried to get me to stay.
Oscar: "You were in Canyon Ridge whatttt? You should have told me I should've visited you in the hospital"
Hector stood there infront of me crying so I can see and then follows me and stares and worries and thinks about me non stop, keeps flirting with me in many ways trying to get next to me, get with me, awkward around me very edgy, cried cuz I cried, everyone could tell even my mom that he liked me and was flirting with me.
hector are you okay, your crying that's sad
I'm gonna give u a hug I don't give a shit
Is that a toilet seat? *holds up square tub* Oscar laughs and mom says "Ya for a big person"
Hector Alvarado 🙊😍💞❤️💯👌
Are you okay Hector?
No I'm not! *sobs loudly*
Aww that's sad
*gives him a hug*
*backs away*
No no no hugs high fives.
He's been out of it all day/something's wrong/acting strange
Hector stood infront of me let his feelings out and so did I and he listened and could relate and got sad cuz it's just like his, he listened to my whole story sat in the nurses station infront of me listening and got sad after he heard my story, he listened and he cared that I have him a hug , I care about him, he knows I'm the only one , mainly the only patient that cares deeply about him, I'm the only one that has a close relationship treats him like family helps him and I'm just a 17. Year old patient, he knows we've been through the same thing and we can relate, he thinks I'm cute and attractive and he likes me ALOT EVERYBODY NOTICES! We're close Cuz I'm only young and I'm close with him he's never had someone like me care about him like that, even if I'm a patient, he knows we both care, he acts like he likes me.
I don't care *harry potter voice*
He
He wants to be with me and next to me he does room checks then stands close to the door just to check. On me especially if I'm alright and to see me, he wants to be next to me to just make him feel happy next to me cuz he likes me, he stands close to the door and is close to me, he does room checks only to see me like if I'm not there he lets Lanette do it he works on the unit just for me, he does it especially for me, awwww.
Hector moves close to me and makes excuses to stand next to me, Hector stands right next to me or when he's doing vidals he stands right behind me in the window, or looks at me from a distance finds a place to look at me, see what I'm doing. When I'm at nurses station stands close to me, just wants to be next to me all the time, and flirts cuz he can't hold himself back, he knows he likes me everyone can tell but it's against the rules but behind the scenes everyone knows he likes me a lot. Hector had bad past, hold it in, sad to hear my story, can relate to me, can't cry he finally cry, he felt bad about me and loves me so much and heard my story he cried. He follows me around like a puppy dog is obsessed with me, cuz he does like me. I see all the signs and so does everyone else.
Hector smiled at me, everyone could tell Hector likes me, he's there but not there , mom could tell all of the signs what he was doing when he was around me, kept wandering around me, very edgy.
Do you mind? Did I stutter?
Hector very edgy around me , flirts with me, mom knows, sad I'm leaving or when he's around me, edgy and didn't know what to do with himself, what to do at all, kept looking around or up at me and didn't know what to do around me or with himself cuz he felt special inside and he loved me and to scared to tell me but everyone can tell. Hector out of it/crying/going through some things/went up and hugged him and he gave me a high five but he felt so happy, he was listening to my story, and he can relate and was listening very closely.
I'm sorry for giving you a hug I just wanted to make u feel better, aww it's okay, Hector I'm feeling better today , that's good, are u feeling better today Hector, Ya *smiles awkwardly felt my care, felt happy*
.
*runs up to Hector and hugs him*
No no no no, no hugs high fives WTF 😂😂😂😂
Lol everyone saw hector was flirting with me even my mom saw it lol , he likes me 🙊😍😂😂😂😂👌
Do you wanna talk to Bob Marley?
*stares at me with a blank stare*
No Sara, shut up and go back to sleep, take your jacket and lay back on the floor
*lays on floor and wakes up 6 seconds later*
Are you sure u don't wanna talk to Bob Marley?
NO SARA GO TO SLEEP!
😂😂😂😂
Lmfao good times <3
I'm fucking done with my life, I'm gonna go fucking physco all I am is a fuck up, I hate my life just kill me. I'm done with life itself I've been thru so much the pain is killing me I feel dead and sick inside and I hate myself, I'm tired of living, I'm destroyed and I'm FUCKING done just kill me, someone help me and save me, I'm crying about to take the pills I'm gonna go fucking insane right now, leave me dead, I'm going to Caynon Ridge cuz I'm fucked up out of it, losing it, I attempted to take the pills and the knives and I'm about to have an episode, all my life has been trauma, pain and hurt and just all bad, I've been feel like this but I NEED HELP plz plz plz just kill me cuz I'm crazy insane inside, I'm in a dark physcotic state of mind, like I'm fucked up right now, I'm having an episode and it ALL happening rite now, SOMEONE get me out of my head out of this nightmare , I am so fucked up right now I do not no who I am, I not in reality I going insane and crazi now I have no choice, today is 5/27/2015 bye evryone I have to go to mental hospital im posessed in a physcotic episode, destroy and broken inside, it's 8:55 pm I officially have a dysfunctional break in bad state of mind worse one yet go crazy bitches I'm fucking physco try me bitch imms go crazy cuz all my life has been shit n that why I do physco shit and go crazi I haven't been in a physcotic episode or break down or out of reality, I ready to kill myself others n go insane, hold me back here come Johnny. On my way to Canyon Ridge mental hospital, I'm to sick and I need help! God is with me right now with my mom, today on 5/27/2015 I'm be saved from God and my mom going away for awhile and becoming stable again trust me rite now I'm NOT stable I'm not in reality I'm not I'm not I'm not mentally there, I got so sick and destroyed that I had 1 of the worst physcotic episodes yet, haven't had one of these since I came back from treatment, I do need help, today I wold have gone physco u no what I mean look it up I have gone like that plenty of times, Johnny is getting worse and I'm fucked up, I'm losing myself blank and pass the cups, I have destroyed myself inside and outside I got posessed and now guess what hide away it all and now I'm so fucked up my mom was gonna call 911 police peramedics or CPS or someone to seek me attention, I driving with my mom to Canyon Ridge mental hospital, it's for the best, GOD guide me and help me thru this dark time cxxxxx
Fire truck #4
I was at Disneyland in a physcotic episode and they took me to UCI medical center from Disjeyland. They helped me get thru it and said prayers for me && they made me a card from everybody on there team. c; when I went crazy at Disneyland they called and made sure I got mental, physical , emotional , and medical help. <3 they took me to UCI, and I could never forget them, they made my day so much better and made my emotional state healthy, they helped me recover, and help me through it. <3 I love you Fire Department #4 ❤️
I am so happy to be in recovery, I have been thru a lot . But I stuck through it, I accomplished some goals and I'm off to a great start! Trust me bro for 5 years going on 6 I was physcotically insane, mental and doing crazy shit. But trust me I was one of the most craziest teenagers, I've done all the crazy shit you can think of, all the illegal shit. But now I'm in recovery, not made it to my 85th mental hospital yet ! Been out of treatment for awhile and I'm going so well. Out of the hospital for months, not going crazy for a couple weeks && drug free for awhile! I'm so proud of myself I feel so much better from the person I was to the person now, I'm still crazy but I'm recovering, I'm ready to start over and it's all thanks to my mom who's helped me through all the years . Your a true blessing in my life! Thank you Lord for helping me change. I feel so much better living life the right way not doing bad shit, I've had a bad life and I've always had problems, a bad past since I was little, but now I'm in recovery! Thank you for all your help and I hope ur doing well! It's been 5 almost 6 years of losing it, now I'm learning new ways to live my life. Even someone as crazy as me can change and be successful, cuz I believe in myself, and I know my mom wants me to keep fighting. God bless you mamabear ❤️
"Letter C" by me, Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez ❤️
All this running around
Like there's no tomorrow
You see the circles under her eyes
It reminds you that she's not alright
Silently going insane
All this running around
Scared there might be gone by tomorrow
Call me down like letter C
Break me out like letter D
Play your game like your insane
Pull me down like letter C
I can't stand that letter B
Driving in the car
All this running around
Go insane as we all break down
Make me dance insanity
Pull me down like a mystery
Got me like its letter C
By me <3
Aye, damn I'd make a good therapist cuz I have experience ❤️ (5/26/2015 @ 11:09 pm)
Okay I would make a good therapist, cuz I can see through people and I've been through it all, I can read people, I can tell when something's bugging them what there feelings, I observe them and the situation, and I make my observations and break the situation or problem down, I get deep deep down into there mind and there thoughts, I can help people and I have, in the mental hospitals or anywhere, if they come in with a problem, I'm gonna listen to them and make my observations and then when there done I give my point of view, then explain to them what I see, then get deep deep down into what I see, into the situation, the problem itself, asking what your feeing and matching that with the situation and the people in it, I get fucking deep into it tho cuz I've been through it, I've helped people in mental hospitals and at school, strangers, friends family, basically everybody and I've helped them a lot, cuz I got deep down, after we break the situation down into peaces and go about it in many ways at our own pace or until your comfortable, we see different parts of the situation and we explain it to eachother, for example if someone came in with a broken foot and he or she was scared people might make fun of him, I would let them explain his situation his flaws and problems, then I would let them explain what they think is going on, like if Isabell make fun of Justin cuz his leg looked weird, and he said that they were staring at him and they assumed that people were taking about them, I would ask them if they really noticed what they were doing, how there emotions effect there behavior, first off explain how you know there talking about you or you don't know what there thinking , I would explain my part, then get deep into Justin's emotions, break down the patterns and relate that to other situations and I would sit and talk with them, we're both helping eachother, and I would help them try to see what's going on , if someone made fun of your hair for being dirty, I'd see the signs of them turning the situation into a different story like we were making jokes about dirty hair today and we laughed so hard, but they are obsessively cleaning there hair, there self contious, they are acting in the sympoms that someone's bullying them cuz there repeatedly bringing it up in different scenarios , like my friend and I made dirty jokes about my hair, and then they say my hair needs a change in style, many people said I need to try a new style, my hair looks dirty and they point out not by words but by actions that someone else said it to them and there covering it up with a lie to avoid the situation like nothing's wrong but you know as a parent or someone there that there acting in a certain way and you see different patterns in behavior or conversation that that repeated problem comes up, but in different forms then try act all weird and then you realize that something's wrong. After I get deep down I would help them see what's really going on, and how I can help, I would help by relating my situations with daily conversations and help them by trying to solve the issue in the best way, like instead of assuming that someone is looking at you just observe the situation around them, I'm someone's having a panic attack, you don't just say use your coping skills I'm not about that bullshit, I'd let them tell me the first thing that comes to your mind, and let them explain and comfort them, then help them by going deep down into the thoughts and letting then lay down, and share my story, cuz I can read people I help them out with comfort and love and actual reasoning and actual help, if they want it, I'm not about the rules, coping skills, how are you doing today, about the paper and the tools, fuck nah I'm about getting down into there mind cuz I know what it's like and my mind is messed up, you observe them and then you help them, you walk in and observe them tell them what you see, share our days and ask if everything's going well, not all bland but like 2 friends talking, I know what I'm doing I've been in 84 mental hospitals, I've been through it all and I'm still going through it so I know how to get deep down cuz everyone has a story and I wanna help people. I know what I'm talking about and I actually open up with them and share deep down, there not gonna learn if u just say use your coping skills you gotta help them by taking your experiences and trying to understand the other peoples situation, I would make a good therapist cuz I'm there for them, I can read them and know what's going on, care for them, and most of all share with them like there family and get so deep with them they break, get down into there life and into there mind there past there behavior patterns there deepest secrets get them to break so you know , get deep down into there skin by putting it all together, have an episode in front of them and relate it and help them, you gotta get deep to understand. ❤️
This is my opinion
I hate people who make fun of people that are suicidal , cut themselves, eating disorder, mental illness, sexuality, religion, or just making fun of someone who u know has problems. Like bruh fuck off u don't even know what they've been through, you don't know there story, there past, you don't know shit, everyone is different , if u can't expect that fuck off cuz u don't know that person, or the struggle, I know the struggle, I have problems, but making fun of suicidal people is messed up, grow tf' up and think before you talk or judge . Fr Fr , this is my opinion but I've had people do this to me or other people, not anymore, but this is my opinion ✋✌️
I like u as a friend a lot and I thank u for being there for me, your one of my close friends and u can talk to me bout anything, I don't wanna creep you out but I do care, as a friend, get back to me if u can or chill with me tomorrow bro
❤️✌️ single and not giving a shit I'll find the right one, just gotta wait Damien, say hi to Mr Midini for me and tell him that I hope he's doing well ❤️
(Doing hair in a side braid 5/26/2015)
Brush hair ALL the way to left or right side , get all the hair, then braid it either to the left or to the right, make sure you get all your hair.
(Doing hair in a messy bun 5/26/2015)
Brush long strip of hair from left to right of head (as a short bang) then put that bunch of hair in your mouth or hold it tightly as you brush all your excess hair down into a ponytail, then lift your head up and position ponytail where u want, high to the side or low straight in the back of your head in a position straight back so your hair is poofy, or high or low, whichever one looks better, then tie it into a ponytail, take sock bun and wrap your hair all around it so no part of the sick is showing , make it poofy and big , then put your hand holding down the sock bun with your hair and put the other hair tie down over your bun holding it together. Wala I feel magical, did I win a prize?
*Starts singing* IMMA banana IMMA banana IMMA banana , Sara shut up
Awww I love u too my little buttface
Lol you little shit
I don't answer for nobody, check yourself before you wreck yourself, I'll take a shit on your face
XD
Where are you ? Up my ass perhaps
Ewww what's that face for, you would like it haha knew it
Nope behind giving you hugs and cookies.
Like grandma pearls cookies
Even better.
Like Jesus's homemade cookies?
Better
I gotta go goodnight honey boo boo
Goodnight big bear :P
Go stuff your chocolate face with pizza >.<
A black bear?
Just kidding goodnight squid ward *tear tear* I'm so sad, lol goodnight squiddy cx wait! SQUISHY! That's ur new name, like your squishy chocolate face
I'm sorry did I offend you I was kidding good night
Yay I feel so happy ! *stoned face* make happy love
Del taco/Starbucks order ---
Dr pepper
2 breakfast burritos (all kinds) -egg and cheese no sauce-
French fries
Quesadilla
5 hash brown sticks
Soft taco
Starbucks hot chocolate
Large hot chocolate
Kids temperature
Extra chocolate/mocha (as much pumps u can put in there, 6 or more)
Whip cream
Makeup/hair style---
Brush hair to the right side , take remainder of hair (most of it 3 quarters of it) and put it in side braid
Put lots of mascara on your eyes dark goth look on top and bottom eye lashes
Use fingers to put white/black glitter eye shadow on top of eye (put white color on eyelid smearing with your fingers on whole top and bottom eyelid, then put glitter color on top or around eyelid to blend it in)
Put black eyeliner pencil all over top and bottom eyelid but in a pattern around your eye, make it dark, pencil eyelid thickly and pencil bottom eyelid by pulling it down and tracing it in. A straight line , then curl a line on the tip
Put blush on your check bones and all over your face with the brush make it bright and pink, until face color shows, put a lot
Put dark lip stick on your top and bottom lip very dark so it's bright.
Your done!
This is how I do my makeup/hair.
<3333
Don't kill me I'm innocent
*sees as bus* it's the magic school bus! Beep beep beep
Mad women driver
It's splash /space mountain! It's Indiana jones! No it's not stop making up names u don't know, *mom covers my lip then I lick it* ewwww, Preston what ride is next ? *me screaming* it's splash mountain, Sara stop screaming no it's not, yes it is, it is splash mountain, aha i told you ha ha ha suck it Charlie, Sara shut up your ridicious ridickulo
Wats the name of the orange princess in the parade? Hmm let me think, is it princess peach? WTF no it's not it's not princess peach are u high, move, no Bueno .
Princess peach is from Mario , oh now I feel retarded I can't run a Starbucks I'm to retarded.
Beernuts
*sees ball road* BALLS!
I'm surprised you didn't say deeznuts, is it deezballs, no mom it's DEEZNUTS
Me and Austin start making fun of British people *ello lets have a tea party, ello old chap' pass the buttah* it's butter not buttah, dumbshit wow
I can see you asshole your right there
Now I'm not
Yes you are
Shut up ur hallucinating
No I'm high
Off what
Your mom
Really ?
What did u take?
I didn't take shit
What are u on?
My dick
No are you high
Dumbass >.<
Of course I'm high off life
No ur not
*falls over* I'm fine I'm fine don't worry bout me *throws up*
Dude your stoned
Mom I feel gay today! What the actual fuck? go in ur room and masterbate, *comes back from room* dad, I feel like masterbating today, do not say that in public
I don't give to shits
Baby boo boo wants his diaper
*walks into school* hey friends, guess what I did yesterday?
What?
I rode my dick like a horsy
Wtf how did you do that?
I'm special
I feel so magical *throws skittles* taste the rainbow! Sara shut up and go back to bed
Mom I feel gay today, that's nice, good for u, now skadoosh,
I've been very gay today mom, what? I feel happy I'm in a very gay mood friends lets have a gay time.
Sara your a weirdo
I always act like an idiot in public
Am I that loud
Are you drinking again, no mom I'm sober, what do u think.
Sara shhhhhh , I'm trying to drive
Not my fault I'm fucked
I got fucked by a donkey's ass
U know how to milk a cow? ehhh ahh jiggle jiggle jiggle
My feet are so soft, feels like a babies butt, smell your feet
Sara can u rub my feet? *i suck on toe and then I start choking and coughing* ewwwww nasty gtfo off me eww that's nasty, don't suck on my toe. Blah blah blah
It's the POPO lets tell it to the world
Do u wanna do the honors and slap my butt
Boobies
Preston can u move any slower
Excuse me
Skin cells ewww he's wrinkled but clean
Guess what mommy I took a shit
Don't u hate when people bump in to u
Sit in my lap eeyore
High five
I tell rascal not to bark or whine and right when I say it he barks really rascal I told u not to bark
So I was trying to take a picture of eeyore and he walked away and waved, aww I missed u i wanted to get a sit in your lap or a hug and you walked away Shame shame, aww I'm so sad
When your on the phone and you know someone's listening and your having an innapropriate conversation
Let's talk about lollipops and rainbows
When someone's staring at you while your eating , can u not?
Think happy thoughts , you want me to think about lollipops and rainbows, oh so pretty!
Keep talking noones listening, but keep going.
Skadoosh
Kiss me I'm sexy
*goes up to someone when there really upset and tap them on the shoulder* there there
We are honary citizens
I met 100 idiots today
Do u wanna play smack butt in public
Put up the hunger games sign with your fingers in the air and when strangers pass sing "hmm hmm hmm"
Only 10 people said happy birthday to me
I'm gonna smear it on prestons jacket
How much do u wanna bet
I didn't feel good I'm sticking this out for Preston
Am I being nice to you mommy
I got the parfait for you
No one appreciates me *sad face*
Remember the drunk penguins
Wanna see my intoxicated face
Sara shhh, sorry I'm hyper
Wanna see my butt
Herr herr (haha)
Happy little pill
I'm sorry mr Mickey
River of canoes hahaha *sing in a tune*
I remember I was in the bathtub and I put soap on my beard or whip cream and make the thinking face or say ho ho ho I'm sandy Claus
I'm a human wreck
I'm like a big toddler , give me a diaper
To the bathroom!
I see a duck quack quack
Aww that's so sad that's so cute
Honey boo boo needs his diaper changed
Winnie the Pooh needs to go poop
The road idiot
On the tram at Disneyland ❤️
My mama is gettin a churro && I'm gonna get some snacks ❤️
Eating pizza && pasta at Pizza Port ❤️
Going on the Haunted Mansion
Only got a few pictures cuz we were not aloud to have the flash on.
-feeling fabulous , hungry && tired with Marcia Berger and Preston Berger at Disneyland Resort, Red Rockets Pizza Port, eating pizza and pasta
Comb all hair to left side put all that hair into your hand and braid it
The song Civil War by Guns N Roses came on shuffle on my iPod c; that was my dads favorite song, before he died ✌️❤️
In the crowd alone
And every second passing reminds me I'm not home
Bright lights and city sounds are ringing like a drone
Unknown, unknown
Oh, glazed eyes, empty hearts
Buying happy from shopping carts
Nothing but time to kill
Sipping life from bottles
Tight skin, bodyguards
Gucci down the boulevard
Cocaine, dollar bills
And...
My happy little pill
Take me away
Dry my eyes
Bring colour to my skies
My sweet little pill
Tame my hunger
Light within
Numb my skin
❤️✌️
I'm so SICK of this I'm DONE IMSCARED, I'm cry so bad bad bad right now, I'm very unstable and I feel SI FUCKED UP. I remember daddy and I gonna go crazy, I'm DONE Help mE . It is 10:47 pm and mom is asleep and I'm really bad state I'm FUCKING hallucinating scared and I need help, plz make it stop , hELP Me plz, cuz I'm very mentally unstable right now, I'm in a episode but mom is asleep HELP
-Who We Are Is Not The Same-
(Monsters in machinery by me, Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez)
Remember when I held your hand, black out and twist around, no regrets so let us see, where this road will take us to. Darkness is all we see beneath our skin is numb and clean, smiles fading and who we are, no one knows cuz everyone's changed, behind our bodies is hurt and then we grow into people we never wanna be, who are we, what have we done? Look outside the world and see, what have we done , who have we become, are you blind just open your eyes, can't you see that the worlds gone mad, behind this machinery, is a real person who's afraid to love, is a person who has become completely gone, who are we, we're not people we have become animals, monsters, behind this machinery, is someone scared, has turned into a monster, is someone who needs someone, don't be afraid, cuz lemme tell you, there's something waiting inside of you, ready to burst and go insane, but if you grow out of this machinery, there's a beautiful world you have to see... Just believe <3
The end.
-When You Went Away-
(I love you can't you love me?
By me, Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez)
Look outside, the TV is on, love is real oh not so real, what do we see, a broken home, you know why? Cuz us 2 our fighting, everyone else sitting there watching and listening, me and you always fighting, why do we argue, say something I'm giving up on you, run upstairs how do we know, do you remember our favorite TV show? Me and you used to sit next to each other on the couch, cuddling and sharing love, now what have we become, you turned around, completely changed, well so have I, remember when we went out to eat, watch the birds the clouds the sky? Pointing out each red car as it passed by? Building a tree house in the backyard and laughing? Take me out to eat and talk nonstop? That wasn't real, just a memory, one night I walked home and realized it's not the same, now I've gone insane, I've gone crazy, now I'm one fuck up, trust me, I'm one of the craziest, all cuz of my past, aye look at these birds fly away, there free aren't they? Remember when u watched me play, our little game all fun and games, now I come home and turn on the TV I start to cry cuz it's not the same I feel so old, empty , and ashamed, wishing someone could take me away, it's not the same, faraway , I'm sorry , I called your name and then you flew away, let's talk about a way , that I can change. Why you gotta be so fine, why couldn't it be that I wasn't fine, take a little nappy, refrigerator full of food but to scared to eat, our house is not the same, that all happened when u went away... The end
I'm pretty much used to being hurt, so wtf I've been hurt all my life, I'm done, I need someone. Someone to care, I have not a lot of people, why does no one care, I'm just done
I'm fucking hurt right now, why do I even try, I'm sick and I'm done.
-Strange As It Seems-
(V-necks are to far away. By me Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez)
Hey lady time to come home
The fear is gone
Fingers we cannot feel
Our eyes we cannot see through
Ex it out, but it won't erase
Questioning everything
Our hands are cold
When the bullet hits the bone
When our lives are spiraling outta control
You've been cheated
Red light blinking
Wish upon a shooting star
Hoping our wishes will soon come true
Oh , where are you ?
When the bullet hits the bone
Fan in your room
Wash away the dust
The pain
The shame
Shy eyes can't look to far
Cuz all we see is traumatic scenes
All we see is a filthy dirty world
Where are you
When I need you most
My darkness is filling me
All because my craziness
Are you ready to stand by me
Or leave me in the dust again
Make a wish my dear
You wish for a new car? A new boyfriend?
That's your choice
But my wish actually makes sense
I wish for life to become sane
For love for health
For my hurt to go away
For me not to go insane
Where are you when I need you?
When the bullet hits the bone
Can you see past these fainting eyes
Past these broken smiles
Through everything we have gained and lost
Through our world that has lost hope
Where are you?
When the bullet hits the bone?
The end by me <3 :)
[[[-belonqinqz too da realist --- ❤️❤️❤️❤️]]] <3
-----
There's abreak in my mind, outta control, what's broken, what's wrong what did I do did I miss something what did I do wrong what's going on that I don't know, my brain is blocked from reality
Btw I still have a lot of behavioral issues, but I'm doing better n not goin crazy"
Me looking dopey asf' while listening to "This summers gonna hurt like a motherfucker" by maroon 5. C:
Lol good times doe, I was on my meds and I felt all good && I didn't know what I was doing.
"Look into my eyes"
Lmfao
On our way to Disneyland in the car and I was bored so I turned the camera on to record myself looking dopey asf' lol ❤️
I'm am so pissed offer we couldn't go to Disneyland today, I'm so fucking heated dumbasses, I love youPreston Bergerr I'm sorry we got let down, it's not our fault and thanks for apologizing , we're both really disappointed cuz it was for our birthday, we will go tomorrow love you Laura Shook we didn't go today
-Tyler Mall Trip 6:50 pm on 5/23/2015 with Vivian, Preston , && I---
I love and I'm obsessed with this song Always by Silvia. #mynewfavoritesong
Perfume trip at Macy's ❤️
"I smell good, it's Romance, no it's Midnight Romance, no I want Romance" stupidios "Preston do u wanna kiss with my lipstick, FREE KISSES"
"Aye aye u know what it is black and yellow black and yello"
Just went into Macy's and Vivian wanted to smell the perfumes so I put some lipstick on and I fucked up my face -Macy's at Tyler
Me , Preston, && Vivians trip to the Tyler Mall ❤️
Good times && good memories remember this?
A physical kiss is nothing without it, look at it now and see what it's done , you gotta now I'm feeling loved made of gold another lover. I love this song this is my song homie *gives fist bump* ❤️
"This is the mall"
"Ohh the balloons"
"Is it someone's birthday?"
"Yes it is"
"Big Booty Judy"
"Is that your homie, hi big homie, she said hi big homie, you wanna look sexy like me, oh Sash"
"Hibibi lmfao no it's David"
"Don't touch me bruh naw just kidding"
"Preston u wanna free kiss" *kisses ur hand with lipstick*
"Sassy sasha"
"Poppin the balloon"
"You smell good"
"Hiiii davey"
"420 everyone" haha Sara your crazy
*winks, stares, says wazzup to every cute guy && girl*
"Do they have resident evil 2?"
"Sara what do u want to eat , do you have pizza or spagetti, what does it taste like?"
"Remember on Dick Figures"
"Ma ma mom mom mommy mommy mommy Luis Luis hi hello mom WHAT?"
"Always by Siliva"
"This summers gonna hurt like a motherfucker"
#goodtimesatthemall
#tylermall2015-at Galleria at Tyler
At the Tyler mall with Vivian && Preston ❤️ eating at the food court Charlie's Grilled Subs && Villa Italian Kitchen <3333 -with Preston Berger at food court at Tyler Mall
MAC AND CHEESE at Silvia . "Goochie Mama lmfao" "Sara WTF"-with Preston Berger at Food Court at Tyler Mall
Food Court ❤️
"Subway, Panda Express, where's the restroom at?"
"Stay right here and I'll be black, I'll be black? Lmfao"
*talks on phone with boyfriend*
"I love you"
*me yelling* "I LOVE YOU TO "
"I love you too wtf"
"I love you too, I love you too too, like a tutu" lmfao
"You know I stand close to u while you smoke so I can get second hand smoke? No get away it's not good for you, I do at anyway, like hi grandpa how is your day? I stand close to him while he's smoking so I can inhale"
-at Galleria at Tyler
We were on our way driving to Tyler Mall and listening to music, I was dancing and I tried to get Preston to dance, we were on the freeway and I wanted to record it lol. Vivian was driving "DONT RECORD ME, no I didn't, are you sure, yes I am sure, no I'm not sure lol jk" ❤️
"I can smell weed? Wtf"
"I got a candy bag and it has weed in it, FREE WEED everybody."
"I got a bag of weed you want some? No"
Lmfao ❤️
Only few would understand, we were in the car with Vivian driving to the Tyler Mall && on the way back I bought a bag of candy from Cee's Candy and I made a joke. "That's not aproriate, does my face looks like it cares, where's my phone Kyle, up to ass" lol #malltrip
-with Preston Berger on 91 Freeway, Corona
VIVIANS CAR
Haha GOT EMM
-with Preston Berger at 91/15 freeway.
Vivian , Preston, && Sara's trip to the mall, chilling in the car #yolohomo #goochimama #illcallherbibootiejudy lmfao
#chillininthecar #2015malltrip
Our drive to Tyler Mall, we were all dancing to music && my iPod ran out of batteries, we had good memories , sorry this is long but I wanted to record daily life in the car, chilling && listening to music, Vivian put on some music and we partied lol, we had fun. We talked and I was hyper, then chill, then hyper lol, anyways we had fun in the car on our drive. #memories
Plus I'm so weird and I was jamming out and Preston Berger was looking at me like "wtf you doin girl?" Lol
I was hyper and I have a new favorite song.
-with Preston Berger on 91/15 Freeway
In Macy's and in the mall chillin'
#blackoutdays
All 3 of us at the mall doin shit lol, "mmmmm this smells good, lmfao she's eating mayonnaise that's fucking nasty"
We had fun at the mall, sorry *accidentially got in some guys way* jk bitch #sorrynotsorry
-we just chilled in the mall for a couple of hours we went all over and bought stuff we only had $20.00 I spent $8 dollars on my meal, wtf I feel so retarded
We had fun haha good memories . -with Preston Berger at Galleria at Tyler
Me, Vivian && Preston chilling at the Tyler Mall looking at all the stores and stuff, we had fun && a lot of memories . I miss these days #lovinthegooddays
#may23on2015memories
"Is this phone land? Lol yea it is, PHONE LAND? Yayyyyyyyy"
"Sara WTF your ridiculous"
Haha I know good memories
Awwww I'm sad now, I haven't been this happy in a long time, I've been fucked up and crazy and out of it and going insane && acting out, doing bad shit and now I'm living life and getting my shit together. I may be crazy but I'm finally happy, now I'm crying I'm growing up, I'm 17, even my mom said she's proud from recovering from physco crazy dysfunctional mentally out of it dark person into a caring young responsible lady, after all the stuff I've gone through , I've been through a lot, more then most, a lot my whole life since I was little, doin crazy shit and now I got the help but still dysfunctional and crazy but not as much as before. I'm growing up!!!!!!
#imrecovering
#fuckyoudonggetinmyway
#changing
#icanchangefromcrazytocalm
#wearefarmersbumbumbumbumbumbum
#idonywannagotoschoolijustwannabreaktherules
#changedfrominnerdarkness
We had fun at the mall today, all 3 of us.
Is this jake from State Farm?
No this is Bob
Oh hello "jake from State Farm"
No! This is is Bob
Oh hello it's jake from state farm oh hi jake from State Farm
Stfu
Lol memories ❤️
-at Galleria at Tyler
Awwwww come with me now lmfao I'm so creepy #highoffthepills lol
Drinking black cherry soda and eating Dijornos Pizza on a Saturday night , chillin with Vivian, I'm finally happy not out doing crazy shit I'm at home with people that love me.
I love pizza!!!!!-eating Pizza
My opinion about love <333 ❤️ (just gave advice to one of my friends , this is just my opinion so no judging)
No promises okay, just friends, don't except me to wait for u tho, cuz if u wait for me you may be wasting your time and then u find someone better cuz I might find someone, plus I'm mental and we just started talking, your my friend and I hate hurting people, but I'm not waiting and you shouldn't either, we can be friends okay, I don't wanna hurt u, but being friends is best cuz it makes people grow closer, plus my mom won't let me date out of state, but if our paths cross again and we're still talking and friends for awhile and Hang out a couple times, then we both make the decision, we'll see what happens but don't rush that what breaks people apart the right person will come to u if its me not me or somebody else, u just gotta wait and see what happens, everything happens for a reason, but after I known u for awhile and me and u are for sure and don't rush it, it will happen when it happens, the right person will come to u at the right time, they cross your path and you have to wait and be patient cuz eventually the right person will come, don't rush into every girl that was my mistake, if u let life give u what u need you will find true love. This is my opinion
❤️
Saraaaaaaa hahahaha
Oscar singing my name
Where's Sara? Joking around, what's up Sara fist bump
Laughing at my jokes
Sara why do u say that
IMMA call chocolate protective services
No he's Oscar and I'm 100 percent Sara
Pulls out moms booze from fridgerater and Oscar laughs "put that back get outta here, you want a golden star?"
Can I have tic tac? No
Never mind I'm not gonna say anything right now
I love your hair , anyone would tap that, ur sexy, any guy would tap that, sara why u say that
Sara your enjoying that
That's nice, I'm really fit
Then I lost my girlfriend, got depressed, lost himself, 2 months
Sara I want to hear your laugh
Oscar nots working here anymore, he's gonna miss me
Awwww Oscar need to sleep in on Saturdays he's crazy burnt out in pain partying he's been through a lot and bad past really cares
A www Sara ur gonna cry, I thought u didn't like me,, why would I not like you, concerned cuz he thought I didn't like him worried about me, your not happy to see me anymore, wrote him a letter, feels bad for treating me like shit.
He would take me with him and winked at me, I'll take Sara for 5 grand.
If your nice I'm nice, we can be nice together
I love the smell of cigarettes, idk why
31 Flavors ❤️-at Baskin-Robins 7024 Magnolia Ave, Riverside.
I got Chocolate Fudge && World Class Chocolate icecream. ❤️-eating icecream at Baskin-Robins 7024 Magnolia Ave, Riverside.
out shopping. Marcia Berger
@ Baskin Robbins
Me back in 2014
#love2014
These are some old pictures bruh ❤️
Old pictures
#backin2014 -with Preston Berger
#throwbackto2014
Chillin bruh -with Preston Berger
Xoxox Sara xoxoX
#chilling2014
Memories ❤️
#2014throwback
✋ shopping in the car @stater brothers ✌️❤️-at Stater Brothers
Pooh.Eyore.Tigger c: <3 ^.^
Ring arounddd da rosii(: ❤️
Haha I got a video of Oscar, he let me record him , he's so sweet, he's my homie . haha "IMMA do a documentary on your face" haha I'm so weird, we're buddies lol. Aha Oscar now I got videos and pictures of you. I can use that against u, you've been there for me but we're funny hehe. Ewwwww
Deeznuts
GOT EMM
That was a waste of my fucking typing .
Lol
Lololololol
*trollface*
Lol
Is that all you have to say
Derp
I'm blue dadabebadady
Trolololo
I'm never gonna give u up never gonna let u down. Hahahaha u got rickrolled hahaha trololollol hahahaha lol
IMMA scatman
Haha I am weird.
Deeznutz, I had to say it
Got eem
You know what's up
What?
Deeznuts
This summer gonna hurt like a mothafucker.
I lost my nuts
Deeznuts
It's my birthday you should have told me, I need to get you a gift , Oscar cares, u need some coffee , maybe Oscar campos can go
This song annoys the shit outta me
You want me to use my man power?
Sup sexy
Preston eating my ice cream cake lol yomo homo, chowwwwwwww Preston Berger
My 17th birthday cake with my family Marcia Berger && Preston Berger. Love u guyz, happy birthday to me ❤️
No no no. Shut up
Thanks you
My ice cream cake, vanilla && chocolate ❤️ -eating ice cream cake
"Oh hey, save them for a moment to be with me, save them for a moment" just a song I heard on a commercial , obsessed
We are the millers time to have the sex talk now, la la la la la la la la la
Shit nothing beautiful waiting to eat dinner
Funny how you put the word shit in there
"Like shit man whatchu eating " hahaha
Idk the funny of the moment
Oh shit I busted my nuts.
What nuts?
DEEZNUTZ. Got emm
Your funny
awwwww your so sweet *makes a creepy ass face* hehe
Ok lol
Ok my ass
Why OK my ass
Cuz my ass is sexy
Yup you know it
I like big butts and I cannot lie, ass ass ass, come to my house and grab my ass while I start screaming ass ass ass, ewww my hands smell like cheese idk wht I'm saying cuz I just don't no lol
It good I like big ass
Then come over here and fuck my ass bruh
Lol just kidding
I would do much more
I'm sure u would, get me in bed lol, gotta go go fuck ur pillow and maststeebate while I'm gone, love you , goodnight
See myself covering up for the summer
But underneath it all
All the sweaters and long sleeves
I'm destroyed inside
I'm not ashamed ❤️
-by me <3
Ok now I'm officially done, I'm tired of this bullshit
What's wrong
Just life, but it's okay I'm trying to stay strong
It's mainly just depression but it's mainly about izzy
Aww
I figured that something happened you are not yourself
Lol like a breakup cuz I loved him ALOT, but hey I gotta go
Alright
3
Aye, I hope u feel better , what ever ur going through, I've been through a lot and I care about u && I'm here for you, u can hmu anytime, stay strong, I'm praying for you -with Shaw Motionless
Thanks sweetheart, means a lot to me
I <3 you
Msg me
Ok c:
What's wrong sweetie?
Aww that's so nice of you
Nothing much bro, listening to fall out boy, I know pain you know even if noones here for me, I'll be there for them, I've had a bad bad life, I'm fucked up in the head and have a lot of problems, it all started when my dad passed away, if u want when u have time you can read my life story. I love u and I hope u feel better, u can call me sometime in messenger, love u
You can tell me of you wanna
Your so sweet. , I wish I could come to u and make u feel better, give u a big ass hug
Same here
And I am just flattered tht ppl like you exist
I care about everyone
Take care of ur self
A www you too, stay strong
Thank you once again
No problem sweetie <3
-with Shaw Motionless
Eating Dijornas pizza with my mama
Preston Berger this is for you, pink cookies
Did Izzy leave centennial because of me? Fuck nah, I feel like an idiot bruh, damn I'm still friending him
Hey izzy its Sara, since you don't work at centennial its approrite to add u, I miss u buddy, IDGAF about bein professional cuz u not at school, add me if its okay cuz I won't see u again, I miss u plz accept my request, I'm still u buddy and I still care, anyway get back to me, talk to me, sucks ur not working at my school, but if it ok with u can u add me, have a good day-with Ismael Izzy Rivera
Did you call me last night?
Yussss
Call me back dude
Tomorrow dr hoe
I'm busy tomorrow
Fuck you *starts crying*
Dude I'm gonna be camping XD
Don't get bit by smokey the bear
No promises
So what kinda stuff did you get for your birthday
I got myself a bitch lol just kidding, I got a new iPod
Hey man that's pretty kickass
Damn right.
Goodnight bro
-with Austin Echemann
I'm gonna call you
Hi
Tell mr mudini I said hi
Guess what Damien
What?
Five nights at Freddy's
Yep. There's going to be a 4th one coming out this Halloween.
Yayyyy
Bad News: It's the final one
Did u go tell mr mudini? Yet
I'll tell him tomorrow
Was he sad today, he look either sad or tired
I don't know
Goodnight
Night
-with Damien tran
Hey Madison it's Sara your cousin, also you know izzy Rivera? He's my 1:1 at my school, he and I are close, now he's working with me and I love him a lot, I can't believe u know him do u kno Daniel madina and ms bleeker, oh I'm at centennial now in the i:I program, love u I'm glad I found you
420 today
Right ms Teresa, what's up ms teresa
Guess what ms lisa ms Teresa ,
Msssssss Lisa, what, hi, hi baby
I made up a nickname for mr Madina, mr mudini/midini, hi mr mudini, hahahaha he would probably laugh.
Can we go in here ms Lisa
I call it the pony elevator
I didn't know there was an elevator in here, I did not know that
Is that vegetable water
Today is not my day
Mr Madina having bad day
Hope you like blue shells Damien
Oh come with me now, scatman, I'm blue song.
Thats right Damien *insert a name*
Mr midini no mr madina is better
Ms Teresa, super size me, no that's gross
Welcome to mcdonalds may I take your order
Your blue? Okay
Okay okay I see how it is, talk to the hand talk to the butt, ok be that way, wowwww really?
Oh hell naw
Silence I kill you
Madea, you goin to hell
Current Prognosis
Prognosis rating of successful achievement of Goals: Fair
Rationale for Prognosis Rating:
6/4/12: Sara presents with symptoms of bipolar disorder and psychosis, including rapid mood changes, severe anger outbursts, violence toward mother, brother, peers, suicidal ideation, self injurious behaviors, and substance use. Sara has reports auditory and visual hallucinations that encourage her to kills herself and others. These symptoms presented following the death of her father in February 2011
7/9/12: Sara has gotten as high as her level 1 during this review period, but has struggled to maintain her level. She struggles with her boundaries with peers. She is still experiencing auditory hallucinations and at times struggling with suicidal thoughts. However, Sara's participation has increased and she has expressed a desire to improve her behavior and move up in the level system.
8/8/12: Sara has worked her way up to a level 4 this review period. She continues to struggle with impulsive thought and behaviors, but is able to redirect when prompted. Sara still experiences auditory hallucinations and intrusive thoughts; those have decreased this review period due to some medication changes.
9/4/12: Sara was able to get to a level 5 during this review period. She was dropped to a level three due to not following prompts and boundary violations, but continues to work on moving up in the level system. Sara completed psychological testing during this review period. She also reports having auditory hallucinations, but those have decreased during this review.
10/3/12: Sara was dropped down to a level 3 during this review period due to some SOA behaviors and for other boundary violations. She was able to earn back her level 4 during this review. She took her level drop well and did not display any further acting out behaviors. Sara continues to work on moving up in the level system. She denies having any auditory hallucinations during this review period and denies any suicidal or homicidal ideations.
11/7/12: Sara has been able to earn back her level 5 and has participated in outings off campus as well as an LOA with her mom and brother. She continues to struggle with being demanding and being very tangential in speech. She often exhibits flight of ideas. Sara has been more interactive on the unit, but can isolate at times or be quiet and guarded in a group setting.
12/5/12: Sara has struggled this review period with sexually acting out behaviors. She is working toward stepping down to a group home, but will need to display no SAO behaviors for a significant time in order for that to happen. She continues to struggle to connect her feelings and her behaviors and does not always accept responsibility for her behaviors.
12/31/12: Sara has struggled this review period with suicidal ideation, self harm and auditory hallucinations. She had her level dropped for SAO behaviors. Sara has been able to identify her triggers and thoughts that occurred leading to these behaviors. She had been restrained 4 times this review due to these behaviors and was not safe enough to go home on her LOA. Toward the end of this review she has been able to earn her level 3 and currently denies the suicidal thoughts.
1/28/13: Sara had earned her level 4 during the first part of the review, but then was dropped to level 1 for sharing food which is considered grooming behavior. Sara took the level drop well and has been working toward earning level back and is currently a level 2. Sara has not endorsed any suicidal or self harm behavior during this review, but still struggles with hearing voices. Sara has done well using controlled breathing or taking her PRN to calm down.
3/4/13: Sara has shown some improvement during this review period. Sara has been unable to earn back her level 4, but has maintained a 2 or 3 much of this review. She was able to go on a home visit to California and was appropriate throughout that visit. There were a couple of minor incidents, but was able to redirect and process them in therapy. Sara continues to work on her sexual issues and has started attending a weekly sexual issues group.
4/1/13: Sara has stayed on level 3 during this review period. She has earned her checks to get her level 4 but has not completed her level 3 packet. Sara has earned some freezes during this review, but has not had a level drop. She has struggled with hearing voices a few times during this review and has been able to use coping skills and at times her PRN in order to calm down. She has shown an improvement in participating in group and doing her assignments. Sara still struggles with obsessive thoughts but has used thought blocking to decrease those obsessive thoughts.
5/1/13: Sarah asked a peer to be her girlfriend and live together when they both get out of treatment. She has since redirected and is able to talk about the situations without getting upset. She has been attending the sexual issues group and it has helped her understand what appropriate relationships are.
Discharge Criteria
l Attends and participates in school consistently without resistance as evidenced by passing grades.
l Complies with limits set by authority figures as evidenced by advancement and maintenance in the level system.
l Demonstrates age-appropriate social skills including eye contact, use if "I feel" statements, and assertiveness in 8 of 10 observations.
l No violent outbursts of temper consistently for 60 days
l Resolve conflicts peaceably and without aggression in 8 of 10 observations.
l Begins to process her own traumas and gain insight into the influence on their present behavior as evidenced by statements of awareness in individual therapy sessions and journaling assignments.
l Mood, behavior and thought stabilized as evidenced by no threats of or acts of harm to self or others for 60 days.
l Demonstrate increased compliance of rules and expectations as evidenced by advancement and maintenance in the level system.
l Demonstrate willingness to focus on personal issues, rather than those of others in 8 of 10 observations.
l Demonstrate decrease of impulsive behaviors as evidenced by self report and no observation of impulsive behavior in 8 of 10 observations.Complete substance abuse autobiography, education, and relapse prevention plan.Complete Roadmaps to Recovery workbookDemonstrate safe and socially appropriate behaviors on recreational outings, local outings with mother, and trial home pass.
Anticipated Date of Discharge: 6/17/13
After Care/Discharge Plan:
Next Level Of Care Recommended and Rationale :
Sara will be recommended to discharge to the care of her mother after she has demonstrated 60 days of no aggression to others or self abusive behaviors; demonstrates control over hallucinations, and demonstrates medication stability for ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. She will also need to complete and share a substance abuse relapse prevention plan to decrease the risk of relapse of substance abuse as well as the Roadmaps to Recovery workbook to decrease the risk of future sexual offenses. Alternate options may include a therapeutic group home or therapeutic foster home.
7/9/12: Recommendation remains for Sara to return home with her mother.
8/8/12: Recommendation remains for Sara to return home with her mother.
9/4/12: Recommendation remains for Sara to return home with her mother.
10/3/12: Recommendation remains for Sara to return home with her mother.
11/7/12: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother.
12/5/12: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother.
12/31/12: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother.
1/28/13: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother.
3/4/13, 4/1/13: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother.
5/1/13: Sara will be stepping down to Rancho Damacitas, a group home in Temecula, California upon discharge and then will return home with her mother and brother.
Current Barriers to Discharge Plan (i.e. issues securing funding, denials due to not meeting next placement criteria)
6/4/12: Sara was admitted to CHYC on 5/30/12; she has not yet been able to make significant progress in her treatment program.
7/9/12: Sara continues to struggle with her bipolar symptoms including auditory hallucinations and frequent suicidal ideation. She continues to require the need for structure and stability and would not be safe at a lower level of care.
8/8/12: Sara continues to struggle with her bipolar symptoms including auditory hallucinations. Her suicidal ideation has decreased. Sara continues to struggle with focus and is often distracted, but is improving in her ability to redirect.
9/4/12: Sara continues to struggle with her bipolar symptoms including auditory hallucinations; however, those have decreased during this review period. She continues to struggle with staying focused and with active listening. She is often distracted and is in need of prompts, but has been redirecting more quickly.
10/3/12: Sara continues to struggle with her bipolar symptoms; she currently denies any auditory hallucinations, suicidal or homicidal ideations. She continues to struggle to stay on task, remain focused and use active listening skills. She has struggled to maintain appropriate boundaries during this review period. She is working on dealing with her feelings of grief and loss, as well as identifying her triggers for her anxiety.
11/7/12: Sara continues to struggle with bipolar symptoms and sometimes struggles with mood regulations, but has not endorsed any auditory or visual hallucinations or suicidal thoughts during this review. She has been working on her grief and loss issues as centered on her father and has been reporting nightmares that include the death of her mother. Sara has some magical thinking; she often believes that her dreams will in fact come true. She continues to stabilize and does report fears of the voices returning. She struggles to remain on task, becomes easily distracted and has a couple incidents of SAO.
12/5/12: Sara has been struggling with sexual feelings and sexual acting out behaviors. She has lost her level 5 due to these behaviors. She continues to lose focus and is often distracted, but seems to redirect more quickly when prompted. She denies any auditory or visual hallucinations and has not had thoughts of self harm or suicidal ideation. She will be going home for an LOA at Christmas which will help to determine her readiness to step down to a lower level of care.
12/31/12: The plan is for Sara to step down to a group home in California and then home to her mother. Due to her self harm and suicidal thoughts she did not go on her LOA over Christmas. Because of this there is no set discharge date planned at this time.
1/28/13: Sara had earned her level 4 during the first part of the review, but then was dropped to level 1 for sharing food which is considered grooming behavior. Sara took the level drop well and has been working toward earning level back and is currently a level 2. Sara has not endorsed any suicidal or self harm behavior during this review, but still struggles with hearing voices.
3/4/13: Sara continues to struggle with impulsive behaviors. She has struggled to maintain a higher level and has been dropped due to behaviors related to peer pressure. Sara's group home will likely not have an opening until June and she will only discharge upon completion of her substance abuse assignments and sexual issues group.
4/1/13: Sara continues to struggle with hearing Johnny and having thoughts about her mother dying. She has had an improvement in her ability to calm herself down through breathing exercises. We are working on her using her PRN less and increasing her distress tolerance skills. She will use EMDR with her new therapist to help with these episodes.
5/1/13: Sara has not reported any thoughts about her mother dying or hearing Johnny in the last reporting period. This may be due to having a new therapist and not having that level of trust yet. She used her PRN 2 times this review period. She reports that she uses her coping skills to deal with distress but still needs help in controlling her sexual feelings.
Progress toward Discharge Plan:
6/4/12: Sara has frequent phone contact with her mother. Her mother and brother are planning to visit Sara at CHYC this summer.
7/9/12: Sara's mother and brother will be visiting Sara later this month to spend face to dace time with her, possibly outside of the facility as her level permits.
8/8/12: Sara had a visit with her brother and mother during this review period. Sara has frequent phone contact with her Mother. Sara will hopefully have another visit with her family in the next couple months and will work toward a home visit LOA prior to discharge.
9/4/12: There will be a child and family team meeting during this review to discuss Sara's psychological assessment and treatment plan. We will also work toward another visit with family either here in Utah or an LOA in California.
10/3/12: Sara will have another LOA with her mother during this review period. Her mom and brother will be coming to visit and contingent on Sara maintaining her level, she will be able to leave the facility and spend the weekend with them.
11/7/12: Sara's mom and brother came out for an LOA during this review period. It went very well, with no incidents or problems. Sara will be having an LOA home in December for the Christmas holiday. It has been discussed with Sara's caseworker and mother that Sara will be stepping down to a therapeutic group home when leaving this residential program.
12/5/12: Sara has been tentatively accepted to Rancho Damacitas, a group home and day program in California following her discharge. She will be going home for a Christmas LOA which will help to determine her readiness to step down to a group home. She will need to have no incidents of SOA for a period of time in order to be officially accepted to this group home.
12/31/12: Sara has been struggling this review and will need to continue working hard and getting her level back in order to move toward discharge. She was unable to go home for an LOA due to unsafe behavior, but once she can display safe behaviors we will begin to discuss future discharge. She continues having frequent phone calls with her mother and attends all group and therapy sessions.
1/28/13: Sara will be stepping down to a group home upon discharge. She will need to get to her level 5 and show she is able to stay safe before step down. She will be meeting with her caseworker John VanCampen next week.
3/4/13: Sara will be stepping down to a group home in June of this year. She will need to complete her sexual issues group and her chemical dependency assignments prior to discharge.
4/1/13: The plan remains for Sara to discharge back to California in June and step down to a Rancho Damacitas (a group home) before return home with her mother and brother. She will continue with family and individual therapy while in the group home.
5/1/13: Sara has been accepted to Rancho Damacitas, a group home and day program in California following her discharge. We are talking to the director and are working to make the transition as smooth as possible. She will continue with family and individual therapy while in the group home and will return to live with her mother and brother after leaving the group home.
Name of provider the resident being discharged to? Rancho DamacitasWrap around services in the community (include names and numbers of potential providers) She will be discharged to Rancho Damacitas where she will receive individual and family therapy until she leaves the group home. The Clinical Director's name is Kris Nunn <ladyhoop12@yahoo.com>
Contact information for outpatient services:
Kris Nunn, Clinical Program Director, Rancho
Damacitas Address: 38950 Mesa Rd, Temecula, CA 92592
Phone :(951) 302-2317 Individual/Facility responsible for arranging 7 day follow-up appointment with a mental health practitioner? She will have individual and family therapy through the group home. Contact information for medication management services: Individual/Facility responsible for arranging 30 day follow-up appointment with medication management services?
Kris Nunn, Clinical Program Director, RanchoDamacitas Address: 38950 Mesa Rd, Temecula, CA 92592 Phone:(951) 302-2317 Discharge Safety Plan Discussed with: Kris Nunn, Mother, Marcia Berger, and Sara with her therapist, Linda Carlson, LCSWSee attached Behavioral Crisis Intervention Plan
Provider Credentials
This treatment plan was reviewed by all disciplines and the problems listed are in order of importance.
______________________________________________ ______________________________________________
Primary Treatment Provider Unit Nursing Staff
Linda Carlson, LCSW
Therapist
______________________________________________
Jerome Vance, MD
A copy of this Master Treatment Plan is sent to: Marcia Berger, mother, via mail.
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(15) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Reality #15 c: My Life Story .Too Ill To Functionnnnn xc
Bad Dayszz
The Lord never promises you will be without strife. My Easter Break Sucked Donkey Dick xx, Vivance medication makes me feel high/drunk, done every drug, We each have our own set of issues to deal with and work through. Why can't I be normal, like normal teenagers? Why I have to be crazy? Answer that huh? I'm done, Laura Shook I need help I wanna be normal.-feeling over this shit...I know, I keep hallucinating the taxi with 33 on it, I know it's not gonna take me away but I see teenagers at school with the perfect life, why me out of all people have to turn out crazy , yeah I know you told me not to call myself that, I don't believe it but I'm starting to, I need fucking help okay, only people I trust at all is my mom and you && a couple other people , do you even get the pain I'm feeling right now? Facebook helps me get stuff off my mind, that's why I'm still on it and calming down, I'm responsible, love you
Just letting you know if you decide to get all bitchy on me
I know, some other people are just assholes and don't care, I'm being straight up, respect love you sis thank you for talking to me and not being fake or rude about it, if you were I'd call you out on it, also coming from a loving place cuz I want the best for you, everyone deserves respect
If they don't, you call them out , idgaf what happens, they need to learn, It's 1:12 AM, not tired at all, all nighter time, it's 4/3/2015 in the morning... Dance like the Cholos
If you get respect , you give respect, if you give respect , you get respect stay true to yourself "To my homie Fknn Corina love you
I love you, I love you so much, stay strong through the pain , I gotchu girl, cuz I'd do anything for you, feel better && whoever is messing with you (if they are) IMMA go crazy on there ass, I'd do anything for you to protect you && I want you to be happy, stay strong, remember you have me and yo homies that gotchu on Facebook like me, I gotchu girl, through thick and thin, I'm not letting you get hurt, if you do call me && Im gonna bust them up, I love you, please stay strong , I love you , you have my number I think but I'm here for you okay, if anything, goodnight && keep fighting , stay true to yourself homie, love you, I'm here, if this even helps, night" It's true, but it's still a broken promise I've never broken a promise to my mom, you know how much guilt is killing me? Even if it's not bad it's still a broken promise, I can't forgive myself, cuz I hurt my mom, that's nothing to forgive Honestly how do you know I'm worried Are the boys in bed? Tell them I said to get in bed Tell Kaden I love him and I said to go to bed, lol Logan, video it && send it to me,We are out to dinner and visiting. I am glad you are doing better, That's the past right? I'm over it now, what you get to eat? Steak Fajita, nice.... The weird thing is ever since I've been on medication (4 years) I've stopped eating, when I was locked away I went down to 90 pounds, that's why I gotta start eating cus I'm losing weight fast, I've had a very very bad past, but I'm learning, I'm really depressed and paranoid , my depression is getting worse and my life is falling apart, I'm so depressed I can't function, and I hope God can help me, you know how God says everything happens for a reason, I'm wondering, what's His reason for making me this way, why did he give me such a life, or skitzophrenic, there's blessing from all the others but not being skitzophrenic, I'm blessed from having BEEN CRAZY in the PAST, I'm blessed for my life now, but there's no blessing in being skitzophrenic , I feel light headed, There closing the Fresh && Easy by my house, in Ontario, noooooooo Incase anyone didn't tell you today, your beautiful I'm watching you little boy go in the corner mister Hey, one more question, aha, when can I get my main Facebook back? I've been doing my chores && helping mom, oh and sorry if I'm not messaging you, I'm using Mommy's phone and messenger doesn't work or it uses data, so you can talk to me when I tag you in posts, I talk to much lol love you Awwww spring break is almost over but at least I go back to school on Monday, I'm excited to start off to a fresh start This experience made me open my eyes to reality, THANK YOU LORD ☺️ Hey sis, are you guys having a good time in New Mexico, give me an update with all the stuff you did, I saw the post you made about dinner, hope your doing good. Love you oh here's a smile selfie for you
"Just give me a reason just a little bits enough" What the actual fuck Enjoy this MY ANACONDA DONT
Lmao!! I can hear you breathing through the phone, haha wtf that's some creepy shit I just noticed I've been starving myself all day, oops And the past 2 months I need soup, I'm not sick lol, aye how you been? Say what? You didn't hear nothing Don't worry I'll eat for you Lol of course not at a baseball game. Yes please eat it keep your energy up. What the fuck is this talk about baseball, where that come from? I will okay, just for you 1. 1. Stole Drugs/Violence
2. Karla
3. Single
4. Red black purple
5. Getting locked up/going physcotic
6. Liars && fakes
7. I'm the jealous type
8. Eminem
9. Drugs/fighting/cussing
10. Hot chocolate
11. Vodka
12. 8 mile
that's me ☺️Stole Drugs/Violence
2. Karla
3. Single
4. Red black purple
5. Getting locked up/going physcotic
6. Liars && fakes
7. I'm the jealous type
8. Eminem
9. Drugs/fighting/cussing
10. Hot chocolate
11. Vodka
12. 8 mile
that's me ☺️
I just heard on the news there's a pedophile at my school wtf You gotta learn to be independent, take care of yourself, defend yourself (with violence lol, jk) your not gonna have someone there to baby you your whole life, get real
Being straight up, with everybody, even if it hurts, is the best way to go, they protect each other && help each other out seriously tho, be straight up about everything, it's the best way to live your life in my opinion it could really help people out but don't be a douche about it Eating Cream Of Broccoli Soup I'm so depressed nothing tastes right, havnt been eating for the past month since I've been on Vivance This movie is dope && funny azz hell xc feeling hella delirious , that's not what's up homie
OMG Fudge Frappechino From Starbucks
Get coffee based drink
Blend in 2 chocolate brownies/chocolate marang cookies (flourless)
1.5 white mocha
1.5 toffee nut syrup
Mocha drizzle all over/chocolate or regular whip cream
Every time I ranaway I either drank every type of alcohol or did some sort of drug (stealing/sealed), stole moms pills 77 times, 82 mental hospitals, violence && aggression/fighting 33 times, 200 restraints, arrested by cops 97 times, 51/50d 65 times, suicide attempts 154 times, homoscidal attempts 22 times, drugs/pills/alcohol/cigarettes 245 times, ranaway 600 times, almost went to jail 82 times, on the streets 19 times (6 months total), cutting (all day everyday of my life) I'm fucking done with my life, I feel like a failure, I feel like no one cares, vvvvvvvvv abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz, 51/50d into ETS, I got a little fucked up last night , but don't worry I'll be just fine, I'm first in line, I aint got no time, ready to fly, I ain't got no life, it's like I'm high, but at the same time low, oh don't you know? No you dont, deep in the snow, nowhere to show, I need to know, want to be known, I don't wanna be shown, I just lay low, watch the time go, ready to know, life goes and goes, watch me float so faraway, with so much pain, see me dream, need to be seen, on the TV screen, inside a movie scene, yup that's me, let me scream, while you dream, I see yes I see see see, need to be seen, I got a little fucked up last night, ready for the flight, I got a little, yup just a little, fucked up last night... did all house chores today with mama bear, Bottom of FormI'm continuing writing my life story, part 15, God blessed me with the gift of writing but I really don't know what to write in it and I can't write notes from my phone so I have to use the computer, i hope I'll have timeTop of Form Bottom of FormGod saved my life, if it weren't for him I would be dead or in a physcotic state, your amazing and you've answered my prayers, I love you with all my heart, I'm reading the Bible more, thank you for watching over me cx FRIES Top of FormBottom of Formand I will help to too like Mom and Preston. Continue to hug it out with them. We all make mistakes but we have to learn how to move past those mistakes and learn from them. You have a great heart, I'm blessed to have you as a sister, I got a bracket that says "the best me is drug free" the stupid ass wrap team we fired cuz they were calling 911 cuz I was having another episode an hour ago, I just got out of ETS, I was crying and expressing myself and they fucking just said were calling the cops, then they threatened to call CPS on my mom for not keeping me safe , sick people, my mom keeps me safe but im skitzophrenic so I can't tell reality from non reality, I thought my mom wasn't real and I see signs but then I realized she's my mom she would never stop loving me, the wrap team wants to do everything to get me locked away AGAIN, away from my mom, my mom is blessed, those people deserve to shut the fuck up, they trash my mom in any shape or form, I protect her, I'd go to jail for her, I'd fight and die for her, I'd kill someone and make them bleed and attack them to protect her, my mind is tripping me out, I mean I don't know reality, at all, that's why I pray Just relax now and keep calming down. Focus on the now and not earlier. Let it go. It won't harm them, just you and the family. It's not worth hanging onto. Even tho it irritates me I'll let it go, like Elsa lol , LET IT GO Exactly. It's ok that you don't like it, but don't hold onto it. It is bad for not just your mental state but anyone's mental state when they hold onto hate, jealousy, anger, frustration, loss, and other things. Nevermind you don't have to pick me up, enjoy New Mexico, I'm feeling better now, still unstable and paranoid but I know mom is real , thank you for staying on the phone && listening to me so I didn't go out on myself again, I love you Laura ShookTop of FormBottom of Form Love you. Take care of yourself You too, happy Easter, wait is it Easter soon? I just told my mom how I get my alcohol && drugs, lmfao good times I'm sober all thanks to that amazing women Top of FormBottom of Form I'm not trying to be funny, I just told her stories, and she accepts me even though I had a bad past, I'm thankful for her, it shows in growing Ok thought you meant now not in the past and it upset him cause he doesn't want you to harm yourself. Why would I post it. It shows I'm learning, I'm thanking my mom , tell him I'm fine and there is nothing to worry about, I've been sober for awhile and God saved me, tell Billy I love him, he's an amazing man, I'm glad you guys care I think it is the way you worded it like a joke I do that a lot and u apoligize if it came out that way I've got a lot of stuff on my mind I almost went to jail && got locked up again. I'm relieved thank you God for watching over my crazy ass -Just got home from ETS mental hospital, unstable && physcotic and I'm going to safe house and suicidal and homoscidal I need help mental help. I got arrested from cops cuz I stole drugs and went physco /violent at Walmart, I'm changing I think I'm losing it, uh oh · Be safe. Love u I just got home from hiding from the cops, holy shit, I mean I've done that before but it's easy, we went to Starbucks If u need to, go. You were really work up and need help to stabilize. No taking drugs. You are strong. This to shall pass.
I love you
I'm blessed to have Autusm
Your an amazing women
It really can be a gift when you learn how to control it. Love you.
So are you sis. I love you.
Did Billy ever call back? I called him when I was in my bad state and he never answer, mom was supposed to take my Facebook away for running away, could've ended up on the streets again, but God saved me. I went crazy in the first time in 3 months, ET...See More
Enjoy your vacation sis I'm praying for you
Of course I forgive you. I would never hold it against you. Billy told me he had his ringer of until now. Just texted me a minute ago. I think he is going to contact you.
I'm fine now, it's all good, I love him a lot
He is still at work now for a bit so it will be later.
He got another job, I remember I thought he stopped working lol? But that's me and my short term memory, Laura I'm in love
Not with Billy lol
With this girl named Tanya and this boy named Izzy, can't choose there both amazing people
Just be friends with both and see what happens
Tanya is beautiful, she helps me even if she's busy with something or a family issue and she chooses to help me, Izzy cares about me a lot, and I care about him, I love them so much, God bless them , Izzy is so sweet to me too, I know he cares because he's there for me, they have good hearts, but they both are in relationships and I can't help being jealous I hate that feeling
Just accept them as friends for now. You never know what the future holds.
But have you ever got the feeling of jealousy
All the time at you age put as I got older I learned not to be like that.
I age slower than others , my mind does to, but I'm blessed to have an amazing sister like you, that never gets mad or annoyed when I vent to her, I love you, but I'm a very jealous person I can admit that
It's ok. You will get there one day at a time.
Thank you for understanding Baby don't cut, baby don't cut, you know my name, not my story, youve heard what I've done, not what I've been through Real stuff May be sick in the head, but remember, people change, God says everything happens for a reason right ??? Havnt been to the mental hospital in 2 months. cx <333 ^__^ BOOM SHAKA LAKA (; Who says that someone that used to be physcotically sick can't change, IMMA be real, I can stand tall nomatter who puts me down, cuz I'm strong and I deserve better than this Hey remember me && my crazyness, I miss you at C4, remember all the house activities && when we went to Aquatic Park and we were on the boat, I love u so much, thanks for the help through the hard times and me acting crazy, remember our song "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 we used to sing that song, good memories in the house , remember you sat next to me at dinner && we talked a lot and laughed, we shared memories, good and bad ones, I hear your not at Rancho, you were an amazing Relief Staff, with Alicia && Laura, I'll call you thanks for the memories, might come back to Rancho but you might not be there, oh aha remember the snacks 2 times a day and you let me have 4 instead of 1 and awe sneak it, remember our walks and at the park and our trips and the fun house activities, I miss you don't worry, be happy My house mom from my group home Rancho Domacitas, your amazing && yeww helped me thru a lot I knew I acted out , was unsafe, bad behavirs, I miss you in C4 I'm sure you miss my crazy self, lmao God bless you, I remember when Jeff used to stare at me at dinner, good memories in the C4 house, miss you thanks for yo help, I'm doing better now && getting my life and myself back together, I remember when me && the girls used to play wolfs miss you, tell Jeff that I'm watching him to, I miss all the memories in C4 love && miss you, I still call C4 ya know, remember Juan && basketball and Laura, Brittany, Alicia and all the girls awww I miss you && Rancho love you cx c: "Sometimes, it's hard to sleep through the night , sometimes it's hard to hold on, sometimes, it's hard to breathe, cus pain is suffocating me" -My Poem
"It's Hard" by me -Sara/Alisa/Gabriella My medication is saying it's time for me to go to sleep, night night sleepyheads I feel delirious asf, need to go to bed before I get worse, not supposed to stay up late on all the meds I'm on I'm gonna do this
1. Any Scars? Yes, on both my arms
2. Self harmed? Yes, but I've stopped for about a month
3. Crush? Ismael Izzy Rivera (1:1 at school)
4. Kissed anyone? Yes I kissed guys && girls && my dog lol
5. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
6. Someone I hate? Satan or anyone that fucks with me or my friends
7. Best friends? Gloria, Patty, everyone from Oak Grove or mental hospitals
8. Does Alcohol ? Yes
9. Done drugs? Yes
10. Dream job? Singer
11. Ever been in love? Yes, but I've been broken every time
12. Last time I cried? Wedesday March 25. 2015
13. Favorite color? purple, red, black, blue
14. Height? 5'2
15. Birthday? May 20th, 1998
16. Eye color? Hazel
17. Hair color? Brown/red
18. What I love? Music
19. Depression? Yes, for 4 years
20. Do you love someone? Yes, Izzy Rivera
21. Kiss or hug? Hug
22. Nickname? Missy, Babybear
23. Favorite song? Mad World by Gary Jules && Beautiful Days by Venus
24. Favorite band? Leftfield, The Weeknd, Modest Mouse
25. Worst thing ever? Death of family
26. Best thing ever? My mom, my music
27. Near death experience ? Yes, suicide attempts, overdose, && overuse of drugs && alcohol
28. Ever dated? Yes
29. Worst mistake? Drugs, running away, fighting, mental issues, behavioral issues, homoscidal/suicidal ideation
30. Special talents? Singing, writing, drawing, rapping
31. Someone I tell everything to? My mom
32. Ever lost a loved one? Yes, my father in Febuary 23, 2011
33. Believe in love ? Yes
34. Someone I hate? Wtf I already answered that
35. Are you okay? No, but I pretend I am , I have so many issues That's me The weird thing is ever since I've been on medication (4 years) I've stopped eating, when I was locked away I went down to 90 pounds, that's why I gotta start eating cus I'm losing weight fast, I've had a very very bad past, but I'm learning, I'm really depressed and paranoid , my depression is getting worse and my life is falling apart, I'm so depressed I can't function, and I hope God can help me, you know how God says everything happens for a reason, I'm wondering, what's His reason for making me this way, why did he give me such a life, or skitzophrenic, there's blessing from all the others but not being skitzophrenic, I'm blessed from having BEEN CRAZY in the PAST, I'm blessed for my life now, but there's no blessing in being skitzophrenic I miss this school, I was here in 2012, got kicked out cuz I was to crazy, in restraints && all that, then back in 2013-2014 I did better, missed those crazy ass times, I hated the time out room tho I was hella crazy there, haha I miss Oak Grove, in Ms Davis's class in classroom 13, and in Mr Patrick's van, I was on the autism side cuz I have Asbergers, I'm blessed to be diagnosed && to have met these amazing people damn good memories You gotta be strong , even through the shitty times, trust me I know what's it's like, I've been through stuff myself, I used to be a really really mentally ill && bad kid, but remember God is with you, stay strong Just chilling, on some good medication about to go crazii, && I need a Starbucks right about now Free free, set her free
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wedesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday FaceTime with my big sister, love you FUNNY FACES, I'll beat up the kids for messing with him, I'll protect him && I hope he feels better, call you back later, love you Hi,I'm Sara, I am now in recovery, I used to be crazy back then , but I've changed into a better person, I was mentally out of it when my dad died && I did some hard shit, I went physco, but I'm stronger && I'm glad to have a sister like you thank u for helping me recover, ur amazing, all those up all night phone calls so I didn't have to go to the hospital, damn I was fucked up, but now I'm glad to say I'm a changed person (kind of lmao) && I've invited God into my life, if you want to read my life story I'm posting it on here, I'm living cus of you Nope not doing that shit again... Sure in the past I may have been crazy && out of it, but fuck that I gotta live my life, don't but me down, Kay? Kay. just wow, call me sis Going back to school tomorrow didn't go today cuz my medication made me sick, wow I can be your superman stay strong && keep fighting yo, I've been crazy before but now I'm ready to fight my battles, you got this, love you Oak Grove crazy ass times there, on California Oaks Road, holy shit I was crazy there, maybe I'll see Raul or Danny dang , memories, to bad I'm not at OGI nomore , they miss my crazy ass, I think I saw Ms Davis in a white car, LMFAO Stay strong beautiful pain is killing me, I've dealt with shit I've done hard shit, I've gone crazy, but I'm recovering, remember you got this, to write love on her arms Close my eyes as the pain increases, I'm not the same person nomore, I've changed into a dark person, I'm crazy now, "are you okay" I reply "yes" but inside I'm broken apart, I'm not ok, I'm far from it, now that's the fucking truth , I've changed && I'm crazy now, just slowly walk away, goodbye im just fucking over it, IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT ALL, IM DONE WITH MY LIFE, EVERYTHING, need to get out of here, about to go crazy, take me away, please, no more going crazy, i feel suicidal i feel violent, IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT, FUCK THIS, ive been dealing with this pain killing me for awhile && now im over it, im at my breaking point, this is it all... im broken and im over, cant take this nomore. SIS HELP ME Don't be aggressive , don't be a fool -Sandra Cuz a dream starts, and a dream must end I need help before I lose it all, can you call me, cuz I can trust you xx Sara's crazy, Sara's done, Sara just wants to cry && lose herself...
I have some serious anger issues, but at least I'm working on it right? yup, that's what I thought
Stop your bitching, it's gonna be okay *first grader voice* STOP COPYING ME lmao elementary school status haha you still have my number? I have yours? Call me I 'm calling you && idgaf were gonna have a long ass talk I'm gonna try to stop cussing , if that makes you happy not getting my Facebook taken away again Remember at McDonalds today??? "SUP HOMES"
"WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE DIS"
"BIGGG BUTTS"
Remember I shouted that loud asf and that guy honked his horn at us, and the janitor inside told us to move cuz i was in his way twerking and he was mopping? Then he's like "excuse me mam' but I'm gonna have to ask you to move" Haha Lmfao, good memories with the fam
*at the dinner table*
Me: mom I need to take a shit
Mom: Sara, that's disgusting
Me: *walks into the bathroom , walks out*
Me: ahhhh that felt so good, mom I'm finished, but my butt is numb
Mom: SARA, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP Lmfao good times. Good good times Guess what Laura, I can do my hair by myself , life skills yo , that's right look at this picture okay ... Kiss my eyes && lay me to sleep I'm getting a job at Smart && Final, just gotta apply and I can start working, I'm hella excited Be real or go home Me, forreal This song is dope af' Secret Menu The foods I brought at Walmart Music is my excape from all bullshit in life, PATRIOTS DAMN RIGHT My birthday is on May 20, think about this, just think about it, I'm turning 17 in 2 months, damn I'm old, almost 18, almost an adult. Wowwww, I'm still standing tall, so you can't put me down, Today was a good day Wow lmfao you know I love you just think bout it... Really? Wowwwwwww *laughs* Call me bro just kidding I'm just messing, haven't talked in awhile lmao If yo ain't loyal then get tf off my page need more loyal people around here Going to the club on Friday, yayuhh cx gettin' drunk drunk drunk remember? yo ready for the dance, yo looking cute homegirl, call me so we can chill yo looking cute && fly girl, "Team" our song ,, Hey girl get yo butt over here girl girl && remember "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaahhhh" haha you funny, we homegirls, Sara, Gloria, Patty, && Baby Juan. Hey Gloria, girl girl, call me, I'm wearing my Centennial shirt for you, I'm at Citrus Hills right now My buddy from Centennial I love u best friend, gurlll cx hey girl xx looking cute in that pokodot bikini girl, club on Friday see you at school tomorrow, see you with Patty, Jose, && Juan, at lunch in Ms Nicole's class, call me , I LOVE IZZY <33333 I really really love him, hes so sweet to me && cares about me, hes my homie, hes always been there, I LOVE YOU IZZY cx h gonna add me on facebook after senior year, hes always been my buddy && I know he is there, and im there for him, we have good times and good laughs, love you buddy, thanks for being my buddy, see you tomorrow (; ur amazing, and NO I WONT WRITE YOU NOMORE LETTERS, IZZY RIVERA, we have great memories and you are so nice to me, your the best 1:1, haha SHUSH, deuces :333 sometimes I wanna be taken away, im over this shit, fuck the system, im sorry, im crazy, but im recovering, but im done done done, im mentally ill && crazy asf, im sorry Laura, but imam go crazy, I think im ready to be admitted or 51/50 again, im just done, HELP ME Weight of love Walmart, yayyuhhh chilling and about to go crazy, were buying a grill please help me ^----^ I wanna drink beer so fucking bad cuz im in pain, ive drank a lot, im trying to stay sober and not steal like I used to, im sorry, I cant wait till im 21, im addicted to drugs and i need a drink, hopefully the years will go by fast, help me please calm my addiction, ive stolen drugs and stole 3 packs of beer, but on my medication it trips me out, HELP ME PLEASE, I CANT HOLD MYSELF BACK, my pain is killing me, im asking you if you can help me stay sober && not go crazy, I really need help, now Cx "William, where's Patrick Star?" only few would understand shut the fuck up, yo making me mad ^-^ imam go crazy on you -,- The Most Ill <333333 I live off McKinley street, haha im so random, just chilling, gotta love Corona :33 I used to be crazii, when I was 13, I was fucking physco, when I was a teen, I went locked away to treatment, im probably the most physco girl you know, after my dad died when I was 12, I was mentally out of it, fucked up in the head, I went insane, 80 mental hospitals, arrested for physco shit, on the streets, drug addict, I was just plain out crazy, but that's my past, today, im 16, im 4 weeks out of treatment, I stayed strong through my battles, ive struggled with mental illness && behavorial issues, I was just crazy, ya know, but look at me now, im at a REAL high school, like holy shit ive changed, for real, I had A LOT of issues in the past, probably the highest case, just physco , but now I have a wonderful family, && im blessed for it, I LOVE YOU <333 went fucking crazii at my school, had a physcotic episode && about to punch this bitch that fucked with my friend, shit went down, almost went physco and got the cops called, im over this Messy hair at 11:39 PM Goodnight sleepy heads, Outta reality it's like 11:27 PM, I'm delusional, night night I'm so tired from dancing it's was fun too , not going crazy or having a mental breakdown or physcotic episode, cuz I'm distracting myself, my hairs messed up but idgaf it's not like I'm going anywhere, I'm tired and I'm gonna take a nap I'm being put on a medication called Vivance, IMMA feel so good it's gonna help me not go crazii, yup Avoided a mental hospital trip, in my physciatris office right now, about to go crazii. Yayyuhhh I miss being at Oak Grove, even tho I was hella crazii there... But not no more, I miss it look how far I've come , 3 years, I'm proud of myself Help me help me fucking help me I wanna kill myself, I'm in a bad state of mind, physcotic episode, I'm fucking done, I love you, please kill me, help me, take me away, help me I m about to go crazy, wanna take the pills help me Time to watch some Dragon Ball Z while eating Fritos, hell yeah I'm set for the day my new medication is working, it makes me hyper, delusional, && out of it but I'm enjoying my day Glad I'm not in treatment anymore I'm hella crazy, or used to be haha Take Me Away, A Secret Place, So Far Away Stay strong && keep yo head up
No matter how much pain is killing you, no matter if the hurt is eating you, pray to God && stay strong, I'm crazii, I'm real, I'm ready to fight my battles STAY STRONG, I LOVE YOU I'm going to go to Pachanga Resort && Casino, gonna sneak in with my momma gonna get some good food, money, && going crazy, let's get down and have fun I just need my medication to work, hurry tf up I may be crazii but imma real one, I'm hella delusional cuz I was up till 4:00 AM, haha I feel weird Up at 4:33 AM, delusional, almost an all nighter with YouTube, Food, && Music, hell yeah I have no appetite right now, it's hella weird I'm lost , delusional && out of it, it's 1:13 AM, I'm losing my mind and idk what's going on I feel weird, I wanna talk to somebody, I don't feel right, I feel different, ok now I'm rambling WTF, I'm delirious and delusional and I feel good right now , might just be overtired, whatever sure, i USED to be crazy && mentally ill
YES, ive been to 80 mental hospitals
BUT IVE CHANGED, from the person i WAS
but NOW im a DIFFERENT person
i can handle myself and getting better at my unsafe/crazy behavors
BUT look at who i am now
3 weeks outta treatment, staying home, not doing anything physco, im recovering, staying sober, staying strong, i controlled my behavors && control over myself, 4 years of being sick, and almost 1 month out of treatment. I PRAY TO GOD
I LOVE YOU No matter how far away, I will always love you i miss those crazy times when i was drunk &&& gettin' high, but im not 21, plus it is bad for me, migh alter my medication, && i promised my mom, staying sober yo. I don't know wtf I'm watching, the shit that comes on in the middle of the day, smh You piss me off, go away Watching The Big Bang Theory with my momma delirious as hell && out of it imma so tripping out . Goodnight beautifuls it's 9:43 PM, getting off now && just chilling Your hella lame *points, laughs, and punches you in the face* haha imma so out of it right now Last night 3/6/2015 I stayed up till 2:00 AM, just chilling && surfing YouTube next morning I felt very delusional , but managed to get my school work done the most all nighters I've pulled in a row was 30, no joke -I Have Changed, Now Watch Me Grow- I've had a bad past
I was crazy && mentally ill , my emotions and behaviors were reckless
I had hectic behavior that got me locked up for a year and in 80 mental hospitals
I used to be crazy
But that shit changed
I'm staying strong for my loved ones
Even if my dad isn't here
I'm recovering
Sure I may have been physcotic in the past, but who the fuck cares, I'm growing into a better stronger person, pain and hurt killing me inside and outside, no need to rely on violence, drugs, or reckless unsafe dangerous risky behaviors
I've changed
I'm still in the recovery process
Thanks to you Laura Shook and Marcia Berger Preston Berger you helped me change from crazy to strong and successful, thanks so much, God blessHey homie, how you been, btw no negative talk ill message you why lmfao I'm hella manic
I've been good home girl just no class tomorrow get to chill and relax.
You should visit my school so we can chill, but I promise not to AWOL haha, cuz I have a 1:1 wanna meet up after school?
I'll see what happens
Yup.
That's dope, I'll call you tomorrow, it's like 10:31 PM, only talk on comments for like 15 minutes, how you been bro? Feeling better, being safe, I fucking hope so
Yeah just have move on and find another girlfriend but yeah I've been fine.
Single life is the life I'm living right now, haha
Yeah it sometimes suck but I have try and get use to it
I've been sober for 4 months, good shit right? I love you as a friend, really wanna hang with you && Audrey, I miss you guys
Yeah I haven't talk to her for awhile so idk about her. But I'm free most of the time.
I think I'm in love with Izzy
Ooh girl now that's something you should go after.
He's fucking hot and he's so sweet, he's my homie too haha
Ahh I see well hope things go well for you and him.
He has a girlfriend tho, it makes me jealous
Ahh I see just wait for the right time because don't his girlfriend to get involve then that be real trouble Exactly . stoned face
Yeah I'll never find the girl for me.
Don't say that he's you will
*yes
Hopefully. Just hate being a lone.
Me too
Yeah things haven't changed much. Like don't want to grow up to fast.
I haven't called you in awhile
Yeah true.
I tried calling my friend and these 2 Indians picked up the phone and I was like wtf yo talking about? They left me on the phone for 20 minutes, they forgot to hang up, I kept yelling "hello you there" but those people be ignoring me, it was funny haha
Oh my god haha
I was laughing so hard I fell off the bed
Haha dang
I need to learn another languages
Oui
What lol?
Is French means yes.
Oh, I'm not even tired right now, I lost my iPod at school so I'm using my moms iPhone so I can't FaceTime you, it hella sucks
Ahh I see yeah no worries best friend
I also lost my Facebook for stupid shit, but I got it back temporarily
Ahh I see that sucks I banged my head on a brick wall at school, now my right eye is hella swollen, that's karma for ya. #forreal #realtalk Because you know I'm all about that bass bout that bass.... NO , STOP AND SHUT UP song annoying as hell, just shush and sing me a lullybye My selfies for the day I look hella safisticated lmfao I went here in 2011, got kicked out cuz I was fucking crazy, than came back in 2013 in classroom 13 with Ms Davis, still crazy && in restraints and behaving bad but doing better
Then I graduated and I'm doing better I miss this place and all the crazy memories, fuck that I'm hella crazy, but I got out and I'm more stable, I miss Oak Grove , but at the same time, fuck Oak Grove I'm at Centennial now\ Goodnight fuckers I'm not going to FUCKING JAIL
I'm not living on the streets
I'm not getting locked up
I'm not going back into placement
I'm not going physco crazy to the point where I end up FUCKING DEAD... I'm fucking heated
Sure I may be crazy cuz my dad died but who cares
Fuck this shit
I wanna fucking lose myself
But guess what..?
I'm better than that It's Saturday, time to listen to some Alternative music Living the single life Thank you, thanks to you I'm learning not to dwell on my past, I love you Me on Christmas , half asleep lmfao I miss my dad Goes home, barely knows herself First time I have heard my Dad's voice in over 4 years while not dreams. heart emoticon Thank you Lil' Angel
Lil' Love I feel like shit Stayy Stronqq Sweet Insanity goodnight heart emoticon its 10:43 PM, tired asf ^-^ this is hella dope heart emoticon ^.^ an old birthday video back in 2012, before i went into treatment <333 an old random ass video of me playing the piano in 2012 before i went into treatment, i know i play shitty but WTF i tried <333on a visit with my mom && brother, on a home pass from me being locked up cuz i was crazy and i had issues after my dads death, i became unstable and mentally ill, so i got locked up, but i got out, these are pictures of me in the pool on my day pass xD im recovering and moving foward colonthree emoticon
- at Copper Hills Youth Center. my level 14 residential treatment center in Salt Lake City, Utah, i was there locked away for a year cuz i was crazy && mentally unstable and needed help (;- at Copper Hills Youth Center. ive been hurt && broken but after all that shit, im still stayinq strong and standing tall, love you so fucking much thank God im not on the streets again heart emoticon im living mii life to the fuckin' fullest, watch me change bishhh colonthree emoticon now yew fuck off xD havnt been physco crazy or arrested or in a mental hospital in a week, i finished my life story smile emoticon righht now im working onna new rap, thats whats up homie this is hella amazing, thats whats up xD I enjoyed this ^-^ I can relate to it xoxo (4-2-2015~4-3-2015 Gone Bad Day, Good Girl Gone Crasy, lose it all, shitty day; I'm so desperate goodbye jump in freeway while mom drives)
(these are notes about today && yesterday , it's not a story, I just wrote down my thoughts and feelings really fast, just a bunch of series of notes, like a notepad to write your feelings when they race through your mind)
Notes about overill self:
I got in restraints
Hurt brother in finger fuck you Sara push past gate runaway crying crosswalk had ipod
I'm dangerous while hallucinating
Are u mad at me
Do u hate me
Do u care about me
Would you stop being my friend
Wanna be friends
Your my buddy now
May 20 1996 account in my name overprice bill bitch client on phone then nice client
In deep true love with Izsy Rivera
Awww you don't know
Got ALOT on my mind
Mariokart Preston tornament
Racing thoughts panic attack hallucination of dots circles squares triangles blue people
Get the fuck off me
Pain on my mind
Fake a smile
Guy at ets he's a fucking gay broke up with boyfriend medication panic attack ate pancakes all bran cereal
Memories flashbacks painful ALOT of shit on my mind
I'm done I'm over
Went on boat broke up can't take care of kids divorce 2 years said panic attacks can't take care of kids feel like shit
Crying all the time sleeping Harry potter Hygene Bobby pen on floor put lotion deoderent mouthwash toothbrush in 2nd bathroom with shower
I smell like shit
Took a shit cut myself with nails bang head and wrip off wrist band to cut bad bleeding cuts ask for pudding to steal and break spoon
Went in the bathroom clog tiolet and told doctor how my day is step by step
Restraint tine out room shot cholo dance
Gangster
Guy talking about airplanes falling call the cops
Don't accosiate with those people
Can't talk to adult
Can't walk out of room
Stop her
Guy threw trash in linens
Laura went to new Mexico can't get me
Call wrap team
Hide from cops
Pray with staff and kids
Exchange contacts
Were you a good kid I was a fucking great kid
Izzy drunk cuss mentally not there patriots add FaceBook senior year hate raiders bad experience in Easter divorce of parents cares about me
Away from home
Hemroid can't walk
Chicken soup
Call coleen told 2 part story
Pray with ETS night staff
Listen to music
Did my hair high bun
Fire wrap team
Call mom from ETS
Threaten to send me back to bad ETS cuz unsafe on phone want to go to safe house call Ashley, Billy, Laura, supervisor from wraparound
Screamed unstable express myself
Went Crasy ETS still discharge me
Mom had vertigo/mental/ill/abuse
Argue on phone crying
Hyper and high and drunk
Cry not to go home with mom still gone Crasy but still sent me home even after I begged residential some place safe, sister Laura , UCI
Got FaceBook taken away run away
Cry in car last night cud mom got violent cussing screaming yelling battle scars now I know the meaning of lyrics in songs better
Help mom chores dishes swifter sweep bathroom lie about age call ATT and T and switch to direct tv Easter break
Beg god take me away
Hide in car hideaway from cops
Brother mom got verbal yelling so I hid
I don't feel good, cry, don't be crybaby, help mom shop at walmart first time laugh Preston laundry dogs groomed chores Preston hit mommy tshirt I'm Crasy I shop in walmart got wrong papertowels shopped all groceries while mom was in return line
Got staff FaceBook
Went in car and cried really bad went inside I dont feel good runaway cops Preston haircut
Get a job at smart and final amine draw class
Miss oak grove talk with Helena
About oak grove
Mon cries sad
Call ex boyfriend J Avionte
Arrested outside of walmart 2 cops DUMB DUMB
What's real what's reality
Cut my arm
Kill myself
AWOL
Attacked doctor
Men in white and black suits with guns trying to steal my dope
Ranaway to walmart
Got in 6 restraints, went AWOL 3 times
My moms changed to ill
She's a different person
She's not mommy
I'm desperate to kill myself
Shoot police/taze/attack
Arrested violent / suicide drugs alcohal
Crying when running away
Tried to go into freeway/street/in car
Jab my throat slit my wrists desperate for suicide
Alcoholic stole packs of beer and grey goose/sky vodka from Blake
Gone crazy and physcosis paranoid homicidal suicidal at risk and unsafe
I killed daddy
Mommy killed me
Preston's clothes off
I attack mom and Preston
Blue dots on Preston
Went crazy went to ETS 80th time
Moms abusive
Not real
Safe house
Crying
Call Laura
Refuse to go home
UCI
Hid from police cuz they call CPS on mom for not go back to ETS screamed paranoid told wrap team to fuck off screamed cussed attack them verbally emotionally
Very unstable
On depicote xprexa invega saroquel
Told bitch staff to stop being rude bitch be nicer told her straight up
Misbehave and apologize to staff and doctors
Met 2 girls
Danced sing boom Shaka laka cholo dance help educate about hospital
Skitzo on sarequel
Helped clean
Stay up till 6
Didn't eat
Hid being unsafe in bathroom
Restraint
Cops
Arrest
911
Hiding from CPS/cops if they put my mom in jail Imma kill myself, drive in freeway
Go to jail for mom
Cuz shoot cop kill him
Really mommy *pat pat*
stayed up all night writing
Hyper entertaining staff really loud
Shoot the cop and make him bleed steal his gun and taser kill him not take mom to jail
ETS experience 80 time
Hide from cops
Transport drove me home
Lied about mom
Yup I've gone crazy/unstable/paranoid/mental
I'm desperate to kill myself
Wrote and draw on paper songs and lines sang mad world beyonde eminem rihanna
At walmart cried met izzie she and other store staff and manager helped comfort me
Cute girl working
Tanya && Izzy at Centennial
Pray to god screaming crying
Are u really there
Supposed to go to corona regenial
Izzie said I was cool comfort me draw her a picture sang for her crying suicide talk to her
Cops came 2 I knew rude disruptive bitchy dysfunctional non compliant
Told cop about past
Do u care about me
Drew Promise a picture
Experience 4/2/15-4/3/15
Mental hospital physcosis:physcotic day gone crazy gone mad
Got Starbucks omg brownie
Beg Laura to pick me up cry
Brother scared of me
Hallucinate bad
Stairway to heaven
Day gone wrong
Shitty day <3333 Sometimes, death seems more inviting then life, fake a smile to hideaway the pain, im hurt inside, broken apart, && ready to die, im fucking desperate, sometimes its too hard to breathe, baby don't cut baby don't cut, 1 cut, 2 cuts, 3 cuts, four, I cant take this anymore, DOTS, TRIANGLES, CIRCLES, SQUARES, CONES. SPINNING SPIN SPIN SPIN, you know my name, NOT MY STORY, YOU'VE HEARD WHAT IVE DONE, NOT WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH.take me away, when you get to the point where suicide is on your mind, all the time, theres nothing you can do to stop yourself, you cant take it anymore,. Life, nothing, anything, no one or nothing can stop you when yo this desperate, absolutely NOONE, no fucking one, imma be 100 % , I wanna die, im ready to die, tonight..... c: MAD WORLD(; xoxo '~Garyy Julesss. Xxx All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world, mad world
No she just has more people in her head and they're more violent and now she is constantly hallucinating they're touching her and she has constant talking in her head day and night and she screams out in her dreams so there with her 24 seven and there are more of them she has a taxi that comes to get her to take her to daddy it's a blue taxi with the number 33. So I can't even see my own therapist to have to take her in with me and it's rare when I can get her to sleep so I can go for a mommies day out basically I drug her on 100 to 150 mg of Benadryl.
She also hallucinates at school all day long and once in a while because they're all over the place staring at her popping up she screaming no and pointing at them and talking to them so she's scaring other people she refuses to get out of the car when I go grocery shopping but I can't leave her at home alone she's also hitting her head at school she's bruised the bone above her eye on the brick wall because she wants the people in her head dude stop being there and the voices to stop talking to her and they talk to her constantly nonstop so she can't sleep. I found out if CPS takes her and puts her in another state level 14 lockdown for schizophrenia I will be paying child support
no Riverside County made it worse because her therapist quit on her before the Loma Linda report came out because they knew they were not helping her and they were not schizophrenic therapist she could not help Sarah so she quit on her and blamed Sarah and said that Sarah was not participating and that her last client just committed suicide and she said this in front of Sara which is not in any way shape or form professional and then they said you need family counseling not individual counseling and told us to go to Fact of Corona which is their other office and they don't do family counseling which is a crock of shit so they gave us nothing which is not in their policy if you do use their psychiatrist you must use their counselors so they just broke their own fucking rules to get rid of Sarah because she's not a Goodnuf counselor to do anything with Sarah and she didn't show up half of the time so she blames Sara for not participating and I Pointblank said if you'd been here half the time maybe Sarah could participate it and she just had a hissy fit and said Walt sorry Sarah's not participating so I'm going to have to let you go and set you up with Fact Of Corona and you need Family therapy with your mom is going to help you you haven't tried that and we have already had family therapy for more than two years so it's a crock of shit
okay that sounds good I know the kids have medic Cal which I guess is only in California I'm gonna have to check out whatever is in Vancouver I don't know what thing went into Washington when Obama care went all over the United States that right now I'm not gonna worry about it Preston should be on the honor roll this semester Sarah of course is not doing that well I'm lucky that she actually gets up goes to school of school but I may have to get her back in through mental health into the school system so they have to pay for it or I'm going to have to dig into the financial advisor money and hire a lawyer and get her back through the school system by suing them it's going to be one way or the other I have to get onto the Internet and go to something called I DE a. And check them out this weekend and then report back to my therapist they may know of a lawyer or advocate that can get me out of the county and back through the school system and it's sue the school system to put Sara into a schizophrenic level 14 lockdown in another state that way they pay for everything and they fly me back and forth to go see her and then I do not and up paying child support and the lawyer can request through the judge at the school system did not educate Sarah and then he can request that the school pay his costs as well as all court cost it's been done before I just got to find him
It's Sara I still feel better now, tell Logan I say hi, I'm ok, about to get 51/50 to hospital, but I use my coping skills, I feel good now love you
ok I told Sarah she said she thought she had 15 minutes not five I understand her computer has been giving her a lot of problems and she's been trying to download the same videos and it's been stopping on her and she's been having to restart them she also doesn't have to get up tomorrow until 8 PM I'm sorry 8 AM because she has a doctors appointment at 10 if that is of any help thanks for taking care of her I really appreciate it and she's doing much better on the new meds and fact some half days she's had no hallucinations which are great and then the rest of the day she has two and three mommies and two and three brothers and two and three rascals but we just deal with it she doesn't like to go out in public very often hopefully we remember to call Cayden tomorrow which is hopefully the 18th and I The correct birthdate day if I don't please text me back love you
you can say that again it feels like were just spinning around and around and around I think the new meds Verizon will help her more and more they just put her back on the Vance yesterday 70 mg I know she needs more due to the weight gain but this should help some she's like at 170 pounds no clothes are fitting her if it's not 4 inches of butt crack or CN it's 4 to 6 inches of Belly. I have bought her for a brand-new pairs of jeans given her my extra large shirts when I was 160 pounds and still you can see everything I found six pairs of extra large briefs at Costco and they do fit her up underneath the belly button but she complains that her jeans still hurt her stomach and leave bruises on her. She's got size 15 and 17 size pants on now and it's all due to the meds she doesn't even have to eat anymore and she's just balloons right up and she still 5 foot two. So the self-esteem is just dragging on the floor and she basically has zero. Not helpful
The hallucination meds make her gain weight every single one of them did from the Sarah Quill to the current separate Excel she just got taken off the Suprax it today and was put on the new med that starts with and I that I cannot pronounce totally and it is a newer form of resperdol. Dr Lee did say that the Vance will help decrease her appetite a little but the rest will have to come from Sarah not eating an entire cheesecake for breakfast and having coffee cake cheesecake and Starbucks for all three meals she eats almost no salads no vegetables and no fruits all day long.
She just plain refuses
oh yes and she has been throwing up religiously for the last year every meal
she started throwing up to control her weight and now she automatically throws up as soon as she's done eating she doesn't even have to put her fingers down her throat it's almost automatic so she's truly not eating keeping most of her meds down she keeps promising she'll stop throwing up that during her 21 days State at UCI she successfully through up almost every meal as well as cut herself
no were too busy trying to get rid of the hallucinations because she screams a lot at them because they're taking her clothes off and raping her and since she has so many people in there talking to her 90% of the time she can't get any sleep and she screams and yells at them during her sleep because she sleeps with me and he keeps me up most of the night
i'm just hoping this new med will help her out more because this is the newest one out on the market and I've noticed a difference in most of her hallucinations she still sees two or three of me Preston and rascal but the other ones have come down which are the mean ones we are at least nice to her and we're not bad things
Yes we did I had them take her off of the Depakote 1000 mg to 500 mg after her lab tests came back higher than the normal rate it should've been on her blood level between 80 and 100 and it came back at 1:30 and Sarah was hallucinating twice as much as normal and a bed Dr Lee to do some lab work he did some lab work because she was listening you so much and may and I bet him to take it down to 500 he did she was no longer walking through Hayes and just totally uncontrollable and two weeks later we took another lab test her labs then came back with in the 80 to 100 range she looks so much better she wasn't double hallucinating and she was not walking through the haze anymore and you could definitely tell a difference in her facial features and that she was normally hallucinating what she normally dead and then that took care of that and then again her hormones changed a little while after that and the voices and hallucinations became worse and that's when she fell apart at Disneyland and they took her off of Depakote completely she became worse and they let her out after 21 days and I immediately put her back on 250 mg of Depakote that brought her back and we added 100 more milligrams of Zoloft which was the anti-depressants that made her much better mood wise she's now happier not so depressed so I think we may now have the best combinations there is ever had since they came out with the new med which starts with an eye and I can't remember the name of it and she's only been on that for one week but at least she's back on the Vance and it's only been two or three days
Yes we did I had them take her off of the Depakote 1000 mg to 500 mg after her lab tests came back higher than the normal rate it should've been on her blood level between 80 and 100 and it came back at 1:30 and Sarah was hallucinating twice as much as normal and a bed Dr Lee to do some lab work he did some lab work because she was listening you so much and may and I bet him to take it down to 500 he did she was no longer walking through Hayes and just totally uncontrollable and two weeks later we took another lab test her labs then came back with in the 80 to 100 range she looks so much better she wasn't double hallucinating and she was not walking through the haze anymore and you could definitely tell a difference in her facial features and that she was normally hallucinating what she normally dead and then that took care of that and then again her hormones changed a little while after that and the voices and hallucinations became worse and that's when she fell apart at Disneyland and they took her off of Depakote completely she became worse and they let her out after 21 days and I immediately put her back on 250 mg of Depakote that brought her back and we added 100 more milligrams of Zoloft which was the anti-depressants that made her much better mood wise she's now happier not so depressed so I think we may now have the best combinations there is ever had since they came out with the new med which starts with an eye and I can't remember the name of it and she's only been on that for one week but at least she's back on the Vance and it's only been two or three days
getting the right medication in the right doses sometimes takes a long time and it's very frustrating for Preston it was really easy because he doesn't need very much but with Sarah it's been a long four years struggle
Please answer please please please I'm begging you I need you please help me help me FaceTime me anything please help me save me I wanna die call me on FaceTimeSaras meds - Vyvanze 70 mg am invega 6 mg am & pm Zoloft 100 mg a m.& pm Vistral 50 mg three times a day. Cryeselle 28 tabs BC pills. Colace100 mg 2x a day. Meds as of April 1st 2014. Add bendryl at night to help sleep 50-100 mg.
Call Dr. Myers at Loma Linda and ask for a letter stating Sarah's chronological age currently as of the testing dates so I can go to I RC with this information so she can be a consumer as soon as possible. Pay for a letter to attach to report to calm down the take with a grain of salt.
Sarah had bad day at school yesterday which was Thursday the 19th she took a knife and life skills class cut her left arm from the elbow to the rest vomited after lunch in the girls bathroom was then taken to a therapist office they played soft mellow music for her and put her on the bus transportation no one called me she got home she was in a heightened state of hallucination and we had a bad night all night long. Bev got a different story Sara confirmed. Sara got ahold of a knife twice and it was taken away from her two times. Sara Had an episode at DL around 9:30pm January 19th and an Ambulance took Sara to Uci. still in UCI as of February 3rd 2015. Sarah having a really bad day today I got home after having our nails done we went shopping at Kohl's zero was hallucinating all day the hallucinations got worse and very violent they were hurting her she was screaming banging her head on the walls and I had to hold her down while she was screaming I had to call 91 and one she wanted to kill herself they were attacking her hurting her Johnny and Aaron The police talk to her and took her to ET S on a 5150 approximately 6 PM How's it going mama? How's it going mama?
Sarah was admitted into ET esses hospital last night about 330 or so this morning and I haven't heard from the psychiatric doctor yet I guess she just couldn't hold it in anymore I guess no therapy from her therapist at CTS for a full month and nothing from Tasha since the change of schools has not been helpful I emailed Tosha she's on her way to Colorado so I guess she has nothing planned during the Christmas holiday as she had stated so I guess Sarah is going to get nothing as usual and she said she was checking with Colleen the CPS worker to see about this special foster thing and of course I've heard nothing which means she has nothing so how you doing
I'm doing nothing. How can I help?
I have no idea I was going to call Bev McKeddie today at two we have a phone call set up to see if maybe she's the one that has the therapy set up through Tosha Tosh is on her way to Colorado so I don't know but guess Sarah supposed to see Dr Lee today at 11:30 which I'll have to cancel and I just guess I keep going on Toshas just going to wait for Colleen at CPS just to send Sarah away which I believe was her plan all along
Cat she said no services prior to her leaving for Christmas vacation for Sara to have therapy she stated that Siri would have therapy during the Christmas vacation and Sarah doesn't have anything set up Siri had no services with CTS for the last four weeks every time Sara mentions the word I want to hurt myself her new therapist goes by the book and calls the police to 5150 her we know that that Sarah's codeword I need help and I want to talk her new therapist just doesn't know this and we have to train her new therapist Siri hasn't talked to her new therapist in over 4+ weeks she has meeting she's out sick she has an emergency this doesn't help Sarah at all and now Sarah's going to miss Dr Lee again for a second time so she hasn't seen her psychiatrist in a month no wonder she sitting in the hospital Mary Christmas!!!
Ugh!
I don't know which psychiatrist admitted her but Dr. Patel is discharging today at 12:30
colleen came by this morning and left her card on my front door asking me to give her a call
Sarah missed her Dr Lee psychiatrist appointment today by being in the hospital unfortunately
Colleen knows it's better to call me first rather than to just show up because I am never home she shows up I'm not here I call her she's never in the office so we will never ever get together if she just pops over as usual and she knows that so we will never get together if she just keeps popping over
I will let BEV know bring discharged
Did you give Colleen a call
yes before I got the card and after I get the card
Voice recognition is so shitty
You just get her voice mail
Every time she's never in the office she's always in court or out making calls
I did see Sara at school just to clarify for Kat and then she missed the last week when Diana was to go I also have someone named Craig who reminds me of Danny who can see Sara as well I will have BEV coordinate after she talks to you to see what you feel you Neece for support
Okay thank you I'm going to start to get ready to go pick the little poop up from the hospital and then drag her little poop butt to the store to buy her some jeans that might fit her now that she's gained so much weight from the Suprax for Christmas. Thanks for all your help and does anyone know why Colleen wants to see me in person? This is a very valid question?
She may be stopping by due to the call I made to the manager letting them know the number of times Sara had been back to the hospital and that you were feeling like you couldn't keep her safe i didn't talk with Colleen just the manager like we discussed last week I hVent spoken to anyone since then
Colleens manager or supervisor?
I thought you were checking into a intensive foster care home?
If 2 doesn't work for BEV with picking up Sara just call or text her and let her know she is flexible Remember this is something they can offer as discussed at TDM I cannot check into this directly just gave them update regarding Sara hospital trips and you feeling like you couldn't keep her safe
No this was something you offered as a foster care program as an intensive setting that Colleen said was only offered through the juvenile department and you said no this was offered through the county and you would speak to the supervisor about it this wasn't anything where they took my rights away and center out-of-state we were talking about two different things
you're backtracking on me now
You offered me a foster family with intensive care program for Sarah going to the same school staying in the family unit with intensive services directly to me had nothing to do with CPS or the county
No I am not Marcia the MDFC program is offered for both foster youth and probation kids this is not an option through the school
well you forgot when you offered it to me again for the second time when you were going to check this out with the county and CPS Colleen
because you definitely offered it to me a second time
Kat I need to talk to you later!
We talked about DPSS getting involved if you felt you were not able to keep Sara safe which is why I offered to call the manager you were worried about losing benefits and Preston which I said I would try to find out about
We never talked about DPSS getting involved we only talked about the foster family and the intensive therapy Sarah would be receiving and then be reunited with her family never any DPSS no juvenile system no probation you said you had another program in mind and that wasn't it so you were going to go to a supervisor and talk to them and I never heard back from you were not going there!
I said it would be great to coordinate with them to keep her school the same since she liked centennial and then could be close to you
This is Kat. Who else is in this conversation?
Virginia Tosha and you as a group I could not add anybody after the group got started at least I don't know how I wanted to add Bev and Joyce a couple of other people I just couldn't add them in and now I'm trying to print all of this out to have it as a copy for legal purposes
So we need to get on A one to one chat
I have been transparent in my interactions asked you if you wanted me to call garrett one of the managers from Dpss as you were hesitant to pick up Sara as feeling like unable to keep her safe I let you know that he was going to a meeting with the manager from your region and then you and I were trying to figure out if her name was Regina and if she was at the TDM I then got back with you and told you that he told me to call in a report about hospital trips and feeling like can't keep Sara safe
Which I did and let you know about I then said I would look into the comment you said Colleen made about taking Preston instead of Sara if they got involved which I did
I contacted BEV and let her know you were picking up Sara so she will be contacting you
I thought we were talking about the foster family intensive care place where Sarah would get intensive treatment and be returned back to the home that's what I remember you talking to me about not relinquishing Parenteau rights not taking Preston of course I don't want Preston removed and of course I do not want my parental rights taken away I want Sarah to be someplace safe and happy and well it's obviously not going to be at Oak Grove it's not going to be in the middle of the street or she's running away and into traffic she was only admitted last night for about five hours as soon as I can go get her the other ones have been trips to the ER which technically don't count because she is not admitted they won't admit her anymore.
I did this shit with my nails at ETS , I feel bad cuz I broke my promise to my mom, I really wanna do better, I don't want to get locked away again cuz I was crazy, I'm sorry
Brainstorm with Karlie from Wraparound Team
Get a job at smart and final, who's gonna drive me, how much do I get paid, how do I fill out an application, how soon can I get the job, save money for iPhone/iPod/Galaxy, how do I get started, get help with smart and final, how do I use Internet on Galaxy/iPhone without using Gigabites, I want something that has Internet, enough data, music, phone, really need to save up for a form, phone with unlimited data, job/phone brainstorm with Karlie or Karle if ok with her, 4-2-15 talk to wrap team today about job ask school counselor, about job at smart and final, apply talk to school on Monday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'STAYYYYY STRONQQQQQ ^.^ -.- THEEE END <333
(16) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanitii Becomes Reality #16 xc
<333
Insanitii Becomes Reality #16 My Life Story x Help Me Save Me Love Me ^.^ xoxo
Goinqq Physco ^^ . :c <33
home from ETS mental hospital && I'm trying to stay strong cuz the pain is killing me inside && out, I feel a little more stable, less likely to breakdown and go physco crazy , cus I have a family , I'm blessed to have all of then, love you ^-^
Preston BergerMarcia BergerLaura ShookBilly Berger
love you, I'm staying strong && loyal to you guys, I can do it c:
Alisa wrote: "In the hospital still, but my mom and brother came to visit love you"
"just got home from the hospital :) I got discharged from Loma Linda BMC, and got a bowl of cheese from the cafeteria, I'm more stable and glad to be home ;P"
: feeling restless.
Alisa wrote: "It's almost. 5:00 am , awake the hole time, my moms getting discharged with a perscriptions for her Ambian, they said she had a sist in her brain and might have had a stroke, also the Clonapin she was on was causing the problems. So she'll be fine after that medication leaves her system, I'm manic right now and didn't take my meds so I'm out of it and delusional, I almost went fucking crazy but I watch TV and eat, I'm still awake but my mom is fine, she needs to stop that medication, gonna discharge her and head home in the taxi soon,
well okay xx"
My day tomorrow is booked solidly. I have nothing open. I will need to have you contact me once she is released and then we'll set up her first appointment. I do not offer weekend hours. I'd suggest you contact the hospital and ask for "in charge" physician and keep trying to get some updated info on Sara, or go there and visit in person if you haven't already
done so.
Sara might be released from the hospital tomorrow. Georgie suggested that I check with you to see if you might have an available time on Friday afternoon or evening? I am of course guessing that Sara will be released. I can not get Sara's doctor to call me back in the last 7 days so I would have no idea what he is thinking much less what I can do to get Sara out of the hospital with the current medications that she is on. I do not have Depakote stocked in my house. Everyday the the doctor tells Sara he will call me and discuss her going home and every day he does not call. She calls me crying like I am preventing her release. I call his office and the nurses station and leave messages with no return calls. If I pick her up at visiting hours I will get no prescription and it will be against drs recommendations. Last time that happened the hospital Canyon Ridge 5250 Sara before I got there and kept her legally for 3 weeks. I can't let them know if I decide to take her during visiting hours. Still thinking about
that one.
Let's schedule something I have the authorization. It is #0225060540 for 12 visits. Fargel R. at 805.713.3858stated that she would call Georgie and let her know last Thurs or Fri that you and Dr. Kotomori had been authorized. Sara is still in the hospital but I do expected her to be out today or tomorrow afternoon at the latest. She should then attend Oak Grove from 7 am to 4.20 pm. What appts do you have available. I do have to take my son Preston with me. I will need your address and most likely have to take Preston with me. Please let me know? Thank you.
Good. Please let me know if Sara is discharged & you can't get to the
appointment.
Yes, I would love to. As long as the hospital doesn't discharge Sara and make me pick her up Preston and I will be at your office a little before 5:00pm. I am not very good with the traffic here yet so I will navigate with my phone and try to
leave a little
early.
No family sessions were ever asked by any hospitals or psychiatrists. Sara and Preston usually went in alone and if I went in it was for background information or to help with Preston's speech. I do not have the same insurance as the kids and my cobra runs out in a few months. Sara's psychiatrist has usually been the ones at the last 8 or 9 hospitals shes been at since August 2011. The last one was Dr. Varsha Patel in Corona, Last appt Dec 7, 2011. Only works on Thurs in the Corona office. Only deals meds. No conversation. Her last therapist was Holly Gil-con last appt Dec 5, 2011.
First realized Sara was not going back to Stoneybrooke Christian School to go to Jr. High was after we moved to Corona in August 2011 and noted on her goggle map how far the drive would be for me. Came down stairs one night a couple of weeks after we had move from o.c. to riv co crying telling me she had to tell me something bad that she could no longer control the voices in her head. I thought she was kidding. She started telling me this huge long horrible tale of what was going on inside her mind. At first I thought she was joking. But she didn't stop. Or smile. Or quite shaking. I called my used to be sister and asked her where to go she told me to drive to ets. I took her there and 5150'd her. I had to convince them she was seeing and hearing things and it was not a joke. They wanted me to drive her to Loma Linda or UCI myself when Sara was afraid that she would hurt herself or others. They finally took her. She then started the first of many hospitals, she went to Loma Linda Aug 24, 2011 thru Aug 30, 2011 Self harm, grief - loss, UCI Sept 8, 2011 thru Sept 21, 2011 Self harm greif - loss, UCI Oct 9, 2011 thru Oct 12, 2011 Danger to others, grief - loss, UCI outpt 9 days, Canyon Ridge Hospital Dec 9,2011 thru Dec 19,2011 Danger to others, grief - loss, Aurora Charter Oak Hospital Dec 20, 2011 thru Jan 9, 2012 Danger to Self, others, grief - loss, Oak Grove Jan 11, 2012 thru April 5, 2012 outpt school couseling meds(jackweavernonpublic), Aurora Charter Oak Hospital Apr 8, 2012 thru Apr 13, 2012 Danger to self, grief - loss, Riverside County Regional Medical Center Apri 13, 2012 thru Apri 16, 2012 Danger to self, grief - loss, Aurora Charter Oak Hospital Aug 16, 2012 to current Danger to self, grief - loss
Meds: current 600 to 800 Seroquel xr, 500 mg Depokote
Past meds tried: abilify, vavyance, lyltimin,
current and past diagnosis: adhd, bipolar I, ptsd, Psychotic, depression,
Self made suicide video in october 2011
stressed induced audio visual hallucination of deceased father
aggression toward others. suicidal and homicidal ideations with and without plans and means.
AWOL and Runs
Very high risk.
Father Bipolar.
This is all I can think of right now. I am waiting for auth. from H.F. for Sara for you and Dr. Kotomori. Preston my son has been approved for 12 visits with you auth # 0225060660. Preston's never had counseling thru H.F. before. Thought I would ask as long as I had them on the line. As soon as I have auth.
for Sara for you and the other Dr. I will text the number to you. Hope this has been helpful.
I am on the panel for Healthy Families with Blue Cross, and received a call from Georgie at Bl.X asking if I could work with you and your family. Hopefully once Sara is released from Charter Oak she'll be in some stable place so we can begin to work thru the trauma and grief. You will need to let me know when she is released so we can set up her first appointment. I have some limited session availability at present, so you may need to be flexible. We can also consider doing family therapy if and when appropriate. I will be working with you as well on parenting issues, boundaries, etc., so you'll need to be available during sessions to participate.
Has Sara been in any other outpatient therapy and are you able to participate in any family therapy when Sara is hospitalized?? I'm going to need to get some history and background for the first appointment, and will need dates and places of all her hospitalizations, a list of her current and past medications, and any psychiatrists she is seeing for outpatient treatment. I can highly recommend Dr. Richard Kotomori, 6529 Riverside Ave., Riverside 92506(951) 684-1944. Sounds like she will need consist medication management when she is released. I'd suggest that you contact his office to schedule an appointment right away, due to the likely wait of several weeks, unless you are already seeing a good psychiatrist.
I received your call on my answering machine. I don't know when Sara will be released from the Auora Charter Oak Hospital. She is on a 72 hour hold. The problem I have is I can't get her from point A to point B before she starts freaking out and I have to call 911 because of the paranoia now that is so set in her head. Her dad died Feb 2011 and she started hospitals in Aug 2011 after telling me that she could no longer control the voices and visions in her head. She had already been hurting her brother and others all along. I did not know. She and her brother who is 9 hid this from me. He is a very sweet boy who only wants Sara to be his friend. All of the hospitals give her meds put a bandaid on it and shovel her out the door. And she goes right back in again. I can not control her. My cell number is 949-533-7300. I do not know if you accept the Healthy Family b.c. hmo or scliding scale please let me know. Sara desperately needs grief couseling as well as trauma and so does my son Preston who also lost his daddy and doesn't complain much but has been pushed aside because of
Sara.
This IEP is an addendum so we will not have anything drafted prior to the meeting. We will be having a discussion and I will be taking notes at the meeting on our discussion. We will have Oak Grove, Rancho Damacitas, and Oak Grove Wrap-around in attendance at the meeting. We will be talking about the possibility of transitioning Sara out of Rancho Damacitas. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks.
Good. Please let me know if Sara is discharged & you can't get to the appointment.
-Richalvarez-
Richard Michael Alvarez-"About to medicate for awhile"
Richard Michael Alvarez-"just finished an 18 hour film shoot, then started again at 5, thank God for red bull"
Richard Michael Alvarez-"This Is who I am. I've decided not to care whatsoever as to what anyone thinks about me. I've worked hard to get where I am, and the only persons approval I need is my own. And I'm done thinking anything i've done is wrong. I have zero regrets, And I'm ready to really mean that. I kinda lost myself for a while, but today I woke up, shaved for the first time in weeks, and decided to kick-ass in the world once again. I had a great conversation with my co-producer Chris, and we have a great plan for the next 8 months. I'm ready to Direct great movies once again!"
Richard Michael Alvarez- "Hello Facebook. I Can't sleep. How are you? I'm tired but my eyes won't shut, my limbs won't stop moving. Am I in phyisical pain? No. So what is it? I've been neglecting my meditation, maybe that's it. I love my career, and the people I work with, And I love my friends. Perhaps I should concentrate on all the good in my life, that should help. Because the one thing I am and will always strive to be is Happy."
Quotes from Richard Alvarez
------......--------
Apple Support
SweetInsanityyxxc
Hi, I lost my itouch at school because someone stole it, I don't have the data backed up and I don't have money to buy a new one or can't find it, I enabled the find my iPhone app and followed all the steps, it says the device is not connected to the Internet , please help.
-Sara's Info-
I've done almost every drug there is I'm not proud of it, being an addict isn't easy, but I've grown && I'm proud of myself, thank you Lord for turning my life around, Laura Shook thank you for keeping me safe ,I ain't happy, feeling glad, I got sunshine inna bag, I'm useless , but not for long, my future is coming on, coming on coming on coming on ,-,
It's now 3:16 AM I should now go to bed so I don't make my mental state worse, even if I'd pulled 766 allnighter in the past 4 years, I'm going to bed, night On 4/4/2015-4/5/2015 @ 3:19 AM in the morning, night all
Walmart remember me ? -with Shana Holst @ Walmart on McKinley Street.
Okay. cx <3
shed your tears
I'll be here for you nomatter what, if yew need a shoulder to cry on I try to numb the pain, but pain never goes away, even if it goes away for a little while, it comes back, you now under every ounce of happiness && joy there's pain, and under all that pain, is happiness and joy, as they say , don't worry be happy, I know it's hard, but what ever is killing you inside, opens a new shed of light, nomatter how hard things get, remember God is always watching over you, believe <3333
The alcohol burns my skin -feeling amused
Fuck what they say, your beautiful, your strong, just believe in yourself && pray to God, just remember your stronger then you think you are.
Hold on sweetheart
It's 2:05 AM allnighter time, keep you updated #nosleepforme #sleepisfortheweek #goodnightmoon ⭐️-feeling awake
Lyrics
Hello, my love
I heard a kiss from you
Red magic satin playing near, too
All through the morning rain
I gaze - the sun doesn't shine -
Rainbows and waterfalls run through my mind
In the garden - I see west
Purple shower, bells and tea
Orange birds and river cousins dressed in green
Pretty music I hear - so happy
And loud - blue flower echo
From a cherry cloud
Feel sunshine sparkle pink and blue
Playgrounds will laugh
if you try to ask
Is it cool?, is it cool?
If you arrive and don't see me
I'm going to be with my baby
I am free - flying in her arms, over the sea
Stained window, yellow candy screen
See speakers of kite - with velvet roses diggin' freedom flight
A present from you - Strawberry letter 22
The music plays, I sit in for a few
Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...
A present from you - Strawberry letter 22
The music plays, I sit in for a few
Ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh...ooh..
Tbt , even if it's not Thursday :3
DRAKE && JOSH <3 ❤️ what ever happened to that show??? :( -watching Drake && Josh
It's 1:02 AM, yayuhhhh playing with my puppy Raskal Raskals my therapy dog, nicknames for the puppies:
Raskal-Rascoi
Roxy-RoxyPoi
Micky Mouse-Micki Da Mouse ❤️
Pills
Fuck You
With a bucket of MICKEYMOUSE, and a stick of dynamite, Tina you fat lard come get some dinner, ITS OVER 9000!!!
#sexyback
#youfullofshit
#duhwinning
#comewithmenow
#boomshakalaka
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call
And call Alice, when she was just small
When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom, and your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice, I think she'll know
When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead
And the white knight is talking backwards
And the red queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head, feed your head ❤️
Your Strong .. Remember that
Okay that sounds great I'm glad Sarah had a okay day and decided to return back to class and at least she's trying. I am working on trying to get her a therapist for her at home we are missing one here since Riverside County mental health decided to let her go.
Thanks for your help.
Hi Marcia, Sara had a good day overall. While I was there she stated she felt sad and unstable, but the team was able to help her through her feelings using her coping skills and providing her support, until she felt comfortable enough to return to class. We gave her the option to call you, but she decided she didn't need to.Wrap has no plans on providing counselor for Sarah and ends that is not enough she is only a facilitator and that's all she plans on providing services for as far as I know. Sarah needs a replacement for Erica NNS from CTS and they provided none. Sarah and I assumed it was going to be you. Amanda said they would not be providing a therapist for Sarah through wrap. So I guess we will be needing some help and getting services from Riverside County mental health supervisor as they do not intend on providing those services at all according to Amanda or whatever her name is because I cannot pronounce it correctly. Sarah needs a weekly therapist since he continually wants to commit suicide on a daily basis. Unfortunately having one at school isn't enough for Sarah. So if there is a way you can help I'm in says supervisor get something through the county for Sarah it would be greatly appreciated as I have exhausted all my ways of getting Sarah a therapist through the county as they threw us out of there if you remember. Family therapy is not going to help Sarah that's what they suggested when Erica dropped Sarah and said she was not participating I do believe you remember that happening just January. And I understand family therapy is not even available at Fact Of Corona and that's where they referred us to to get rid of us I believe they want to test also drop Dr Lee which I graciously refused I like him he's a good doctor and I do not like the other Dr. Dr Reddy who under medicates my son as it is. I know you referred the student planner to Diana and Sarah still doesn't have one so I don't know what's up with that I guess I'll call Diana directly I understand that's where it has the minimum days on it so I don't know when Sarah has one but when she does not since you can't remember to tell me. Just catching up on the emails from Friday to today's events. Although we have spoken about elective classes for Sara and I let you know what Adriana said about choir for next year, the email below is the only one I have received from you regarding the counselor meetings. If there was another I'm sorry I don't have it. I have sent requests off to have contact made or confirm that the appointment has occurred. I'm not sure what the case is and with Sara's memory it may be that it did occur and she didn't report it to you. Either way we'll know shortly. I asked that you be contacted directly if the appointment is pending since you'll need the notice. As I said in my text, I emailed Amenze regarding a therapist. When I started with the district contract, Wrap and Diana were not in place. At present, I'm contracted to provide support in communication and clinical concerns, primarily in school area. Since Wrap has a clinician, therapy would be something they either provide or access, in the community. I'm happy to advocate for this for Sara. If needed, I can work with the Wrap supervisor as well on issues of service access. Sara may be reporting negatively to you about Diana, but manages to work well at school with her. I know she'll say she loves me in person or when on the phone and has told folks she can't stand me either, so it appears to fluctuate with her. Just staying the course and being less reactive to some of this seems to keep her on track. If you would like me to follow through with getting her binders I can do that on Thursday this week just let me know. I'll be in training Tuesday and Wednesday this week, and will check messages at breaks. Thanks and good luck on the taxes ,Sara needs someone here every week. She is still very sucidicial and been hiding it for a while. Feels I will be upset or be angry. She's also tired of the same old shit and no REAL life. She's ready to give up and the wrap team so far is a joke and a time waster. Very glad to hear Sara is doing well her new medication is working. Of course she has just started on it this is her very first week but this is week two second change next week Dr Lee will be changing it again so we are tweaking it as we go along & I say we because I'm helping ha ha!!! Sara can tell a difference in the way her mind feels and the way her body feels although she is going through some strange and odd feelings because it is not settled in yet I am sure it will take a good 21 days after all the meds are changed for her to settle in. hopefully in a constant normalizing medicated stabilizing way at least that's what we're all hoping and wishing for thank goodness Dr Lee is a patient man and willing to work with us and we have a good wrap team now and they are helping us and you are being very patient with Sara as well as the entire school team is helping Sara her one-on-one the school aides her teacher so I can't ask for more than that. I really appreciate all of you and Sara loves to go school she's up in the morning when the alarm goes off and she's dragging me up!
Thanks! Today Sarah did really great. She was in high spirits, and was working hard in class. Today I worked on personal boundaries with her.
Sarah's medications have changed again she is now off zyprexa totally and put on another medication I can't currently remember the name of 6 mg in the morning and 6 mg in the evening 100 mg of Zoloft a.m. and p.m. 250 mg of Depakote in the evening 50 mg three times a day of this to roll 100 mg of Benadryl at night for sleeping which doesn't seem to help. 100 mg of Colace twice a day multivitamin and I believe the new mad that she's taking is in Vega it is a newer version of Resperdol. Also as of three days ago Sarah started a Vyvanze 70 mg she seems to be in good spirits hallucinating last and doing well overall please let everyone know that these are her new meds next week I expect the doctor will be adjusting her meds more also I finally got a bus schedule I may have mentioned in our last email she is not being dropped off at 3:35 PM she is still being dropped off at 4 PM FYI. Thanks for the update on the school planner it lets us know if there is having a minimum day other than that Sarah cannot remember to tell me when she's having a minimum day and I'm not on the PC long enough to look up everybody schedules I don't have that much time thank you.
Sarah cannot be at school tomorrow due to her psychiatrist appointment at 10 AM and the fact that they have testing tomorrow in mathematics zero will be seeing the psychiatrist every week due to her change in meds on a weekly basis she started her ADHD med this morning and they are increasing her hallucination minutes as we go along and since she's been in such bad shape with her hallucinations all day and all night and in her sleeping which of course some people believe in some don't that Dr Lee wants to see her on a weekly basis and she doesn't have a therapist weekly at home so I don't know how the schools gonna work that out but she supposed be testing first thing in the morning answer I won't be home and I guess her teacher does not know that because he just texted me and you were CCed on it.
Who is the rap BC. Sarah started the vavanse for her ADD HD this morning it's her ferry first hill 70 mg which is what she had in 2012 but she was 50 pounds lighter it worked really well on her then so Dr Lee decided to start her on the 70 mg and if it worked well increase it slow late the funny thing is Sarah thinks every pill is going to make her high which doesn't seem to make her look very bright and of course it doesn't so hopefully she doesn't tell anybody she's high she's just manic most of the time and sleeps very little which makes me sleep very little because I have to be with her most of the time she's in the kitchen talking to mommy number two and asking me questions and saying things like I'm sorry I didn't mean to call you stupid I'm sorry I hit you and now Mickey Mouse is starting to come get me and drag me into the other room because he knows she's hallucinating so I believe he's going to be rascal number two I still can't find the thing on the Internet for therapy dogs so I can give it to my incredibly horribly mean property owner so if you find it at some point in time please make a copy of it or give me the www.thing thank you bye.
I was out yesterday and didn't get anything back on my inquiry about electives. I asked about process, contact for concerns and ideas you had about art/music. Will follow up again today. I have had no response to an email to the Wrap BC to connect with that team. Will try again and then go via supervisor.What med did she start?New med Sarah started a new medication today I just wanted to inform you so you could let everyone else know at her school in case they run into any problems I know she also started testing today at school. Also how is the looking into the foods class going where she is getting an F because that is a mainstream class she happens to be the only one it is a special ed student as far as I know and she's getting zeros on all of her foods and all of her tests and she does not need to be in it for another semester she needs to be in a class as an elective that she chooses not some other person who doesn't know her such as the coach who is good at coaching basketball not picking out an elective for Sarah who does not know her also I understand Sarah's bus now is changing to a new pick up and drop off time but they have yet to do so so who would I get in touch with us when Sarah's not dropped off at 3:35pm? Speaking directly to the bus company is like banging my head against the wall they now state they do not have to wait two minutes that if she's not standing outside at the time they arrive that they do not have to wait any longer according to the bus drivers that pick the phone up it is now a new rule that they did not inform anybody up nor did they inform me that her new pick up time was 6:33 AM but they informed Sarah who can't remember jack diddly. I just received the paper this morning after digging through Sarah's purse and God knows when she received the paper because they're not smart enough to give me a phone call and she rides the short bus. Whatever happened to the drawing class after school or using that as an elective for Sarah did you ever find out any information on that yet?
Yes Sara's meds are changing. She's in between starting a new one and ending one. Then as soon as possible when another one is available and approved starting another new med one may be making her very sleepy one keeps her awake won't let her sleep when she finally falls asleep I can't get a rep in the morning. But I am glad when she's finally awake she is doing a good job.
How is Sara doing today?
She had a difficult weekend so I thought it was best that I check in with you today.
Sarah had an episode last night and we were up very late I cannot wake her up this morning she's extremely worn out. I understand she attempted to leave the classroom and one of the aids Justin caught her she explained she was not feeling well I'd like you to all know that when she states she does not feel well it is codeword for I am hallucinating I was in contact with Marcia today and Sarah will likely be discharged between 3 and 4 p.m. today. Marcia asked that the team be notified for tomorrow's return to school. Due to the school holiday today, and need to set up transportation, Marcia will transport Sarah tomorrow. Can someone take the lead on contacting transportation and getting back to Marcia, please? I'll plan to be at school tomorrow morning to check in with Sara for about 30 minutes, longer if needed. I'd prefer not to disrupt her return and want Marcia to know there will be support in place for "day one".
Sara will be out this entire week due to her psychiatrist excusing her. he wants to put her on a new set of meds and try to stabilize her after being in the hospital. She hit her head and was in the hospital for three days but not on any psychiatric medications and she now has a new diagnosis. Will try to keep you updated.
Left you long voice mail while driving. Sara is at Loma Linda hospital being evaluated currently. I will keep you updated. I haven't informed anyone else yet. I used to have one person on the d wrap team that emailed all that needed to know now I'm lost.
Sara was discharged from the hospital today at 2 PM. She was later admitted to Loma Linda behavioral center at 7:30 PM due to her current behavior.
Over the weekend Sara had a problem with her friend Johnny in her head during dinner. Dean the staff member told her as she was screaming for Johnny to leave her alone and talking to him to leave her alone. He should have immediately gotten a nurse to call the doctor at this point as I would have called 911 for the police for transport to a hospital. He choose to tell Sara Johnny doesn't really exist to go to her room and stop with the theatrics. She told him after the screaming had stopped and Johnny was down to a roar that she felt safer in the quiet room he told her no to go to her room and she just lost a level. Well levels are very hard to earn. Who in the hell is this weekend jerk. Not a decreed medical person I hope. He just made my daughter feel like shit in front of all the other children during dinner. Told her that her diagnosis wasn't real and what she was going thru wasn't happening because he couldn't see it and he was GOD as far as he is concerned. Something stinks in this STAFF members training
When do you have an appointment for Sara. I picked Sara up today at 1:00 pm. Sara will start Oak Grove Monday morning God willing. May 9th I have to take Sara and Preston to Choc Hospital for the 6 month check up on the maxialfacial chromo facial disorder. Please let me know when you next available appointment is? I will have Sara miss school that day
Sara might be released from the hospital tomorrow. Georgie suggested that I check with you to see if you might have an available time on Friday afternoon or evening? I am of course guessing that Sara will be released. I can not get Sara's doctor to call me back in the last 7 days so I would have no idea what he is thinking much less what I can do to get Sara out of the hospital with the current medications that she is on. I do not have Depakote stocked in my house. Everyday the the doctor tells Sara he will call me and discuss her going home and every day he does not call. She calls me crying like I am preventing her release. I call his office and the nurses station and leave messages with no return calls. If I pick her up at visiting hours I will get no prescription and it will be against drs recommendations. Last time that happened the hospital Canyon Ridge 5250 Sara before I got there and kept her legally for 3 weeks. I can't let them know if I decide to take her during visiting hours. Still thinking about that one. AUSTIN 0.0 wazzup bro, here's yo Slash Hug, FINALLY, call me okay I miss you, remember we're gonna hang out lol what's ur phone number so I can call you off my home phone, it's like 1:41 am here almost 2 am && I'm pulling an allnighter, hit me up with your number Panic attacks , Hey beautiful, havnt talked in a while, your my homie && I'm here for you, stay strong && call me sometime, ❤️ oh and I heard you were at OGI, I was there too but I got expelled, I'm here if you need anything, love you and keep your head up goeorgous ❤️,I love you stay stronqq c; <3 ,
The Heavy-"What Makes A Good Man?" ❤️ YUNA - "Strawberry Letter 23"
"Let Me In"-Kleerup
MsGoinqCrazii- c:
#suckmydick #losenitatthefullmoon
#onsomegoodshit
#onthemedication
#crazyatdawn
#addicttocrazy
#whosondrugs
X Punching self
Banging my head against bathroom mirror
Making self throw up since UCI, do it so much it's an addiction and I have to throw up after every meal
Hallucinating/anger/self harm is worse
"Tell me Elizabeth, how does one suck a fuck? Lmao"-Donnie Darko
When is it football season? #patriots #Mondaynightfootball #footballizlife
X Why The Fuck x( (Please Adam Stop, It Takes Me All The Way)
Okay, I don't feel safe here with Daddy upstairs with a knife saying "come with me, they don't care" he's all over, I'm so depressed missing him, Preston acting out and you acting strange. My life was worth living but I feel like nobody cares. Also all this fucking arguing all this fucking assuming, you guys turning against me, you guys hating me. The anxiousness of the house. Natalies bullshit of saying school is better without me becuz I'm "putting her down" all my behavirs that make you think I'm a fuck up, me being an asshole to Preston, at school it feeling like a jail, all the fucking yelling and screaming, me acting out, our families falling apart if he were here shit would be different. Ms davis being a bitch, nighttime being the worst. I don't care, I'm not me anymore, so u mite want to hide the pills becuz last night I felt like overdosing OKAY ya go ahead say "oh not again" "I'm sick of this shit" or "let's go to ETS" I really don't care, I'm hurt I'm scared I no you i don't no, I love u, I hope u love me, don't get fucking pissed becuz I'm expressing myself. :( -SARA Preston called me paranoid, loser, flipped me off, die in hell.
X And the fuck goes over... Based on me (Please Adam Stop, It Takes Me All The Way)
Everyone I trust ends up either hating me stop caring or leaving fuck my life. Noone loves me. When one bad thing happens all bad things happen everyone turns against you people change for the worst I'm scared god daddy someone save me stop everything and when u express urself and u lose someone thru just stop talkin to you, and when people fuck u over for shit u dismdnt fuckin do I fuck over everyone. I hate me I'm worthless ugly a fuck up bad family bad life bad everything, crazy physco mental I'll fucked up, fuck ne kill me now. when u try to be ur beat no one cares your trying I'm crazy shit man my mom doesn't care. Everyone hates on u and u fuck em up, when ur in a bad spot they don't care there liars. Cops arrest u when u runaway when u tell people ur story or to stop they just don't stop I've lost everyone. Everything I am. Jessica is my only one going over hope there not abuse family, please I need someone... Hallucinating Johnny worse punching self and wall home nothing the same
This is how I really feel so my movie PLZ Adam stop this takes
I'm crazy, sick, && physcotic
#AWOLNATION, #imcrazy #CRAZIAZZBITCHES, #illegalshit, #sodeadinside.#killmeslowly #fullofpain #imover #craziestgirl #msphysco #msknockout #losingmymind
,Mommy is on her way home, Mamabear not happy -with Preston Berger , The Whale Song ,DONNIE DARKO c: ^_^ love this, seen it 4 times ,
Sometimes you gotta forget the past && move on fake a smile, to hideaway the pain your strong, remember that ☺️ Once I'm stable I'm gonna get a job at Smart && Final
BEATLES TSHIRT, I FOUND IT, YES FINALLY
I look dope today ☺️
I'm thankful for that lol I bet you'd carry me around and I'd be popping out of your purse like a poodle scaring everybody lol
I'd be like Madea && crash your old man car on the street, then your car would be jacked up, then I'd steal yo cane and poke your eye out, haha just kidding Elder Abuse haha, just kidding , I'd probably fit in your purse cuz I'm tiny hehe
Id take yo cane && stab you in the nuts lmao, then I'd hit you with my old lady purse and make you carry it around lol
Ehhhhhh I'm old men Jenkins, where's my cane? Lmao
Old Man Jenkins , that's what you sound like, or Herbert The Pervert
I've never seen your room, yesterday I watched Madea Goes To Jail, it was funny
Go to sleep sleepyhead
True story bruh
Ik haha I was messing, take a joke bro
Did you see the just kidding? Didn't think so
That's what I've been saying, your voice , laugh at it aha how old? 65 70 99? Btw don't be trashing old people lol , just kidding I know what chu mean
Your voice would be funny, nothing else haha
Why tf' were you out when your sick? Haha I do that to, omfg I bet you do, I'd like to hear it and I'd be laughing at you , teehee
Remember on the phone you sounded like you were gonna die, lmao
Haha that sucks
You being good?
Fine be that way , asshole
Fuck you then haha Awwww your so sweet, why thank you, what a gentlemen lmao
If there not close to me you still need to straighten them out, doesn't matter, they need to learn to respect others cuz respect is key
I agree partially, on Monday activate my main account && so I can do my stuff, but tell when when so I don't miss out, if I don't show them how are they gonna learn, if they never learn, then there screwed lol
Sara will be out this entire week due to her psychiatrist excusing her. he wants to put her on a new set of meds and try to stabilize her after being in the hospital. She hit her head and was in the hospital for three days but not on any psychiatric medications and she now has a new diagnosis. Will try to keep you updated. I took Sarah to Loma Linda Hospital last night she was hallucinating yesterday at school in Miss Davis's classroom she saw the knife for cutting cake on the counter and was thinking about cutting herself to be with daddy. The dots or spots in front of her eyes keeps turning into bad daddy and he keeps telling her to kill herself. Why the status keeps a knife handy I do not know I don't know she's hallucinating this or not but she does have a cutting instrument because she has cakes and cookies and fattening things for the already obese children it keeps them motivated to do their work for her in class. My parent helper has seen the cookies and cakes being given out. Anyway sir it was dissociating in class I understand the status took her outside question to her about me wanting to know why Sarah wanted to run away to take off asked her why she didn't want to go home Siri said it's not she didn't want to go home that she wanted to kill herself because daddy. Good I'll miss Davis blaming it on me they patched it up they center home they did not 5150 her. She came home in such bad shape I had to drive her to Loma Linda because ETS usually will not keep her and I after 6 to 18 hours will have to go pick her up they will not admit her the older psychiatrist that evaluates children so she selfish come pick her up when she's clearly hallucinating and suicidal. Could you please call just want Sarah to have a somewhat normal healthy life she's never had a school dance a girlfriend come over and spend the night I just wanted to go to a regular high school and then I I program close to home so she can have these things Oak Grove is preventing her from doing these things and I don't know why as soon as they saw the cover sheet that said possible change of placement Sarah started having more problems hallucinating a walling AWA from class her teacher started asking her though strange questions where are you sleeping where is your brother sleeping and reporting this in writing all of this down. Please help.
Sara had an exceptionally good week at school. She was compliant and responded well to therapy. Will continue to work with her on safety, emotion regulation, coping skills, appropriate boundaries , and decreasing incidents of task avoidance.
Sounds great sounds like something she would love to do and participate in thank you for all your help. Sara is excited. She will begin her paid on grounds job next week. She will be working with housekeeping.
I am letting her participate in this based on her ability to keep up with her work in school. She will be missing history Mon-Tues-Thurs and Fri. Wednesday she is not here.
Please begin to look for regular homework on these days. If she keeps pace she will not get it on Fridays.
Sara is excited. She will begin her paid on grounds job next week. She will be working with housekeeping.
I am letting her participate in this based on her ability to keep up with her work in school. She will be missing history Mon-Tues-Thurs and Fri. Wednesday she is not here.
Please begin to look for regular homework on these days. If she keeps pace she will not get it on Fridays.
Sarah will be at school today but will be late she had a difficult time last night some mental health issues I will be driving her into school shortly.
Thank you. somehow my daughter has slipped threw the cracks in between the school system and the hospital admissions that my daughter has been in. Since the school year started in August 2011, my daughter has attended less than one month of school and the rest of the time she has been in hospitals due to the death of her father. She started out in Auberdale Intermediate with an IEP. I need your help because she has been forgotten while in so many hospitals and then started school at Norco Intermediate for two days and she just couldn't hold on. Now she is back in the hospital again for the tenth time. She really needs an education and I am trying to get her to school. I need some help. If there is anything is anything you can you can do for me I would certainly appreciate it.
The placement for Sara that our school district and mental health dept has suggested is Rancho Damacitas in Temecula Valley. A community group home for children. If you have any information on this place or know of a better one, even if it is further away please let me know.
Thank you,
Okay that sounds great I'm glad Sarah had a okay day and decided to return back to class and at least she's trying. I am working on trying to get her a therapist for her at home we are missing one here since Riverside County mental health decided to let her go.
Thanks for your help. Hi Sara had a good day overall. While I was there she stated she felt sad and unstable, but the team was able to help her through her feelings using her coping skills and providing her support, until she felt comfortable enough to return to class. We gave her the option to call you, but she decided she didn't need to.Sara had an exceptionally good week at school. She was compliant and responded well to therapy. Will continue to work with her on safety, emotion regulation, coping skills, appropriate boundaries , and decreasing incidents of task avoidance.
Sounds great sounds like something she would love to do and participate in thank you for all your help.
Sara is excited. She will begin her paid on grounds job next week. She will be working with housekeeping.
I am letting her participate in this based on her ability to keep up with her work in school. She will be missing history Mon-Tues-Thurs and Fri. Wednesday she is not here.
Please begin to look for regular homework on these days. If she keeps pace she will not get it on Fridays. She has finished the week well, despite the new medication. She has been very sleepy but has persevered through this and made a concerted effort to bring her grades up.
Ms. Venecia took her out to lunch today and she came back happy and chatty.
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste
I haven't got much time to waste
It's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face
But I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hand
get ready to jump
We learned out lesson from the start
My sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on
Is your family
Life's gonna drop you down like the limbs from a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see
Are you ready?
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait
The more time that you waste
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own
I can make it alone
(my sisters and me)
I told you I would tell you everything you want to know
You want me to tell you now
You pressure me to shout it
Need to hear about it
Think that I would count you out
I let you find it on your own
Then I found myself alone
Uh oh, where can I go?
Everybody's watching me
Uh oh, where can I go?
Everybody's watching me
Ooh ooh, what can I do
If you're not here to tell you?
Uh oh, where can I go?
Everybody's watching me
I go through all the trouble of keeping it within my walls
I try to be as subtle as I can
Assume that nothing needs me, all I've done defeats me
It looks like you were right again
And again
The more I want in, the more I want in
The less I know, the less I know
But I'm forgotten, I'm forgotten
I'll be alone, I'll be alone, I'll be alone
With everybody watching me
Watching me, watching me, me, me
They're watching me, me, me
Watching me, me, me, me
Everybody's watching me
Come on skinny love just last the year,
Pour a little salt we were never here,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.
Tell my love to wreck it all,
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Right in the moment this order's tall.
And I told you to be patient,
And I told you to be fine,
And I told you to be balanced,
And I told you to be kind,
And in the morning I'll be with you,
But it will be a different kind,
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets,
And you'll be owning all the fines.
Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in light brassieres,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split.
And I told you to be patient,
And I told you to be fine,
And I told you to be balanced,
And I told you to be kind,
And now all your love is wasted,
Then who the hell was I?
'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches,
And at the end of all your lines.
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
And who will fall far behind?
Come on skinny love,
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my.
She's only 17, her whole life's ahead of her.
She hates school because the people there discredit her.
Her boyfriend tries to show her that's not how it seems.
But everyday she just gets lowered with her self-esteem.
He let's her know that every night will have a brighter day,
She even tried to overdose and take her life away.
She's feeling hopeless there just sitting down beside her bed,
Then he takes his hand and places it beside her head.
He tries to hold her but with every touch she still resists,
And then he sees the scars that bury deep within her wrists,
She's feeling numb, he tries to beg and plead and ask her, "Why?"
She says this way she has control of the pain she feels inside.
He's asking her, "How long it's going since you've felt this way?
Because you got me here, just feeling so damn helpless."
She says, "It's been a while. I guess I needed better luck."
And then he screams at her and tells her, "Baby, never cut!"
Nobody seems to get you, you feel you're on your own,
But listen, pretty lady, you don't have to be alone.
So, baby, don't cut, baby, don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
The next day at school she's feeling better than the day before.
Even cracked a couple smiles as she walked the corridor.
But all that seemed to end: she dropped her books when she walked into class.
And every student in the room just seemed to point and laugh.
She couldn't take it anymore, she sent her boy a text.
She said, "I love you with my body, heart and soul to death."
He thought nothing, typed "I love you", then he sent it.
By "death" he didn't know that she had literally just meant it.
She ducked the next class, ran home into the bathroom.
Thought to herself she wouldn't break her promise that soon.
One cut... two cuts... three cuts... four
The blood just started dripping from the tub to the floor.
Her boyfriend had a feeling in his stomach that he hated.
He followed it right down to her house he never waited.
The front door was open, he heard the water running.
He stormed into the bathroom and his heart just started gunning.
Nobody seems to get you, you feel you're on your own,
But listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone.
So baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
He puts her arm around his shoulder, he's just tryna lean her back up.
Yelling out her name as he lays her beside the bathtub.
Feels his whole world just took a hit from a big avalanche.
Screaming out so heavily, "Somebody call an ambulance!"
Feeling mad angry like somebody's led her onto this.
Her eyeballs are rolling, drifting out of consciousness.
Thinking to himself why the hell did she just stop at will.
The tears just keep on rolling as they head to the hospital.
Paramedics rush her in, the doctor calls emergency.
She's lost a lot of blood the place looks like a murder scene,
An hour later, the doc walks over with a sour face,
And says, "Excuse me for the words that I'm about to say.
I'm sorry for your loss," the boy just starts collapsing.
His own world, his own girl just took a crashing.
Saying to himself that it's his fault and that he let it up.
"Baby, I thought you made a promise you would never cut."
Nobody seems to get you, you feel you're on your own,
But listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone.
So baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel that blade you're holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Yah, you never said a word
You didn't send me no letter
Don't think I could forgive you
See our world is slowly dying
I'm not wasting no more time
Don't think I could believe you
Yah, you never said a word
You didn't send me no letter
Don't think I could forgive you
See our world is slowly dying
I'm not wasting no more time
Don't think I could believe you
Yah, our hands will get more wrinkled
And our hair will be grey
Don't think I could forgive you
And see the children are starving
And their houses were destroyed
Don't think they could forgive you
Hey, when seas will cover lands
And when men will be no more
Don't think you can forgive you
Yah when there'll just be silence
And when life will be over
Don't think you will forgive you
Yah, you never said a word
You didn't send me no letter
Don't think I could forgive you
See our world is slowly dying
I'm not wasting no more time
Don't think I could believe you
Yah, you never said a word
You didn't send me no letter
Don't think I could forgive you
See our world is slowly dying
I'm not wasting no more time
Don't think I could believe you
Yah, our hands will get more wrinkled
And our hair will be grey
Don't think I could forgive you
And see the children are starving
And their houses were destroyed
Don't think they could forgive you
Hey, when seas will cover lands
And when men will be no more
Don't think you can forgive you
Yah when there'll just be silence
And when life will be over
Don't think you will forgive you
Open eyes adjusting to the dark
The growlin' of machinery
Can't say if it's night or day
And you know, somewhere in there you know
There will be a price to pay 'til all this goes away
So we walk the empty halls, the dirty walls
We smear our names in them
Dirt we find beneath our nails
Can't be scrubbed from our tired hands, never clean
We're never clean
We're never clean
Walk the halls, soot along the walls
Some will smear their names in it
While some just go away
And you know, somewhere in there you know
There's nothing here but surviving 'til something goes away
But through the cracks in this machine
We see the light, we see the sun dissolve
And we feel the pulse of life
A better life on the other side, and we wait
And so we wait
And so we wait
Time is lost, found cracks along my bones
This metal god is all I know
Now something's gone away
And you know, somewhere in there you know
Our blood's in the machinery
Our heart's in the machinery
And that's what went away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away.
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away.
And I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know,
Hey, I oughtta leave young thing alone
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness every day.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin,
I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies
And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget,
It's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up,
No you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show
But the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you and me
And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord
But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord.
I wish I was mad
Fucked up and done
I wish I was bad
And completely wrong
I wish I was made
Rebuilt-up and fake
I wish I could lie
And never could fail
And live some beautiful days
In a magical place
Beautiful loves
Perfect and straight
Beautiful days
In a magical place
A new dream is born
The new freaks have come
I wish I was fast
And crazy as a dog
I wish I could last
As long
as the gods
I wish I could be
Perfectly free
Wish I was a creep
Wish I made you bleed
And live some beautiful days
In a magical place
Beautiful loves
Perfect and straight
Beautiful days
In a magical place
A new dream is born
The new freaks have come
Beautiful days
In a magical place
Beautiful loves
Perfect and straight
Beautiful days
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
I am small, and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
-Lyrics c: .-.
--------
Sara is out ill today her meds are making her extremely off-balance and sleepy. -bye ;(
Stayyy strong beautifuls <3
Sara is out ill today her meds are making her extremely off-balance and sleepy.
help me.save me.love me.
#struggle
To be continued....
(17 xx) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Reality #17 ^-^ Mi Life Storyyy(; <333 YouAAFallenxAngeelx Believvee^-^
-Little Angell 🙊💞❤️👌
(((((Daily Shittt ✌️😭❤️💊💖💋🙊)))))
Daily Life && Random Posts:
{{{{How to Make a Breakfast Burrito}}}}
2 scrambled eggs (EB eggs, Walmart biggest)
3 tortillas (fresh and easy brand)
Cook scrambled eggs on stove (on medium #4 on stove)
Set them aside
Warm 4 tortillas stacked between 2 moist paper towels (one on top and one on bottom) on 45 seconds
You take 1 tortilla lay as many scrambled eggs as u want in middle of tortilla (leave sides of tortilla empty)
Take a handful of cheese, don't overpile cheese, just take a handful. (Monterey jack and Colby, fresh and easy) and spread it right on top of scrambled eggs (do that for all 3 burritos)
And fold your burrito (fold one edge , tuck the bottom, and fold the other edge on top)
Put it back on plate and warm on microwave on 5 seconds and
Serve && Enjoy 😘😘😘😘😘❤️🍻
--------- ✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️
I'm afraid I'm not sad I am numb but I'm not mad, I can't express, and you changed your mind
I'm not afraid of anything cuz I can't feel nothing.... 💯👌💉🔫😓
Poem by me Sara/Alisa/Gabriella/Savannah
Get rid of yesterday, and put your destroyed pain of yours away
It's dangerous, make u go insane
Your damaged, an animal
Dysfunctional, won't you feel my pain
In the muddy water, it's going down,
Fuck it all I can't feel nothing
Pain is killing me
I've officially gone insane I've lost it all, I'm uncontrollable.
I've lost my mind
I've lost change my mind
Fuck it I wish I was dead
I'm destroyed, inside of me is dead
I've gone crazy, you can't make me change
Into the muddy water, I'm tired, I'm so bad, fuck it all, I'm already dead
Into the valcano we go...
I wish my dad wasn't dead.... Even if he tortured me && made my life a nightmare, I need someone like a father figure, I'm attracted to both male and female, but mainly males Cuz I need a replacement father figure I never had so I get attached, if I was guy, I would be gay cuz I'm attached to males, I need a father figure, I never had anybody ever in my life I've been on my own going physcoticly insane for 5 years Cuz of my traumatic past, since I was 4 my life has been traumatic, then at age 12 when my dad died , for 5 years until now I've been going insane, one of the most craziest troubled teenagers out there one of the most insane with one of the most traumatic pasts, and one of the craziest girls , done lots of insane shit, I've done every single crazy illegal thing you can think of, mostly my unstable dangerous behaviors, since 2011 I've been insane and mentally ill, going crazy and in pain, done lots of crazy shit, but to much racing through my mind, I'm just done with life, burn the bridges I'm coming in, here I am, I set the city on fire, singing along, here I go, all of a sudden it's quiet, burn into the dark, I found it into the wild into the ground, here I go....
Your addicted to love 💋💕💉
I love Corona, CA, it's chill 🍻💋
I remember Izzy, Sara Berger , he used to say my name real loud, I miss the good days 🙌💕😍
Shit, walking around McKinley && dogs be barking whenever I walk by there house, am I that sexy, call the POPO 😂😂😂😂😂😂👏💯
Jim Parsons father died in 2001, very emotional, unstable, cries, cusses, Is an Aries and has problems, had a bad past like me, has issues and is broken and grieving, has behavior issues, has mental problems like me cuz he's sad about his past and his dad dieing
I'm done, I feel like killing myself, I've gone insane, time to go to the hospital, about to go insane in one of my episodes, can't take this, my lights gone out, I'm done, I'm in the dark, I've gone insane, numb and cold when soul meets body, im dysfunctional, KILL ME! Let the sun wrap it's arms around me. Im one of the most insane girls out there, im living Ina nightmare, HELP ME PLZ!!!!!? I'm tired of my traumatic life, it's been my whole life of trauma and me going insane, I'm about to go crazy, save me, I can't do this, that's it I'm at my breaking point in about to have one of my physcotic episodes, I'm suicidal and unstable, help me I'm dieing..... Kill me, I'm dead inside, I'm about to go crazy, very unstable, help me!!!!!!!!! It's 6/18/2015 @ 8:41 pm, and I'm too unstable and losin my mind, fuck this shit.... ❤️💋💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔🙌💯
("See You In A While." Poem by me Sara/Alisa/Gabriella/Savannah✌️☺️👌💕❤️)
"Be laughing at your own time
Thru the spirit and the mind
Taking lives side by side
Miracles every other day
Wild fires burn then cry
Why so wild, wild child
Troubled girl gone insane
Crazy and deranged and lost from reality
Done every crazy thing there is
But you be trying to get set straight
Animal on the loose, you'll be caught pretty soon
I've gone so insane I'm like an animal, dysfunctional in the brain
As you work to stay alive
One of the craziest people alive
We don't need eachother , just ourselves
Is it gonna die, sticking up, old age, place a diamond in a stone
Leaking cold turn the faucet off
Behind the machinery is no humanity
Stay alive but I've gone insane
Cuz my traumatic past from 4 to 17
Where you live isn't safe, grow here, stop lifting those weights
Grown women still insane
Troubled teen like me, it don't matter
Won't work out well for you , oh that's a shame
Crazy busy it's been awhile
Took awhile to endial
Doing illegal PHYSCOTIC stuff
It really is just a matter of finding out
This is what happened a long time ago
I'm one of the craziest, lost the cable by the chair, unplugged lost it and couldn't find it
Not like it was before, get another one, damages Cuz I'm jacked up,
Sleeping nightmare, then you wake up
Breathe that way it's not the same
Not again it's not working right
I'm one of the most physcoticly insane teenagers
I don't care cuz it's not easy
It doesn't make any difference
I cant do this anymore I can't hear it, that's the way it goes
Get her on the phone, we have a problem
Nothing's wrong feel no pain, no gain or loss, felt better then it did before
Are you sure, you don't look good
Not much I can do about that
But she's still alive,
I'm damaged in the brain cuz it blocks me from reality
It doesn't go that way, not gonna work,
Something went wrong in my brain its dysfunctional
Damn I'm concerned
Less carried, less worried
Let's shark it, pack it up
The lights go out, what do I do now
The summers over time to shout
Appreciate it but it's been awhile
Wild child cuz things go fast here
Crazy as usual, trips on the criminally insane
Are you okay? Same old stuff
If anything changes I'll let you know
If you take me just bail me out
It's been awhile wild child
All brains made insane, broke down in too much pain
I'm happy too don't go insane
Don't go away, your fine
Here's the thing take one of these
I don't trust them they don't trust us
I'm insane what a bust
I'll let you know if anything happens
I'm not a fool just play cool
It's a playground of black and blue
That's not nice, withdraws
Insane all the time
Counting stars
It's gonna be fine
What am I doing I've lost my mind
It's serious now it's all just fine
Stay with me awhile, don't be playing around
I know I know feel so much better
Realize it than anylize it
Trouble trouble that's me
I've gone insane
Wild child take my name and all my shame
All my pain
It's not the same
Trouble trouble not much fun
If you let me know I'll let you know what's going on
Now hideaway and go insane
It's been awhile, wild child,
Run around and just smile."
The End (poem by me) 😘❤️💋
On my way to school, ready to behave, I really really really love Hector, but he just thinks I'm creepy, I love him fuckin a lot && he's so sweet and I'm there for him , I care a lot and I know he cares, he likes me a lot cuz everybody thinks he loves me a lot and he's obsessed and flirts with me and over cares about me, everyone says that but then my mom told me and I kinda can see it but he'll never love me back, but I'm in love . Anyway I'm going to school and I'm gonna behave and not go crazy, hella ❤️😘💯👏
(What I wrote about my thoughts right now it's 11:08 now, shitttt ^__^) 😘🍻🙌❤️💋💕
Trying not to say what's on my mind, up at 11:00 am counting stars
Thinking about all I've been through, thinking about all the traumatic events I experienced
And how bad my life has been
Thinking about why my parents always hated eachother and my dad was a wife beater and a cheater and why he abused me?
I wonder why I'm crazy and insane? Why I do all the crazy ass illegal shit I do
But then I realize I'm one of the most troubled teens out there
But no one gave me help or love or care
I had one of the worst pasts
And I've done some pretty crazy things
But I'm still sittin here thinking about my whole life and how it can be different
I've gone thru so much and I'm only 17,
You wouldn't want to know everything that I did or everything that happened to me cuz you'll be scared
Like living in a nightmare
As my mind races
I just pray to God
Why my life was so fucked up and why I'm even alive
But I'm strong and I still want to die
Getting weaker every second
I'm one of the most craziest girls you'll meet and that's a fact
Plus I had one of the most traumatic pasts or life
But now I know that I have no reason
Thinking to much can damage you
And so can pain
But I'm still thinking trying to understand Gods plan for me
But I'm starting to think that everyone's trying to play me
Cuz everyone left me
But Now I'm wondering if I ever had a reason at all
Maybe I was just a fallen angel
Someone never meant to be born
Someone never meant to be saved....
Drown a whole fuckin bottle in like 1 hour. Homie got nothin else to do then bitch around. 💯😘✌️🍻❤️
Bitch you ain't mine nomore, you choose that other bitch over me, lmfao 😂😂😂😂💯
I was a patient here a couple times, I really liked it but there was a Dr named , Dr Deshmuk , he was rude to me and put me on special program, wouldn't let me. Out of my room, the staff are really nice especially a staff named Hector, I would recommend it but the grave yard shift are rude and disrespectful, not all of them but some of them, the foods alright if you get to go to the cafeteria, I don't like the restraints even tho it's a policy but all hospitals have restraints and I keep getting into them, any some things about this place piss me off but it's a really nice hospital, my name is Sara and ask to not get Dr Deshmuk cuz he doesn't listen && treats the patients like shit, lies to your guardinans but other then the disrespect, I give it 4 stars.
Perfect sisters (movie)
Hector overcaring stare, obsessed with me says mom, either he really really liked me, or he cared about me so much with an overcaring stare, to much for a patient, like he was protecting me, cares and feels bad and wants to take care of me, cuz he knows I'm so tourn up. ❤️💋
Hector obsessed with me 9/10
Oscar asked what happen to me, told me advice I should eat better
Oscar noticed my eye makeup and hair was staring At it like it was pretty
Oscar still has my letter kept it in his bag && felt bad cuz he forgot my birthday present but he has it
He knows I have to go to court hope I'm alright, feels bad, I'm really high maintenance, really troubled, and worst person craziest bitch in the family I'm crazier then my mom
Large Hot Chocolate with 10 pumps of mocha (as much pumps of mocha as you can, put in, ask at drive thru to put in as much extra mocha as you can) kids temperature and whip cream (from Starbucks)
There's this big ass bottle of booze in the cabinet.
FUKKKK 🙌👏😂💯
When I'm older I'm gonna work in a mental hospital, cuz I've been in 85 of those, && I really wanna help people 💯💯💯💯👌
I love Hector Alverado Perez from Canyon Ridge Mental Hospital 😘💯💊👏
I'm Sara Berger && I'm crazy but I wanna see Hector, ppl keep tellin me that he's obsessed and likes me and I'm like dafuq? My mom said he was flirting and was overly caring and likes me and wants to protects me, I ask her in the movie theaters and I asked how obsessed is he with me from 1 to 10 she said 9, I didn't believe it but everyone kept tellin me he likes me a lot, but then my mom said it but everyone noticed, I care for him a lot but he's a fucking staff, people be trippin' but I wish that was true. 😭😭😭😭👏👏👏 da fuckkkk 🙌😭😂😂😂😂😂
Ashley Hanson
Ismael Izzy Rivera
Justin Chavez
Hector Alverado
Chocolate fudge icecream from Dreyers
And I'll be waiting waiting waiting over you, I see your smile, I'll reign on your parade
Like a dream when happening she entered my heart stayed awhile gone from my life , her love was like a burning flame of desire
Our family wedding (movie)
You , you know this love will
People that work at UCI (health)
People that work at Loma Linda BMC/University
People that work at Centimennial
People that work at Oak Grove Center for education treatment and the arts
People that work at Emergency Treatment Center (ETS)
People that work at Copper Hills Youth Center
People that work at Aurora Charter Oaks
People that work at Canyon Ridge
People that work at Rancho Domacitas
I need some love ❤️😍👏😘💯☺️💯 I've never had anybody, I need someone to love me for me and my crazy ass, but I have no one , bitch be gone 😂😂😂😂😂🙌🔫💋
I'm gonna drown myself in alcohol 😂😂😂😂
Fuck the Wrap Team, stupid fakeass hynas 👏🙌✌️💯😂😂😂😂😂
This bitch really want me to go off on her, okie? ^____^ 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🙌😂💯😘
I'm pretty fucked up 🔫💉💊🍻💋 </3
~((--XxxxHow I Get Ready In The Morning PerfectlyxxxX --))~
6/10/2015 @ 12:57 pm 💞💞💞💞😘💋❤️
-Clothes---
Get a cute/sexy top with undershirt if needed, get jeans or sweats and colored socks, pull underwear, undershirt under your pants , then pull it up to make the line to your belly button
-Smell Goods---
Put 3 squirts of perfume around and across your neck then put lotion all over your body until it smells good
Then put deodorant on
-Makeup---
Put purple maybeline mascara darkly on your eyelashes until it pops up and is really thick, twirl it and put it on repeatedly until it's dark black
Then put dark pink from moms makeup and light pink from my makeup or any available color on your eyelid, then put the glitter black on the bottom of it and then put pink on again, do that for top and the bottom under your eye put the pink then the glitter and then the pink but do it a little bit lighter , do it thick so it shows, make it even
Then put eyeliner very thick on top and bottom of outlining your eye, make sure it's dark
Then put Mommy's blush on your cheek bones and around your face to light it up make sure it's very bright that it's showing
Then put lipstick very thickly on lips like a dark red or velvet color
-Hair---
Use BIG BRUSH. Brush down all your hair into a side ponytail on the right/left , lift head up and position it to the far right or left not in the middle of your head but far enough to be like I did it at UCI, a little bit above the back of my head, not to far and not to close in the middle
Then tie the ponytail and put the sock bun on your ponytail, then use big brush to cover up all the sock, put 2 hair ties on top to snap it down tightly
Now your hair will look like a regular bun. Put headband on if needed any color , put it close to your forehead . Bangs if needed you do or not have to depends on how your hair looks.
(((How I Get Ready ✌️❤️💋💋💋)))
"Smile"
By me Sara/Alisa/Savannah
"Some people don't understand, the pain someone feels, && the feelings people deal, people all around just walk around like nothing's wrong, hiding it with a smile,
While inside your dying && your really trying to pull it together
You see someone sitting by herself in a McDonalds , do you notice there pain?
That girl was on the streets, doin crazy shit but no one knew,
She has no money and has no home,
She out alone,
She's been husslin the streets, with only her 2 feet,
Bitch don't know she crazy,
She's gone insane,
She goes up and asks for money sayin' I just need to eat
But once she takes it she's goes out to buy drugs, then she's does more illegal shit, still out on the streets, she's still on the streets,
She walks into a bathroom,
There's not shower in there,
So she grabs some paper towels && so soap n water
She runs into the stall and begins to wash herself
She's been strugglin for weeks and months all alone
Out losing control
She kept ending up in trouble
Cuz she went crazy
, one girl asks her, why do you wash yourself in the bathroom?
She answers that she has no place to go
And the streets is her home
Police after her cuz she troubled and crazy
Always doin bad things
But she has no other choice cuz the streets is her home
Has to keep herself alive
She always looks so damaged and out of it
She walks into the store
Actin crazy bisbehavin
People stop and stare
And then she leaves without a word
Everyday she's on the urge of gettin killed
But instead she goes out and kills with pride
She's one crazy one cuz her life was so traumatic
And now she's goin crazy and bisbehavin,
People say that's not a healthy way to live
But she's fucked up in the head and done some pretty hard shit;
She was there for everybody cuz nobody ever loved or cared
So she went crazy and insane and deranged
Cuz her past was one of the worst,
One day she walks into a smoke shop && steals some cigarettes
No one even noticed cuz she's used to acting out,
She walks into McDonalds with the same clothes she wore last week
No one notices her pain or the secrets she keeps
She numbs the pain by actin out
But no one knows her traumatic story,
People ask her why she's always tired but never notices her hurt
She answered very calmly saying
, She chose this life,
And the reason she's so tired is cuz she holds her pain inside
She acts like she's okay but you don't really know her, she's known as the girl that's always misbehaving,
But no one notices anything
Cuz she hides it behind her smile
No one knows what she's been thru or what she's done or why she eats at Cheap places or wears the same clothes every week,
No one asks her if shes okay
She's just a troubled teen on the streets
But people don't notice that she has a good heart
Always talking to other troubled teens and helping them
No one ever asks why she's never has a home and she's always misbehaving and why she's always on the streets
Why she's always in trouble,
But what you don't understand is she was once a sweet girl, that went crazy cuz she lost herself in pain, and then she went insane every second everyday;
Why do you wear those clothes everyday?
No one understands,
She was always in pain
But now they understand that she's just a girl misunderstood,
She just wishes someone would love her,
She found love in her acting out and her life on the streets,
Now she's just a silent girl, traveling the world step by step with her only 2 feet,
The girl that hides behind her smile ,
All she wants is a home ,
Stay strong
Cuz that girl was me...."
The end 🚬💯👌💔
Some days my room is a safe place, but I sneak out and go crazy, I finally got off the streets && I'm proud I was on the streets for about 3 to 4 months, other than that I was running away but only gone for a few days, cuz I snuck out of my house, then I came back with my mom, && I'm glad I'm back on track 🙊🙈💯✌🏼️❤️👌
(One of my past life on the streets post) 🚬🚬🚬🚬💨💨💨
Misery A Voke, Voices Burn Holes. 🙌🏻🚬💕💯😓
So I was on the streets, I was walkin around Riverside County, and I brought my steak knife && my shotgun I got from one of my homies I met at an apartment in Irvine, she lived with her boyfriend && I stayed with her && I had my physcotic episodes there, I was possessed, when I was out of reality, then I came back && w injected crystal ice into each others arms , it was a trip, then my arm was bleeding and I injected it more than once, then we went out to get drunk and I went physcotic and started goin out shooting at people, I stabbed 10 people not all at once with my steak knife, I stole 8 packs of beer && started beating up people in grocery stores cuz Johnny was taken over me, so I went insane and trashed the store, broke the lights and was having an episode while I shot people but I missed, they called the cops and I pulled out my gun to them. I attempted to murder 2 people, not cops and the cops knocked me out, I woke up in the back of a police car, I broke the glass && Johnny possessed me again , and after they unlocked the door I ran with my handcuffs on and still had my gun and knife cuz he left it in the back seat but he put me in handcuffs and drove me to the police station, once I got in, they unlocked my handcuffs an took them off, I ranaway with them chasing me and to get away I jumped into the freeway, and started jumping into people's cars, driving around shooting, and I got 4 people down, but my guns bullets almost got them but then I knocked them out until they bleed, I shot one in the face, but they just bleed, I met back with the girl and I knew where I was going I went so crazy and insane, I went back to there house and we had all started drinking and we had a party, Johnny got off of me, and I had my fun, I chilled there for 4 hours just doin bad shit, then I had 2 more episodes and overdosed on pills, I was knocked out, then the ambulance was at my house, they took me to CHOC hospital cuz I walked from Riverside to Orange County, that's where the girl and her boyfriend lived, they found blood stains, cuts , bruises and weapons on me, I said I took it for safety, I was almost killed by 2 southsiders , cuz like I said I fucked with the wrong nigga, crazier then me, but I still ran cuz I attempted to shoot them but they had a shotgun and they almost knocked me out, we got in a fight but then I got possessed by Johnny again and I ran cuz I attempted to shoot, I think they would find my mom and my brother , you fuck with then they kill your family, and get there "hood" on you, I beat him up but at least I didn't shoot cuz then they would get all there people on me. I got beaten up pretty good and so did he, we both did some damage but he did more damage to me , I almost got killed but I ran , cuz I wasn't in a gang, I was in my own little gang, but not one as bad as the crips or the bloods, anyway they found 40 Ambian in my body, and no one was there to support me, they found burns and shit cuz I was fucked up, the nurses asked where I lived and I said with my dad in Irvine, that was a lie, she asked where he was, I said I snuck out at night, he didn't know I was here, cuz truthfully I had NO FAMILY. I was on my own for abou a few months, they knew I was throwing up and couldn't move, I was in the hospital for about 72 hours, awake and sleep deprevated, I got real care and real food, I didn't tell them about my mom I kept that a secret, they didn't know I was on the streets they just knew I went to see some friends, I went so insane so in my physcotic episode that I couldn't remember anything, the pills still in my system, it was a suicide attempt but I lied and said I was taking them for sleep but they didn't buy it, I had to come up with another story, so I said I was drugged, they believed me and investigated, they believed it, they released me once I was stable, then I said I was gonna go to the vending machine and I took a taxi, I was on the streets again still acting out, but then I found an apartment and asked them if I can stay, well that's my story about the past of the day.
The End
(By The Way this is from my past as much as I can remember, cuz I don't remember most of it)💯💕💔
-Street Life, Post About My Past- 💯❤️🍻🔫
By me 😘
I was at Tyler Mall and I decided not to do anything crazy, cuz u kno like fuck it's a mall, I'm not stupid there's security guards and cameras , children , and witnesses all around.
So I walked around there for a few hours, it was around 7 pm when I started having my physcotic episode cuz it always happens around that time. So I took out my Visteral and popped 4 in my mouth plus my sleeping pill. I had a few other medications in there and I needed to get high to numb my pain so I took 5 tablets out of each bottle I carry in my purse, I needed a pair of clothes cuz I've been wearing the same jeans, Led Zeppelin shirt and boots for awhile, so I walked into Macy's and I still had the $30.00 that somebody gave me after I beat them up and stabbed them and tried to kill them, cuz I was in a physcotic state from Johnny and staying up for 3 days with no sleep , so he gave it to me, I kept it with me until I got to the mall, anyway I bought a pair of jeans with the sowed in holes in them , 5 pairs of socks and 3 more pears of jeans (the ones Joe took a away at Copper Hills Youth Center when he bagged up my stuff and never gave it back, I went into the storage but he lost it like he lost my green journal) and I bought some band T Shirts and some Purfume, they didn't have band tshirts in Macy's so I went to Hot Topic, then I finally had clothes that I carried in the Macy's bag they give you when you check out. I roamed around all the stores in the mall and then I needed to eat, there was a Starbucks so I got a double chocolate chip frappechino, and then I got Panda Express orange chicken, I sat down where the tables were and that's where I met my partner in crime, I called him "Bad Homie" lmfao , he asked why I was here alone and I told him that I've been on the streets for days, but he never told me his name, he took me to his truck after we hung out around the mall for awhile, that's where I got raped for the 4th time , we slept in his car while we were getting stoned and taking turns drinking Grey Goose Vodka, we made out and had sex, then the next morning I still had my stuff with me, my clothes cuz I already ate my food, we popped pills and did some cocaine and acid and marajuana, he taught me how to roll a blunt cuz that was my first time, Blake never showed me, anyway me and Bad Homie rode around in his truck and we started going insane cuz we were on an acid trip plus I was posessed again cuz without my meds I go crazy and if I take more then the prescribed amount and drink it alters the chemical embalance in my brain, which makes me go insane, we got out and started raising hell (term for Johnny possessing me that I go out doing bad shit) we went crazy for about 6 hours going around and losing control and attempting to torture and murder people, I got gang raped and I fucked up a lot of people and he handed me his gun so I started going insane, we went so insane that we were found bloody, we were too maniacs, he was my first person where I started my own underground gang, we went out doin illegal stuff most of the things you can think of, I've never been this bad, but we both were equally crazy, anyway when we went insane people stared at us and started calling 911 countless times but at different times, we were in a cop chase for awhile, then 2 officers jumped out of the car and I got tazed for assault, they said they were gonna arrest me for assault , drug pherifamalia , and attempt of murder, they started driving to the Juvenile Hall by Country Farm Road after they didn't need to take me to the police station they just drove me straight to jail, tbh idk I'd i got fingerprinted or not I gotta check my police records. Bad Homie ended up on the run again and I never saw him again, he ran without his truck and the cops never looked at the license plate on the truck, cuz we were in a bad part of town but we didn't know where, it was so traumatizing and scary cuz most of the gangs were there, that town was one of the worst parts of the streets in wherever we were, that's where I experienced a lot, it was scary I couldn't even handle it . But I didn't know where I was, I didn't go do my normal shit there cuz there was murderers and criminally insane , shootings and crack houses, but I did beat 2 people up for trying to grab my boobs and pull my pants down, they have me an acid tab and I lived there for awhile, that's where me and BH stayed and I got more crazier scared and traumatized. Anyway he got away and I pulled out the gun and attempted to kill myself, so I went to ETS and I lied about why I was there, the police 51/50 me just saying that I attempted suicide with a gun. I stayed there for 24 hours and then I lied about everything, I got in restraints and acting out, they discharged me to another hospital, I don't remember where tho, I stayed there at Aurora for a couple weeks I still lied why I was there I just said "everything" but mainly just suicide and anger , there I got in 20 restraints a day or less, I got discharged to my mom but she never knew what happened. But as soon as she drove me home I ranaway and I was gone again for awhile.
The streets aren't fun, trust me it's a living nightmare, you never know , the fast or the slow , honey don't know it's all just a show , as we go insane , but we have our ways, don't be here, just run run run away. ✌️🔫💋👏❤️😘🍻😭👌💕💕
(that's my post about my past of the day, 💯 it's not it's not it's never coming back , it will be your nightmare run slow, cuz will it matter when I'm gone? 👏👌😘🙌💯💕 THE END!!!)
Well court is only gonna be 10 minutes, probably gotta wait all day, I'm praying hard 😍💋😘❤️👌🙏
Chillin' at BestBuy, need a fuckin blunt right now. 🙌🏻💋💕💨💨💨💯
Xx Ms Susie Out Of The Blue (short version) xX by me 😍😘❤️💕☺️👌💊 Love me hate me don't wanna shape me
I know something about you that you don't
Tell me what I can do
Ms Susie out of the blue
Oh oh
Something, something about you just hates me
Don't wanna run just shape me
They hate me, runnin in circles
Oh you don't
Oh you don't
Don't take me away
I may be crazy
I cannot deny it I'm crazy
I may be
Yes maybe you'll change your ways
You hate me
Ms Susie out of the blue
Oh oh
Tell me what I can do
Shake me hate me don't wanna break me
You see that you wanna run just hate me
Don't wanna run, cuz I know , something about you that you don't
Do you know ? Do you know?
Ms Susie OUTTA the blue
Tell me I don't wanna go just hate me
Don't wanna run just make me
Tell me what you can do
Circles and squares
Cuz I'm in chains, oh I'm in, chains
I'm faraway, I can't escape
Ms Susie out of the blue
I know something about you that you don't
Don't take me away, I'm crazy, cannot deny I'm crazy, don't wanna run, maybe
Tell me what I can do
Oh oh
Ms Susie out of the blue
Oh oh
Ms Susie out of the blue
Oh oh
Tell me I don't wanna run, to much trouble, Ya I'm too much trouble
Don't wanna run, just for the fun,
Mr mystery who
Who are you
Just hate me she ate me
I know something about you that you don't
Hate me all you can do is hate me
Don't take me away, replace me, I don't wanna run just for the fun
Hate me
Hate me
Hate me
Don't take me away, I'm crazy, I cannot deny it maybe
Oh oh
Ms Susie out of the blue
Woah
Tell me what I can do
Ms Susie out of blue
Ms Susie out of the blue
Cuz I'm in chains , I'm faraway, chase me all you can do is hate me
Don't wanna run just for the fun
I'm okay yes I'll be okay maybe
Maybe I'm crazy, can't be
But I am crazy, cuz I'm in chains
I'm faraway, I'm too crazy,
I've gone insane, mr mystery you
I know something about you that you don't
Don't wanna run no hate me
Ms Susie OUTTA the blue.
💋💋💋❤️❤️ by me :)
--------
Fuck this imma lose it all 💯👌😡😡😡😡😡 I'm not getting locked up again, U.S. I've gone crazy for 5 years, cuz my father passed and I had a bad past && I'm done some crazy shit , but all I need is love, just take me to UCI, it's been 5 years of going physco and mentally ill and doing bad shit, but I'm 17 now, I can get better, on the real, don't take me away, pretty pretty please, I'm fuckin beggin you, I'm recovering even tho I might be one of the craziest and worst cases, but take a look at this, I've been out of the mental hospital, not misbevahin , not doin the crazy shit no more, off the streets and off the drugs, not doin unsafe and dangerous stuff no more , you know why? Cuz I'm with my mom and my brother , where I belong, if u can't see if I'm trying to recover then your fuckin blind, your making me sick and unstable, but not gonna act out, cuz I know u want the best , and the best is a 3 month stay at UCI treatment center, not locked away AGAIN, my whole life I've been thru some bad shit and I've done a lot of bad shit, but I've changed, don't u see, back then I would have went physco crazy on u, so crazy that I would have been possessed and have an episode , worse then when Johnny does it, I've been to 85 mental hospitals, and yes my life since I was 4 had been traumatic, but so what? I'm fuckin changing, I can go to 0 too 100 real quick and when I do I can be insane and physco and could kill somebody, but that's not me anymore , can't you tell I can control myself, back then I was uncontrollable , CPS and treatment team if your reading this, I've already been to so much, I've always been in pain and doin crazy ass shit, cuz I was mentally out of it and so unstable that I wasn't me, I was crazy and was like a dark empty hole , but now after all that treatment I've got , I've become a better person, with my mamabear, she's my life, she's the only one that's helped me this much, she's helped me more than anyplace or anyone or anything, she knows what's up, im not that crazy mentally unstable physcotic and out of reality girl no more, I'm almost an adult, shit I'm turning my life around, when u call today in 2 hours after your meeting I hope u understand that I don't deserve more shit, you can send me to UCI or to live with a relative, but I've been thru so much it's fucking crazy, I used to be uncontrollable and I do admit one of the craziest girls you'll ever meet, but now I have a huge recovery and everyone sees it, didn't u see my 4 drawings I did , have you seen how much I've changed, my mom is amazing, she's been with my physcotic ass my whole life, and helped me thru it she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, after 5 years of being crazy and unstable, this is the year I'm going into recovery and I've been working on it, fuck it man don't you see I'm trying, all my treatment team had seen a change , everybody had and if you can see that, then fuck your some heartless bitches, your supposed to be helping me, I can change, I love you, I'm Sara and I'm another person, still have a lot of problems but I'm handelin it, so God is with me, and I know I'm strong && I can make it thru life and put my troubles away, let me just say I've changed ❤️💕👌💋🙈 Laura Shook read this all my mom said I can keep it, it's Bout my recovery, you agree with this you've seen a change in me, love you sis 💕😘❤️ If I end up on these streets again IMMA go back to doin crazy shit cuz dis bitch don't play, I was already a street hussler for 3 fuckin months, I don't need that again, I got this, IMMA make good choices, watch me homita , cuz IMMA bad bitch about to make a change, fuck you world, IMMA live my life, && behave 😘😘😂😂😂😂 aye I'm strong && I can do this, God wouldn't put me on the streets with me doing crazy shit again, he would keep me with my mom, homie , get real, I've changed 😘👌❤️💞💯😌 I'm a huge idiot, I don't believe anymore, I'm done, I'm not okay, time to stop pretending, pain is killing me, can't fake a smile nomore, for 5 years I've been trying to smile but I'm broken, I'm crazy and I deserve shit, I feel so in pain idk I'm not okay, I've been thru so much trauma and I've done so much bad shit it's crazy, I'm an idiot and I don't feel good, I'm not okay, idk what I wanna do anymore, IM NOT OKAY I'm far from it, pain is killing me, I can't do it anymore, it's makin me crazy, I'm hurting, but I'm keeping it together, try to control myself, I'm not gonna go crazy, cuz maybe queens aren't meant to be saved cuz it's driving me crazy . But it's ok I'm fine, I'm talking to my mom she's helping me, but my pain is tireing and sickening, but that's okay, cuz I have my mom , I love you 💋❤️😘😘😘😘💕 6/11/2015 up to late cx
Soup && icecream at 1:17 am in the mornin, yaiiii 😍💕✌️❤️ ^_^ Cx 😌🙊💋 mom gave me shitloads of pills to keep me from actin out cuz I stay up to late then my anti anxious pill worked to get me back into reality &&& no hallucinating and about to lose it hahaha 😍💕👊✌️
Overtired
Passed my bedtime
Delusional
Manic
Delirious
Deletions
High high HIGHHHH
😂😂😂😂😂💯👌💞❤️
I'm high, this is cheap, beep beep bear paws gonna get me afterr two hours with that bangin sound, cover by a cloud, no sleep meds, mother spoon cannot run a foster home, I CAN StiLL hear YOU !!!!!! 😭😭😭👊
((-Queen Of Queens Lil Cherry, I'm Fuckin Crazy.--)) (this is about my past)
By me Sara/Alisa/Gabriella
6/10/2015 @ 9:51 pm 💋👌💞💔💊💖😘
"Aye play a player not a player
Hoes got money I be Savin lives
Cuz I'm high and losin my mind
Don't break me n shake me homie you make me go insane
Aye bitch
I got time for losin my mind and goin crazy, do you blame me?
Scream in the middle of the night , I'm in pain and still losin my mind
Break me, I don't wanna hear it shake me
I don't wanna feel it, hate me , they all hate me
They all try to break me
I go physcoticly insane , faraway
I may be crazy, one of the craziest , maybe?
Run for your life, the streets are empty , 3 months goin crazy
Run run run they ate me
Bitch ain't gonna play me
I can't eat I can't breathe I can't face the pain
It's eatin me alive, I'm fragile, make me win a medal for bein insane
But you on my mind I gotchu
Breakin the lines , maybe?
Goin crazy that's what I do
Maybe, I've gone crazy cuz they broke me
I'm not a toy, I could be
I didn't break it, bitch please
One bad bitch on the streets doin illegal things
Doin all the crazy shit, they will break me , I'm already broken
I broke me, my heart and my soul and turned me into darkness
Possessed and insane
Maybe I'm outta reality
I gotchu I gotchu
Bad one on the run
Savin life's losin my mind
Goin crazy, maybe I'm insane , naw I can't be, but I gotta face the truth, I am maybe, wait yes i am in crazy
I will be, they broke me, they changed me, come save me
Out on the run , havin some fun
No one can stop me now cuz I'm the Queen and I need a favor
Come chase me, cops all around, they broke me,
I went totally insane, can't you see
As they all crowd around me, they taze me, they lock me away cuz I'm blacked out
I went insane so they decided to call the cops, now I know that I had an episode, physcotic episode so bad that I got posessed and I coulda killed myself
I went totally crazy, let me see , I can't breathe, got no time, I'm losin my mind
Can't you see, that I'm not me?
I changed into a broken person, broke from reality, out goin crazy, wish my mom was here, they caught me
Beer in my hands, gun in my hands
The pistol shakin in my hands
Posessed and sick in the head don't leave me
Laying here goin crazy
Make me start again, forever home, oh not again
Show me what you can do,,
Don't break me, just save me
And take me to Heaven
Where I can be free and be faraway from reality, I'm crazy
What to you see, walkin around and shook up I'm fed up
I got somebody some news for you, oh not right now
Got no shit to claim, make me go insane
Get on a plane, go faraway
I can't do this nomore
The pistol shakin in my hands
You get what I'm sayin , cuz I'm not playin
Got nobody to remember me
Got someone to see i ain't me
Full of darkness , I got some for you
Presents for me and you
I'm another one I can't breathe you got me leavin me,
It's takin over me, I can't breathe, don't come after me,
Don't you see I've lost it, I've lost myself
Can't you see? I've gone totally insane
So out of it that you can't see
That I'm broke through, I can't see you cuz I'm empty
But you can see through me
That I've got scars
Don't be chasin me, there's something you wanna tell me
You don't want me to let you know
That I don't have a home
That I've gotten so sick and crazy that I can't breathe
Can't you see, I need someone to save me
Cuz I got nothin , traumatized
Make up yo mind, don't you cry, this is who I am , can't change y mind , I've already broke , these battle scars yes I'm tourn apart
I'm sorry I'm sorry
You whisper , don't be, got no other reason to have lost it
Then me goin crazy cuz everything break me, nothin can shake me now, Queen needs a livin now
Poor another bottle Til I black out
You see me now, you watch out, you can't stop me now
Don't be sorry don't be
It's my fault that I've gone crazy
Dark shades my eyes, I try not to cry,
To be honest I have lost it
But now I know , I survived get over it, now watch me now, no way no how, show me what you can do, stop it stop it, stop while you can, you have no shame
Be glad ur alive, I'm not shy, I lost my mind, I forgive you lil one , now I can try , that I'm Alive, and lucid dreams, playin the black card, still got no shame, how could you?
Queen got no game
Queen of Queens, now
I'm laughing to hard , start now
Fallin down I blacked out
Jump on me , I got now
Fighting for my life
Atleast I can try, over there in the corner, now eat me
I'll make it alive
Yea maybe yes maybe
Aye aye aye
You can break me
lil Cherry, lil Cherry, I hate me
lil cherry, your first to know
And now you know you ain't me
Lil Cherry, you just broke me
I made it life, thank me I think not
You can shake me lil cherry
But you still ain't caught me
lil cherry, I love you and I need you
Okay?
I've been cravin somebody
Ain't me ain't I crazy
Little little izzy , makin me really dizzy
I feel so high it's crazy
lil Cherry, did I ever tell you this?
That your my life and your fuckin amazing
Tiny little one I'm crazy but you ain't be lil Cherry
Take me until I'm alive, lil cherry
I love you
I love you
I love you
Ms sweet thing lil Cherry
Lil Cherry...."
The End by me, Sara/Alisa/Gabriella 💋❤️💯👌
___All Blank and Without Me___
By me , Sara/Alisa/Gabriella 🙊💞👌💖
Black scared and blank stare, got nobody cuz ain't nobody care
I'm just sittin here with hope in my hands
Don't take it all away cuz I ain't got no chance
Damn you know me, ms crazy ms insanity
You break me you shake me but you ain't gonna continue
Cuz I'm crazy as fuck with a past I can't let go
I'll show you what's on the menu, servin it up on these streets
I'm hard as hell ain't nothin gon break me,
I've always been trough it all
I've already been traumatized
Uh uh
Can't you see thru these eyes, I'm hypnotized,
Break me shake me but you can't make it
I'll shake you down , you know what I'm sayin
I've done all this physcotic illegal dangerous n crazy shit
Cuz of my traumatic past, ain't nobody try to ask
Cuz I just pull out my scars
And remember it's gone to far
Uh uh
Believe me , you see me, anyone feel me cuzz nothin gonna break me, cuz I ain't gonna give up no no,
Don't cry , I'll blackin out on the side of these roads, out on the streets with nothing but me
Walkin around, out and around, for 3 months, goin insane, cuz I just kept bein bad
But I'm scared, but now you see me
I ain't got no time for bitches that try to lie
To get them to give in then give up then break you down
Nah I don't play that way
Street husslers know what I'm sayin
Got nobody playin dem x games
Cuz we remember it's all about surviving, cuz now I'm on my own ain't got no home
You know why I cry every night is cuz I've got scars from my past and me being so mentally and physcoticly unstable
I can't breathe I'm just out goin crazy
Call 911 on me && lock me away
IMMA still do it again
IMMA hussla but not nomore
Broken scars always healin but there always there
Damn
They keep keep comin back cuz you ain't got my back
No
Your not on track, no
Your emotional I know
But me I'm slowly diein no
Why am I actin this way, this isn't me , I've officially gone insane and lost my mind
I act like shit don't phase me
But damn it kills me
You said you neva break me
But look at you now roamin this town with no one around
Leave me goin insane and I'm so mentally unstable && yes yes yes I'm crazy, the shit I've done ain't funny, it's physcotic , it's completely insane
For 5 years I've been livin this way
I'm one of the craziest, yeah go slam that door
I'm not stupid , kill me oh I'll just run away
Cops can't keep arrestin me cuz I've been in treatment my whole life since I was 12 always doin crazy shit
But when I was little I was traumatized my whole life
I still cry bout it every night
But that ain't gonna hold me back
Cuz I ain't gonna have a heart attack cuz nothin can break me
These streets don't shake me
You know what I'm sayin, you know I'm crazy but that makes me who I am
And damn
I can be who I want to be
So don't be faking me
Don't be shakin me
Cuz ain't nothin gonna phase me
I know I'm crazy
But rest your head and go to sleep
I'm gonna react to yo mystery
Uh uh
Leave me go ahead
Itll break my head, ok just walk away
You got a price to pay, but life be treatin you with pain it's just the way it is
Cuz the world plays you
Streets husslers know what I'm sayin
Cuz now I'm damaged and broken
Damaged goods, I'll get you thru this, IMMA mess, all this stress, ready I'm gonna show you
That after all this rest, it's gonna be alright
Cuz I know your here , while I'm fallin apart, you see these scars?
I'll rest my head and go to sleep
But when you wake up you won't be alone
Watch it snow and just let go
I got something else to show
Don't you know I don't know what it is
But trust me homie you'll be okay
Trust me , I know what I'm sayin
Rest up head and go to sleep
You'll see
It's all gonna be okay
By me Sara/Gabriella/Alisa
Cooking brownies 😍✌️😘❤️
Betty Crocker supreme brownie mix , original with Hershys chocolate syrup in a pouch 😭😊💋💋💋💯
I am not going to a foster home or locked up or taken away from my mom, I may be very unstable and fuckin physco && very crazy, but I might have a court date if they take me away permenatly, like bitch if u do that I'll fuckin go physco on you AND KILL YOUR FUCKIN ASS and torture you, we're family we stick together, if u take me away I'm gonna have a physcotic episode and go homoscidal on you, worse then when Johnny posesses me and raises hell. CUZ I BELONG HERE fuckkkkkkk you AND ROTT YOUR faggot ass in hell I'm gonna KILL U 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔✌️
Ewwwww I look like a kitty cat 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫
Stop shitting in my lawn
Bitch did my turf
Chancy look at the trees singing happily
Buzzed as fuck && IMMA get down
What the witch say dis time
What he do
Awww itz 11:36 pm
IOS IOS IOS, I'm a happy idiot
Stop washing your hands buddi I'm alright high
No no no no no noooooooo
Deeeeeeezzzzzznuuuuutttttttttzzzz
Got em
Stop barking there's someone outside xxxxxxx
🛀🛀🛀🛀 ewwww
Go to sleep!!!!!💊📢📢📢📢📢📢📢😌😍
6/6/2015 standssbii can't sleep cx v.v ✌️❤️💊😌
I can't sleep there's some bitchass shadow in my room c; ^.^
Tf' trying to go to sleep here ✌️🙊
Move bitch get out of da way
Homie you square
It's 1:28 am
These street lights shine so bright
Glad I'm not a street hussler nomore
Dammnnnnit Frank cx your an idiot
ITS OFFICIALLY sundayyyyyyyy
It's fucking hot up in here
&& I can't sleep cuz I'm going insane
If izzz don't go to sleep soon I'll lose my sanity
End up locked away
Owwwwie stop hitting me Van Dorann, you fucker 😂😂😂💊😭✌️
Drawing #1: Sara Now
The past me for the last 5 years <3 the crazy physco me (;
I drew this for a project before I go into treatment <3333 💋💔🙊💖💞😘
Drawing #2: Sara In UCI Treatment Center (;
A drawing I did for a project at my behavioral health center before I go to UCI 👌😘🙊❤️💞
Drawing #3: Sara After UCI Treatment Center (1st picture is my mistake which looks like your flipping someone off lmfao 😂😂😂)
I drew my 3rd drawing for my project, which is me after I get discharged from UCI, after I recovered. 💞🙊😘
Rough draft of Drawing #4 : Sara With Her Family 😘🙊👌💞
The summer has finally come
School is out
The sun is shining
The heat is rising as we stand outside
Summer sun grazing across your face
Nomore hot chocolate and winter snow
In therapy in Riverside with my lil bro Preston, at CBU 😘😘😘😘❤️🙊👌😂 I feel so drained I'm fuckin over it 😂😂😂😂✌️💔💊
"Susie Called Out Of The Blue"
I'm sitting in the chair, all alone
This is not home, I'm wishing I was home, I'm done now I need my mom. My mind is a big blank, your all wrong , I'm taking my daughter home now, you can't have her, she's mine, bye bye, We are done here, you can't take me away, this is my home, this is where I belong, I am Sara and I belong with my mom, who takes good care of me, The people at CPS don't know that, I take very good care of my children, and well meaning people keep calling the hotline to complain about my daughter , and me not taking care of her, that don't know what it is that I am doing, they are not in my shoes cuz my daughter is very unstable , she's one of the most crazy and needs mental help , mainly my help, and doing the best I can with what I have , I think the schools trying and somehow were gonna make it work, we don't need you to take her away, if you could help some other way that would be fine, yes Ms Susie Out Of The Blue, just know that you can't take me away from my home, your making me sick, I belong with my mom, if you could help Ms Susie out of the Blue, we would take you up on it, woohoo, my daughter may have problems and she may be out of it and unstable but I love her with all my heart, ms Susie out of the Blue, would you tell me what to do, poof, show us your magic and what you can really do, my name is Sara and God put me here for a reason, to live with my illness and be gifted with a wonderful family, my mom and my brother, Ms Susie Out Of The Blue go away go away bibiddy boo, I ain't comin home to you.
I agree sis, also my mom had a TDM at CPS because 2 separate calls came in, say you can call my mom, she will explain, also they said I might have to live with a relative for awhile
What the fuck? Stupid ass bitches, there's kids around and one was disabled, bad parenting too, but the boy was protecting his mom, I've gotten into fights at Walmart, but I have class, not white trash ghetto ass fighting , there's fuckin kids around, plus one was either disabled or being a dumb bitch, I would protect the mom, but it's none my Buissness, at Walmart we fight in public but not infront of kids or damaging property that's retarded, plus the people recording it are even more stupid, dumb bitches 😂😂😂😂😂😂
CPS is probably gonna make me live with a relative it might be you we won't know until tomorrow, call her she will tell u
Temporary determination meeting , about a placement for me
I feel like shit I'm so stressed out I'm getting sick man, I'm staying with my mama 🙊💔✌️👌😍 deuces bitches yo not takin me away or I'll go physco on you , I can be physco bitch in 2 seconds, watch me, God knows, my mom knows and they'll protect me 🙊❤️👌💕
Richard Pryor : Omit The Logic
Ba da da bab ba ba (walle)
Bubble wrap
La vie en rose
Put on your Sunday clothes
2815 AD
Eve
The spaceship
Will it matter when I'm gone
6/9/2015 @ 12:32 AM 😘😘😘😘💔💊💯
Preston I can't sleep, we can't act like idiots but it's 12:28 am, are u on my PC or are u going to bed homie, kaykay rich niqqa, ilysfm buttface, next time you steal my cake, Grrrrrrr, I wanna pull an allnighter but it's to hot in here, lil bro , IMMA sing you the monkey shitting lullybye, just kidding I'm out of it && I'm out of reality, mr chubz WHAT r u DOING?????? 😭💔😂😘💞🙊💯✌️💋😍👌
She mistaken lolololol IMMA come in your room
It's not it's not, it's not coming back 💔💔💔💔💔✌️💞🙊
-Til My Heart Stops by Too Far Moon 💕💋💖👌
just chilling && trying to make the best of the hospital , about to be admitted to the mental health unit upstairs , imma miss my mom && my brother, I'm just gonna relax and eat snacks c; and these gowns are hella nasty colonthree emoticon
- at UC Irvine Health.
it's 3:06 PM, still in the hospital , I'm feeling messed up and delusional, not normal , outta it. c; I'm not in the right state of mind, I'm losing myself, my mind doesn't process where I am , I need help, before I go physcotic again. xx about to be admitted to the mental health unit upstairs, oh joy, still feel like I'm in a dream.
relaxing in my hospital bed watching TV && eating c;
- at UC Irvine Health
eating lunch at the hospital
^-^
- at UC Irvine Health
chilling in my hospital bed <333
- at UC Irvine Health.
in my hospital bed c;
- at UC Irvine Health.
Sleepy
- with Preston Berger and Marcia Berger at UC Irvine Health.
WAKE ME UP, there taking over me, help me, I'm about to lose it, I'm going insane, what's going on ???
I'm lost inside myself, I'm in deep insanity, I'm not mentally there, it's like I'm empty, and over goodnight at 4:21 AM
Stayyy Stronqqq Sara c; <333
- at UC Irvine Health.
good night, looks like I'm not getting any sleep tonight, I'm still in the ER waiting for a bed, I'll sleep in the ER tonight with no dinner and strangers c: heart emoticon
all the cafeteria has in this hospital is egg salad sandwiches ... oh hell nawww ^-^ nasty ass food c; been here for 5 hours , it 1:37 AM, let me go home , I need REAL food ... upset emoticon
- at UC Irvine Health.
Please turn off the food channel, I'm hungry, it's a hospital, it's 12:55 AM, feed me y'all make me mad asf
- feeling hungry.
Emergency Room ^-^
- with Preston Berger at UC Irvine Health.
at UCI Emergency Room because at Disneyland I had a blackout and a physcotic mental breakdown, I was hallucinating and suicidal and delusional and felt like I was in a dream, I had a seizure and was screaming at the top of my lungs, I broke down, I went crazy, my body went numb, Johnny and Erin possessed me, I lost all connection with reality, I'm outta reality , I was screaming and my body went week and I felt like I was in a dream and it wasn't real, my body was fading, that I went totally outta control my mom called the ambulance and 911 from Disneyland, my body went numb, I blacked out and the noise went loud then low the voices the visions went high then low , I was hallucinating and had a bad reaction to Topamax, I went physcotic, now im in the ER, i fucked myself up, I went blown out physco, I went outta control, this has to be a dream, wake me up, my brain can't process where i am, help me, I've gone mentally crazy, don't know what's going on or what happened , but all I need to say is I went physco and the ambulance took me to the ER, getting help, couldn't breathe could have been an allergic reaction to my new medication , I'm bloodshot and delusional, body shaking, outta control, not mentally there, I don't feel good, I need a quiet room to go to, on the floor breaking to peices, I didn't feel good , not in reality, in a dream , outta reality, in insanity, not there at all, like I was empty, I fainted, I was mentally sick , I felt delusional, I wasn't me, I was someone else, like someone took over me, wake me up I'm in a dream prove to me I'm not in a dream I'm going fucking crazy help me, I went physco and mentally sick, I lost all control and I blacked out, fuck you Topamax... now at the UCI ER at 11:21 PM, waiting for a room , hopefully not go crazy and get a bed soon, fuck my life...
- at UC Irvine Health.
Going back to school tomorrow at Centennial, kinda nervous tho cuz I'm still mentally unstable, but I can do this, I got new meds, I'm off to a fresh start, I'm not crazy no more, I've changed. I'm going back to school with my stuff together, I got this I'm still 16, I gotta live my life, can't waste it , you feel me?
- feeling nervous.
it's 4:12 AM
I'm bloodshot
I'm going to bed
goodnight sleepy heads
<333 c; I'm like so delusional, delerious, I feel outta it, sleep deprived. nite nite ^-^
Playing Connect 4 at 3:23 AM <333 still a little unstable but I'm just chilling the fuck out colonthree emoticon acting like an idiot with my brother, "oh no I'm on the streets, the cops are coming, I'm half naked , I'm on cocaine, runnn" haha I'm so delusional && manic, about to go crazy asf colonthree emoticon still playing Connect 4 && chilling out and now it's 3:26 AM. wow ^.^
- playing Connect Four with Marcia Berger and Preston Berger.
nasty mental hospital socks c; <333 at ETS mental hospital I was just chilling. glad I'm home && more stable (; but the socks, gowns, food, bathrooms are hella nasty ._. only there for 48 hours tho colonthree emoticon
- at Emergency Treatment Services.
home from ETS mental hospital && I'm trying to stay strong cuz the pain is killing me inside && out, I feel a little more stable, less likely to breakdown and go physco crazy , cus I have a family , I'm blessed to have all of then, love you ^-^
Preston Berger Marcia Berger Laura Shook Billy Berger
love you, I'm staying strong && loyal to you guys, I can do it c:
I feel darkness arising inside me, idgaf anymore , I'm done ^-^ gonna fucking lose it again c; HELP ME, my hallucinations are taking control && possessing me, I don't feel safe or stable, help me Laura Shook, I need you I NEED YOU, before I go crazy && out on myself again... fuck mental illness ...
just got home from ETS mental hospital, I was unstable && went physco as shit. I went crazy, I'm tired of my life, 24 hours in the mental hospital didn't do me good, cuz of a mental breakdown, suicide attempt with my moms pills, I went real crazy, but I'm home now, got more stable . I went hella physco so bad I got the cops called on me, I wanna see my dad, I had an unstable mental breakdown, but now I'm home, but I wanna see my dead father ... fuck
- at Emergency Treatment Services.
I gotta keep my hallucinations under control, before I get locked up again, I'm on a new medication now, Topamax, hope that will stabilize me, cuz imma bout to go fucking physco crazy, I need help && if I don't get help soon I'm gonna be locked up again, cuz I'm almost 17, then 18, fuck man I gotta get my shit together, God, Laura Shook, Marcia Berger help me through this .
you guys are amazing , thanks for helping me out through my unstable dark suicidal state, I'm not in a good place, but I'm NOT going to ETS, I'm gonna get help , thanks for the support and messages smile emoticon you help me a lot && make me happy , I feel a little better , thanks from stopping me from going crazy, I can stay strong for you guys heart emoticon love you thanks for helping me through my hard times and struggles, your messages are so sweet && supportive smile emoticon love you. goodnight ^-^
I'm about to lose it all && go hella crazy. I need to talk to my mom so I can take my pills before I get to 7 or 10 on the scale, I'm a 6, about to go crazy. haha , imma stay strong thru this, but I need help, mental help ^-^ Laura Shook please help me sis. cuz I'm gonna lose it all ^__^
On January 11th, 2015. my hospital visit Cx just life in the ER, chilling out && living the hospital life, i was very unstable, but this is daily life in the ER :333 this video is 8 minutes i know, im just observing the emergency room, going silently insane, still in the ER, its sucks ^-^
I'm leaving, the doctor discharged me so I can go home with my mom, I got all my stuff together, so I'm leaving colonthree emoticon
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
living the hospital life <333
still in the ER
waiting for them to place me in a mental hospital colonthree emoticon it's been 4 days, hurry up -.-
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
I'm feeling really homesick, I miss you guys, I feel like curling up in the corner && crying , please take me home, I've been here for 4 days, I miss you guys , I'm about to lose it all, I wanna be with my family.
- feeling homesick with Marcia Berger and Preston Berger at Corona Regional Medical Center.
it's 2:00 AM, in the Emergency Room c; heart emoticon
just chilling c;
delerious as hell cx idk wtf is going on? I'm going crazy. xoxo just daily life in the ER, at like 2 in the morning, lol
I'm pretty messed up ^__^
&& it's 1:24 AM
I'm hallucinating Erin
losing my mind
getting delusional
going crazy
ayeee
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
one broken person trying to sleep away her pain c; it's 12:00 AM, time to eat again, haha Cx heart emoticon I finally get to do my higeine, thank you smile emoticon
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
this is my 4th day in the emergency room (ER), bored && about to go crazy, so call me c; heart emoticon on messenger(; no sleep tonight, Cx the nurses are making me lay down , call you in the morning on day shift, hit me up <333
it's 11:44 PM, almost 12:00 AM, I can't sleep in this retarded hospital, I'm about to go crazy && get restrained then get the shot, I can't sleep and I'm delusional and sick, I wanna AWOL, I wanna see my mom, I havnt even got my meds yet and that's why I'm about to go physco, I can't sleep I need some stuff to knock me out I've been here for 4 days, waiting to place me in a mental hospital, please someone let me sleep before I go crazy, Is that to much to ask, I'm bloodshot.
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
it's 10:10 PM, bored in the ER, hello everybody I'm loud && crazy . plus I'm hungry for peanut butter xc
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
sitting with my 1:1 in the ER cuz I'm "unstable && crazy && unsafe" it's fun. thanks William, my buddy that snuck me 3 sodas, you hella chill, you my friend c: heart emoticon
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
"what are you doing William?"
*only few would understand*
"peanut butter && sprite"
*do not touch my food*
the emergency room, daily life in the retarded loonie bin, cus were crazy, I'm just hanging out smile emoticon still in the ER but not as unstable xx secretly recording what goes on in the ER, && talking to my friends Omar && William, this hospital is retarded but atleast I saw my mom ^-^
emergency room about to go to the mental hospital 51/50 after 24 hours
for real it's bullshit, imma fuck up these stupid ass nurses, fucking disrespecting my mom
one told her to stop talking and listen and I'm like bitch stop talking you don't fucking talk to my mom if you do again im gonna fuck you up, bitch stop tripping it's just a question, no need to get butthurt, even ETS is better than this shit
:c I'm kinda messed up, wait hell nah I'm hella very messed up, I went crazy && now I'm in the emergency room, cuz I was mentally sick and unstable, and I went crazy cuz Erin and Johnny took over and possessed me, so I'm going to the ER and then ETS, I went physco and had a mental episode, so bad I was about to die, now I'm in the hospital, on my way to recovery, to get 51/50 into another mental hospital, perfect...
me and my messed up crazy self getting admitted to the ER and then ETS , cus I went totally blown out physco, I went hella crazy and Erin took over me , possessed me, then I broke down and now I'm in the hospital, wow -.-
in the ambulance on the way to the emergency room and then to ETS mental hospital, I went crazy, ambulance ride was hella fun tho :33
on my way to the emergency room at Corona Regonial Hospital, there taking me to ETS mental hospital after they finish checking me cus I might have brain damage xx
okay . so I banged my head against the shower glass, the counter, the tile floor, and the bathroom door, that might be the reason I feel delerious and might have a cuncution, we'll I was "mentally out of it" and "taken over by Erin and Johnny" so I blacked out and it's kinda a blur, my head and stomach hurts , no wonder ... I cried so much, I became physcically sick, I need to throw up, no dinner for me tonight, just gonna go hella crazy, already did but this time 10 times worse, who new a physcotic mental breakdown could cause me to throw up, I just curled into the corner && cried my eyes out, I know I'm crazy but atleast I have a heart , I'm very sensitive and caring, I feel so sick I can't hold anything down, watch me go crazy again cus I'm not gonna lie it's pretty entertaining, goodnight yall:) I love you
I may be crazy && mentally ill
but fuck that shit, I'm gonna stay strong, even tho I'm not mentally stable. it doesn't define who I am, sure go ahead and lock me up again, take me away from my mom, but I'm keeping my head up and staying strong through my struggles, I will win this battle, so you can go ahead and go fuck yourself, the crazy bitch is coming , haha, deal with it yo, I'm crazy, but you know what, idgaf, cuz I have the best mom in the world , the best siblings, fuck that my dad is dead, it's for the best, nomatter how much pain I'm in, how many tears cross my face, this crazy bitch is on the way to recovery, if you don't believe in me then fuck off, cus I'm strong -.-
Just finished with a mental breakdown and physcotic episode, basically i went physco and crazy, I called my treatment superviser and avoided a 51/50 into ETS, I grabbed my moms pills and went mentally physco, I just saw Erin with Preston and Johnny was all over and I cried into my moms arms, I'm really unstable, I wanted to die, but I made it, even tho I broke down, they didn't call 911. I feel a little safer and stable now. I'm losing my mind. But I'm stable now, even tho I'm not right in the head, I made it and avoided the hospital from my physcotic mental breakdown, thanks Mommy, and sorry for grabbing the pills and my hallucination took control and "possessed me" or "took over me" so I went crazy and they followed me. I love you mommy, even tho I punched the window, thank you mommy for helping me through my struggle, my eyes are hella bloodshot now, haha, love you mommy
Sweet Insanity
If yo want to lock me up && send me back into treatment then go ahead, your to blind to see I'm changing and not going back to my old ways, stop putting me down. Dang
No matter what you say, I'm always gonna be fucked up in the head, so deal with it , yo
I'm never getting the cops called on me again, I'm not going away to a foster home -.- I may be hella physcotically crazy && mentally ill, I may have issues and unstable and unsafe, I've gotten the cops called on me like 30 times and I've been to ETS like 60 times , nomatter how crazy I am, CPS and the cops, and NOONE CAN TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY, I can change , watch me ^-^ <333 no one is taking me away from my mom, if they do I'm going insane or physco or crazy on them, I love my mom, so leave me alone. watch me change...
- feeling pissed off.
I feel unstable and unsafe, I'm just done -.- this pain is killing me && I'm sick and mental in the head, I have darkness arisen inside me, killing me inside, I'm done && over, about to go crazy, try to stop me ... might need to go away for awhile, cus I'm going crazy and insane, I need mental help, so bye... I'm crazy I know, going physco, no cops being called on me , I tell myself "stay safe" but I cant, I'm done... ^-^
When I was in treatment && locked up, I learned about treating others how you want to be treated, how being nice pays off, you gotta stay strong through the bullshit && focus on your own treatment, I learned a lot when I went away, I was hella mentally crazy, back in 2011, now I've grown from crazy and mentally unstable to a recovered success story, learn from your stupid choices, I've grown so much, I'm so proud of myself, the big change I've made in myself, turning me from "mentally unstable/crazy/physco" to "I love my life && I've recovered" I love everyone from Copper Hills Youth Center, I've learned a lot from you guys, I've grown into a changed person, you really helped me turn my life around
stay strong through these battles, you will have victory...
I have a chemical balance in my brain
I've gone crazy with no regrets
Cuz all you gotta do is keep your head up
she sleeps away all the hurt && pain c; <333
off to Wqlmart :333 Cx Happy New Years(; about to go crazy && lose it all cus 2015 is almost here ^.^ boom shaka laka colonthree emoticon wish I could get faded but I'm staying clean smile emoticon Happy New Years && love you all heart emoticon
- at Walmart Corona - N Mckinley St.
I have a secret
it's killing me inside
but I'm not telling no one
so I can suffer inside
I'm keeping this deadly secret to myself
so I don't fuck up our family ...
I have a secret
that I'm holding inside
it's killing me
but I shall not tell no one
I'm keeping my secret safe && sound... c; ^-^ :333
I feel sick && broken inside
screaming for help but no one can hear me
cus true is I'm going silently insane -.- <3333 :333
I have secrets I hide
To painful to bread
Killing me softly
Fuck this shit
she's been hurt so many times
no one has ever taught her how to live a healthy life
<3333
stay strong everyone c;
if you need help come to me
cuz I have mental illness
I can help you
I wanna save a life
even if I can't save my own
cus I love you guys
stay strong <333
Depression is a battle
But you gotta fight through it,
Some don't know the struggle
But even tho life gets hard
You gotta stay strong
&& keep moving along.
Cuz I believe in you
-For Realz-
by me
you dirty little fucker, jacking my shit , hit me up one more time, getting high, on the streets, going crazy and losing my mind , you dirty little fucker, to smart for your size, get me jacked up and run down my lines, one last time. (written by me)
avoided another mental hospital trip today , I was fucking going crazy and losing my mind, I was about to lose it all(: but dang I feel way better after my nap, now my mom can't trust me alone cus I'm not "well" or "safe" but it's for the best Cx
- feeling thankful.
outta Oak Grove, I've come so fucking far from the person I used to be, a crazy physcotic mental bitch Cx I'm not going back to my old ways , I'm moving forward , trust me imma the craziest girl you'll ever meet, just get to know me smile emoticon thanks for the support, I'll come back and visit, I'm not behaving bad , doing stupid dangerous shit nomore, no restraints , no mental hospital, no cops arresting me, from being in Copper Hills Youth Center (level 14 lockdown residential treatment center) Rancho Domacitas (group home in Rancho) I've come a long way, no more treatment for me , cuz I'm still going crazy and losing my mind, but I'm better , love you bitches ^.^
- feeling accomplished.
-I'm "Fine"-
by me
"are you okay ??"
"yes I'm fine"
"sweetie what's wrong?"
"nothing I'm just tired"
"are you sure?"
"yes I'm sure , it's just I don't feel right"
"okay, hope you feel better"
later.
"hey babe you good? aye hit me up"
"Thomas stop it your hurting her"
"no she likes it, right babe?"
"just stop this isn't right, YOUR FUCKING RAPEING HER"
"so who the fuck cares? dang"
next day...
"are you alright?"
"no I wanna kill myself, overdose, die, bleed , abuse myself, inject myself with meth, whatever it doesn't matter anyways"
"sorry babe I don't deal with suicidal cutting freaks"
"I thought you liked me?"
"nawww I just liked your weed"
final day
"Chandie, dinners ready"
*walks into Chandie's room*
"I'm sorry mom I can't do this anymore"
*grabs bottle of pills and slits her throat*
"Christian call 911"
" but mom 5 more minutes"
"NO! NOW"
"are you okay"
"no, I'm dead, inside and out"
overdose . die, whatever. I'm done."
written by me:)
be aware that you listen to people closely that say "I'm fine" cuz odds are 9/10 there not fine, there far from it. plus if you feel suicidal call me, I'm here, but 1st call suicide outline, stay strong lovelies
I got through another panic attack ^.^
yay me smile emoticon
I guess...
about to fucking lose it all
no no no
I'm okay
I can do this ...
HELP ME
I got this
pray to God
relief.
blow.
over.
the end.
- feeling anxious.
-Time To Wake Up-
written by me :)
~you know the unexpected happens without any notice at all, one day your with him , snuggling up and having normal father-daughter fun, and the next day you wake up, and the house is empty, no signs or signals, no dark or light , and your shattered into peices, he's gone, it's for real this time...~
~it was his time, God took him for a reason, I know it seems bad right now , walking down-stairs at 3:00 AM, and found him laying there on the couch, his body cold and empty, no expression...~
~then you start losing your mind, everything changes, including yourself , and your not the same anymore, but you stay true to yourself, and strong...~
R.I.P Daddy
November 27, 1953
-
February 23, 2011
I fucking miss you. I'm going fucking crazy
William Robert Berger your in my heart and prayers. Rest In Paradise
I miss you
boom boom shaka laka xx testing @ Loma Linda, cuz I'm crazy and idgaf xx
- at Loma Linda University School of Behavioral Health.
thank you God for blessing me with a wonderful life. making me strong through my struggles, getting me mental and behavioral help, turning me from crazy and delusional to strong and courageous , for taking Daddy away to a better place, having a wonderful family, and for making me, me , through all my struggles and issues I remained strong, now I haven't been in the mental hospital for a month, I haven't gotten violent in a long time, I'm NOT CRAZY OR MENTALLY ILL I'm strong. I had lots of problems and I got sick mentally, but now I'm learning to cope, I don't feel as suicidal, I'm not having behavior issues, I'm on my way to recovery, THANK U GOD
haven't been in the mental hospital, had a breakdown or mental episode or acted out, I'm getting more stable, 1 month outta the mental hospital ^.^ my mental state is getting better
if you really knew me, no one understands cuz I'm complicated, and broken, I'm too unstable for anything, I'm not myself, I don't recognize myself anymore, God has kept me living he's always there. I LOVE YOU IM SORRY FOR FAILING YOU... I'm done but I can do this face my demons take away my dark side stay strong, Im not stable AT ALL mentally, I REALLY feel unsafe, a state of darkness, I can feel again, not normal, scared and trapped, wanting to burst into tears, I hate myself, I don't feel alright or okay, I feel ill mentally, I love my mom with all my heart I live for her, she's the reason I'm breathing she tried 13 years to have me, what if my daddy isn't dead, IMMA bout to lose it all, so much pain, I'm sorry, I can't express how much I love my mom. I feel weak, emotionless, scared and tiny , I'm really about to go crazy do something dangerous or stupid, I'm gonna tell my mom what's going on with me, you don't know what goes on in my head, my mind. but I'm going to stay strong for all my family, I'm make them proud, make my dad proud by not being unsafe. I LOVE YOU MOM IM SORRY. nothing normal I don't feel safe anywhere, I am fucking crazy, I don't know what's going on deep down I wanna fade away disappear I'm worthless, why was I the only one losing my mind, I live idk how much longer I can hold on, I wanna go physco, I'm sick of this shit I wanna be normal, I live my mom I love you, I don't feel normal, I feel sick, memories passing by scared a dark side coming out, but you know what don't worry I'm staying strong thanks to my sister Laura Shook she loves me I love her, I'm so happy with my family I love you guys.
I don't know why, but I feel so much pain and numbness and weakness I miss my daddy, I'm sad and about to lose it all but I'm gonna sleep , stay strong cuz I love my mom so much more than anything with all my heart. I don't know I can't hold on any longer but I guess I have to. fuck this feeling, I love you mommy heart emoticon
- feeling depressed.
okay, I have had a long rough years after the passing of my father, I became mentally ill and unstable, went crazy out of my mind, did crazy shit I regret, trust me I was bad, didn't even know who I was. I went to over 50 mental hospitals, behaving bad, hallucinations, darkness taking over me, I felt trapped, I lost myself, I'm on medication now, I've tried to attempt suicide I can't even stay strong, then I got saved, by god. I've been suicidal depressed skitzophrenia and bipolar angry for awhile, but it gets better thru the fight I fight to stay strong, I'm feeling better now, still out of it but I'm staying strong and pushing through it. you guys are amazing beautiful awesome special people I love and care for all of you, if anyone needs to talk I'm here, I love you guys, I'll be there in ur darkest moments , I'll help you cuz I love you...
I almost got sent away to another state, I have another chance, I am not going away never see my family again, I gotta help my family by behaving and no hospitalizations.
I'm glad im getting my mental issues all straityened out. Im a very caring person, fuck the heartless assholes that don't care bout nobody and want to abuse people, I wish I had my dad still alive but hes still in my heart, I no that everyone has a chance, im still mentally ill, but I keep moving on with my life even with my shitty life and my father gone, Im still going, I love u all, stay strong, don't give up, and don't be like me. IM ALMOST THERE xD
- feeling loved.
just got home from ETS mental hospital, I was unstable && went physco as shit. I went crazy, I'm tired of my life, 24 hours in the mental hospital didn't do me good, cuz of a mental breakdown, suicide attempt with my moms pills, I went real crazy, but I'm home now, got more stable . I went hella physco so bad I got the cops called on me, I wanna see my dad, I had an unstable mental breakdown, but now I'm home, but I wanna see my dead father ... fuck
- at Emergency Treatment Services.
I'm getting admitted into UCLA mental hospital unit for mental help Cx cus I'm going crazy && I need help before I break && have a physcotic mental episode, I need help . c:
I miss Oak Grove ^-^
Oak Grove Center For Education Treatment & The Arts <333, in Classroom 13 with Ms Davis . c; heart emoticon they miss my crazy ass haha
I'm an angel c;
I wanna go home Cx heart emoticon
save me from myself (;
I may be unstable xx
but I'm strong && I love mii family colonthree emoticon
with all mii heart <333 ^-^
sleep tight. goodnight. -.-
I love you beautiful c;
let me kiss those scars on your wrist
I feel like a stranger to myself
Smile through the hurt, smile through the pain, no matter how bad the struggle is, I promise you'll be okay, pray to God, stay strong, && keep yo head up, even tho it seems hard right now, keep smiling, even if they don't smile back. Stay strong...
I may be full of pain, but I'm strong && ready to start on a new road to recovery, thank you God for helping me recover to the changed person I am today. I love you
I am NOT going back to Oak Grove, even tho I'm not stable, I can change , I wanna stay in a public school, not a mental/behavioral school...
sitting in an empty room
opening my empty mind
all I could do is cry...
I'm leaving , I'm breathing, don't leave me Cx
No matter how unstable I am, I can make it through this battle.
living the hospital life <333
still in the ER
waiting for them to place me in a mental hospital colonthree emoticon it's been 4 days, hurry up -.-
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
chilling im the ER at 12:56 PM (; eating food Cx
I'm pretty messed up ^__^
&& it's 1:24 AM
I'm hallucinating Erin
losing my mind
getting delusional
going crazy
ayeee
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
in the emergency room still c:
just chilling && eating my lunch
hanging out and enjoying myself, :333 daily life in the ER xx
I stayed up till 4:00 AM, woke up at 7:30 AM, && now I'm drained and tired , bloodshot c: heart emoticon time to eat lunch and go back to sleep
- at Corona Regional Medical Center.
it's 2:00 AM, in the Emergency Room c; heart emoticon
just chilling c;
delerious as hell cx idk wtf is going on? I'm going crazy. xoxo just daily life in the ER, at like 2 in the morning, lol
this is my 4th day in the emergency room (ER), bored && about to go crazy, so call me c; heart emoticon on messenger(; no sleep tonight, Cx the nurses are making me lay down , call you in the morning on day shift, hit me up <333
boring hospital ER life c; heart emoticon
for reals it sucks xx
atleast I have mii music
living the hospital life ^-^
3 days down , 14 to go.
c:
the emergency room after my 3rd day, on a visit with my mom
- with Marcia Berger.
My family came to visit me at the hospital, I love you guys
- with Marcia Berger at Corona Regional Medical Center.
wipe away all the hurt && pain ^-^ goodnight
I love my mom to death, you saved my life heart emoticon I love you with my life and everything I got, I love you mommy, your the only one that stopped me from hurting myself and taking those pills, I love you so much, your amazing , when you wipe my tears away, it feels refreshing, love you to the moon && back c:
- with Marcia Berger.
no matter how broken I am
I can still recover
it's not over yet
^-^ ^.^ c: heart emoticon
keep yo head up(:
Hurt && Beautiful c: <333
Just finished with a mental breakdown and physcotic episode, basically i went physco and crazy, I called my treatment superviser and avoided a 51/50 into ETS, I grabbed my moms pills and went mentally physco, I just saw Erin with Preston and Johnny was all over and I cried into my moms arms, I'm really unstable, I wanted to die, but I made it, even tho I broke down, they didn't call 911. I feel a little safer and stable now. I'm losing my mind. But I'm stable now, even tho I'm not right in the head, I made it and avoided the hospital from my physcotic mental breakdown, thanks Mommy, and sorry for grabbing the pills and my hallucination took control and "possessed me" or "took over me" so I went crazy and they followed me. I love you mommy, even tho I punched the window, thank you mommy for helping me through my struggle, my eyes are hella bloodshot now, haha, love you mommy
this pain is eating me alive ^.^ just gotta stay strong c;
Can't stand this pain
have to go to therapy tomorrow , awww that sucks tho frown emoticon wake up at like 7:00 AM, atleast I get breakfast at Del Taco... fuck therapy, it doesn't help -.- ^.^
- feeling annoyed.
I may be crazy
But I'm strong yup
I'm not getting locked up again hell nawww
this pain and hurt is crushing me to peices , It's turning me into a broken soul, Why can't I be normal?With no mental illness & physcotic episodes? This pain is crushing me alive, But I'm still standing, I can win this battle
strange emotions ^-^
I want to dive into your ocean
close mii eyes && watch me cry
I got some strange emotions c:
I'm coming home <333
no more tears
no more pain
no more treatment
lots to gain
I may be crazy
but I'm high
lost myself
nowhere to hide...
I can't seem to find myself c:
I don't know who I am nomore xx
about to go crazy :33 heart emoticon
but then again I'll find myself wink emoticon
even tho I don't love myself
I gotta learn xoxo
love myself <3333 ^-^
Perfectly Broken :333
Beautifully Insane c;
Amazingly Crazy <333
in this tiny world Cx
leave me in the rain c; heart emoticon
dripping wet && broken wink emoticon
it's to cold outside xx
for angels to fly :333
say something I'm giving up on you -.-
leaving me cold in the rain c:
stay strong through the bullshit ^-^
I love you :333
I know you might be hurting && in pain right now
but it gets better
there's light at the end of the tunnel
you can do this, I gotchu c;
"hey Candie
come get me
come find me
go crazy
no more treatment
oh Candie."
I'm glad I'm outta Oak Grove, but I miss it at the same time, great memories && bad memories. Glad I'm outta treatment && doing better
you left me here, all alone c;
you left me cold && broken
you left me in the wind
about to lose it all
with rage and anger
you left me here, all alone c:
my mental hospital buddy c: I've seen you like 5 times in the mental hospital smile emoticon we both are crazy as fuck && always have fun when I see you in ETS, pulling allnighters , watching TV, hanging out in the ER, laughing our asses off , me && you are crazy but were best friends , it's always fun when I see you && talk to you , I love you mental hospital buddy smile emoticon (haha that sounds weird) love you, stay outta trouble && hope we can chill soon :333 it's always fun when were at ETS mental hospital && we be going crazy && hanging out on the unit <333 bye bye <333
<3333
stay strong everyone c;
if you need help come to me
cuz I have mental illness
I can help you
I wanna save a life
even if I can't save my own
cus I love you guys
stay strong <333
Depression is a battle
But you gotta fight through it,
Some don't know the struggle
But even tho life gets hard
You gotta stay strong
&& keep moving along.
Cuz I believe in you
stay strong don't let the bullshit get to you
I'm glad im getting my mental issues all straityened out. Im a very caring person, fuck the heartless assholes that don't care bout nobody and want to abuse people, I wish I had my dad still alive but hes still in my heart, I no that everyone has a chance, im still mentally ill, but I keep moving on with my life even with my shitty life and my father gone, Im still going, I love u all, stay strong, don't give up, and don't be like me. IM ALMOST THERE xD
- feeling loved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to be continued ^-^
(18) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
Insanityy Becomes Realityyyyy(xx #18.Mii Life Story ^-^ xxx Pain && Tears... c;
Dancinqq in the darqqq <333 '''the cop that arrested me was hella cute Cx he put on the radio to 98.7 alternative and i heard this dope ass song , "Prayer In C" when he put me in handcuffs I didn't even struggle or he didn't have to restrain me, I behaved myself and cooroperated, good for me , they took me to the mental hospital instead of Juvienal Hall. haha -.- - listening to Prayer In C (Robin Schulz remix). remember all those good times I got arrested by cops Cx hehe some were cute tho, I'm crazy asf and NO I'm not proud(: I'm gonna make a record of not going to the mental hospital. I'll behave myself, I've been to over 66 mental hospitals , but guess what imma change smile emoticon imma lion here me roar c: heart emoticon - feeling confident. _Texture_
written by me
"the texture of a memory
will never soon to pass by
cherish every moment
as if it were your last
the texture of a memory
the texture of a dream
is all just a memory
playing in your head
texture of myself
watch me burn it all down"
written by me smile emoticon Just got home from ETS mental hospital fuck this shit man when Johnny took over or possessed me I went fucking physco, damn I'm just done && over this shit I'm craving KFC the mental hospital food is nasty, nice to be eating real food againI feel sick && broken inside
screaming for help but no one can hear me
cus true is I'm going silently insane -.- <3333 :333my hospital band from ETS mental hospital kiki emoticon Got 3 things on my mind...
smoke a cigarette on the roof of my house
go lose my mind && do something crazy
spend time with my family watching Criminal Minds && drinking Starbucks
hell yeah Because to much is never enough for meWhen the whole world is against you
And you just want to die
Welcome to the ends
Can't hold these tears back
In so much fucking pain
With nothing to gain
So you gotta pray to God
Cuz every little thing, is gonna be alrightGo to sleep
I'm hurting so bad
Just sleep it all off I'm unstable
I'm hurt
I'm done
But I'm remaining strong
I need a fucking cigarette...
But I gotta stay strong for my mom
&& my brother
Cuz they love me so much
I gotta prove that I can get through this shit
Cuz I'm not weak
I'm strong
I can change
I know I used to be mental && crazy
But listen the fuck up
I'm a changed person
So stop fucking getting in my way
I can do this
Win this battle stay strong ^-^ :333
beautiful love(: c;
everybodies watching me -.- I'm broken...Take me away
A secret place
Take me to paradise
Don't wanna live in this hell no more ... When suicide is calling your name
When pain is breaking your chains
It's killing you inside and out
Ready to face death
Cuz I'm crazy as fuck
And about to go physco
Lose yourself
Watch me bleed
When I'm dieing inside
Suicide is my only option
Cuz getting high doesn't last long
I'll see you in another life
Cuz I can hear my name if you think suicide is a "joke" or a "way of getting negative attention" then fuck off -.-
I've had these issues && so have a lot of people. have a heart heart emoticon yes I know I have mental illness, yes I know I'm defined as crazy && physco , suicide is not a fucking joke, you guys are heartless bitches.
if you or you know someone who is suicidal, please call suicide hotlines, or call 911
save a life smile emoticon
I love you, remember I'm here for you
fuck those bitches that think suicide as a joke...
stay strong beautifuls kiki emoticon every scar has a story <333
stay stronggg(; c: thank fucking god(; I didn't spend Christmas in treatment or in the hospital, like the last 4 years, I haven't been home , I spent it locked away xoxo but this year I got to sown it with my wonderful family xD not going crazy or locked up. I'm finally home smile emoticon for good Cx these battle scars What does the fox say?
SHUT THE FUCK UP... haha Right now I just wanna sit on the roof of my house, smoke a cigarette and listen to my music, watch the sunset while eating cheesecake fucking perfect day The lunch menu at ETS mental hospital blinded bii reality ^.^
you get trapped && you can't make it out(;she's broken inside
but can't seem to cry
cuz she's dieing inside ...
she doesn't know what happiness is
you know why
cuz all of her life
she has been drowned in pain
soaked in hurt
and trapped in darkness... she doesn't know what it's like to be happy
cuz she's been hurt and broken
she's about to lose it
she doesn't know how to live
because she's fucking crazy
she's scared and shattered
she doesn't know
cuz noons ever showed her... Smile Cx
by me ;(
faking a smile everyday
make it seem like it's all okay
but inside I'm hurt and broken
my pain digs deep
like a knive in my skin
some days I feel like dieing
cuz I hurt so fucking bad
underneath that smile
is hurt and pain
darkness I can't escape
fuck my life
you ask me
are you okay?
I reply, yes I'm fine
but deep down I'm not
I'm far from okay
I'm empty and trapped
full of darkness
I'm hurt and broken
full of pain
I cry myself to sleep
cuz I go numb
are you okay?
no I'm fucking not okay ...
just let me go on with my life
faking a smile everyday... I'm fallinq && then I get back up again;) c: <3333 xoxo watch mii fly, stuck inside, trapped inside. Cx then I realize . xx ready to flyyyxx c: - listening to Prayer in C. I'm hurt inside
my pain is drowning me
I'm so over
so done
I miss my old life
why can't I be happy
someone help me
I feel like dieing
I feel so empty
so numb
about to go crazy
about to lose control
lose it all
lose myself
cus I'm crazy
I'm scared
to much tears
so much pain
fuck that shit
brush that off
and fucking live
fuck you...
your beautiful xoxo just the wayy yeww are c: <333 && remember . I love yeww colonthree emoticon
stay strong(: you can do this && ignore the bullshit cuz you are STRONG xoxo smile emoticon
stay strong.
just know.
I'm always here for you.
every step of the way.
cuz I care.
love you.
<3333 and I scream kill me kill me I scream hit me hit me I'm gonna go crazy crazy and watch me bleed imma go physco on you cuz I'm crazy crazy, come get me get me wanna play me play me. fuck you imma take those pills xx to unstable, about to lose it all xx on my way to Loma Linda mental hospital because I am unsafe, unstable, and had a physcotic mental breakdown, and keep blacking out and a suicide attempt, fuck my life ... plus Erin the 5 year old (my other personality) keeps making me go crazy... I need the fucking pills, I need to bleed by slitting my throat, I'm fucking crazy, imma lose my mind, to unstable, I'm the craziest girl you'll know, I need those fucking pills, I'm ready to face death... God damn these voices in my head Daddy is my guardian angel love you Daddy, please protect our family I may be skitzophrenic but I really see him music in. drown out. ignore the world. :333 - listening to Nothing Inside. I feel proud I had a mental breakdown anxiety attack and I was hallucinating real bad I kept it under control, fuck anyone who thinks I'm crazy so what I might be bad but I avoided a mental hospital trip to Loma Linda, I don't feel safe or mentally there I'm trapped out of reality but I'm proud of myself I'm still here ... - feeling proud. seeing a cigarette makes me want one even more smile emoticon I can do that shit hella all the time ^.^ I'm mad now, the cops that arrested me wouldn't even let me smoke in the mental hospital but the adults on the unit were outside smoking. fucked up -.- but me, I'm not an addict, but I might become one tho Cx I'm waiting
I'm waiting
I'm waiting
here for you
I'm ready
come save me
come get me
my lover
go kill me
come find me
let's do this
tonight... killinq me softly xx
dyinq inside(:
fallinq down slowly Cx
pain outta control x
got nothinq to lose
no end
no beginning
watch me fly away :333 I'm going to Cenntenial High School I:I program boom shaka laka bitches - at Centennial High School (Corona, California). _Texture_
written by me
"the texture of a memory
will never soon to pass by
cherish every moment
as if it were your last
the texture of a memory
the texture of a dream
is all just a memory
playing in your head
texture of myself
watch me burn it all down" written by me -Just Made It-
by me xxx
just made it through texture of thoughts
just twisted my brain
left and right
like a toy
watch it swing
rewire your brain
stand in the rain
full of this pain
just survived another hallucination
the mind of a 6 year old
the skitzophrenic mind
ready to cry
I had that dream again last night
he was angry and abusive
you turned, you changed,
now your crazy
just like me
trust me
yo don't know me
I'm physcitically mentally crazy
but seriously...
get your shit together
there's life ahead
fuck that shit
going out doing dangerously hard shit?
no dad, I'll prove you wrong
is this a dream
or can it be reality
what if reality was all just a dream
what if your dreams were really reality ?
hell naw you don't know the struggle
till it hits you hard and tears and breaks you apart
I'm crazy yes I know it
look at yourself in the mirror
what do you see
is it reality
your crazy
your different and broken
your not yourself no more
you've changed
now watch me lie on the floor
during inside
watch me burn
watch me cry
watch me die...
I wrote this Cx I'm just laying here
getting fucked up
feeling different
bodies weak
feeling of a strong sensation
I'm pretty fucked up
something's toying with my brain
I'm pretty fucked up
about to go physco
delusional as fuck
about to lose it all
cuz it's a very very mad world
when will I wake up
cuz I'm pretty fucked up...
-Mad World- Gary Jules ^.^ I'm just laying here
getting fucked up
feeling different
bodies weak
feeling of a strong sensation
I'm pretty fucked up
something's toying with my brain
I'm pretty fucked up
about to go physco
delusional as fuck
about to lose it all
cuz it's a very very mad world
when will I wake up
cuz I'm pretty fucked up...
-Mad World-
Gary Jules ^.^
lyrics...
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world - listening to Mad World. Listening to Metallica.
got my music all the way up.
I'm fucked up.
I'm messed up.
losing it.
getting delerious.
losing my mind.
going crazy.
outta body experience
delusional and faded.
on some kind of drug.
cuz I'm pretty fucked up.
listening to Metallica.
-Nothing Else Matters-
Metallica ^.^
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters - listening to Nothing Else Matters. it's killing me inside
nowhere to run or hide
going crazy
I'm getting sick
eyes bloodshot
wanna lose it all
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I miss you daddy
I wanna cry
and hold you tight
I love you mommy
fuck my life
I'm sorry...- feeling fucked up. I'm not fucking going to sleep until my mom comes home, I love her, I gotta stay awake to make sure she's alright , if she's okay and is safe and doing good IM FUCKING WORRIED YOU HAVE ME IN TEARS I miss you, I'm concerned , I'm worried , I'm paranoid, I need you, I love you I have to protect you. you been gone all day from like 10 am till now 11:25 pm, I'm pulling a fucking allnighter. I miss you please be okay frown emoticon what if something happens , fuck that shit imma go crazy, I'll pray for you mommy ♥ - feeling paranoid.
Oh okay I'm not "mentally stable" I'm not "mentally ready" feeding everyone false info to turn them against me and keep me at Oak Grove so you can torture me, well bitch imma fucking torture you. What the fuck is your problem you fatass bitch? Tamara you can fuck off, turning the whole team against me so I can't go to San Tiego and you keeping me at Oak Grove to torture me, lie, and bully me... See More - feeling about to kill dis fakeass bitch. Hi :c
I'm Sara
And I have a story
I've had struggles
But look where I am now
From crazy and mentally ill
to recovered and changed - feeling accomplished. Tomorrow is my last day at Oak Grove imma miss that school it's like a behavioral school and I'm turning into a successful young lady Tomorrow is my last day at Oak Grove imma miss that school it's like a behavioral school and I'm turning into a successful young lady .
xxLove.Live.Laugh.Lifexx I'm not getting locked up again last time I was locked up I went crazy plus I missed Christmas and Preston's birthday nope I'm behaving and staying safe fuck you guys
I was locked up cuz I went physco dangerously fucking crazy, imma crazy ass bitch && did some hard shit but guess what(: I'm recovering kisses for miii bitchesimma go out on myself and lose myself frfr . stay strong beautifuls
-As I Say Goodnight-
(A true story that is about me) this is true, about one of my breakdown stories, but I'm growing from it. Love you
It was a lonely day
Sitting by myself
Blood dripping from my wrists
Someone save me from myself
No where to hide
No where to run
On the streets again
Struggling to stay alive
About to lose myself
I can't even seem to cry
Abuse myself
I'm damaged
And sick
I stole those cigarettes and dug that knife into my skin
I went fucking physco
I went crazy and broke down
So bad that Johnny possessed me
Those cops are chasing me
Run me over you bitches
Got in another fight
Attempted suicide again
Made myself bleed until I became numb
Got high high high
I don't know why why why
They took me in the car with Daddy calling me
Constance screamed "don't do it"
While Johnny screamed "It's over it's now the end"
I stabbed myself in the throat
I grabbed the pills in that bottle
I popped them in my mouth
Johnny possessed me
Took over me
Had a physcotic breakdown
I went totally outta line
She walked inside the bedroom screaming
"No my little girl"
Johnny possessed me so fucking bad
I turned into hell itself
He took full control and I tried to hang myself
"Daddy I'm coming home, and taking them with me"
Goodnight everybody
When you wake up
I'll be gone...
This shit is a true story
My story...I'm so fucking nervous for my IEP tomorrow hope all goes well it's better if you don't understand u.u xxxxx (; I'm struggling with issues , mental illness, and depression ...
but I'm changing for the better:3333 stay safe everyone Cx and now I know I'm safe(; nomatter how far awayxx
I will always love you ♥ my depression is killing me inside
it's tearing me apart
making me go insane
about to lose myself
I'm lost inside myself
it's making me break
and scream and shout
but most of all
it's hurting me
and everyone around me
my depression is a battle
and yes I have to fight it
before it completely tears me apart
this shit is true Cx I feel trapped in my body, I feel not safe or stable, I feel like I'm in a dream, I feel scared and paranoid, blacking out , going insane, not really in my body or at two places at once, I'm screaming for help. I don't even know who I am ??? I'm dark and rainsoaked, I feel unstable and like I'm someone else, I'm fucked up and IM FUCKING SCARED. WHO AM I? help please , the words won't come out I'm trapped inside, speachless, crying for help . I black out and I'm getting really unstable, it's dark it's dark it's dark, who am I? I'm not really me? it's not normal and I don't know what the fuck is going on... I'm broken and shattered I'm secret and dark and I need help, I'm going crazy , help before I lose myself all the way... HELP ME
no one will get this
cuz no one understands ....
why is daddy following me -.- I'm really unstable in a dark place a bad place a dark state of mind
I'm not myself
I'm someone else - feeling unstable In the parking lot @ Walmart. Now it's like 11:00 pm haha I feel calmer now. Not so manic or delusional hehe who wants to talk?? I'm bored - at Walmart Corona - N Mckinley St. I'm at Walmart and its 9:53 pm my moms shopping and I'm getting cheesecake. Yummy we had to call security cus we lost our car lmfao I called the driver cute haha I'm hella weird but idgaf cus I'm real and crazy as hell at least I'm not on the streets anymore or getting arrested cus there's crazy ass people out here even one was hitting on me lol I used to be crazy but now I'm working on myself, but I just wanna go crazy I'm about to lose it I need my meds ahhhhhhh smile emoticon help I'm seriously about to go crazy cus it's like 10:00 pm. Fuck - at Walmart Corona - N Mckinley St.I'm at Walmart and its 9:53 pm my moms shopping and I'm getting cheesecake. Yummy we had to call security cus we lost our car lmfao I called the driver cute haha I'm hella weird but idgaf cus I'm real and crazy as hell at least I'm not on the streets anymore or getting arrested cus there's crazy ass people out here even one was hitting on me lol I used to be crazy but now I'm working on myself, but I just wanna go crazy I'm about to lose it I need my meds ahhhhhhh smile emoticon help I'm seriously about to go crazy cus it's like 10:00 pm. Fuck - at Walmart Corona - N Mckinley St.I know how to work the system try me bitch 60 mental hospitals? A LOT of police arrestes? I know how to work the system this rose is for you , your a fucker I started crying for no reason... fuck my feelings yew know if you need anything, I'm here for you I'm getting another Starbucks drink it's 9:16 pm and were outta here fuck you fuck you fuck you I'm going silently crazy and insane inside, plus I wanna get high hey hey hey hoe hoe hoe I'm hyper, manic, delirious, delusional, unstable, very very weird state of mind fuck fuck fuck fuck, imma weirdo, now fuck you heheheheI'm manic as fuck right now I wanna get faded with someone or I just need my medication so I don't go crazy lmfao I'm not in a good state or in the right place right now, I'm in a dark place, I don't feel well, stable, or safe. Not normal, just not in a good state of mind fuck off feelings, stop toying with my brain I need someone to talk to ...fuck you colonthree emoticon
I'm listening to my music xx music loudd(;
volume up all the way colonthree emoticon
ignorinq yeww Cx um...... how about no ^.^
ain't got time for your petty bullshit
fuck off..
pweaze(: mental illness is not a fucking trend
it's nothing to be proud of
it doesn't make you cool
it's not a joke
it's a fucking disorder
I have it and I'm growing from it
now shut the hell up -.-
-Panic-
you cannot breathe
you cannot hear
you cannot see
anywhere around me
you feel trapped inside
heart racing hard
scared to move
there after you
there coming for you
there watching you
your feeling sick
your getting sick
your not feeling right
your not feeling normal
body cold and numb
you cannot breathe
your delusional
your manic and delerious
you cannot breathe
you cannot see
it's not normal nomore
your outta reality
you don't know what's going on
it's not normal or right
try to find my way home
I fall on the floor
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
everything hypnotized me
panic attack
trapped in your body
what's going on
trying to crawl outta your skin
it's hard to breathe
hey mommy come comfort me
I'm going crazy
I'm losing my mind
I'm not in reality
gotta love those panic attacks
seriously bitch?
imma go physco on you
I'm in a rage
I'm seeing black
I just knocked out
I just blacked out
where am I
standing in the rain
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
feeling not normal
delerious and high
haha stop following me
gotta love panic attacks
it's hard to breathe
I fell on the floor
got knocked out hard
where am I?
help me help me
I'm losing my mind
it's hard to breathe
please come save me
I wanna die
and kill myself
I wanna bleed
I wanna lose it all
I wanna go crazy
kill me now
it's my last night
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
where am I?
I'm in a dream ?
gotta love panic attacks
just kill me slowly
in the dark
where no one
oh no one can see me...
I cannot see
I cannot breathe
help me, stop following me
sometimes you just gotta hypnotize me.
xx I wrote this to colonthree emoticon
-Save Me From Myself-
excuse me you don't have a reason to cry
he abused me and I ran and hid
mommy are you alright
I stole your vodka and pulled out that knife
I started to cry and made myself bleed
I tried to kill myself, no use anymore
I busted the closet door down
I took 60 beenadril
made myself bleed
trashed the house
tried to kill them
and then myself
got possessed by Johnny
had a physcotic mental breakdown
went physco, insane, I was on Ecstasy
Constance sang to me
I tried to kill them
and then myself
the cops came and took me away
holy shit I'm crazy
just like my father
I wanna die
I wanna bleed
I wanna lose myself
lost all I've became
a dark monster, trapped and broken inside
I've gone crazy and physco in the head
no one to calm me
where the fuck am I
I became homoscidal
I became suicidal
I became dangerous
mental in the head
so I found the knife
I found the pills
the razors and my cigarretes
hey just like my father
the bipolar mind
the skitzophrenia mind
scared to be alive
hey look I'm just like my father
crazy and sick and mentally ill
thing is I'm 10 times worse
light myself on fire
here we go , one by one
pop the pills and fell to the floor
slit my wrists and went crazy
blacked out, where am i?
am I in heaven?
well look at me now
at home with my mom
and your not around
to tear me down
haha thanks
Im not the same
haha hehe I wrote this too colonthree emoticon
-Hey I May Be-
move bitch wink emoticon get outta the way :c -.-
seriously HEHExc
haha I may be lost and outta my mind
mentally ill nowhere to be found
I went crazy and I've gone insane
out on the streets breaking the law
became dangerous and did some crazy ass shit
I've lost myself and outta reality
now look at me now
no heart to be found
dark, empty , hurt, pained , alone
I've recovered and got some help
daddies little girl on the run
need to get high to calm the pain
I mean hey I'm hella crazy
and I've lost my head
ive lost myself and cannot breathe
smoking a cigarette out in the rain
doing some crazy ass shit and so what I'm mentally ill
I'm sorry I'm sorry
I've lost my way
xx yesh bitches I wrote this ^.^
me getting discharged from ETS mental hospital @ 2:45 pm colonthree emoticon
avoided another mental hospital trip today , I was fucking going crazy and losing my mind, I was about to lose it all(: but dang I feel way better after my nap, now my mom can't trust me alone cus I'm not "well" or "safe" but it's for the best Cx
me getting discharged from ETS mental hospital @ 2:45 pm colonthree emoticon
off to the mental hospital cuz I just lost it all and had a physcotic mental breakdown real fucking bad HELP ME im losing my mind, who am I, save me , kill me, I'm too unstable, I'm getting sick and delusional NO STOP DOING THAT, kill me kill me, outta my mind...
@ therapy before my mental breakdown ;( this was on Wedesday before I got sent to ETS mental hospital Cx
haven't been in the mental hospital, had a breakdown or mental episode or acted out, I'm getting more stable, 1 month outta the mental hospital ^.^ my mental state is getting better wink emoticon
I remember how crazy and physco and mentally sick I was, I remember I was so mentally ill and out of my mind , I did crazy and dangerous shit, I was probly the craziest girl you know, 65 mental hospitals, I was so physco I couldn't control myself, I was sick, always acting out in restraints breaking the law, I was crazy and in need of help. I thank you all for all the progress I've made, thank you for ur support, read my life story 5 chapters called "Insanity Becomes Reality" THX U God for you blessing me with help, healing and recovery. thank you smile emoticon
51/50 to ETS mental hospital in progress -.- on Wednesday @ 10:00 am
home from ETS mental hospital && I'm trying to stay strong cuz the pain is killing me inside && out, I feel a little more stable, less likely to breakdown and go physco crazy , cus I have a family , I'm blessed to have all of then, love you ^-^
Preston Berger Marcia Berger Laura Shook Billy Berger
love you, I'm staying strong && loyal to you guys, I can do it c:
look how much I've changed over the years Cx
from 2011-2013
to 2014
I've grown so much...
treatment really changed me
helped me recover
trust me,
I was hella crazy
I was mentally ill
I was violent and dangerous
and did some hard shit
but look at me now
I've recovered
and I thank you all for that
from being in Copper Hills Youth Center
Rancho Domacitas
Oak Grove
and 70 mental hospitals
I was hella crazy back then
I was fucking insane
and sick in the head
now I love myself
and I've grown
thank you God for helping me
I thank you
from turning me from physcotic crazy, mentally ill, out of my fucking mind, sick in the head, full of darkness, a monster, didn't know who I was...
to healthy , happy, recovered , and ready to start over new
THANK YOU
I LOVE YOU
<333333333
To Be Continued ^-^ stayyy stronggg xxx
(19) Insanity Becomes Reality c;
InsanityxxBecomesxxRealityxx #19 MyLifeeStorii-.- RunnnDownAngellxc (FINAL PART)
Balloons Dead Knoqout..... xxx
Dopey Starry Eyes -.-
That night we were in ETS mental hospital in riverside hangin' out and chillin' talking ;laughing and singing, we had a bomb ass time, I miss you girl, we might be crazy but dats a good thing hope I can visit you soon, love you heart emoticon I miss that night with my homie
that hospital is now a memory. IMMA SING MAD WORLD TO YOU, I love you so much, your amazing, see you in another hospital lmfao heart emoticon wink emoticon
haha i wanna get drunk, some bud lite and bottles of vodka, when im drunk im happy, i do it to numb the pain lol, when u kick it with me we needa chill. LOL YOU ARE SPOOKY LMFAO, sup brotha? xD guess whos drunk, blacked out, throwing up, amesia, drink my pain away, downed 3 bottles of vodka, fuck yeah thaz how we do, shit man kickback lets kikit bro hmu lmao asshole, fuck you...
guess whos drunk as fuck??? 0.0
The sun is shining the tank is green (Finding Nemo) haha idk wtf I'm doing, go back to sleep Sara I'm a drunk fuck, I'm an alcoholic, I drink bottle after bottle, all day everyday, passing out, throwing up, I'm addicted, Sara you were already drunk when I left you, no bitch I'm sober, *cough cough* ya right, yeah I'm drunk lol, I'm an alcoholic, drunk all day to numb the pain && drown my sorrows, bitch please eww ur nasty omfg u were already drunk how much more can you drink man? A lot homie, I drink all day, fuck it I can't wait 5 years. 49ers/patriots c: u drink and drunk before I leave and when I came back ur still drinking and even more drunk, ur gonna drink yourself into amesia, shit. You piss me off, fuck the sober life, drugs, sex, alcohal, yes I'm bisexual, boys and girl, your a lesbian, aye shut the fuck up, be nice, bitch never call me that again I'll fucking kill you, haha I'm so stupid, I'm a fucking idiot man what's up bro? Imma man about it, shut up and go tf' to bed lil' bitch, you drink and drink fuck yesh I'm dope , I don't know... What to say... Anymore -feeling emotional. I'll fuck a bitch up cuz I'm that crazy, fuck that I'll protect you, fuck that bitch man whore lmfao
I'm deathly sick, now I got pink eye, how perfect, I have all the sicknesses there is to name, except Ebola lmao goodnight it's 12:09 am, nite nite I've been sick for 3 weeks and now it's getting worse
That's some bullshit, ur amazing and whoever made u feel like that is gonna get fucked up
Fuck that shit, yes you are, I love you to death beautiful <3
Let's not argue anymore , you know I have anger issues and I know u can be mean, let's work it out work it out lol, big booty Judy lmao love u-with Preston Berger ❤️❤️
I know fuck that's crazy , remember Nicole? I was dancing on just dance with Felecia and Jessica and alex
I love you so much!!! Stay strong beautiful I'm here for u keep yo head up, keep fighting your worth it I'm here for u I love u, I'll be praying for you gorgeous
I love you so much!!! Stay strong beautiful I'm here for u keep yo head up, keep fighting your worth it I'm here for u I love u, I'll be praying for you gorgeous
I am Sara from Oak Grove, I was in residential and my name was Sara Berger we could have been roommates but I was there for day program ..
I wasn't there long term I was there for day program but I was on the dorm for a few weeks u look familiar, idk if ur my roommate tho it looked like u but I was only there for weeks so tbh idk
Aye Ali I'll call you tomorrow 951-531-8542 but I might be busy I'm unstable call u tomorrow and we will fucking chat u kno, but don't call tonight it's 12:38 am my meds are fucking with my brain so I'm mental right now. -Aly wrote- for sure c;
I don't give a shit honestly but we need to chill I've been clean for awhile but I need some hooka cuz I never tried it lol, gotta go call u tomorrow, love u and stay strong
Clean from?
Drugs && alcohal and other crazy and illegal shit...
yeah I cut to, I was in Ets and I made my arm bleed , but I'm better, baby don't cut baby don't cut
Cheech && Chong lmfao, following them on Facebook there dope af' <3
I think I see Barney in purple, haha I'm high lmfao holy shit it's scary , I love u u love me ahhhh he's raping me, fuckin Barney when I'm high asf' Barney is singing to my high/drunk/crazy ass lol nite nite fucker , nite nite slut , imma stop drinking, let's try one day, I'm not gonna drink today, *gets drunk 1 hour later* homie pass the beer , I thot u stopped drinking, I'm at a party tho fuck the sober life, bitch you'll never be sober lmfao aye BA BA BA BULLSHIT (Adam Sandler)
Mandatory evacuations were ordered as a massive vegetation fire burned Saturday night near the Prado Dam in the Chino Hills area.
The so-called Highway Fire had burned about 175 acres and was 0 percent contained as of 9:45 p.m., according to an incident report from the Riverside County Fire Department.
Some 200 homes in the area were threatened, the Fire Department said. Residents were ordered to evacuate homes on Bluff Street, Homestead Road and Stagecoach Drive (map) in nearby Corona.
The blaze was reported about 6:12 p.m. near the interchange of the 71 and 91 freeways (map). A rising plume of smoke was visible for miles.
There were no immediate reports of injuries.
County firefighters were being assisted by fire crews from Cal Fire's San Bernardino and Riverside divisions, the Corona Fire Department and the Chino Valley Independent Fire District.
About 245 firefighters from 32 engine companies were at the scene, officials said.
The Red Cross opened an evacuation center for residents at Riley Gym, at 3900 Acacia Avenue in Norco. An evacuation center for horses was also opened at Ingalls Park, at 100 6th Street in Norco.
Witnesses in the surrounding area took to social media, where they shared photos and videos of the dramatic flames and smoke.
The cause of the incident was unknown.
Check back for updates on this developing story.
(Chino Hills Fire at 6:15 pm on 4/19/2015, ABC7news)
The fire is getting close by our house, I'm scared it's by norco they havnt put it out yet, we might have to evacuate , tonight 4/18/2015 shit man I'm scared it was in Chino now it's by Norco, might pack and go to a hotel if it gets closer...
yes I am suicidal, that doesn't make me less of a person
yes I'm mentally sick in the head, but that doesn't make me not human
yes I'm crazy, insane, and different
yes I take medication
yes I've done some hard shit
yes I may be dangerous and out of my mind
yes I may be crazy and had a hard life
yes I've been in treatment and in mental hospitals
yes I have mental illness and behavioral issues
yes I've done some crazy ass shit
yes I've been addicted to drugs
yes I may be one of the craziest girls out there
yes I've done shit I regret
yes I've attempted suicide and made myself bleed
yes I've been arrested and broke the law plenty of times
yes I may be fucking crazy
yes I have had a bad past
yes I've been violent and aggressive
yes I have skitzophrenia
yes I am Autistic
YES I AM MENTALLY ILL AND DAMAGED IN THE BRAIN...
but guess what, I may be crazy but I've let go of my past, and all the treatment and help I've gotten to recover the monster I once was, and made me a better person today, thank you God smile emoticon
I hate myself, I opened up to my mom, now I hate myself now, I've been taking my moms pills, to get high, I've not been taking my meds for a week, so I went crazy and I got delusional I need mental help and I'm going crazy I don't wanna be on the streets again , I'm sorry mom, I hate myself, I don't wanna go to lockdown or foster home I may get high, but I need help , I'm mentally sick. fuck this shit. colonthree emoticon I don't even know who I am, trust me I'm fucking mentally ill, I've gone crazy and physco, I'm scared, I stole different pills so I can go crazier, and now she can never forgive me for being crazy , I just need help and I'm going silently insane, quietly crazy, and addicted and taken over by darkness, got those pills on my mind, fuck my life... who am I? I wanted to slit my wrists, jab my throat, abuse myself, overdose, outta control, suicide on my mind, going physco and getting restrained , I'm crazy with no regrets, maybe that is what I meant to be, been to 70 or 80 hospitals, Johnny following me, going crazy and hallucinating, homocidal and suicidal, angry violent outbursts, Erin is 5 but I am 16, fuck my life has an ending, and a new beginning, in the mental hospitals I always act out and get restrained cuz I'm crazy, fuck me, I need help...
I don't wanna go back to treatment -.-
I'm behaving. I used to be mentally ill and crazy asf Cx
NO mental hospital
NO group home
NO residential
hell naww(: I'm getting my shit together xx
mental illness is not asked for
it's a sickness that is controlled by medication
I didn't "choose" to have it
^.^ I'm recovering
my cuts frown emoticon they were bleeding and now there healed colonthree emoticon I'm not proud but I was in a bad state of mind, I basically went crazy xx I'm doing the "Butterfly Project" so I can stay safe. xc I wrote my moms name on my arm.. I know I'm mentally ill and outta reality && I got the help I need and the right medication. I got discharged from ETS mental hospital on Thursday @ 2:30 pm. I can stay strong and not lose myself(: I got this shit Cx
you guys are a bunch of fatass morons. fuck off you stupid cunts -.- imma fuck you up till you bleed and bruised, no one fucks with my mom, you touch her ill fucking kill you, try me bitch . I'm crazy asf Xx I'm gonna lose myself, you want me to go crazy and physco on you , you want me to blackout? haha send me to the mental hospital, or back into treatment, fuck you upset emoticon
I can dance on walls... CUZ IM FUCKING SPECIAL haha only people from Loma Linda BMC mental hospital would understand miss you Joel, see you at Christmas
Just got discharged from ETS mental hospital ^.^ I'm feeling more stable now , not going crazy or delusional or manic, even tho I tried to overdose, I'm feeling better now ...
Just got home from ETS mental hospital fuck this shit man when Johnny took over or possessed me I went fucking physco, damn I'm just done && over this shit
I'm home smile emoticon yay I'm so happy , took a rest at the mental hospital, THANKU GOD , I feel more mentally stable, and my meds are still the same but I'm glad to be home.
kay . xc guys?
cheesecake
yogurt
hot chocolate??
hmmm it's 1:33 am, imma pull an allnighter cuz idgaf wink emoticon hehe I feel so hyper and delerious HAHAHA colonthree emoticon
Just got home from ETS mental hospital, got 51/50 and stayed for 48 hours because of suicide, anger, anxiety, cutting, and hallucinations, had a physco tic episode and attempted suicide at therapy. I'm home now, the staff and nurses inspired me, I didn't go crazy or get in restraints, I was unstable and unsafe and delusional and going crazy , i lost myself, they changed my medication, I went fucking crazy and became mentally unstable, so I went in the ambulance, met some chill people at ETS mental hospital, I made myself bleed while I cut myself in the bathroom with a butter knife I put on my food tray, im not proud of it but I'm still mentally ill and fucked up, so I needed more help, I thought of going back to my old ways, my crazy dangerous unsafe rebellious physco tic self, I've made so much progress. Thank you smile emoticon I'm home and it's 6:24 pm. Actually I'm at the mall, goodnight Cx fuck my life frown emoticon
Had suicide attempt with pills called cops took me to ETS mental hospital , I am going crazier , I feel so worthless so weak just got out an hour ago and in staying strong no being bad at the hospital, thanks for support love u guys , I need my daddy back they changed my meds again . I loving my family heart emoticon I'm stay strong for everyone .
yayyyy me wink emoticon
avoided another mental hospital trip Cx
fuck yesh look at me bitches xx
word of the day
"use your coping skills"
in all the mental hospitals && treatment centers that's all I heard dem say && aha some really do work smile emoticon time to get in the showerCx cuz I feel nasty asf :333 that's a good coping skill. haha xD
Loma Linda BMC mental hospital, in the waiting room Cx
Lunch and Dinner menu from the mental hospital -.- nasty ass food xxx Cx
right now I'm craving a cigarette Cx heart emoticon && fuck nicotine patches c; in the mental hospital they offered me one && I just wanna pop Xanex and smoke -.- it calms me, but I'm better than that(; and I promised my mom. heart emoticon
at the mental hospital, Loma Linda BMC Cx getting admitted soon
The doctor at ETS mental hospital asked if I had a boyfriend ... WTF dumbass
just got home from ETS mental hospital -.- fuck that shit I'm never going back ^.^ just got discharged yesterday at 4:00 PM, cuz the doctors don't know what the hell there doing xx
fuck that shit colonthree emoticon I'm not gettinq 51/50 into the mental hospital again Cx I'm keepinq mii secrets to myself xc && I'm shutting the hell up heart emoticon
Going to mental hospital, mental episode... Not safe
I'm fucking done ️... I wanna kill myself, I wanna lose myself , can't take this fucking pain cuz I'm fucking crazy as fucking shit, I'm physco/crazy/mental/sick . I'm unstable I'm blacking out, I have broken wires , imma bout to lose it all, to unstable, I need help, HELP ME PLEASE I'm losing it again, fuck it man, I'm gonna end up on the streets again , sure I may be mentally 5 in the head? no more mental hospital, all I gotta say is fuck you, I may be crazy but I'm strong as we'll, I already cried it all out, my pain is like a knife jabbing into my skin. but whatever, just fuck you call the cops and watch them take me away to ETS. I'm done
goals accomplished
*havnt gotten violent or restrained in a month
*havnt punched a bitch in 2 months and a half
*havnt hurt or abused myself in 36 days
* havnt gone crazy in 2 weeks
*havnt made myself bleed in 3 and a half months
* havnt been to the mental hospital in 2 months (I've been in about 53, no lie)
@ therapy before my mental breakdown ;( this was on Wedesday before I got sent to ETS mental hospital Cx
the cafeteria at Loma Linda BMC mental hospital, about to get admitted cuz I'm fucking gonna lose it and go fucking physcotic and crazy and act out and get restrained . i need the pills, I snuck these pictures in LMFAO, watch me get the shot in my ass. but fuck yeah the food is hella bomb and I got a big ass burrito, haha about to go to the unit , here I go again Cx
Opinion of the day...
everyone from ETS mental hospital , can go fuck themselves -.-
except Martin, Drew, Kim, and Valerie xxx
haha remember ETS mental hospital ^.^ with all of our homies and remember Grace, Kate, and Nate... lmfao good times smile emoticon love you
Just got home from ETS mental hospital, thanks for all your support
Joel: so Sara your gonna come visit us at Christmas right?
me; yes billy Joel and I'll make sure to sing you a lullyby
Joel; and ur gonna bring me presents right?
me; fuck yeah bro you my homie I gotchu, aww Joel I love u, and yes you still get ur lullaby
haha imma so fucking weird, Joel is a staff at the mental hospital I was at (yes I'm crazy as hell, u don't know me, I'm unstable and mentally ill haha) @ Loma Linda BMC, love you Joel
Got home from ETS mental hospital . feeling better and more stable now. these are some pictures I drew and colored my homie Zoey made sweet letters for me love you sweetheart The girls from the hospital gave me there emails.numbers.facebook so imma hit them up so we can chill they are all amazing just added them. Hehe goodnight sweethearts. I'm here always
Waiting to admit into Loma Linda mental hospital. Mentally not therexx
just sat up for like 24 hours in ETS mental hospital and I almost went crazy before I took my medication Cx I was bored asf, just watching TV and the food was hella nasty . Cx I ate 10 saltine crackers, 6 lunch trays, 4 dinner trays. hahahaha I'm a fucking fat kid smile emoticon and I'm still hungry :33
haha i wanna get drunk, some bud lite and bottles of vodka, when im drunk im happy, i do it to numb the pain lol, when u kick it with me we needa chill. LOL YOU ARE SPOOKY LMFAO
AYE HO, i gotta go u fucker love u well finish this long chat tomoorrow, lets nmake it really long, I LIKE IT WHEN U CALL ME BIG PAPA. byeeee
lets have a ,long ass chat <33333 && act like idiots, jk wazup? ayeeee Biggys dope you know that i dont act my age, bye fuckers EWWWW >.
_Daddies Angel Recovered_
I told you I was Daddies little girl
pushing me on the swings
taking me to Disneyland
holding me tight nope I didn't put up a fight . until that night I walked downstairs, body was cold, with me screaming WAKE UP WAKE UP. now who's there to hug me and hold me and snuggle me tight? now you go rest in paradise little angel , I went back to bed , tears streaming down my face, I couldn't stop crying, I became empty , I went downstairs and said "Daddy it's time for work" "hey Daddy I made you breakfast" "daddy I'm dressed can u drive me to school?" now it's 6:30 am, I walk downstairs with a note in my hands, saying "God please don't take my angel away, save him save him save him PLEASE" it's to late, he died in his sleep, my angel has drifted away, ever since that day I went crazy , ever since that day, I knew he was gone, then a couple months later, I totally fell apart, I couldn't find myself, and I was broken inside, it started out small, my dark side arising. on Augest of 2011 I broke down, became mentally ill, I went crazy and physco, been to 60 mental hospitals, turned into Satan himself did dangerous crazy ass shit. I got possessed, I was extremely violent and delusional , Johnny came after me at night, attempted suicide left and right, broke the law, did some hard ass shit, so mentally ill I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror , so crazy I was not Sara I am a crazy fucked up in the head physcopath, you don't know how crazy I was until I went physco and I became a sociopath. so what I'm crazy, need to get high to calm the pain, I'm broken I'm shattered got nowhere to hide and I've lost myself, thank you daddy , are you proud of me now? who have I turned into? did stuff so crazy I've been locked up for years, away from my family, attempting suicide so I can see you again, slitting my wrists to make then bleed, IM PROBABLY TOO CRAZY TO BE ALIVE, I went mad and I had pain and rage, to crazy to scared to move. then I got treatment, got my shit together and my behavioral and emotional issues together, nomore dangerous unsafe physcopathic shit , been drug free for 2 years, havnt gone physco had a mental breakdown or an episode in five months, no mental hospital for weeks. now I'm better and facing myself, are you happy now daddy I got my shit together. I still wanna die but really why bother ? daddy rest in paradise I'll see you soon, got my life back together. thank you God, goodnight wink emoticon
5/17/2015 (Stay Calm Sara, notes to self 1:53 pm)
Wear cute clothes
Do hair like Lauras brush it to the middle with big brush tight ponytail very low in the back
Put on makeup thick/ glasses/perfume/dioderant (smell goods) diordant brush teeth
Get iPod /binder/lip stick in pocket./earphone/glasses/pads/purse
Izzy's autistic/buddy/cares/miss me/beer/divorce/anger/cussing/badexoeriences/mentally out of it/party/emotional state of mind/look at FaceBook/1:1/rap/lovesme/patty/Gloria/me loves him/izzy izzy izzy!!/crush/really like/care about him/hope he likes ms back/he's my buddy/add me on FaceBook 12th grade/fuck yeah/izzy's parents divorce effect him has to get Over it cuz it happened
Impress everybody (main/mayne Izzy)
Izzy depressed/says fuck slot
My parents divorced twice
Hate holidays
Izzy hates Easter bad
experience
Crying at school about family prolems and my mom and dad, told my divorce beating story, called my mom "don't u remember that u were so tranatized u don't remember"
Eat egg rollsij foods class/talk to girls/hyper in life skills/mad and about to punch Daniel
I'm controlling my anger/when I get angry I go crazy, prom dress for Gloria /watched talent show twice clapped loud screamed lost my voice sang with patty and Gloria, raised phones in the air/laughed/look at songs on Damiens phone I have all his songs/cheered for patty really loud "go patty, go Gloria"
Why u gotta be so rude
I'm more then just an option hey hey
Singing in the shower
Don't tell en
Hyper at talent show
Pissed off shaking
Made izzy cry say sorry feel bad, you made me sad today, I'm sorry Sara, ibapologize /u forgive me will u look at me
I was sick for 3 weeks with every sickness
I love school, out for 4 days, sick, supposed to go to hospital 4 physcotic episodes/people care about me I'm proud of you
Izzy writes bad/bad grammar/spelling
It's not my fault I'm stupid and learn slow/ewww your digesting/i like Rey I'm upset she's not in my class and she likes someone else/of course i like and care about u your my student ur awesome
I get butterflies in my stomach when I see izzy Tanya ray, you know I like u right, yes Sara i know, izzy sings to himself/upset about Rey not liking me i like her and izzy ALOT
I'm here if u need anything/I'm here/thank u for the support I appreciate it/your awesome
Not ear at school, are u gonna
End of day get upset and emotional start thinking/bad things happen to me at night/I sleep ALOT cuz I dont get sleep, how much sleep did u get last night, what time/izzy likes all music/hold in pain I don't have the best life, bottle up feelings/hold my pain in then let it out, has a good day Sara, at be eat, try to eat, I'm concered
Me and Neil sang 2 freestyle duets/song Neil wrote love struggle/preformed/record/im chill and friends with everybody in my class/we sang half and I sang chorus/everybody loved it
Me Patty and Gloria are sisters:have sleepover /came out/stared at cute girls said "ur cute u look nice"
Girls are fucking hot I'm horny
Don't sleep/get restless/allnighter/never tired/energy at beginning of day/tired and emotional at end of day
Izzy likes to imprrsonanate, do impressions, make fun, talk shit and laugh at people he's funny and his charger ran out
I love izzy
Worried about my mom, she almost passed out all day yesterday she kept doing it heart slow/coma
Me no eat/insomnia/all medications/all mental disorders/all problems/craziest girl
Alcoholic/drug addict
Horny
Izzy me lookinhat cute girls
Izzy bisexual
"I hope u get better"
Me and izzy both love sex
I love you/i like u izzy
Izzy loves me proud of me cares for me
Izzy In emotional mind/state of mind
Cussing
Izzy likes me
Izzy innapropriayr
Izzy tell me about about personal life/secrete
We love eachother
Me and izzy had bad past, bad pain, bad experiences/bad life/emotional/mentally out if it/In pain
"that's my personal life"
Izzy really cares/buddy
Izzy anger issues/mentally out of it
I care for izzy / like him:he likes me
I love izzy, thinks I'm funny
Izzy parents divorce/bad personal life
Izzy been thru alot
Hate Easter
Depression
Both similar in so many ways/ALOT in common
"drink to numb the pain/fun"
Me and izzy do Crasy things
Izzy awbergere
Me and izzy alcoholics
That's my past
Izzy so sad and hurt he numbs the pain/depression
Izzy mental disorders depressed behavior problems:drugs/insomnia/unsafe/sad
We tell eachother everything/so close / good friends/in love
Izzy so upset/bad time
Izzy bad kid/bad behavirs/really bad past/mentally disturbed/emotional wreck
Izzy all mental disorder :problems
Anxiety and shaking of leg
Upset all the time in pain fake a happy smile
Izzy got abused/parents fighting/beating eachother up/broken home/protect mom cuz dad was abusive
Hides the pain
Izzy cries/stupid
Izzy therapy/moms boy/obsessive /additive/attached/personality dosorder
Izzy unsafe/bad behavirs /abusive /abused/self abuse
Izzy not happy
I'm like izzy/I'm an alcoholic/in bars
Izzy I'd there for me
If u need to talk I'm here
Thank u for the support Sara
Izzy has to always move body
Izzy likes reggae/forgets ALOT
IZzy self medicated/family problems/gets mad ALOT/hard time/punch things and people
Izzy has major anger issues/pissed off easy/cussed alot
Awww your so sweet
U make me laugh
Your face makes me laugh
Aww poor izzy so sad let's cheer him up
Sweeter then an all day sucker
What's up ms berger
Aww Sara Berger
Yes Sara, know, really, you just pissed me off
My dad abuse my dad whole life all my childhood saw and was traumatized by watching them go at it
Hid in the attack
Bad home life/family problems
I'm not eating no appetite foods digesting/havnt eaten for months/hospitalized fir Anerexia weighed down to 80 pounds
Severe insomnia never sleep just restless never tired, havnt slept forever/never sleep at all just try to sleep then black out and I take pills/wake up every 15 minute allnightere my whole life/never sleep at all cuz I don't get tired
Izzy says fuck slot
-lolololol stay stronq(:
The End:) <3
thank you for helping me recover, from turning me from crazy, sick in the head mentally ill women to successful and happy . are you proud of me Daddy?
see I've recovers and my angel is watching over me , thank you God from taking him to paradise.
you can do it, stay strong beautiful, I'm here for you.
goodnight -.-
haha I remember the chill times @ ETS mental hospital ^.^ miss you . hanging out with you on the unit. wink emoticon Cx hope we can chill again soon . haha remember Gabriel xx
it's 3:06 PM, still in the hospital , I'm feeling messed up and delusional, not normal , outta it. c; I'm not in the right state of mind, I'm losing myself, my mind doesn't process where I am , I need help, before I go physcotic again. xx about to be admitted to the mental health unit upstairs, oh joy, still feel like I'm in a dream.
Going to Loma Linda mental hospital for medication change I've been on every medication. Bad reaction to zyprexa and saroquel be back in a week.
on my way to Loma Linda mental hospital because I am unsafe, unstable, and had a physcotic mental breakdown, and keep blacking out and a suicide attempt, fuck my life ... plus Erin the 5 year old (my other personality) keeps making me go crazy... I need the fucking pills, I need to bleed by slitting my throat, I'm fucking crazy, imma lose my mind, to unstable, I'm the craziest girl you'll know, I need those fucking pills, I'm ready to face death...
Got home from ETS mental hospital . feeling better and more stable now. these are some pictures I drew and colored my homie Zoey made sweet letters for me love you sweetheart The girls from the hospital gave me there emails.numbers.facebook so imma hit them up so we can chill they are all amazing just added them. Hehe goodnight sweethearts. I'm here always
it's almost 2:30 am , home from the mental hospital, got my pajamas on . listening to music. and watching the Big Bang Theory and just hanging out in my room Cx night night smile emoticon
I've fought for 4 fucking years with mental illness I've gone crazy and physco, I've gotten violent and aggressive and crazy asf I've done some crazy ass shit, I am the craziest bitch out there sociopath , dangerous, crazy, physco path. but I still hate myself for my dad dieing but I've been struggling with mental illness and my crazy dark side for awhile I've recovered, thank you stay strong everyone, kisses for my bitches I'm probably the craziest physco bitch out there, done some dangerous crazy physco hard shit I haven't gotten arrested or gotten violent , physco, aggressive, suicidal, homoscidal, haven't had a mental breakdown or in treatment or in the mental hospital for awhile now fuck you bitches I've changed from physco to strong, fuck you I'm living my life, on drugs or not, mental ill or unstable, crazy or faded. fuck you I'm changing
my mom might need to go to the hospital, there's something wrong something's different , I'll drive her to the fucking emergency room she needs help, I'll spend all night and day with her, I almost had to go to ETS mental hospital today cuz I'm unstable and unsafe and wanted to get outta trapped and my suicidal wants are worse I'm to unstable and fucked up in the head I do wanna die or bleed but man I stuck through that shit, I'm still fucking here right now, if my mom had a stroke , I'm taking her to the hospital, an ambulance is coming for my mom something's wrong, but she needs help, I need help cuz my mental state is getting worse and I'm delusional, trapped , scared, done, my mom will get help while I lay here unstable and not able to function . shit
I might need to go to the mental hospital frown emoticon I wanna bleed and die and lose it all, I'm mentally ill ,I'm feeling unsafe, having been there for 2 months, been to over 60 mental hospitals cuz i went crazy and had a mental breakdown or physcotic episode, is going to Loma Linda a punishment for telling the truth? wow fuck you people , I'm not get 51/50 again now I have to go back cuz I'm "a danger to myself and others" there admitting me, okay ... ~.~okay it's 11:31 am , I'm getting admitted into the BMC adolescent Unit, bye see you in a week or two, I'm fucked colonthree emoticon
just got home from ETS mental hospital, I got 51/50 and arrested by the police because I went crazy and had a physcotic breakdown. just got discharged at 4:30 PM. Cx I got evaluated but I'm fine and more stable and got on some new medication smile emoticon thank you for the support :333
my cuts. they healed a little. Cx I'm doing the Butterfly Project(: so I don't cut anymore.. I made it bleed but it healed I'm sorry
. me getting discharged on Thursday @ 2:00 pm from ETS mental hospital, I feel more stable and I got on the right medication. after my physcotic breakdown in therapy on Wedesday they 51/50 me. I'm home and happy about it smile emoticon
fuck I'm going to hospital what's going on dang. I'm done love you need some feeling and no numbness. bye, I just has a mental break down. talk you guys later
questions and answers... ^.^
kay. so I'm bored as fuck so imma do somethin' my tbh? Cx
1 thing I hated about being locked up? the stupid nurses that are like 2 hours late with your meds -.-
1 thing I hated about the mental hospital? the food, omfg don't even get me started, nasty and tasted like plastic
1 thing I hate about being mentally ill? not being able to control myself
1 thing I hate about getting in a restraint ? staff always give me big ass bruises
1 thing I hate about being crazy? not being able to know myself so I can't recognize who I am
1 thing that I love about life?
MY MOM MY BROTHER AND MY FRIENDS, and God, have saved my life Cx
51/50 to ETS mental hospital in progress . after my mental breakdown at therapy. I got taken to ETS @ 2:00 pm, getting admitted because of a physcotic breakdown .
4 weeks outta the mental hospital ^.^
fuck yeshh imma doinq so good colonthree emoticon
nasty mental hospital socks c;
Just finished with a mental breakdown and physcotic episode, basically i went physco and crazy, I called my treatment superviser and avoided a 51/50 into ETS, I grabbed my moms pills and went mentally physco, I just saw Erin with Preston and Johnny was all over and I cried into my moms arms, I'm really unstable, I wanted to die, but I made it, even tho I broke down, they didn't call 911. I feel a little safer and stable now. I'm losing my mind. But I'm stable now, even tho I'm not right in the head, I made it and avoided the hospital from my physcotic mental breakdown, thanks Mommy, and sorry for grabbing the pills and my hallucination took control and "possessed me" or "took over me" so I went crazy and they followed me. I love you mommy, even tho I punched the window, thank you mommy for helping me through my struggle, my eyes are hella bloodshot now, haha, love you mommy
just got home from ETS mental hospital, I was unstable && went physco as shit. I went crazy, I'm tired of my life, 24 hours in the mental hospital didn't do me good, cuz of a mental breakdown, suicide attempt with my moms pills, I went real crazy, but I'm home now, got more stable . I went hella physco so bad I got the cops called on me, I wanna see my dad, I had an unstable mental breakdown, but now I'm home, but I wanna see my dead father ... fuck
at the hospital , hit me up for info xc I'm gonna get delusional and go crazy, I've lost my mind , I need help but my mom is gonna get help so she feels better , but if something happens imma lose it all.
off to the mental hospital cuz I just lost it all and had a physcotic mental breakdown real fucking bad HELP ME im losing my mind, who am I, save me , kill me, I'm too unstable, I'm getting sick and delusional NO STOP DOING THAT, kill me kill me, outta my mind...
lmfao were fucking weirdos.
just got home from the mental hospital smile emoticon I got discharged from Loma Linda BMC, and got a bowl of cheese from the cafeteria, I'm more stable and glad to be home ;P
nothing to explain, about to lose it all and go fucking crazy I'm so out of it, I wanna see my mom I hope she's alright xx were at the hospital it's 1:12 am and I'll keep you updated no word from the nurses so idk what the fuck is going on, met a guy named David he's so sweet, me and my lil' bro went to the cafeteria to chill and keep our mind off things, imma pull an allnighter, just chillin and trying to get our minds off things, plz mommy be alright if your not I'm seriously gonna go fucking crazy, well stay strong till we break xP
FaceTime with my big sis heart emoticon I'll come visit soon, I love you smile emoticon ur amazing, remember Nikki SIXX lol xx I'm doing great not in the hospital in 2 months, I'm so close to my big sis , having fun laughing and talking and being silly wink emoticon love you Jason, Laura, Logan, Kaden, I love you guys xxc
Laura Shook love face timing you ^.^
all the cafeteria has in this hospital is egg salad sandwiches ... oh hell nawww ^-^ nasty ass food c; been here for 5 hours , it 1:37 AM, let me go home , I need REAL food ... upset emoticon
Hello.im.bored.feeling awake at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency
Had suicide attempt with pills called cops took me to ETS mental hospital , I am going crazier , I feel so worthless so weak just got out an hour ago and in staying strong no being bad at the hospital, thanks for support love u guys , I need my daddy back they changed my meds again . I loving my family heart emoticon I'm stay strong for everyone . heart emoticon
you guys are a bunch of fatass morons. fuck off you stupid cunts -.- imma fuck you up till you bleed and bruised, no one fucks with my mom, you touch her ill fucking kill you, try me bitch . I'm crazy asf Xx I'm gonna lose myself, you want me to go crazy and physco on you , you want me to blackout? haha send me to the mental hospital, or back into treatment, fuck you upset emoticon
with
Preston Berger at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room
September 27, 2014 ·
3:00 am delerio Cx
my hospital buddy Laura heart emoticon I love her && we comfort each other and were there for each other (; love you girl && stay strong c: I helped her out a lot xx your sweet
Just got home from ETS mental hospital, got 51/50 and stayed for 48 hours because of suicide, anger, anxiety, cutting, and hallucinations, had a physco tic episode and attempted suicide at therapy. I'm home now, the staff and nurses inspired me, I didn't go crazy or get in restraints, I was unstable and unsafe and delusional and going crazy , i lost myself, they changed my medication, I went fucking crazy and became mentally unstable, so I went in the ambulance, met some chill people at ETS mental hospital, I made myself bleed while I cut myself in the bathroom with a butter knife I put on my food tray, im not proud of it but I'm still mentally ill and fucked up, so I needed more help, I thought of going back to my old ways, my crazy dangerous unsafe rebellious physco tic self, I've made so much progress. Thank you smile emoticon I'm home and it's 6:24 pm. Actually I'm at the mall, goodnight Cx fuck my life frown emoticon
my mom might need to go to the hospital, there's something wrong something's different , I'll drive her to the fucking emergency room she needs help, I'll spend all night and day with her, I almost had to go to ETS mental hospital today cuz I'm unstable and unsafe and wanted to get outta trapped and my suicidal wants are worse I'm to unstable and fucked up in the head I do wanna die or bleed but man I stuck through that shit, I'm still fucking here right now, if my mom had a stroke , I'm taking her to the hospital, an ambulance is coming for my mom something's wrong, but she needs help, I need help cuz my mental state is getting worse and I'm delusional, trapped , scared, done, my mom will get help while I lay here unstable and not able to function . shit
Might have to take Mickey to the pet hospital in Ontario
Just got discharged from ETS mental hospital ^.^ I'm feeling more stable now , not going crazy or delusional or manic, even tho I tried to overdose, I'm feeling better now ...
yumm. peanut butter. pudding. and string cheese. hell yesh ^.^ it's 4:00 am and I want Jif's Chocolste Peanut Butter(:
feeling amused with
Preston Berger at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
chillin with my lil ' bro smile emoticon we're pulling an allnighter bitches nomatter what the fuck you say, we're gonna get down xx
This shit is over, it's my time, about to lose it all, I'm about to go fucking crazy, I'm delirious manic, I'm just one big fuck up, I'm done, I'm gonna go fucking physco and I'm not feeling safe, not well not in a right place, I'm gonna lose my mind, off to the hospital ;( I'm so unstable and in a dark space, fuck... I also feel depressed and mentally sick, damaged, done, ready to die, get possessed by JJ, lose my mind, I'm going crazy inside, I'm making my mom sick, I'm fucking mentally unstable, HELP ME HELP ME
off to get my EEG for my brain at the hospital cuz something went wrong in my brain.
feeling fabulous with Preston Berger at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
hello smile emoticon laterz cx IMMA delusional my mama is okay . pulling an allnighter , fuck yesh tongue emoticon
my hospital band c: heart emoticon
at
Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
okay it's almost 1:00 am , damn people hurry up I wanna see my mom Cx
Me at. 4:41 tired real tiredxx this is my hospital band and me overtired xD
at
Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 · Edited ·
I pulled an allnighter, it's a little dim outside. ^.^ €.€ Now it's. 5:00 am Cx lmfao I'm delusional as fuck and I'm manic and I can still function with my brain acting out on me , I'm not suppose to pull allnighters on my medication it makes me sick but fuck it I did bitches and now I'm about to lose my mind, imma go crazy lol I'm so out of it hehe(: I want more peanut butter Cx
- feeling restless with
Marcia Berger and Preston Berger at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
It's almost. 5:00 am , awake the hole time, my moms getting discharged with a perscriptions for her Ambian, they said she had a sist in her brain and might have had a stroke, also the Clonapin she was on was causing the problems. So she'll be fine after that medication leaves her system, I'm manic right now and didn't take my meds so I'm out of it and delusional, I almost went fucking crazy but I watch TV and eat, I'm still awake but my mom is fine, she needs to stop that medication, gonna discharge her and head home in the taxi soon, well okay xx
- watching
Judge Judy with Preston Berger at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
almost 3:00 am, late night selfies ^.^ €.€
- feeling blessed with
Marcia Berger and others at Riverside Community Hospital Emergency Room.
September 27, 2014 ·
okay she's okay, the nurses and doctor saw her and she's getting tests and a cat scan wink emoticon she's okay heart emoticon my prayers were answered heart emoticon
@ the hospital ;( old status
@ the hospital ^.^
4/16/2015 (8:40 pm) Live A Life(;
My puppy Rascal was licking me for 2 hours straight, this is 5 minutes out of the whole 2 hours, he's obsessed with me, this is what he was doing the whole time aww
I'm praying and praying, please make sure she's ok
Omfg Izzy cares && told me all about his personal life, we tell eachother everything, we have so much in common && both have same experiences, he had a bad emotional past like me and he tells me all about it, he says he likes me && he cares about me. He's my closet friend, love u Izzy
Can't wait till I'm 21. Me && the homegirl are going to the bar I've been to a couple lol, but it will be fun af' yeah yeah I've drank many times before, but going out with this special person to have a "few" drinks means a lot to me. 5 more years. Till I can start drinking again
(5:17/2015) dayumm brotha
Da shells look like balls
I'm in an emotional state of mind ?? Awww.
No you shut up
It's 1:03 AM
I like it when you call me Big Papa
I dont wanna talk about it im an emotional state of mind?
Stop it Rene your getting me hardxx
We so muthafukin ILL
I know Steph lol and Danny and I woke up at 8 I wanted to call the toilet my bitch lol
Gotta say for the first time in a long time I'm loving life && everyone in it
Before I blacked out lol
U were wasted bro
Drunk bumpin that R&B, imma man about it
Izzy yo bisexual
Izzy loves beer/vodka
Drunk bww *flips off camera*
Excuse me??
Ain't nobody got time for that!
*has orgasm*
Your playing with them?? Hahahahahaha
I'm hyper af' right now no tired at all lol
Imma fuckin idiot
I'm stalking Izzy's Facebook like an idiot
Why u think I never sleep lol?
Excuse me brotha??
J'Avionte your lucky my ass is in my house just talking to u
I'm staying. Up all nite cuz I have insomnia aha call me but I'm tryin to. Sleep tho, damn my grammar is really bad lol
----HungryFoSex(:
-Alright- by me
"I wish the pain wasn't killing me inside... The hurt that's breaking me apart, scared to live, afraid to try, she's been hurt so much and gone thru so much shit in her life, she doesn't know how to live a normal life, the pain rips me apart and kills me inside, broken and shattered, pained from head to toe, hide all that in so I can go on with my life, wanting to die is on my mind 24/7, I used to be crazy like seriously crazy, I've had a bad past, I've changed into the person I never wanted to be, I pray to God, watch over us, make everything alright, make the sun shine && make me alright, hell if you really know me you'd know I was mentally out of it, done lots of bad things that changed my life, behaviors so hectic, been locked away so many times, traumatic experiences, anger, skitzophrenia, anxiety. But I put that aside, I've gone crazy and I can't deny, I'm sorry I can't be the person u want me to be, I'm the craziest girl you'll ever know, but listen, I cry and cry every night that I'll be alright, cuz I believe the pain will eventually fade, God, please please please make everything alright, I promise I'll try my best to live my life, I promise I'll do better, forget about the past, keep them all alive, I'm done holding it in time to let it go, sometimes I feel like I got no life or no reason. To live, cuz I'm bad. But I pray everyday, to help me change my life, yes Lord I'm changing my life, Daddy can you hear me, mommy can you hear me? I'm just an angel waiting to go home, question is, what is killing me inside, I don't know cuz the pain is so servere I can't explain it, a lot of shit goes through my mind, but I promise Lord I can change, Dear Lord, everything is gonna be alright..." -Sara/Gabriella/Alisa (yes I just wrote this)
4/16/2015. (Help Mommy Now) There's something wrong with my mom, help me, she needs to go to hospital, i take car of her she keeps fainting and stop breathing her hearts slow , I helped her she feeling good now, I was worried (The End)
The way I'm living right now and since he passed is disappointing him up in Heaven now, I turned for the worse but I. Cam turn for the better luv u <3 :) cx
I wish I could be daddies little girl again 3
Atleset I have good family tho :)
Awww I wish I was better at spelling lol I can't spell fo shit lol cc:
That's why, u my nigga
Get that ugly ass picture off my status , his face looks like he's taking a shit lol
I was bored so... I was lurking thru yo profile haha ur very... Interesting xD lol *starts laughing like an idiot*
*does a cholo dance* uh oh I pissed myself. Kk aye call me I'm still sick but I wanna talk to u
<3 "ElasticHeart"SIAc:
I don't fuck with you
CHUBZ(; or Mr Chubz ❤️ love u lil' bro
Damn I'm scared asf' I recorded a video last night of me at 1 AM, I was so mentally out of it I woke up this morning and watched it and I was like WTF that's not me lol, it was scary too and very disturbing, that is why you don't record yourself at 1 AM on heavy medication, cuz you go crazy lol, it even scared me lmao
Me at 1:00 am in a bad state, I look like a stoner im so out of it, you can tell I was mentally not there, wow I see oranges .-. Im hallucinating fuck right now oh wow leaves are green sleep tonight worse better yay hey sleepy head look bad night I see circles in eyes, ta ta high off mommy pills, look I have uncontrollable, right sets I smell smoke there's a skunk outside burnt toast leave my tea alone undone flush it no ASShole it looks weird don't make the face yam yam back off Jade I've never been on Acid or to a bar lol bullshit face yes I have, look army's purple fave, weeee I'm flying in the streets <3 I'm so fucking mentally sick cuz I stay up till 1 AM oh holy shit I'm dank cx Lol Good Days c: <3
--
Good for you, do you want a golden star lmfao f**k you && your pizza lol
Guess who pulled an allnighter last night ?? Me bro :3 I have severe insomnia so I can stay up for weeks && not get tired
Aye asshole you didn't call me ❤️ lol I miss you, your so amazing && I love talking to u on the phone <3 I gotchu bro, we needa kik it, Fr Fr. <3 how u been? You been mi friend for awhile, we always there for eachother, I'm behave myself lol, anyway call me or I'll run over there and **** lol
You piss me tf' up but I still love you, lil' bro, get yo ass downstairs && do that apology stuff like wtf right? By the way it only went to Laura, Billy, Mommy, and you, so if you don't know then ok, let's make up, get down. Stairs and tell me you love me. Little Chubz(: btw you better play Mario Kart with me love you, stop getting pissy I'm NOT mad at you its all good, now let's say sorry on 3, get your butt down the stairs lazy boy lol love u
DR VO only you would understand, we be laughin bout dat all week lmao
Lmao at school on Tuesday I was sick && lost my voice and Izzy said I sounded like a man && I was like f**k you, but I was joking, aww Izzy he even said when he was sick he sounded like he was drunk && I started laughing my ass off, I sound drunk too lol. Izzy your so lame but I love u to death
Aye , we so crazy lol good times, I'll call u we be laughing all night && pulling all nighters I miss you *gives you a slash hug*
Lmao, gotta be real with em' and tell them what's up. I told him straight up that he was heartless and to grow tf up , attention seeker, I told him straight to, then I cussed him out and gave my opinion, wow I'm a jerk but I have an opinion, and I tell it how it is, learn some respect
This is what I said, im not allowed to cuss so I edited out the post cuz no cussing is a rule of having Facebook. Laura made me rewrite it so I did! Hard not to cuss but ok... here's what I said..
"That's fucking disgusting ,fuck off, I'm sure you an entionion of killing it, you deserve that shit to come back and bite you in the ass, heartless asshole, it's not a joke, you disgust me, but grow tf' up , animal cruelty isn't funny but that's my opinion everybody has there own opinions, your sick but you know what, people have there own points of view, why do people judge people, get real, every body that comments has there own point of view on things, like I said, leave it alone, your heartless douchebag I feel sorry for you, why do you need attention so bad?yo mama never gave you enough? You ain't going nowhere with that shit, grow up and get a fucking life ok, animals deserve respect, and you need to do something better with your life then be a heartless douche, you ignorant cunt, then disrespecting innocent animals, what if you had a pet and someone "ate" it, animals deserve respect there just like humans, all of us need to be treated equally, think about this, would you "eat" your pet dog if you cooked it? I bet you would, imagine how you would feel if your pet died? That animal prolly meant something to someone, now get a life and stop attention seeking... Your an idiot, but that's my opinion"
What did I tell u about that slutty ass bitch? Dump her hoe ass, tell her to leave you the fuck alone, I'll beat her twig ass up, she ain't gonna do shit, don't let her get to u, if she the one who hit you? Then make her bleed, you don't deserve to be disrespected, fuck your ex, I bet she can't even keep her legs closed, ignore here okay, if she does anything else let me know.... I really don't feel mentally stable, I might need to go to the mental hospital because of how bad I feel, I feel about to freak out but I'm not going to ETS so I might need go to Canyon Ridge in Chino, I've already been there once before I went to residential, I really don't feel stable but I'm talking to mom and praying and gonna try to make it through tonight, if I can't mom is gonna drive me there since there open 24 hours, praying I can get through tonight with no hospitalization..., (Post about Oak Grove) I was there at Oak Grove in 2011-2012 got kicked out cuz I was too crazy, was in Ms Unise , Ms Katherine, Ms Davis, Ms Vargess class on the autism side in classroom 14, but I was probably the craziest girl there so you see me always acting out, then I got expelled, then I came back in 2013 after I got out of Rancho Domacitas, my group home, I was locked away in treatment for awhile, for summer school in 2013 I came back on the autism side in ms Davis class classroom 13, next to ms unise class, yeah that's all lol
I had a dream last night that whenever IM IN LOVE WITH IZZY RIVERA!!! <3 <3 c; hes so sweet to me, im in deep deep love, he really cares, stay strong buddy :33 hrs always there for me and so sweet, he hugs me and calls me his buddy, we joke and laugh and have fun, I know he cares, I'm his best friend and he's mine, he's my ride or die, everyday he treats me like a princess and he always is there for me, he said if I left he would miss me and when I'm upset or having a hard time he helps me, I care about him and he cares about me so much he tells me and asks me and gets sad when I'm sad, he is always been there, he constantly asks if I'm okay or if I need anything, he helps me out and talks to me all the time, he says that I'm his favorite and we share good memories, he's only sweet to me, everyone else is his 2nd but I'm his 1st he tells me personal stuff and he's there for me, I can tell him everything and when we're in passing period he helps me out, he really cares; and we share stories and how we're feeling, he says I'm so sweet and I'm amazing and said he cares, he laughs with me and we have inside jokes and we laugh so hard, we call each other by our full names , he loves me a lot, I love him too, were each other's best friends, thanks Izzy for the memories and making me feel special; you make my day, Izzy Rivera "your face makes me laugh, be perfessional " I know he's there for me, he always makes me happy, I can't explain it more than once cus he calls me his buddy and even said he loves me as a friend and also said he'll always care about me and be here and always be my buddy, he said he'll be here for me nomatter what. We pray together and share a lot of memories. I love you, remember to add me after senior year, thank you so much for always being there for me, still know I love you and I'm glad you trust me tell me all about your life and talk to me instead of everybody else, you talk to me a lot, you say you care, and your nice to me and treat me like I'm special, I will be good okay .. I'm in deep love with you and I care for you a lot buddy, your my best friend and care for me without having too, we talk to each other a lot and we have a close relationship, thank u , for caring when not needed and being there for me, you always say "Sara Berger" lol, I can tell u care a lot and were close friends, also you talk to me a lot about anything and your so caring, your sexy bro, love u, I'll always love you Izzy Rivera, me and my hyper and no behaving self, you know me and care, love u hope U feel better::: ❤️God Bless ☺️I had a weird ass dream that whenever you posted your current location on facebook , there always was a person standing there marking ur location, like example if you posted your location at Perris, there would be a blue mark at your excact location and a person standing beside it, for every location people post on facebook, then you get a taxi to take u from your current location to the blue mark. .-. I woke up and I was like. WTF
Lol I'm so bipolar, my mood changes every 10 seconds, truth is I am actually diagnosed with Bipolar 1 , omfg yay yay I know bipolar isn't about just mood swings, I actually have it so... Shut up lol
Why can't I stop going on Izzy's facebook ? <3 oml I luvvvv yew so much I can't explain, I'm obsessed , can't stop stalking yo facebook, think about you day && night I love you .-. :-: <3 I love you I love you I love you, I'm in deep love, omfg I just can't, I'm obsessed xoxo I really want to add him but I'm so scared, I'm madly in love ... ❤️❤️❤️
IM PISSED, I'm done, I hate my life ok, I'm hurt and dead inside, I belong back in treatment or in a mental hospital, take me the AWAY! I'm not in a good place right now mentally, about to flip tf' out, I'm expressing myself and I know excactly who's gonna report it to my mom, can't I express myself, I can't cuss cuz it's a rule for me but idgaf about anything anymore, I'm just over and done...
I hate the doctors always changing my medication around like every week. Ugh -.- you make me wanna throw stuff at you lol I mean don't u know I'm never gonna get used to the current med if u keep changing it? Cuz it messes with your brain and your body, it's like a whole bunch of meds in your system, make up your mind, my body's going crazy ... , my body isn't gonna get used to it and I might have a bad reaction or I'm just gonna get messed up .-. :( lol I just need the right set of medication and I'll be good.
It's you and me, moving at the speed of light, into eternity <3 .-.
7 days sober, 1 month clean, yay :)
I'm blessed to have Autism thank you God for this opportunity
Ok! I'm over it, I'm so depressed it's hard to breathe or talk, I can't hold it in, I need to cry, havnt cried in awhile, I'm just so hurt so tired, pain is killing me inside and out and eating me alive .... But atleset I have family && God && a life to live, but I'm just so done, full of pain, dying inside, emotions so hard to explain, I'm gonna pray to God.....
Time to wake up
This is excactly how I feel, every single second of every single day of my whole life, this describes me && what's going on, finally I've been looking for this, this explains it perfectly. <333
❤️Awww memories back in 2012, when I was in residential in Utah, for a year, cus of me going crazy.. Anyway this song always came on the radio when we were on our Wedesday outings, we were jamming out in the car, aww memories .-. :3 <3 yuss I'm sick. Don't mind me lol(:
It's hard to learn, it's hard to love, sweet nothing
Sad but don't know why felt like crying yes I can't deny, tears I cannot hide, yes I want to cry I wrote this but I'm really feeling sad right now
So funny thing is every morning I always wake up 5 minutes before the bus comes .-. cx <33 ❤️
Lol my mom was on the phone with a salesperson and thought it was a girl, but it was really a guy haha, so stupid aww I love you mommy
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal (Home Alone) lmao
this one goes out to the one i love ❤️
Chilling in therapy yo
Goodnight, I feel ill, numb, weird, goodnight
I don't feel good, at all...
Changeoflife(;;
a person can change at any time, if there a drug addict, or an alcohalic, a way to change is to go to rehab until youve recovered, but dont lie your way out, you gotta get better, another way to turn your life around is to invite God into ur life. He always does whats best for you, even if it doesnt feel like it at the time, if you pray to God, and believe that He will protect you, He will ALWAYS be your guardian angel, you can read the Bible && also pray when life gets rough or your not mentally "there" or just to thank Him for all He has done. && especially when your in a bad stage of your life. He will help you get through it. It can change your life for the better, you just gotta remember He will NEVER leave you, i promise. :) c; you have to stay strong through the pain && the hurt, a way your life can change for the worst is getting into drugs, going to jail, losing a loved one, having grown up with abuse and no love, divorce, fighting, that can really effect you, && your living style, BUT you choose whether to let it affect you and change your life, ITS YOUR CHOICE! even if you grew up in a broken home or with NO home, or love or care, it can turn you into a bad person, making bad choices, behavors so hectic that you get put on medication, sent into treatment, your choices affect you AND the people around you, soon enough you change into a completly different person, brain dead, into the people that raised you, or end up... DEAD.
THIS IS MY STORY, AND IM SHARING IT WITH YOU, IM HERE FOR YOU, ANYTHING YOU NEED CONTACT ME. im always on facebook. stay strong :3
THEEEEEEE ENDDDDD
(Ayeeee Gotten Me upzxx 6:38 pm)... Really dont know what i want anymore. Drinking your sorrows lol I feel u Dude...You were already drunk when we left you...lol FOR ALL THE PPLE THAT KNOW ME WELL YOU KNOW IM ONE OF THE BIGGEST SPORTS FAN YOULL EVER MEET AND I MUST SAY I HAVENT BEEN THIS HAPPY IN A LONG TIME WE JUST TOOK OUT THE HOTTEST TEAM IN THE PLAYOFFS 2 MORE GAMES.. AND IMA TAKE A PAGE OUT OF THE LEGEND AL DAVIS AND SAY JUST WIN BABY WEIRD HOW I FEEL LIKE I WAS ABLE TO DRINK MORE BACK THEN AND STILL CONTROL MYSELF LOL Too many drinks have been handed to me Ive put my body through hell How Can I Trust A Girl If I Dont Even Trust Myself sad but true ima such a differejt person when im drunk its redic "Stay positive, for every loss there is a gain." My friends say i should act my age whats my age again? my motivation finally kicked in havent found it in months glad its back Bro i been throwin up- His charm is so contagious, vaccines we're created for it. -If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume. - Even his enemy's list him as there emergency contact.He once got pulled over for speeding the cop ended up with the ticket Its been happening alot lately lol what u doin tonight mario?i didnt know all i see was flags i just hated the traffic ! i been in traffic all week i have road rage right now Lo! i hada wait for 3 fucken horses to cross the damn street you know how long that takes!? i was pissed lol
Im mad lol how hard was IZzy when he took this pic? On a scale of one threw 10 maybe a 9 and a half My shits down right now but whats urrs ill play u on my cousins Gt Lol not their fault what u doing later meet me for a beer? Im I nice,matty and,all u do is smoke lol get,outta that,stage all ready and do the scarface stage lol Riverside? My friend works there we can get hookups Thats sunday league we were always drunk at games lol I know ur looking out for me, I didn't mean to get upset at you, I'm like that with everybody, I go to 0 to 6 in five seconds, I should control my anger, I'm sorry and I'm not mad at u, u no a thing about me is I don't care if anyone's mad at me, just mom Preston and you, I love u That's nice, hope he's better, hope u get thru the night, I've been having a rough time for awhile, gotten worse this past 3 weeks, almost went to the hospital , but I'm fine, I'm praying to God, for me you, all of us, He will take care of you, so will I, love u I'm fucking tired and I'm still sick, almost went to jail tonight lol Okay, I'm gonna bring it up again one more time, If she's still hurting you you need to tell the teacher or staff or your parents, it's illegal to hit you she can go to jail, all I'm saying is you need to tell someone before it gets worse, if she beats you again, get out, cuz you need to do it listen to me, get out of the relationship and tell somebody. Please, please please listen to me, on school on Monday your telling the teacher, I'm worried about you. Well that's all I have to say but you better fucking listen, this is the last time I'm bringing it up, it's illegal and I don't want u get hurt, please don't do it, tell somebody, listen to me. I'm done t\lking about this. Call me crazy shit at least you call me
Feels better when you let it out don't it, girl
Know its easy to get caught up in the moment
When you say its cuz you mad then you take it all back, I'm off of that negativity...been steady on those positive vibrations. Tryna build and grow. Not destroy and crumble, Vibin to 90s Music Real Music. Is it gay that im drunk bumpin R&B? Oh well ima Man About it. I think my drunk textings getting out of control. "I can have me a goodgirl and still be addicted to them hoodrats" lol izzy go to sleep lol, I thought u were having it at urr pad? Lol, Ill bet u a drink flow, Im just trying to function, izzydoezit_1990, Wide awake in vegas i really just wanna play holdem with a drink next to me but i have no wallet maybe i should start my prostituting career out here hey ya never know!. Haha, How bout you use your looks and get me drinks, When you're ready, just say you're ready
When all the baggage just ain't as heavy
And the party's over, just don't forget me
We'll change the pace and we'll just go slow drinking with the my homies, Its what happens when your sober on a friday night , lets get silly on sat and have a drink, I forgot how fun it was to be sober on a friday night, I can drink bottles of vodka, Caaaaause me is a drunk fuck, no im sober -.- lol, im sending u druink textsLol, ok hes drunk, Now we know what you told me are sober thoughts -__-And i aint trippen on nothing im sippin on something and, Gotta say for the 1st time in a long time im loving life and everyone in it, Dont Bother Me Im Drinking. My Mind Is playing tricks on me, Hahah went alright but now im up all thinking.
I wanna drink, I'll be back in an hour get a phone so I can call you
What did I tell u about that slutty ass bitch? Dump her hoe ass, tell her to leave you the fuck alone, I'll beat her twig ass up, she ain't gonna do shit, don't let her get to u, if she the one who hit you? Then make her bleed, you don't deserve to be disrespected, fuck your ex, I bet she can't even keep her legs closed, ignore here okay, if she does anything else let me know
I will fuck her I will tell her to open her legs up
I bet her pussy smells like shit lmao, she sounds like a low life hoe, disrespectful, she deserves someone to bust her ass up like me, if she hurts you, I'm done, like I said If u still with her, that's stupid cuz u deserve someone better, she no good
Get away from her stop hanging out with her, kick her out, she a bitch and she needs to grow up and stop crying like a baby, she did it to you so why is she crying cuz you didn't do anything, she can go fuck herself, get her out of your house and chill with some loyal girls, not slutty ass hoes
It's your choice, if you want a fake bitch like her? Go ahead, or you can find someone that really loves and cares about you, not a heartless faggot that beats on you, that's abuse, you deserve a good girlfriend, not someone that abuses you I'm telling u it's bad, if u don't wanna listen to me fine take her back, but I'm giving you my advice, it's your choice, she's desperate that why she's crawling back to u.
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 <333
Stay strong through the hurt and the pain c;
(1)Get In It Fuckin Out Of It cx✌️
Get back on it, she hears knocking on the door, her dad comes in and starts beating her to death till she's beaten and bruised, she reaches for her gun and attempts to shoot at him, she starts stabbing him with a knife, her moms in surgery, , she comes home laying on her bed, I have to take care of her, Cuz my brother Preston is just too small. So dad has me all to himself. So he can torture and abuse me until I suffocate.
Yeah ok bitch
It's 3:00 am and I'm still living in Mission Veijo , it's time to crawl out my window, that's what I do every night, I crawl out and jump, gone for 1 week. I was out gettin arrested, selling dope, hanging at the trap house, doin insane shit, I joined my own gang, but shit where Bad Homie at? Blake sells my my usual dope, then he rapes me, and he gives me my drugs....
, this is a lot later, I take my normal medication and I just got out of my physcotic mental episode, got home from ETS hospital again. My dads been dead for awhile, I haven't met Blake in a couple weeks, but I went to a party and got raped by James, we played "7 seconds in Heaven" and he raped me till I bled , I was still out of the streets in the ghetto part of town, where I attempted to kill and people attempted to kill me, they always beat me and tried to inject me with weird shit, they tried to take my clothes off, so I stabbed them.
My hallucinations posess me, mainly Johnny, I was on the urge of gettin killed, I got shot at like 10x a day, we were in our own little gang, me , Bad Homie, Blake, and 12 other Mexican && black guys, w
We went out doing crazy insane shit, excotic shit, we were always in trouble, goin insane.
But that was normal...
I'm sitting alone in my room, then again I only weigh 90 pounds, I still haven't drank my Coronas yet, I was all ready to go to school the next day, even if I kept getting in reatraints and going to the T.O (time out room/seclusion room) this bitch was pissin me off , acting all hard shit on the streets but then at school act like I'm there bitch.
I go home && have another episode (when your mentally ill you go out of reality)
I have the same hallucinations haunting me, && the same flashbacks.
The same nightmares,
So I pull allnighters 3 days a week,
I still haven't taken my Aderal , Haldol or my Xprexa. I stole my moms painkillers and her antianxious medication from her closet, I take them to get high. Then I go outside being posessed by Johnny, the usual, inna cop chase, they finna kill me, the usual...🙌😂😂😂💯
Officer Martinez arrests me like usual, to Juvenile Hall I go, but then I end up in the freeway, jumping cars or gettin faded, I got turnt up && then I get raped or kidnapped or injected with more drugs. Or end up in a hospital again, or going physco on the cops , where I end up getting tazed or beat down, or a gun pointed to my head by a stranger or being abused or raped by strangers, or me doing that to other people.... It's 4:30 a few weeks later in the afternoon I run to my mom , she's passed out on the couch or heavily medicated or gambling at the casino , she's out of it, so I gotta take care of myself. Surprise ...😙👏
Listen to me, I'm taking them all from you
I have no destination a Lil girl tortured and abused
She walks into the bathroom with her wrists bloody red, && pills in her pocket
My sweet little boo , she was like always
To screaming loud to hear a song
No more bird singing lullabies Cuz she's delirious
How about you run, runs up the stairs
Nightmares but cannot wake up
I hate sleep, I'm distached and disturbed in the brain
All the way in here I put on my clothes but without notice I'm still in a state of mind
Crying to sensitive , go to sleep,
Are you are you coming down to me
Slow it down, then we will all be free
Binging in the night, turnt up in the day
Get out get out, goodnight sweetie pie
I weigh 119 lb. && I'm going down the stairs
Hide my cuts wear long sleeves in the summer
I cannot I cannot breathe, I'm suffocating
I'm hungry what's for snack, which ones this one, I like pasta too
Blowing on trees about ready to jump
Fall in the road being hit by a car
Everyday is a mystery
I'm watching tv it's late at night
I'm hungry I need a midnight snack
Normal nightmares like a horror movie
Usually I get my Starbucks 2 times a week, it usually costs $5.00
My mom gets her iced tea sweetened
I either get my 12 pump mocha hot chocolate kids temperature, the Grande size
Or I get my double chocolate chip frappechino with hazelnut, whip cream && mocha drizzle, or my brownie frappechino.
My coffee cake, pumpkin bread, butter croissant, blueberry nut bread, fudge brownie warmed up , or a cake pop.
Anything off the Starbucks menu or there secret menu
We used to go to Disneyland Cuz we have annual passes
Now I watch my calories, my weight and eat 2 or 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, and a walk.
Watchin Perry Mason with my mom , high off my Ambien and Clonadine sleeping pills
Having mental breakdown episodes in public where I go crazy and end up getting 911 called on me
Use My Fitness Pall to track my calories Cuz now I'm 161 pounds && wanna lose 30 pounds, I need 1,560 calories a day
Eggo Pancakes , cup a noodle soup (1 or 2 cups) ,Dreyers chocolate fudge brownie icecream, and other shit.
Homie I'm crazy but this is my good life, I'm not safe or stable so I have to sleep with my mom
I have Dr Lee (DR WEEE) on Wedesday, we go out to CVS, Freah & Easy, Walmart, Stater Bros, Vonz, Starbucks, Bank, post box, Drs office (Dr Bennerji/Dr Durant/Dr Dysylva/Dr Cochran)
We get gas at Costco, Erica Jimenez dropped me
We go to the 99 cent store, target, Del Taco, Taco Bell, Supercuts, Fantastic SAMs , Tyler mall, Dos Lagos shopping center , 22 Edwards Cinema crossings in corona (movie theatre), MACYS, McDonald's , we do hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill
Friday nights we have papa Johns pizza night with a movie or DVDS
Preston plays on his computer, plays video games , Roblox, WiiU
We do chores: swiffer, sweep, laundry, trash, dishes, bathroom, wipe the couches down, clean room or around the house, help cook, take showers every other day, help mom run errands, go to her appointments, every Tuesday we take the big Green Black and Grey trash cans out and the garbage truck picks it up, and we go to CBU recreation center to see Romana/Daisy, and I listen to music on my iPod and take naps
I watch the Big Bang Theory && play with my puppies Roxy and Rasal
We go to bed at 10:30 pm and wake up at 10:00 am.
I have my episodes and say "I don't feel Good" so my mom watches me cuz I'm not stable
Not trying to go back to Aurora Cuz they change my meds, court and Susie Copple trying to get me into UCI for 3 months
We have court on July 30th, we'll know the results
I act like an idiot and hyper as fuck
Me and my mommy or mamabear never argue I ask her "am I being nice to you" , we never fight and we have WRAP team meetings / 1:1 session with Karly (me) and Ashley (mom), every Monday with Amenza, Karly, and Ashley. I have therapy with Nieli on 4:30 pm on Tueadays.
My mom snacks with corn nuts /Pringles/potato chips and dip, Innov Asian Cuisene (Chinese food), beef and broccoli and chicken fried rice, hashbrowns, bacon, eggs, pot roast, Stouffers Spagetti.
Preston eats Orange tic tacs, pink sugar cookies, hot dogs, chicken tenders, whip cream, orange starburst, and yeh
And that's my daily life (MINUS THE BAD STUFF)
Screw you homes Cuz I'm on Facebook/YouTube/Wattpad/iTunes/my PC/my iPod touch apps.
Yup that's it 🙌🙌🙌🙌❤️👏
When you walk around and all you see is an empty shadow,
Open yo mouth here comes the needle
Won't hurt a bit just gettin my blood drawn
Homie I just got beat and stabbed again so I went insane
Singing my songs pacing around n got my iPod on (all types of music)
Fuck yeah fuck yeah out of the mental hospital,
Lying in my blood I just slit my throat
Threw up in the bathroom cuz he just beat me, I ate my food and threw it up
I walk out the door and violently attack and torture him, I go to the strip club , still on these streets
Have no one but my mom, cuz I have nobody else, everyone else left/hurt me/ betrayed me or never even cared in the first place Cuz everyone hurts me and leaves me cuz I'm crazy, I've never had love besides my mommy, I don't let people hurt me I'm used to that and them leaving, or Cuz they saw my insane side
Or because I got down and agressive with them Cuz they do some shit
I have Noone Cuz everyone left me.
My mom and brother and puppies are all I got
Everyone else is Against me, bitch , fuck you
Everyone leaves or hurts me anyways it's the same old shit but everyday so I do it 10x worse to them but with my insanity. Imma street hussler && you try me bitch I don't play them kiddie games, I get real and I get down, I go hard and go fucking 100 , now you see it's all me, one of the most insane, yo ass ain't got shit.....
Then why the fuck didn't you pick me up
Mom, where is he? *on the phone*
He's in the car *still on phone*
Aye where u been? I've been waitin for you boo..
No Blake, we were supposed to go get some weed , where they at
Not if you don't let me fuck you first
Friends with benefits lmfao 😂😂😂😂😂
Mom where is he?
Is he at home?
Yeah, but he wrote me a letter
What did it say?
It's says that you need to suck his dick and then he posted a pic on it with his dick and his brothers dick.
This Ambien makes me feel unstable, not in reality, brain altered, cuz it's 12:49 am and my body has weird reactions and side effects, I feel delirious manic delusional, I feel like I'm on my pill but drunk and brain flips over, I feel strange, this time it's 10:x worse, I feel weird, I took her pill and now it's kicking in it doesn't weird things to you, sleeping pill effect (look up online) but now making me really sleepy and altered, unstable I need to go to bedddd ....👏💞 it's JULY 2, 2015 BAZINGA-------- what am I doing Idk inna a weird state of mind, lol I'm drunk high.
Now go to sleep now it's the big second 2 alter around 222 c,: Tabbit/Tobit wait rabbit 👏👌🌸battle it revise it , I want a big (((O))) around my ship train. Money? I got it 💵💵💵💴💶💷💳💸🔪slice yo head up chop it off DONE !!!!!!
I'm high out of it right now, I'm drunk, what's going on something strange, really weird things, does that to people, feel like I'm on my Ambien lol don't understand things weird words and convo make no sense , I don't understand what's going on or what people say me, I'm delusional and drunk so as my say goodbye night I love THIs, nonrealalistic stuf, I see 2 totum polls, pink cookie roo jar, seeing things like abnormal , brains messed up my brain shut off and is now on recharge... YES tYES YES I fell I rush like I'm in something, ultimate Mankiller majjjik
In a story , what's going on, I'm in an adnormal state of mind, feel very weird, side effects like I'm on Topamax but I took Ambien like my main sleeping pill takes 15 minutes to kick in and then if u don't sleep it wears off, my Clonadine has the same feeling but it works faster and wears off If you don't go straight to sleep. But Ambien works 10x better, not for kids tho.
Gggggggg - gggggggg - goodnight✌️👏🔪💸 7/2/2015 the end xoxo
Molly, where'd you go? She just walked into the door with the groceries, we've been living in Belcanto for awhile . Time is standing still , dive down deeper still. Your all I need to breathe .
I went out to get some more homemade pizza so we can make it. I brought out my Skyy Vodka and some electronic cigarettes.
Awww fuckin shit we ran out of bud.
It's all good I got a connection.
What time is Bad Homie coming over? We were gonna go out partying and searching for some more so we can do the usual murdering, we always fail.
I think you should get the Prozac, I need some , Jayme came in and rape and beat me, then I stabbed him, it was a commitmit. I'm used to strange guys & girls raping and beating me, but I do it 100% worse.
Molly wanna watch Pitch Perfect again? We smoked joints as we chilled out on the couch. I got a call from Blake saying he wanted to make my pussy bleed for 10 pounds of dope, and of course I agreed.
I went to sleep after drinking a whole bottle of vodka and 3 cans of beer, and took 7 Aderal pills.
Molly I need you to get me my gun.
Why?
So you can remember me for centuries...
We shooted outside at a black Toyota. The bullet went thru the glass window, but missed the black dude sitting in it.
I sang to myself the usual song I sang when I was self medicating and self harming, the song I beat myself/others too, and the song Bad Homie raped me too. "My Boo".... And I fell asleep.
You'll remember me for centuries, one big mistake is all it will take....
Came back Haunted 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪IMMA go out killing tonight....
Probably go to the strip club.
I can't help myself, I can't believe it, your all I needed, they put something inside of me, and now it's all black, I don't believe it you have to see it, I said goodbye I had to try, now I'm alive....
Molly good morning. 💕💋😘💊👏
You know why she cuts herself? Cuz she's so far down in her depression she can't escape, like a dark hole or dark tunnel with no ending, bitch don't know she's alive, && more rabbid this time...
Sara where are you? Why are you all bloody? Why do you have a gun with blood stains?
Sara your pills are on the table
Take all of these and make sure to take water so you can swallow them.
She walks into her moms room to do her bun, but she can't find her donut hole, it's 4 pm which is around the time where she starts feeling uneasy/unstable.
We leave out the door and go out to Walmart
Sara you only get one icecream, you need to watch your weight Cuz your 20 pounds overweight....
Behind the door is scarce
With it all in her hands, walkin around with no shame but she's in the shadows
How does she do it? No one knows
Cuz she hides behind a mask, with only a simple task, staying strong...
Daryl what the fuck?
What?
You stupid bitch
How am I a bitch
You fuckin around with all these hoes and finna talk to me? Hell naw
You sound like Madea 😂😂😂
Bitch shuddup , your an ass
With you and your pour family
My families not pour I ain't got no family Daryl
Sorry bro, are u alright
No, can I crash at your place????
Yeah ese I gotchu
Look I don't wanna tell you this but I'm gonna kill myself tonight
NO BITCH NO YOU AINT
Why? There's knives and blades in your kitchen, plus there's pills in your cabinet , I just gotta slit my throat or second option just take 100 of your Vicoden .
If you do that I'm gonna call 911
What else is new?
.........
Me: Babe stop it hurts, can't we go do something else
Klyde: Nah boo your pussys mine.
Monica:KLYDE STOP IT YOUR HURTING HER
Klyde: Nah she loves it just like when her father does it
Me: My father is none of yo fucking buissness and he's dead and he already got sent to jail a long time ago, and CPS was called, my abuse is none yo fucking problem.
Klyde: Baby calm down your stressing me out
Me: Bitch I'mma spray my period blood all over your whiteass face
Klyde: Oh and then cum on it?
Me: Nah I got non fictional boobs
Klyde: Your so stupid!
Me: Shut up fucker!
Klyde: Excuse me! But this is my territory and yo pussy mine
Monica: LADIES LADIES stop yo bitchin'
Klyde: Yes sir
Me: Don't say yes sir to me , I ain't a man IMMA women!
Klyde: Yes man sir
Klyde: Bye Felecia 👌👏💞
Me: Excuse me but I'm big booty Judy
Klyde: With what?
Me: DEEZNUTS!!! Got emmm
Klyde: Shut up with that && I'm not a sir
Me: Hahahaha
Monica: Sara and Klyde would you two shut up?
Klyde: No! Bitchass bitchass
Monica: Sara Shut Up and go back to bed!
Me: bitchass bitchass 😂😂😂
....
Whisky in the water, X's and O's
Alfred BitchCock lmfao 😂😂😂
It's like 1:40 am in the morning and IMMA go to sleep, watching METV on channel 3
I'm high && hyper and made my mom stay up with me and not take her sleeping pill Cuz I didn't feel good and I was avoiding a mental hospital trip or a 911 emergency call. I did a good job today I took a shower with mango body wash , I ate Galato icecream && couldn't open the Tropical Starburst Bag lmfao 💔👏👏 I was hallucinating vividly all day but not like last night where I was in another world or a fairytale. My moms asleep and bitch don't know 👌🚬🚬🚬 I need a blunt.
I was actin like an idiot like usual but my hallucinations and unstable mental state gets worse at night but starting slowly and slowly at 4:00 pm. So I take my meds and use my "coping skills" no being locked up or going insane. So I use the code word "mommy I don't feel good" she knows what it means but before my out of reality/broken mental state gets to a 5 out of 10, 10 is me at my worst having an episode && getting to emergency treatment. But I got dis 😘👌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌💯
Goodnight from 7/3/2015...
💋💋💋💋💋💕...
-------
....
It's 3:29 am , goodnight bitches ^.^ 🙌💋❤️👏💞💊 its 7/3/2015, night homes 🌸🌸🌸🌸
....
💋🙌👌💞😘___"Life Daily Shit, All This Running Around"___ 💔💞💕❤️👌
------
My Fitness❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Calorie Counter
Hi, SweetInsanityyx
Weight: 162
Height: 5'2
Goals_____
Calories: 1,560
130 lb (current weight)
Lose 1b per week
Lightly Active
Carbohydrates: 195 g. 50%
Protein: 78 g. 20%
Fat: 52 g. 30%
Wedesday, July 1st, 2015____
Total Calories: 1,530
Calories Left: 30
Breakfast: 1. Buttermilk Pancakes (Kellogs Eggo, 116g,) =280 calories
3 pancakes, 1 serving.
Lunch: 2. Ramen Chicken Noodles with Vegetables In a Cup (Marchaun, 1 container) =290 calories, 1 container, 1 serving
Dinner: (Empty)
Snacks: 3. Fudge Iced Brownie (Signature The Bakery Baked With Pride, 1 brownie) =360 calories, 1 serving
4. Fudge Iced Brownie (The Bakery Baked With Pride, 1 brownie) =360 calories, 1 serving
5. Chocolate Fudge Brownie Icecream (Dreyers, 1.5 cup) =240 calories, 1 1/4 serving
Thursday, July 2nd, 2015____
Total Calories: 1,209
Calories Left: 351
Breakfast: (Empty)
Lunch: 1. Chicken and Broccoli (Innov Asian Cuisene, 1 cup) =240 calories, 1 serving
2. Chicken Fried Rice, Innov Asian Cuisene, 1.3 cup) =234 calories, 1 cup serving
Dinner: (Empty)
Snack: 3. Grande Hot Chocolate (Starbucks, 1 Grande, 16oz) =370 calories, 1 serving
4. Chocolate Fudge Brownie Icecream (Dreyers, 0.6 cup) =240 calories, 1 1/4 serving
5. Chocolate Syrup (Hershys Chocolate Syrup, 2tbsp) =100 calories, 1 serving
6. Whip Cream (Great Value, 2tbsp) =25 calories, 1 serving
Friday, July 3rd, 2015___
Total calories: 960
Calories Left: 600
Breakfast: 1. Frozen Buttermilk Waffles (Krusteaz, 2 waffles) =210 calories
Lunch: 2. Chicken and Broccoli (Innov Asian Cuisene, 0.3 cups) =60 calories, 1/3 serving
3. Chicken Fried Rice (Innov Asian Cuisene, 0.3 cups) =80 calories, 1/3 serving
Dinner: (Empty)
Snack: 4. Grande Hot Chocolate (Starbucks, 1 Grande, 16oz) =370 calories, 1 serving
5. Chocolate Fudge Brownie Icecream (Dreyers, 0.5 cup) =240 calories, 1 1/4 serving
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Breakfast Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
Farm Fresh Egg-Land's Best - 18 Large Grade Aa Eggs Large, 1 egg (50g) 70 0 4 6 65 0
Sara Lee (White Bread) - Toast With Butter, 0.5 slice 63 8 3 1 100 1
Oscar Mayer - Maple Flavored Bacon, 4 Slices 180 0 14 12 740 0
Add Food Quick Tools 313 8 21 19 905 1
Lunch
Add Food Quick Tools Dinner
Mcdonalds - Ketchup, 6 ml 8 2 0 0 0 2
Vegetable - Green Leaf Lettuce, 1.5 cup 8 2 0 1 15 0
Mcdonald's - Swiss Cheese Slice, 0.03 oz (15g) 30 1 2 2 10 0
Mcdonald's - Slice of Bacon, 1 slice 70 1 5 5 270 0
Mcdonalds - Burger Patty, 0.5 Patty 45 0 3 4 63 0
Mcdonald's - Small Hamburger Bun, 0.5 bun 75 14 1 3 120 3
Add Food Quick Tools 236 19 11 14 478 4
Snacks
Quick Add - Myfitnesspal Premium, 1 serving(s) 640 0 0 0 0 0
great value - whipped cream, 2 tbsp 25 1 3 0 0 1
Starbucks - Venti Mocha Frappucino With Whip, 24 oz 500 83 17 7 0 79
Hershies Chocolate Syrup - Chocolate Syrup, 1 tbsp 50 12 0 0 8 10
Add Food Quick Tools 1,215 96 20 7 8 90
Totals 1,764 123 52 40 1,390 95
Your Daily Goal 2,025 265 60 106 2,300 76
Remaining 261 142 8 65 910 -19
Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
*You've earned 465 extra calories from exercise today
If every day were like today... You'd weigh 153.5 lbs in 5 weeks
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Breakfast Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
Farm Fresh Egg-Land's Best - 18 Large Grade Aa Eggs Large, 1 egg (50g) 70 0 4 6 65 0
Fresh & Easy - Finely Shredded Cheddar and Monterey Jack Cheese Blend, 0.5 fluid ounce 28 0 2 2 43 0
Lucerne - Whole Milk Vitamin D, 0.13 cup 20 2 1 1 16 2
Kirkland Signature (Costco) - Salted Sweet Cream Butter Teaspoon, 1 tsp 33 0 4 0 30 0
Romero's - Flour Tortillas Casera Style, 2 Tortilla 154 28 4 4 290 2
Add Food Quick Tools 509
Lunch
Add Food Quick Tools Dinner
Vegetable - Sweet White Corn on the Cob, 2 ear (6-3/4" - 7-1/2" long) 166 39 2 6 26 6
Kirkland - Salted Sweet Cream Butter 1tespoon, 2 tespoon 66 0 66 0 0 0
Add Food Quick Tools 232 39 68 6 26 6
Snacks
Hershies Chocolate Syrup - Chocolate Syrup, 1 tbsp 50 12 0 0 8 10
great value - whipped cream, 1 tbsp 13 1 2 0 0 1
Dreyer's - Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream, 1 cup 400 48 20 6 90 38
Add Food Quick Tools 463 61 22 6 98 49
Totals 1,000 129 104 25 567 58
Your Daily Goal 1,560 195 52 78 2,300 59
Remaining 560 66 -52 53 1,733 0
Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
If every day were like today... You'd weigh 150.5 lbs in 5 weeks
Calories Carbs Fat Protein Sodium Sugar
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-------
Your the last person I will love and I'm not gonna miss you , all things I've said or done, I'm never gonna see through your eyes again
I love you mom
Snap chat Daniel hooks
Spicyy Crazii Ramoz
Spizyy Crazii Sanchez
Abigail Collabros
Alisa Monee Alvarez
I love you mom
Snap chat Daniel hooks
Spicyy Crazii Ramoz
Spizyy Crazii Sanchez
Veronica ToCrazii Ramoz
Angelique KandiKissesx Babybear McLaughlin
Veronica KnoqOut
Ronnie Alexandria Crazii KnoqOut
Veronica ToCrazii KnoqOut RAMOZ
Stevie gives people pills in there sleep and silently tortures them. Silent Torture
ALISA MONEE ALVAREZ (VERONICA TOCRAZII RAMOZ)
AlIsA mOnEe AlVaReZ
(VeRoNiCa ToCrAzIi RaMoZ)
Sara Nicole Berger
Alisa Monee Alvarez
Veronica ToCrazii Ramoz
Sadiee BlaqRaqe Babybear Fiasco
Preston Alexander Berger
Markous Fallon Swrtes
Le Mario Master
Jimmy Vincent Graddis
Say it right
War games 2
Donnie Darko
The family
Avatar
Enders game
Seth Marshall
Seth Tells Larry About His Disorder (From Please Adam Stop It Takes Me All The Way)
After Stevie tries to fuck him again he goes to Seth ranting on how much Stevie has done to him, Seth tells Larry that Stevie is mental, extremely mental that her brain doesnt function normally, Seth says that she's crazy but that Larry is depressed, Larry denies but Seth says nomatter what always stay by Stevie's side but that brings up the subject of Larry wanting to leave also mentioning that Seth told him the exact opposite the other day, he reminds him of the restraining order Seth says those are his options, then Seth says that Larry needs to be put on anti-depressants, Larry goes beserk and starts pounding his head on the wall then trying to cut himself with his nails, "ah just like Stevie that's not a surprise" then Larry accepts the fact he's kind of like Stevie, Seth tells Larry to follow his heart then Larry goes to his room, glad that Seth is living with them as a guardian, "You may be depressed but your still an amazing person" he hears Stevie from beside him, Larry then questions everything.
Seth Tells Larry Something
(From Please Adam Stop It Takes Me All The Way)
"um Larry you want to know, Stevie secretly wants your attention, you no sexually, and I no she's been abusive but do not let her touch you, okay.-Seth"
"Of course that's the typical Stevie searching for the love she never got and exspects me to give it to her.-Larry"
Alisa Alvarez Needs Help...
Alvarez, a 15 year old rebel, seriously needs help with her mental issues, hospitalized 35 times, sent to jail 2, was in one group home and residential twice. All because of different shit, she's differently ill, went crazy after her father died in 2011, then she attempted suicide 13 times, has cutting problems, ALOT of violence, including fighting restraints jacking cars trying to kill her family, she defently went crazy her mom said. Alvarez abused her brother, running away getting into trouble at school, her hallucinating lead her to get into trouble with the law, countless times, at 13 she started using drugs, she used her meds as an overdosing medicine. She attempted suicide ALOT of times, the last time was by jacking a car and injected meth into her arm, Alvarez is addicted to cutting and slashes her wrist to escape her pain based in the song "Dife" music saved her life basically. Thanks a fucking ALOT ;)
Alisa Alvarez
"And That Is It All"
$9.99
January 19, 2014
Fuck And All
51/50'd (Back To ETS)
Turn Around And Try Me
Help Me Save Me
Get What I Want (When I Want It)
Raul
Safe From All Dis Shit
Fuck Dat
Why Don't Me Just Die
Hello Hello Hello (Why Don't You Answer Me?)
Firewall
Wanna Stay 1: Start Again
Wanna Stay 2: Seth Again
Why Me
How All Came To Me
Pissing Out
Come Here Come Out
Fuck This Me Is Done
This Is Who I Am
Black Times
Welcome To The Ends
Mothers And Fathers
15
X
5
=
?
Howz to yo day
Thanks you
Sara ur ridiculous
Just randomly
Layers laterzbitchies X)
What's Wrong With Alvarez...
"Alisa Alvarez runs away to Big Boy with Estasy pills overdoses, Marshall is there Kim and the police bust in saying "dersheis" Alvarez punches Kim and starts flipping tables, Kim insults Marshall and Alvarez defends him and pulls out a knife to slit her throat then taking more pills, Kim and Alvarez got in a fight, Alvarez went crazy I mean REAL crazy so Kim called 911. Alvarez starts screaming "why mom why dad die bitch die" the cops arrest her, Marshall chases her down, then Alvarez flips Kim off and when she gets released she keeps going to Big Boy idk why she just does she just fucking does, her and Kim have had rivalries for a LONG time due to also her obsession with Marshall." - Alvarez Fucked Up
Shows:
In The House
The Fosters
Action item:
List 3 times you felt anxious.
1. When I see evil daddy
2. When I get paranoid
3. Someones gonna get me
Me and Bri will talk about becoming anxious.
Note to Preston saying sorry:
Mytoecold
The Goodwill (Needed It)
Alisa Alvarez "Mirrored Element"
Mother and father by broods
Sometimes today is beautiful in the open sky world seems kind of dark right noe it feels so hard to breathe
You are so beautiful beautiful beautiful like sunlight burning at midnight something so beautiful
Wake up call maroon 5
Beautiful day by U2
Sunrise by Nichole nordeman
Dangerous by David guetta
Amazing spiderman 2
Tom cruise latest movie
Aeonflux
In good company
Seth macfarlane
Arrest me I'm sexy
Let's get dirty
Someones a grump
Hello ladies
Hey ladies welcome to the club
Welcome to the club, free service
Primadona
Justin Chavez
Jesse Cervantes
Alisa Monee Alvarez ;)
Michelle medina
Michelle duque
Hideaway by kiesza
Gotta get up and try
Blowme one last kiss
Dog days are over Florence
Ingrid michaels girls chase boys
Raging fire by Phillip Phillips
Hey everybody welcome to the club
I beg to differ 0.0
One flew over the cookos nest
"I'm not happy
Feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm uslessless
But not for long
My future is coming on"
-Clint Eastwood by The Gorillaz
Are you okay? ;(
I want to kill myself.
Overdose
Die
Whatever
No one cares
No ones there
Fuck you all
When I'm gone
No one will miss me
So tonight
Im gonna do this shit
Until I bleed
Overdose till I can't breathe
Goodbye...
1998 15 years late
Hair in bun green wall behind her
Hair half in ponytail red like Laurasia with red headband on head close to forehead cute close shorts short top black blue green or hot pink makeup blue eyeliner black mascara.
Hair in ponytail with side bang out right side with headband on.
R A U L
D A N N Y
J U A N
M A R T I N
S A R A
Smexii ass bitches XXD
Sexiii Oscar
Datz fucking rad dude
Yes u do I know u fucking no as Raul says laterz bitches
To sexy for my shirt
Stouffers
Banquets
Stater Bros
Apple Contact Support:
http://support.apple.com/kb/HE57
Yay for Asians xD
Irish Screaming x)
What does lightning McQueen say? KA FUCKING CHOW
Jolly fuckin hoe X)
And all the things you do all the things you've done yellow, Yellow by Coldplay
I'm ontop of da world
Pompeii Bastille
Larry Xencell
Got it from da best
Ya I'm a "good" rolemodel lmao.
-Stevie Xencell xD
Alisa Monee Alvarez ;)
Michelle medina
Michelle duque
Hideaway by kiesza
Gotta get up and try
Blowme one last kiss
Dog days are over Florence
Ingrid michaels girls chase boys
My pain cuts deep inside me
It damages my mental state
I stay strong thru all the bullshit
Can't wait for you and me empty words broken hearts let me be it's time we part
Jon Gibson Ya Mo Be There
Elton John mad man across the water
A Little by Alisa Alvarez
I got a little fucked up last night , but don't worry
I'll be just fine
I'm first in line
I ain't got no time
Ready to fly
I ain't got no life
It's like I'm high
But at the same time low
Deep in the snow
Nowhere to show
I need to know
I want to be known
I don't wanna be shown
I just lay low
Watch the time go
Ready to know
Life goes and goes
Watch me float
See me dream
Need to be seen
On the TV screen
Inside a movie scene
Let me scream
While you dream
I see I see I see
Need to be seen
I got a little fucked up last night
Ready for the fight
I got a little
Yep just a little
Fucked up last night...
Jerseys pizzeria and restraint
Bacon and sausage pizza
Cyanamide: Overdose (An Alvarez Original)
Chandlier Stan Madina + George Stevenson: Cyanamide
Theme: Original Leftfield
Should Be You NeYo
With: Alisa Alvarez and Markous Swrtes
Chandy Stan Madina + George Stevenson: Cynamide: Overdose...
Yt: Chandy overdoses once George takes the love of her life, Ralphie away from her, she takes Georges pain killers while Trisha and George try to stop her. Starring Alisa Alvarez and Markous Swrtes.
Bio: "Um yes is this George, ya your friend Chandlier was found on McKinley two hours ago I think she was trying to kill herself."-Police "Oh shit, Ill be right there"-George " "I don't get it she seemed so happy, what the fuck is going on, Da Fuck Debra get out of my clothes, stupid bitch.-Trisha. Chandy (Alvarez) goes I'll when finding out George (Swrtes) had an affair with Chandys girlfriend Ralphie Miller, she starts cutting, crying, running away, tried to kill herself 3 times, goes crasy, and hitting George one day Chandy overdoses on pills and takes a knife and runs away to a Vonz and steals food and overruns the store she comfronts Ralph and slaps him he calls the cops which leads to her going on house arrest. George feeds and takes care of her. Chancy eats herself to obsesity and ends up in the mental hospital for her 3rd suicide attempt, meeting Isabel and Trisha, acting out in restraints, going insane, surprised by Ralphie showing up, Chandy has gone crazy, losing herself, all because of Ralphie. Then there's music videos to:
Stay
Shining Down
Release The Pressure
Memories
Love In December
Suffer Well
One Love
My Blood
No More
Hailies Song
42
Then when George is watching TV Chandy hands in a letter from the argument, which leads to a bigger one, Chandy locks herself in the bathroom but George calls in his friend Trisha Sanchez to calm her, Chsndy has dreams of saving Ralph from an accident then fucking him up going to hospitals and stores and having breakdowns. She overdoses on Georges pain pills and George saves her before it's to late. Then Ralph apologizes and gets back together with Chandy and that is how it ALL ends.
Ending: Strangelove
Let Me Be Lonely
Trisha Sanchez
Debra Ramirez
Chandy Madina
George Stevenson
Ralphie Miller
Isabella Stone
Chancy or Chandy keeps having nightmares rolling over then in slow motion reaches over the bedside table for pills she attempts to take them but George and Trisha walk in and make her struggle she does it they scream no she falls on the floor screaming then passes out, they call 911 "Chandlier Stan Madina just attempted to overdose on Vicodin pills" -in my mind, only the young
Cheesecake
Cookies and cream poptsrts
Milky way
Are you sure your ok
Hey buddy
That's what's up
Of course I care about you
My parents split up and I was mentally out of it
Iggy iggy iggy can't you see
Sometimes your words just hypnotize me
Ain't nobody love like you do
Take my life by Jeremy camp
Chrunchroll
Burning up
Walking through the fire
Please don't let me go
The Audi 83
Good vibrations
I'm fucking done with my life, someone kill me, I feel like a failure, I feel like noone cares, vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
3/5/15 today at school
I feel like I wanna stab myself with a knife , I wanna kill myself so I can stop suffering, Erin and Johnny rape me, I'm gonna starve myself until I can't breathe, Boone gives a fuck if I die, I'm fucked up in the head, and now I'm ending it to see Daddy in taxi 22, I'm gonna shoot myself in the head, take my moms antidepressants, I feel like a worthless peice of shit, why does everyone hate me? I need to get away, and tonight I'm gonna let Johnny possess me and end it all, I don't wanna breathe or live, if I take 100 pills Boone would care, a dead body on the floor with blood stains, I'm fucking crazy and no worth at living, I'm ugly, my hallucinating takes full control , I wanna bleed to death, the only 4 people a live for are Mommy Preston, Izzy, Laura, if it were not for them cuz I love them to death, I'd be dead, my life is fucked up, pain killing me inside and out, fuck my life, me being crazy and mentally ill, I can't live nomore, I care about everyone, if I stab myself tonight, who would care? I just can't stand this pain, I'm mentally out of it, I'm fucking like 16 in treatment for 4 years, never had a normal life, I'm probably the craziest girl, I've done hard shit, I became sick in the head after my dad died, I'm not normal, I'm fucking worthless, live my whole life in and out of mental hospitals, dealt with abuse, mental illness and drugs, my dad was abusing me, if I take those pills, I want you to watch and stare, don't do anything, let me lay dead.
The End
~Alisa Monee Alvarez~
Birth Name: Sara Nicole Berger
YT: TwistedMetal411/Alisa Monee Alvarez
Email: crowdgoeswild86@hotmail.com
FB: Alisa DarqAngelxc Monee Alvarez
Age: 16
Mental State: Physco, Crazy, Ill
Health: Mentally Unstable
(x) Crazy ( ) Minor Issues ( ) OK
( ) Normal
Medication/Disorders? Yes
Treatment? Yes
Anger/Anxiety? Yes
Depression/Insomnia? Yes
Troubled or Good? Troubled
Suicidal/Homoscidal? Yes
Mentally Ill? Yes
Needs Help/Treatment? Yes
Status: Single LMAO >.<
Issues/Problems? Yes
Fighter? Yes
Real or Fake? Real
Straight Up or Passive? Straight Up
Mom: Marcia Jean Berger
(x) Alive ( ) Dead
Dad: William Robert Berger
( ) Alive (x) Dead
Occupation: Singer, Actor, Rapper, Writer, Artist, Craziest Teenage Singer.
Drugs? Yes
Aggressive or Sweet? Both
Roseanne (Lutatious) Martin
Veronica (VRon) Simmons
Stevie Xencell
Chandlier Stan Madina
Jym Louie
Jazmyn Sanchez Alejondros
Kristen Vasquez Saliguerio
Bonelle Jenvonee (Bob Jen)
Blepknik Torres (SInIster SmIle)
Maribeth Rimarez
~Markous Jalhon Swrtes~
Birth Name: Preston Alexander Berger
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Young Folks
Folking
Little sumberines by black keys
Little sunrise
Larry Tries To Kill Himself For The First Time (From Touched Still Figuring Things Out)
This is a scene of afterwards of the 3rd movie. Larry gets a visit from Seth telling him that Stevie is going to kill him and he needs to drug himself also that Stevie would rape him until he got her weed and a butcher knife, then he said that Stevie killed Ariana and Adam out of uncontrollable rage and Larrys next. He doesn't believe him until he shows him an old article, so Stevie runs in and attacks Seth, Seth gets knocked out, Stevie asks Larry if he wants to get drugged before the surprise comes, Stevie hands him the pills, "take 10" he tries to do it then he tries to cut his throat with the razor, Stevie stops and sits Larry down but he won't talk. Then Seth awakens arguing with an intoxicated Stevie and Stevie then laughs uncontrollably and rolls on the bed like a 4 year old "oh not the autism again" Seth says, but again Larry is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and he shouldn't be anywhere near Stevie, so Seth convinces him not to kill himself but to get a restraining order, Larry agrees and Stevie is knocked out uncontious on the bed.
Song: Prelude 12/21
Larry and Stevie's "Little Chat"
(From Please Adam Stop It Takes Me All The Way)
"Hey Stevie I love you but at the same Ariana and Adam are failures for having you, your just a waste, I mean I care about you, it's my first time I actually feel confident cuz you've abused me continually your just a physco suicidal freak, your mental illness is contagious, so I think it's best for you to go, you no to the funny farm where you belong, just stay out of my life I can't live like this anymore ur ruining my life, u no what I'm leaving have fun with Johnny.-Larry"
"Go on you little heartless faggot I admit I'm crazy and abusive and I made up for that, in so many fucking ways ur so naive and fake if u really hate me and want me to die, then why didn't u fucking say it earlier, and my life has been shit, yours has been amazing, your so inconsiderate, go leave don't be surprised if you don't see me tomorrow, wait you wouldn't care, and no I loved you more than anything, but you hurt me throughout my hole life but now it's my turn to go, get the fuck out of here, just let me die alone.-Stevie
Me loves mommy she's relly amazing stay strong ok yes you got it yes yes you do ur the best mom ever thru all da hard times you've had me helped me held me you saved me I love you so much me can't explainz I l u I l u I l u
~"So Bitch, Your Free Film Series."~
Jym Louie (Brandon Samillio Sanchez) as Alisa Monee Alvarez
Xavier Louie (Kenneth Lacy Sanchez) as Markous Fallon Swrtes
Alexandria Salguero Torres (Alexa) as Alisa Monee Alvarez
Cheyanne Emily Santos (Cherri) as Alisa Monee Alvarez
David Emile Miller (MrDavi) as Markous Fallon Swrtes
A story of two hyperactive children, Xavier Louie or Kenneth (Ken) Lacy Sanchez and Jym Louie or AKA Brandon (Brandi) Samillio Sanchez, who go thru daily life, Jym Louie normally uses sarcasm and insults Xavier, as Xavier is more of the loving type, live in there own world, finally losing there minds. Theres 4 movies, "Jym." "So Young and Far Away", and "Cheap Touching", and "Why Me Why Now Why Not." Jym/Brandi by Alisa Alvarez Xavier/Ken by Markous Swrtes +ALL VIDEOS ON THIS PLAYLIST MADE BY ME, ALISA ALVAREZxD
MOVIE BIO:
Movie #1: Jym.
Bio: Jym Brandon Louie Sanchez (Alvarez) tries to escape her mind, it all started when driving home with her mom from her therapist, her mom walks into a local casino, with Jym in the car, Jym waits for hours, later it is she gets really worried and delusional , she goes crazy and loses her mind, crying and seeing flashbacks, after awhile a cop knocks on the window, arresting her, she beats him jacks the car and drives off, seeing her mom looking at her, she goes out of her mind , and she's reported dead the next day. Jym's dad and grandparents died 2 years before, while the mom watches over Jym and her brother. Jym then goes mentally ill, now having to take care of her little brother. A year later the story begins... Jym tries to escape her mind, secretly snorting pills at night to stay awake all night, where she does mentally unsafe behaviors, she knows that she feels nothing, her minds empty, one night she escapes her house, because she loses her mind and has out of body experiences, her body tightens up, she has anxiety attacks, she's going crazy but acts fine for her brother , Xavier Kenneth Louie Sanchez (Swrtes), not to scare him. Her body is having a bad reaction to her anti phycotic medication, at night she gets manic and party's with Xavier, and live there lives on the wild side. Jym and Xavier in the present, find there true selves, and live there life to the fullest, until Xavier reports Jym to CPS for "unstable actions" she comes back from the hospital with her brain wired, delusional, and "not herself" finding a hole and busted vains in her brain, not functioning normally , she gets a brain tumor, she goes so crazy and out of her mind having "No Functionality" she pretends to be normal for Xavier, both having good times again, until Jym gets a call from her friend Alexandria (Alvarez) saying that Jym has been framed into physically assaulting a CPS officer, and stealing drugs from her hospital, later finding out Xavier framed her for all the times Jym bullied and abused and scared Xavier, Xavier is usually the loving type, Jym usually is "wired and hyper" and insults Xavier, but Jym is the wild type, energetic , and crazy. Xavier witnesses Jym losing her mind more and more while losing herself trying to find herself, she's lost all her mind, mentality, and functionality. Xavier doesn't know why, finally to punish himself, he takes a pill to become like his big sister, what's happened to her us, there's nothing in there. Jym and Xavier live there life as themselves, while Jym dates Alexandria , and becomes sexual, and more grown, more real and "fuck the world I'm me" starts becoming sexual and a hoe, while taking pictures of her grabbing her body and partying, Xavier notices her horny and sex obsessed and he becomes closer to his girlfriend Cheyanne (Alvarez). Jym is fine without any family besides Xavier and Xavier is accepted to a home with all 4 of them. It's real(:
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___Getting ready 6/4/2015___❤️🇺🇸💋
CLOTHES/SMELL GOODS.
-Put on cute/sexy top (undershirt if you have too)
-Tuck undershirt under pants
-Put pants/jeans/shorts on over underwear and undershirt
-Pull underwear up to belly
-Spray perfume 3 times across your neck/chest, and one time on each arm, crouch, and on your belly
-put diodarant on
-brush your teeth/wash your face
-DONE
______
JEWELRY.
-Put on necklaces (3 or 4)
-unhook the necklace and throw it over back of head so the hook is in the front of your body
-hook it and turn it around
Put on brackets (ALOT on both arms)
-DONE
______
HAIR.
-Brush hair all the way down with big brush, (holding both rubber bands on right arm closer to your back Palm.)
-Make sure to brush all hair into the middle so you can grab it
-brush from each side to middle.
-grab all hair and hold it,
-lift head up and position it to the right/left side of your head (far right on the back of your head but not to far)
-tie it with rubber band TIGHTLY 3x and each time make sure to pull it all the way through
-put donut hole thru your ponytail so the ponytail is in the hole and the donut is around it
-push down all your hair and fan/spread it around so it covers all the donut (use side of brush or your hands to put all your hair around)
-start from middle of donut hole to spread hair evenly around, then tuck hair under your donut
-snap rubber band around all your hair around the donut hole (get all your hair and snap down tight)
-push down on your hair in the bun and make it even (so it looks the same on each side)
-snap another rubber band down on it tightly.
-DONE
______
SHOWERING.
-Do it in day (recommended) or night
-undress , throw clothes in dirty hamper,and go to the bathroom first.
-get makeup and take your hair out
-get towel, washcloth, underwear, shirt, pants, bra, socks
-put clothes on counter , wash cloth in shower next to the door, and towel on edge over shower close to door
-start the water to get it to the right temperature (warm is recommended) -turn knob to the right to the middle, then turn it a little bit more to the right
-get in and stay underwater getting your body and hair wet (stay for about a minute)
-get out of water and grab shampoo , to fill up center of your palm
-flip your hair over and scrub all your hair very hard all over and get scalp (make sure to get every inch of your hair moving your hand around and scrubbing your hair HARD)
-after scrubbing for a minute after its all soapy, all your hair is covered and smells good (if you know your scrubbed hard and fast)
-get underwater and let water run down your hair, then turn around with your hair flipped underwater and let it run
-then start scrubbing all the way thru your hair to get the soap out, make sure to put fingers through your hair (deep into your scalp, GET ALL of your hair)
-stand under for a couple seconds so you know it's all clean
-then get out of water and get another medium size of shampoo and scrub it hard and fast like the first time with hair flipped over
-after you get all your hair covered step back into the water and let water run down, then turn and scrub out soap till it's clean, stand under water for a few seconds (REPEATING THE FIRST STEP OF WASHING HAIR WITH SHAMPOO)
-then get out and put a large size amount of conditioner in your hand
-turn over flipping your hair and scrub lighter but get all your hair, then use your fingers to put conditioner through your hair
-get all your hair and make sure to smoothly put conditioner in (brushing down all of your hair with your fingers)
-then scrub it and leave it in your hair
-put 1 more large sized amounts conditioner in your hand
-scrub lightly and smoothly through hair again , running fingers all over your hair and getting all of it
-make sure to get all your hair and deep under your scalp (every inch of your hair)
-Then this time put the last amount of conditioner in your hair, smoothing out all over your hair (GET ALOT and leave it in your hair not scrubbing as hard)
-run fingers through your hair so it's smooth (still bending down do it softly starting from top to bottom of your hair)
-leave in your hair and stay out of water.
-get body wash in your hands (mango body wash) and scrub hard and fast all over your arms , get your fingers, hands, arms, armpits, and all over and around it.
-make sure to get every inch and do it smooth and slow this time to get all around your arms
-then wash your neck, back, tummy, front of your body, all over the front
-scrub hard and fast getting all of your body and around every inch
-then do it slow to get all around your body
-then wash your legs , doing each leg and foot separately
-get around and all over butt and all bottom part of your body scrubbing and then spreading body wash
-get back under water and let water run all over your body and then bend down to get conditioner out of hair
-take wash cloth and get your private part spreading legs really low, gettin thru all the holes in your privates and your pubic hair
-make sure to get all of it, even sides of your legs
-throw wash cloth into bathtub not hitting the electronics
-take shower head and spread legs getting all soap out of your privates (spread down real low)
-stand under water to wash everything off, make sure hair is smoothe and you smell good
-turn water off and step out of shower
-take towel and dry off (dry hair, all your body from top to bottom)
-flip dirty towel over shower
-put diodarant on and shave if you want to
-put underwear on, then bra, then shirt, then pants, then your socks
-brush your teeth with Mommy's toothpaste
-brush hair starting from bottom to top, brush back evenly until it's all even (if night)
-put hair in bun after it dries or while it's wet, make sure to brush well until smooth and not tangly or rough, make soft (if morning/day)
-DONE
______
MAKEUP.
-take out makeup bag (PULL OUT THE FOLLOWING)
1. CVS 3 color eyeshadow (Mommy's old one which is now mine)
2. black pencil eyeshadow (sharpen it if needed , make really pointy)
3. orange mega impact mascara
4. lip sticks in a tube
5. Mommy's blush
6. big brush
-take eyeshadow and open it (do this for both eyes, use both brushes)
-on first brush swipe the pink eyeshadow lightly and apply it to the top of your eyes (not the lid)
-on second brush darkly swipe the light purple eyeshadow and apply a large amount on your eyelids, under the pink so it's mixed
-apply pink again darker and then apply purple again darker (keep shading it in so it looks mixed and even if pink and purple)
-take Mommy's blush and big brush and swipe it in blush, then blow off
-apply to cheek bones and make sure it's bright pink (not to bright)
-swipe lightly on nose, forehead and around your face
-reapply pink and purple eyeshadow
-take out black eyeliner pencil eyeliner and sharpen it with sharpener
-(for both eyes, make sure to outline your eyes) apply eyeliner a medium size on eyelid, curving it at the tip
-then apply on bottom lid, swiping slowly and softly
-reapply eyeshadow so it's thick on top lid, then swipe softly again on bottom lid
-keep shading it in so it looks professional on the curve
-on the curve on right eye do right half darker then left half, on the curve on left eye do left half darker then right half
-example: you see your right corner of your eye closer to the end of your eye by your ear, curve it inside from your ear halfway on the bottom, do the same for left side
-then curve the tip outlining it
-reapply pink eyeshadow darkly on top not touching eyeliner
-reapply purple eyeshadow darkly still not touching eyeliner
-take out orange mega impact mascara (for both eyes)
-start swiping from bottom to top very thickly&darkly
-then swipe lightly on edge of lashes
-keep applying thickly so it's really dark
-if you want apply and then wait 30 seconds for it to dry, then apply again for thicker eyelashes (RECOMMENDED... If you have time)
-then twist mascara stick curling your eyelashes, do this a couple times until dark enough
-reapply mascara the same way until thick, dark, and big eyelashes
-close your eyes and apply mascara very thick and do it a lot repeatedly (twist and curl eyelashes if you want a better effect)
-keep applying mascara on your lashes until your satisfied with the darkness and thickness (really black with big eyelashes)
-close your eyes and take edge of mascara stick (tip and then edge in the middle of stick) and apply
-curl lashes with tip repeatedly until your lashes are big
-open eyes , take edge of mascara stick (tip and edge in the middle of stick) and apply
-then apply thickly and then smoothly on eyelashes and the tip of eyelash
-open up eyeshadow again (use both brushes)
-apply pink thickly on top and then apply purple lightly on bottom
-reapply mascara
-reapply pink/purple eyeshadow again (mainly pink)
-take out lip stick tube
-use any color lipstick (pink/red/brown/velvet RECOMMEND)
-apply thickly on lips evenly, not anywhere outside your lips
-reapply pink eyeshadow and if needed mascara
-wipe off excess makeup
-DONE
______
(That's how I get ready for the day)...
❤️❤️❤️❤️
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__❤️❤️STARBUCKS❤️❤️__
Bakery
Calories Fat (g) Carb. (g) Fiber (g) Protein (g)
Chonga Bagel 300 5 50 3 12
8-Grain Roll 380 7 67 7 10
Almond Croissant Blossom 380 23 38 2 9
Banana Nut Bread 420 21 52 2 6
Blueberry Muffin with Yogurt and Honey 380 16 53 1 6
Blueberry Scone 420 17 61 2 5
Butter Croissant 260 14 28 1 6
Cheese Danish 320 16 36 1 8
Chocolate Caramel Muffin 410 20 56 2 5
Chocolate Chip Cookie 310 15 42 2 4
Chocolate Croissant 370 20 46 2 6
Classic Coffee Cake 390 16 57 1 5
Cranberry Orange Scone 420 15 64 1 6
Devil's Food Doughnut 430 23 53 2 5
Double Chocolate Chunk Brownie 380 23 41 2 4
Everything with Cheese Bagel 270 2 54 2 10
Flourless Chewy Chocolate Cookie 170 4.5 32 2 2
Frappuccino® Cookie 350 20 40 <1 4
Gluten-Free Marshmallow Dream Bar 240 5 45 0 2
Ham & Cheese Savory Foldover 250 11 24 <1 13
Iced Lemon Pound Cake 470 20 68 1 6
Mallorca Sweet Bread 460 27 46 1 7
Michigan Cherry Oat Bar 240 8 36 <1 3
Morning Bun 350 15 54 2 7
Multigrain Bagel 290 3 58 6 14
Oatmeal Cookie 290 12 40 3 5
Old-Fashioned Glazed Doughnut 480 27 56 1 5
Petite Vanilla Bean Scone 120 4.5 18 0 2
Plain Bagel 270 1 57 2 9
Pumpkin Bread 410 15 63 2 6
Raspberry Swirl Pound Cake 430 16 69 1 4
Red Berry Cheese Danish 300 12 43 2 6
Reduced-Fat Berry Coffee Cake with Lemon Crumble 320 11 52 2 5
Reduced-Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake 370 9 67 2 5
Salted Caramel Square with Pecans 380 22 45 1 3
Toasted S'mores Tart 310 16 41 1 4
Volpi! Pepperoni & Tomato Savory Foldover, 270, 14, 27, 2, 10
Wheat Spinach Savory Foldover, 250, 15, 23, 3, 4
Starbucks Secret Menu
Welcome to HackTheMenu's ultimate collection of Starbucks Secret Menu Items. Yes, you read that right. You can order special drinks from your local Starbucks that are not on their regular menu - a Secret Menu. From Cotton Candy Frappuccinos, Liquid Cocaine and all the way to Butterbeer Lattes, we have you covered with all of the knowledge, recipes and know-how for you to start ordering off of the Starbucks Secret Menu! Our goal is to put the power of the menu in your hands, so you can start ordering what you want instead of staying within the four corners of the official Starbucks Menu. So go ahead, check out our Starbucks Secret Menu items below to find the crazy delicious concoctions that have been hiding right under your nose for all these years. You can view the Starbucks Secret Menu Frappuccinos separately from the Starbucks Secret Menu Drinks if this master list is too overwhelming for you.
While Starbucks sells millions of cups of coffee a day, many of the orders are repeat customers that have purchased the same drink each time because they don't know about the drinks on the Secret Menu. Now that the secrets are in your hands, it's up to you whether you choose to #HackTheMenu or continue to order within confines of the menu!
These secret menu items at Starbucks are unofficial, but some are so commonly ordered by those "in the know" that some baristas will serve them up without question. But don't let the fear of baristas not knowing keep you from enjoying something on the secret menu. We give you knowledge in the form of the secret recipesand teach you how to order of the secret menu hacks. And this knowledge is power. The baristas will be glad to help if you have the secret recipe pulled up on your smart phone. Heck, some people even print out the recipe. Whatever you do to show the recipe, it will be greatly appreciated by the baristas.
Don't forget to check out all of the other great Secret Menus on our home page!
Complete List of Starbucks Secret Menu Items
Apple Pie Frappuccino
Banana Cream Pie Frappuccino
Biscotti Frappuccino
Butterbeer Frappuccino
Cafe Vanilla Frappuccino
Cake Batter Frappuccino
Candy Cane Frappuccino
Captain Crunch Berry Frappuccino
Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappuccino
Chocolate Cream Frappuccino
Christmas Cookie Frappuccino
Cinnamon Roll Frappuccino
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frappuccino
Cookies & Cream Frappuccino
Cotton Candy Frappuccino
Ferrero Rocher Frappuccino
French Vanilla Frappuccino
Fruity Pebbles Frappuccino
Grasshopper Frappuccino
Neapolitan Frappuccino
Pumpkin Pie Frappuccino
Raspberry Cheesecake Mocha Frappuccino
S'mores Frappuccino
Super Cream Frappuccino
Teddy Graham Frappuccino
Thin Mint Frappuccino
Twix Frappuccino
Zebra Mocha Frappuccino
Black Eye
Butterbeer Latte (Hot)
Caramel Snickerdoodle Macchiato
Chocolate Dalmation
Chocolate Pumpkin Latte
Dirty Chai
Green Eye
Liquid Cocaine
Nutella Drink
Raspberry Caramel Macchiato
Red Eye
Secret Size: Short Drink
Secret Size: Trenta
Strawberry Lemonade
The Undertow
Three C's Latte
Starbucks Secret Menu Items
Apple Pie Frappuccino
Banana Cream Pie Frappuccino
Biscotti Frappuccino
Butterbeer Frappuccino
Cafe Vanilla Frappuccino
Cake Batter Frappuccino
Candy Cane Frappuccino
Captain Crunch Berry Frappuccino
Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappuccino
Chocolate Cream Frappuccino
Christmas Cookie Frappuccino
Cinnamon Roll Frappuccino
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frappuccino
Cookies & Cream Frappuccino
Cotton Candy Frappuccino
Ferrero Rocher Frappuccino
French Vanilla Frappuccino
Fruity Pebbles Frappuccino
Grasshopper Frappuccino
Neapolitan Frappuccino
Pumpkin Pie Frappuccino
Raspberry Cheesecake Mocha Frappuccino
S'mores Frappuccino
Super Cream Frappuccino
Teddy Graham Frappuccino
Thin Mint Frappuccino
Twix Frappuccino
Zebra Mocha Frappuccino
Black Eye
Butterbeer Latte (Hot)
Caramel Snickerdoodle Macchiato
Chocolate Dalmation
Chocolate Pumpkin Latte
Dirty Chai
Green Eye
Liquid Cocaine
Nutella Drink
Raspberry Caramel Macchiato
Red Eye
Secret Size: Short Drink
Secret Size: Trenta
Strawberry Lemonade
The Undertow
Three C's Latte
Is there a Starbucks Secret Menu? The answer to this isn't as simple as one would hope. What we do know is that Starbucks baristas will most likely make you any drink if you have the recipe (and they have the ingredients) and it's something within reason. However, Starbucks has not officially claimed to have a secret menu. The Starbucks Secret Menu is extremely popular, so it makes sense that some baristas know the recipe to some of the popular secret menu drinks, such as the Butterbeer Frappuccino. Regardless, never go to Starbucks unprepared, you should always show the Starbucks Secret Menu Recipe when you order.
Bakery
Chonga Bagel
8-Grain Roll
Almond Croissant Blossom
Banana Nut Bread
Blueberry Muffin with Yogurt and Honey
Blueberry Scone
Butter Croissant
Cheese Danish
Chocolate Caramel Muffin
Chocolate Chip Cookie
Chocolate Croissant
Classic Coffee Cake
Cranberry Orange Scone
Devil's Food Doughnut
Double Chocolate Chunk Brownie
Everything with Cheese Bagel
Flourless Chewy Chocolate Cookie
Frappuccino® Cookie
Gluten-Free Marshmallow Dream Bar
Ham & Cheese Savory Foldover
Iced Lemon Pound Cake
Mallorca Sweet Bread
Michigan Cherry Oat Bar
Morning Bun
Multigrain Bagel
Oatmeal Cookie
Old-Fashioned Glazed Doughnut
Petite Vanilla Bean Scone
Plain Bagel
Pumpkin Bread
Raspberry Swirl Pound Cake
Red Berry Cheese Danish
Reduced-Fat Berry Coffee Cake with Lemon Crumble
Reduced-Fat Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake
Salted Caramel Square with Pecans
Toasted S'mores Tart
Volpi™ Pepperoni & Tomato Savory Foldover
Wheat Spinach Savory Foldover
Starbucks Menu with Prices for 2015
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This past year, Starbucks menu prices are more influential than ever, broadening to sell muffins, sandwiches, paninis, breakfast, and more. Adding to the list of menu items that aren't coffee are Starbucks' different variations of hot chocolate and tea, giving the menu a boost above its already-impressive success. Of course, the signature item sold at Starbucks is their coffee, and it is consistently decadent. The flavor never fails (at a decent price, too), and for that reason, their coffee empire is now the biggest in the world. Check out all their full menu has to offer below!
This past year, Starbucks menu prices are more influential than ever, broadening to sell muffins, sandwiches, paninis, breakfast, and more. Adding to the list of menu items that aren't coffee are Starbucks' different variations of hot chocolate and tea, giving the menu a boost above its already-impressive success. Of course, the signature item sold at Starbucks is their coffee, and it is consistently decadent. The flavor never fails (at a decent price, too), and for that reason, their coffee empire is now the biggest in the world. Check out all their full menu has to offer below!
Most Popular Items on Starbucks' Menu
Starbucks has an extremely diverse list of options on their menu, but even among their vast ranks of drinks. Some of the standout favorites are the Passion Tea Lemonade or the Iced Caramel Macchiato. Thanks to social media, the Starbucks Secret Menu has recently achieved some recognition, so drinks like the Captain Crunch Frappuccino or the Nutella Frappuccino are emerging. Other favorites include the Vanilla Bean Frap and the Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino.
Starbucks Menu Prices
Item Price
FRESH FILTER COFFEE
Short
Tall $1.75
Grande $1.95
Venti $2.25
ESPRESSO
Solo $1.45
Doppio $1.75
ESPRESSO CON PANNA
Solo
Doppio
ESPRESSO MACCHIATO
Solo $2.55
Doppio $3.10
CAFFE AMERICANO
Short
Tall
Grande
Venti
CAPPUCCINO
Short
Tall
Grande - Skimmed Milk
Venti
CAFFE MISTO/CAFE AU LAIT
Short
Tall
Grande
Venti
Item Price
CAFFE LATTE
Short
Tall $2.75
Grande $3.65
Venti $3.95
CAFFE MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM
Short
Tall $3.25
Grande $4.15
Venti $4.45
CARAMEL MACCHIATO (made with regular Vanilla flavoured syrup)
Short
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.65
VANILLA LATTE (Flavoured Latte)
Short
Tall $3.25
Grande $4.15
Venti $4.45
Item Price
WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA WHIPPED CREAM
Short
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.65
HAZELNUT MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM (Flavoured Mocha)
Short
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.65
PEPPERMINT MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM and drizzle
Short
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.65
BREWED TEA
Short
Tall $1.95
Grande $2.15
Venti $2.45
TAZO CHAI TEA LATTE
Short
Tall $3.15
Grande $3.65
Venti $3.95
Item Price
SIGNATURE HOT CHOCOLATE * with WHIPPED CREAM
Short
Tall $2.30
Grande $2.55
Venti $2.80
CLASSIC HOT CHOCOLATE with WHIPPED CREAM
Short
Tall $2.30
Grande $2.55
Venti $2.80
SEASONAL OFFERINGS
COCOA CAPPUCCINO
Short
Tall
Grande
Venti
Item Price
ADD-INS
WHIPPED CREAM TOPPING (No Spinkles or Drizzle)
HOT Short Beverage - 16 g
HOT Tall Beverage - 19g
HOT Grande/Venti Beverage -
COLD Tall Beverage - 25 g
COLD Grande Beverage -
COLD Venti Beverage - 32g
FLAVOURED SYRUP
1 Pump - 1/4 fl oz - 10 g
2 Pumps - 1/2 fl oz - 20 g
3 Pumps - 3/4 fl oz - 30 g
4 Pumps - 1 fl oz - 40 g
BAR MOCHA SYRUP
1 Pump - 1/2 fl oz - 17 g
2 Pumps - 1 fl oz - 34 g
3 Pumps - 1 1/2 fl oz - 51 g
4 Pumps - 2 fl oz - 68 g
5 Pumps - 2 1/2 fl oz - 85 g
TOPPINGS
Chocolate - 4 g
Caramel - 4 g
Sprinkles - 1 g
Item Price
COLD BEVERAGES
ICED COFFEE
Tall $1.95
Grande $2.45
Venti $2.95
Trenta $3.45
ICED CAFFE AMERICANO
Tall
Grande
Venti
ICED CAFFE LATTE
Tall
Grande
Venti
ICED CAFFE MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.25
Grande $4.15
Venti $4.45
ICED CARAMEL MACCHIATO
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.75
ICED TAZO CHAI TEA LATTE
Tall $3.15
Grande $3.65
Venti $3.95
Item Price
ICED VANILLA LATTE (Flavoured * Latte)
Tall $3.25
Grande $4.15
Venti $4.45
ICED HAZELNUT MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM (Flavoured Mocha)
Tall $3.55
Grande $4.35
Venti $4.65
FRAPPUCCINO® BLENDED COFFEE
COFFEE
Tall $2.95
Grande $3.75
Venti $4.25
MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
ESPRESSO
Tall
Grande
Venti
CARAMEL with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
JAVA CHIP with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
VANILLA COFFEE with WHIPPED CREAM (Flavoured Coffee)
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
FRAPPUCCINO® LIGHT BLENDED COFFEE
COFFEE
Tall $2.95
Grande $3.75
Venti $4.25
CARAMEL
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
Item Price
MOCHA
Short $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
ESPRESSO
Short
Grande
Venti
FRAPPUCCINO® BLENDED CRÈME
VANILLA CREAM with WHIPPED CREAM (Flavored Cream Frappuccino)
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
CARAMEL CREAM with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Venti $4.25
CHOCOLATE CREAM with WHIPPED CREAM
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
CHOCOLATE CREAM CHIP with WHIPPED CREAM
Short
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
FRAPPUCCINO BLENDED JUICE DRINK
MANGO PASSION FRUIT FRAPPUCCINO (With Passion Tea)
Short
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
RASPBERRY BLACKCURRENT FRAPPUCCINO (With Zen Tea)
Tall $3.75
Grande $4.25
Venti $4.75
Starbucks
Secret Menu
Starbucks
Nutritional Info
Starbucks
Full Menu
Recent Starbucks News
11 Things You Didn't Know About Starbucks
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The McDonalds Pie McFlurry may be delicious, but Starbucks' Apple Pie Frappuccino is a whole new flavor. It mixes a creamy froth of apple juice, ice, caramel syrup, and cinnamon syrup to target every taste bud on your tongue.
If the barista doesn't know how to make it, show them the secret recipe:
1. Fill up to the first line with cream
2. Fill up to the 2nd line with apple juice
3. 2 pumps Cinnamon Dolce Syrup
4. 2 pumps caramel syrup
5. Fill with ice & blend
Previously a double chocolate chip frappuccino addict, I had one taste of this treat and was turned. Now when I go to Starbucks, the decision is not so easy. Try it today and see if it turns you too.
Starbucks Banana Cream Pie Frappuccino
Starbucks has a knack for taking all of the deliciousness of a pie, and putting it into one incredible, icy drink you can buy. They do just this and more with the Banana Cream Pie Frappuccino, mixing hazelnut, vanilla, and banana for a rich, icy delicacy.
If they don't recognize your order, ask for a Vanilla Bean Cream Frappuccino and ask for an extra pump of vanilla and hazelnut syrup plus a whole banana blended in. You won't be disappointed.
Starbucks Biscotti Frappuccino
Cost: Frappuccino + Biscotti
Want some more substance to your frappuccino? Looking to fill yourself up more with your drink? Check out the biscotti frappuccino, a combination of biscotti blended into any Starbucks frappuccino of your liking.
It's as easy as asking the barista to blend in biscotti for you. In my opinion, too much texture in a drink isn't preferable, but for those looking to spice things up, I suggest you give it a try.
Starbucks Butterbeer Frappuccino
Calling all Harry Potter fans! Have you ever wanted to try the butterbeer that Hogwarts students would constantly enjoy on their trips to Hogsmeade? You're in luck. Starbucks, an avid competitor of The Three Broomsticks, has created a Butterbeer Frappuccino (that doesn't impair house elves) and tastes incredible.
Aiming to mimic the flavors in butterbeer, it combines Toffee Nut and Caramel Creme for a cup of icy goodness.
If you ask your barista for a Butterbeer Frappuccino, however, they'll be a little confused. It's a simple order, really. Order a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, and ask for an extra 1-2 pumps of caramel syrup and toffee nut syrup, with caramel drizzle on top, and you have your very own Butterbeer.
Starbucks Birthday Cake Batter Frappuccino
Looking for the delicious taste of cake batter but not the carbs? Check out Starbucks' innovative solution to this problem, the Cake Batter Frappuccino. It's a refined taste, combining vanilla and almond to make the perfect mix.
To order one for yourself, just ask for a Vanilla Bean Creme Frappuccino with almond flavoring on top. I'm not sure how this combination manages to mimic cake batter, but it does so excellently and tickles your taste buds.
Starbucks Candy Cane Frappuccino
Get a taste of the holidays on a year-round basis. It has all the delicious flavor of a vanilla frappuccino with a peppermint twist that'll get your taste buds hooked.
To get one yourself, order a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino and ask for 1-2 pumps of peppermint syrup to top it off. Whether you're in the Christmas spirit or just looking for something new, it's an awesome choice for a delectable drink.
Starbucks Captain Crunch Berry Frappuccino
If you're a fan of Captain Crunch Berry cereal, then this is definitely the drink for you. This is one of the most popular items on the secret menu due to its mass appeal - anyone who likes Captain Crunch loves this drink.
It's a pretty diverse combination of flavors. Ask your barista for a Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino, but add one pump each of caramel, hazelnut, and toffee syrup, topped with java chips. It's hard to imagine these flavors make a Captain Crunch imitation, but this is the closest you'll come to it in liquid form. See for yourself if it compares to the cereal.
Starbucks Chocolate Covered Strawberry Frappuccino
No, there aren't any chocolate covered strawberries ground up into this drink. But it's an even sweeter version of the delicacy, converted into liquid form.
To order one, just ask for a Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino, topped with java chips and mocha drizzle. Though this isn't one of the most popular secret menu items, it's definitely one of the sweetest.
Starbucks Chocolate Cream Frappuccino
Want to take a boring Frappuccino and make it delicious? It's as simple as one ingredient: chocolate. Your mocha or coffee frappuccino will keep you awake, sure, but it lacks that tantalizingly sweet cocoa that will make you actually crave it.
Just ask your barista to add 1-2 of chocolate syrup and it'll transform your boring frappuccino into an addicting dessert that keeps you going throughout the day. Careful: try it once, and there's no doubt you'll be hooked.
Starbucks Cinnamon Roll Frappuccino
Achieve the irresistible flavor of a warm cinnamon roll in the form of a refreshing Starbucks drink. This simple modification to an already incredibly successful drink makes for a sweet change from the normal vanilla frappuccino.
To order one, just ask for a Vanilla Bean Creme Frappuccino with two extra pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup. Voila! You have a drinkable cinnamon roll.
Starbucks Cinnamon Toast Crunch Frappuccino
They managed to mimic the flavor of a cinnamon roll, so how could they pinpoint a flavor even more distinct, like that of the outrageously popular Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal? I was skeptical at first, too, but the flavor is remarkably similar, perhaps even better.
Don't limit your Cinnamon Toast Crunch to a bowl at breakfast, but at anytime in the day, on the go, or just at home. It's the perfect solution for cereal addicts everywhere.
To make this combination, order a White Mocha Frappuccino, with a pump each of cinnamon dolce syrup and hazelnut syrup, and with cinnamon sugar on top. There you have it! Your very own bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch...in a drink. Enjoy, and try not to forget about the cereal once you try this delectable treat.
Starbucks Oreo/Cookies and Cream Frappuccino
This is a combination of two of my favorite things: my original favorite frappuccino, the Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino, and my favorite flavor of ice cream, cookies and cream. The drink mimics the ice cream flavor perfectly, while still retaining the chocolatey goodness in the original frappuccino flavor.
This is one of my favorite drinks/desserts ever, let alone just at Starbucks. I would recommend it as one of the top 3 best drinks on their menu, definitely.
To order it yourself, just ask for a Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino with White Mocha sauce instead of the regular sauce. You won't regret it.
Starbucks Cotton Candy Frappuccino
Bring the fair to the coffee shop with this powerfully sweet treat. Don't eat a cotton lump of pure sugar; rather, down a refreshingly cold vanilla drink with a raspberry accent.
One of the more popular items on the secret menu, the Cotton Candy Frappuccino is in high demand. Get one yourself by ordering a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino with 1-2 extra pumps of raspberry syrup. Who needs the fair when you have Starbucks?
Starbucks Ferrero Rocher Frappuccino
This is decadence in a drink. Short of dropping a box of the rich chocolates into a blender and throwing it into a drink, there's no way it can be imitated, right?
Wrong. Like always, Starbucks found a way. It uses my favorite drink, the luscious Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino in tandem with a combination of rich ingredients to create a drink that matches the flavor of Ferrero Rocher's delectable chocolates.
To order one, just ask for a Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino with 2-3 pumps mocha syrup, 1-2 pumps hazelnut syrup, and a hazelnut drizzle on top. The end result is certain: sheer saccharine goodness.
Starbucks French Vanilla Frappuccino
Walking the line between frappuccino and milkshake, this treat is a clever copy of the french vanilla flavor so often sought after in ice cream flavors, especially. It adds sweet caramel to the vanilla and hazelnut mix, forming the best possible imitation of french vanilla in a drink.
If you want to order one of your own, ask for a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino with 1-2 pumps each of vanilla and hazelnut syrup with a caramel drizzle on top. It's remarkable how changing just one ingredient gives a drink a completely different flavor, but the result are evident. Try one out and see for yourself just how "french vanilla" this frappuccino is.
Starbucks Fruity Pebbles Frappuccino
Starbucks has this habit of taking wildly popular breakfast cereals and making them into an irresistible drink. They're pretty good at it, too. While the Fruity Pebbles Frappuccino doesn't pack the same crunch that a bowl of cereal does, it offers an icy froth of flavor, even sweeter than the cereal.
So, for those of you with a sweet tooth and an affinity for Fruity Pebbles, Starbucks has your fix all day, every day.
Order one by asking for a Strawberry and Creme Frappuccino with 2 pumps vanilla syrup, 1 pump raspberry syrup, and a little bit of orange-mango juice (if possible), though it's not necessary. This drink is sure to hook people - Fruity Pebble fans or not - after one sip.
Starbucks Grasshopper Frappuccino
A slight variation of the well-known but still secret menu item, Thin Mints Frappuccino, this drink offers a taste perhaps even better than its more-popular brother. This version, however, mimics mint-chocolate chip ice cream more than the Girl Scout cookie.
Ordering one is as simple as asking for a Mocha Frappuccino with java chips and 1-2 pumps of peppermint syrup. Give it a try and see whether you're a cookie monster or an ice cream addict.
Neapolitan Frappuccino
Achieve the flavor of the classic milkshake by combining chocolate, vanilla and strawberry in one delicious frappuccino. Though Starbucks uses a slightly different approach than a standard milkshake, it's a refreshing treat that hits on all of the major flavors for those who want diversity in their drink.
To order one for yourself, set a strawberry base with a Strawberrys and Creme Frappuccino with 2 pumps of mocha syrup, vanilla bean syrup, and chocolate drizzle on top. Thus, you form the perfect combination of the three flavors for the better-than-neapolitan frappuccino.
Starbucks Pumpkin Pie Frappuccino
I'm sure you've seen all the girls on Twitter or Instagram talking about how the only reason they're excited for Fall is the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Well, that's not the only irresistible drink that's available only during October and November. The Pumpkin Pie Frappuccino takes all the deliciousness of the Pumpkin Spice line and adds its own elements like cinnamon and whipped cream.
To see if this modification can actually triumph over the Pumpkin Spice enterprise, you can order a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino with 1-2 pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup, whipped cream blended in, and cinnamon dolce sprinkles on top of it. Try it for yourself, and maybe this is the next drink to await eagerly for the Fall.
Starbucks Raspberry Cheesecake Mocha Frappuccino
Why settle for a boring mocha frappuccino? In fact, why even settle for a white chocolate mocha frappuccino? There are better flavors on the horizon. Starbucks has managed to pinpoint a way to mimic the rich flavor of a raspberry cheesecake in liquid form. This combination of rich and fruity is the perfect balance between the decadence of cheesecake and the natural flavor of fruit.
Order one for yourself by asking for a White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino with 1-3 pumps of raspberry syrup, with the option of vanilla sprinkles on top. Its rich flavor is sure to convert you to a raspberry cheesecake fanatic.
Starbucks S'mores Frappuccino
Anyone who's had s'mores before know that they want some more. Knowing that, Starbucks found a way to mimic that irresistible flavor in an icy, refreshing frappuccino. If you have a taste for chocolate, you're sure to love this delicious drink.
To get one of your own, order a Java Chip Frappuccino with a pump each of cinnamon dolce syrup and toffee nut syrup, with whipped cream blended in and on top. It's the secret recipe to the ultimate chocolate refreshment.
Starbucks Super Cream Frappuccino
For the frappuccino fiend looking for a consistency closer to that of a milkshake, this is the drink for you. Essentially, it's taking any one of your favorite frappuccinos and asking for it to be blended with heavy cream instead of the regular.
The effect is a richer flavor and a thicker drink. If you want the extra decadence and consistency, ask for heavy cream, and try out a whole new way to get your frappuccinos.
Starbucks Teddy Graham Frappuccino
Take a fondly remembered snack from childhood and combine it with the rich flavored coffee that gets you through a day in the real world, and you have the ultimate frappuccino. Sweet cinnamon and honey overpower the flavor of coffee to give it the flavor of a crunchy little Teddy Graham, with the refreshment that comes with an iced drink.
To try one for yourself, just ask for a coffee frappuccino with a pump each of cinnamon dolce and vanilla syrup, and honey. It's the perfect recipe for a childhood favorite in a cup.
Thin Mint Frappuccino
Wait, you can do that? Most people hear the "Thin Mint Frappuccino" and instantly want to try it for themselves. I won't try to convince you. The allure of an icy cool mint combination of a Thin Mint with rich chocolate syrup all mashed into one refreshing frappuccino should be plenty to reel you in.
To see what all the hype's about, order a Tazo Green Tea Creme Frappuccino with two pumps of chocolate syrup, 1 of mint syrup, java chips, and honey. Mix it all together and you have one of the greatest frappuccino innovations in history. Trust me, you'll be a fanatic after just one sip.
Starbucks Twix Frappuccino
The picture of decadence in one drink. A beautiful compilation of rich chocolate, caramel, hazelnut and mocha, this drink masterfully mimics the irresistible flavors of Twix in the form of an icy frappuccino. For any avid Twix lover, or just a chocolate fan, trying the Twix Frappuccino is a must.
Order one by asking for a caramel frappuccino with 1-2 pumps each of caramel and hazelnut syrup, java chips, and caramel and mocha drizzle on top. It has a fairly high number of ingredients because it takes a lot to make a drink this rich. Not much compares. Try it today and make the comparison yourself.
Starbucks Zebra Mocha Frappuccino
As the last frappuccino on the Starbucks secret menu list, the Zebra Mocha goes out with a bang by delivering richness and popularity comparable to the most raved-about items on the list. It combines white chocolate, chocolate, and mocha in a delicious, creamy masterpiece.
To get one of your own, ask for a frappuccino - half chocolate and half white chocolate - with a chocolate drizzle and chocolate chips on top. Sounds like a lot of chocolate, because, well...it is. And that's what makes it one of the most irresistibly sweet items on the menu.
Lattes
Starbucks Butterbeer Latte (Hot)
If you want the classic Harry Potter flavor of a hot Butterbeer for a cold night in Hogsmeade, this is the perfect alteration to the Butterbeer Frappuccino for you. It offers everything the frappuccino does and more, with a blast of caffeine to wake you up.
To try out this literally hot commodity, order whole milk steamer with 2-4 pumps each of caramel, toffee nut, and cinnamon dolce syrup, whipped cream and salted caramel bits on top, with some shots of espresso (optional). Try it out and see if you too will be hooked on the warm buttery deliciousness that Starbucks so flawlessly recreated.
Starbucks Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Latte
This cocoa-packed spinoff on the acclaimed Pumpkin Spice Latte is where rich decadence meets traditional flavor. The outrageously popular fall latte is only made better when you add delicious chocolate syrup to the equation.
Ask for a Pumpkin Spice Latte with 2 extra pumps of chocolate syrup to try one for yourself. Chocolate drizzle on top isn't a half bad idea, either. No matter what, you're sure to have a latte experience that'll change your fall buying habits forever.
Starbucks Three C's Latte
Caramel, Cinnamon, and Chocolate - the three best C flavors in the world, all in one irresistible latte. With cinnamon overpowering the other two, this drink is the perfect balance of flavors for a cinnamon fan who wants a taste of the other options.
To get your hands on one, just ask for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte with 2 pumps of chocolate syrup and 1 pump of caramel syrup. Its combination of decadent flavors makes it sure to win the hearts of cinnamon lovers everywhere.
Macchiatos
Starbucks Caramel Snickerdoodle Macchiato
How this mixture of flavors manages to mimic a caramel snickerdoodle, I'm not sure, but the exquisite taste of Soy Caramel Macchiato seamlessly blended into a sea of vanilla and cinnamon makes for a close copy. The only difference is this version is cool, refreshing, and caffeinated.
Order one by asking for an Iced Soy Caramel Macchiato, upside-down, with 1-2 pumps each of vanilla and cinnamon dolce syrup. This combo with the upside-down macchiato makes for a smooth blend of flavors that few can rival.
Starbucks Raspberry Caramel Macchiato
Raspberry and caramel? The combination of the two flavors almost sounds a little bit absurd in a cold macchiato from Starbucks. Its creation, however, is really quite simple.
The drink is one of the most interesting looking items on the secret menu, with a bright red coloring throughout the drink that fades to a darker shade at the top, where the caramel resides. That part is also the most delicious, with the two flavors making a surprisingly compatible flavor combination.
To see for yourself about this interesting drink, just order a regular Caramel Macchiato, but substitute raspberry syrup in place of vanilla syrup. It makes for a unique flavor that'll quench your thirst, but never your desire to get more.
Specialty Drinks
Starbucks Red Eye
This drink is simply a regular drip coffee with an extra shot of espresso in your cup. It's not quite super-caffeinated, but enough to give you a boost to get through the morning. If you're a caffeine fiend who needs more to get by, fear not: there are other, more extreme options.
To get your hands on a Red Eye just ask for an extra shot of espresso in your cup of any drip coffee. A little extra caffeine can go a long way.
Starbucks Black Eye
This is the drink that you should order if you're trying to avoid dosing off at your desk at work. It packs a powerful punch, with a full cup of drip coffee and two extra shots of espresso, but doesn't quite match the level of the Green Eye.
Order one by asking for a cup of Regular Drip Coffee plus 2 Espresso shots. You'll be wide awake for quite awhile with this one.
Starbucks Green Eye
Falling asleep while standing up? Sleeping through alarms? Can't manage to focus during your 7:30 am class, that first hour at work, or when the weariness of the day starts to set in?
Sounds like you need Starbucks' Green Eye, a caffeine overload so strong that it'll keep you alert and productive all day. It's a full cup of Regular Drip Coffee with three shots of espresso. By that point, I'm pretty sure you'll have more caffeine in your veins than blood, but hey, whatever gets you through the day.
To order one, get a cup of Regular Drip Coffee with 3 extra Espresso shots. I wouldn't recommend ordering it after the early afternoon, but it's sure to keep you focused on whatever you're working on.
Starbucks Liquid Cocaine
It doesn't get much more intense than this. Starbucks' Liquid Cocaine, the name derived from users being as wired as a cocaine user due to the overload of caffeine.
The drink, a Venti coffee with four shots of espresso in it, and some white chocolate flavor to outweigh the coffee flavor, is exceedingly powerful. Liquid Cocaine has about 5x the amount of caffeine in your standard cup of coffee, which is often plenty to keep people wide awake for hours.
If you think you have it in you to down this massive amount of caffeine in one sitting, just ask for ice to fill a Grande cup, 4 shots Espresso, 4 pumps white chocolate syrup, and fill the rest with milk so you can stomach it.
In times of desperation, this cup may be your fix to keeping yourself awake, but I wouldn't recommend making it a regular thing. As a last resort to remaining conscious, however, Liquid Cocaine will always do the job.
Starbucks Chocolate Dalmatian
For those who are fans of chocolate and even bigger fans of white chocolate, this drink will make all of your dreams come true. Comprised of a milky sea of white chocolate deliciousness speckled with chocolate and java chips, the drink is one of the most popular secret menu items.
To order one for yourself, just ask for a Hot White Chocolate Mocha with java chips and chocolate chips. Try it and you're sure to be hooked on the delicacy of the Dalmatian.
Starbucks Dirty Chai
This is one of the DIY secret menu items that's hardly different from the regular menu, but definitely makes a difference in effect. It's just a Chai Latte with an extra shot of espresso. That espresso can go a long way, however.
Ask your barista for a Dirty Chai, and they'll probably know what you're getting at, but if not, just ask for another shot of espresso in your latte. Enough to keep your chai flavor and add in the extra caffeine to get you through the day.
The Undertow
The undertow is a small, sugary coffee that's different than most. It's made of regular coffee with a splash of milk at the bottom, your favorite flavor, and to make things interesting, two shots of espresso to chug from the top.
To order one for yourself, just ask for a Drip Coffee with three pumps of any syrup, a splash of milk, and 2 shots of espresso at the top. Down this tasty treat and you'll have the juice to stay awake for hours.
Starbucks Strawberry Lemonade
On a hot day when caffeine or mocha doesn't sound good, enjoy this sweet treat.
It's just what it sounds like. Simply order by name, and a barista can make it for you.
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The Starbucks secret menu is just so much fun! That's because there is an endless amount of variations to test out and explore. If you love coffee and trying new things, then the Starbucks secret menu is for you!
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