🔥🔥🌈TRIGGERWARNING I have over 10+ mental illnesses, that I deal with on a daily basis, I help everyone and everything obsessively, but idk who I am , I don't know , no pity , I also have borderline personality disorder as well, autism, anorexia, and everything else , I'm here for you all always , thank u for breathing for being alive for being u , u matter ur life matters, plz keep going, I'm by your side , if ur not ok plz let me know and even if you are plz let me know , no pity no sympathy no attention, here's my list of diagnosis from my psychiatrist.. I have had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018 Bipolar, Schizoaffective, Panic disorder (Anxiety) Major Depressive Disorder (Depression) , Adhd , OCD , Odd , PTSD, Insomnia , Autism , Borderline personality disorder , Dissociative identity fugue , Anorexia ,Narcolepsy, Multiple personality disorder De realization, Attachment disorder, Critically/clinically insane, Severe brain damage Look I don't want ur pity hun, I'm not trying to compare, if any of you need me plz message me, stay alive , ur doing the best u can and I'm proud of u , and I will keep reminding you all the good stuff about u and the good stuff you have done and are doing , I'm by your side on the battlefield, I would take all y'all pain away , if I could give my life to save all yours , I dissociate all day , my mental breakdowns have decreased and Alvaro is still possessing me , I love u all , CODE 890X0 in motion, I'm always here I'm Izzy I'm a girl always a girl , wtf is going on right now, stay you and if u needs me I'm here , MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE NOT A TREND !!! 🌷🏳️🌈💙⭐️🥀🔥🌈💜🖤 {these are NOT 4 ATTENTION PITY SYMPATHY OR GLORIFICATION!!}. Its izzy. ;) Thx u for existing. Your doing the best u can. Stay strong. Im here for u and here to help and be there in anyway shape or form i possibly can. No matter the circumstances. Thank u for everything x IM OVER 1 YEAR SOBER FROM DRUGS AND ALCHOL xIt's been a wild ride my loves. Hey it's izzy. Imma be here for u no matter how much it takes. Cuz your a precious diamond. Just don't give up. Sorry I haven't been replying. It's just I've been going thru shit. Take care of yourself x we will fight we will stand, we will get thru this. Featuring my shitty social skills. Just don't give up alright 💛 🥀🖤A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still Suffers, In And Out Of These Rokms🖤🥀 Cuz basically all my over 10 + metal illnesses I have plus my past plus my current situation plus all my symptoms of all my diagnosis are multiplied by 10. I've been thru brutal trauma/pain/hell/torture/bad experiences since 2001-2018. Occurring 24/7 I've been tortured abused raped almost killed. In 215 mental hospitals. No home from 2011-2018. Homeless 13 times,almost killed, drugged up lost many to death, my dad tortured me, 3 foster homes, many unlocked/locked treatment centers, group homes, shelters, rehabs, residential, been thru MOSTLY every traumatic thing, I have severe brain damage, anorexia, mom is very sick. I help to much. I can't explain what I'm going thru or what's going on. I'm the most high maintaince case in the system. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Been on all meds /beej thru all sorts of treatment. I have anger self harm. I'm a hardcore addict. No stable home. Ive been tortured/abused/raped/drugged/almost killed most of my life. I'm tell u a little of my life story You all are enough you all are worth it you al matter, your life is not worthless. Hun I know what it's like to hit rock bottom and back several times. I'm here for you if u need a friend I'll be there for u care for u help support show you your worth. I've been abused raped tortured homeless 13 times 215 mental hospitals bouncing from unlock and locked treatment centers. I've been in residential. My dad tortured me. I've had trauma 24/7 since 2001-july 2018 I got my son taken away. I've attempted suicide over 100 times im a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. No home from 2011-2018 I've been abused in all ways several times. . I've been in rehab. I'm not trying to get attention I'm trying to show that y'all aren't alone. Stay alive . You are important to me. I know I just met u. But I'm grateful for your life., LET GO & LET GOD! 🥀🖤Your feelings and life are valid If not today there's always tomorrow. Thank u for existing Stay U, And Believe In Yoself Don't Give Up Now, U Come This Far I'm Izzy, and Im a grateful recovering addict. Ur a fighter,don't give up Ur a survivor,nota victim U have a purpose,embrace it a story,share it a voice,useit A message,send it -Izzy M.🌙🔥 🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙 🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀 🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀 🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤 🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar ADHD, OCD, ODD, PTSD, Insomnia Depression, Anorexia Anxiety, Autism Borderline Personality Disorder Severe Brain Damage Attachment Disorder Dissociative Identity Fugue.. Multiple Personality Disorder Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙 🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9. Keep Breathing; I'm Always Here xx🥀🖤 U don't deserve any of that! I love u and accept u for who u are and I'm always gonna be your friend. Your sister. What's really bothering me is I wish I could save and fix u. You are u and no one can change that. What's also bothering me is my deceased ex fiance Kimberly Marie Olivarez (aka Moo.Moo) she tortured me daily and she called people in daily 24/7 to torture me in every way possible. And it was every day all day all night. I also had to prostitute myself for drugs and money (cuz I was homeless; I've been homeless 13 times) to take care of my un biological son, Anthony. I got tortured raped drugged up abused for money to raise him. I met him an extremely abusive foster home (I've been in 3; 2 of them were very abusive) Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller ran it and tortured us daily in anyway possible. They tried to drug and kill us and we were prisoners. I took Anthony "Lil Toni" Martinez out and I always took the abuse from them to avoid anyone else getting abused. I raised Anthony and Kimberly did nothing but literally torture me, she made false accusations that I gave Anthony drugs, he got removed and Kim hung herself in front of me. My deceased dad tortured me from age 4 until he died in 2011 (I was about 12) and I've been in placements, treatment (unlocked/locked/short & long term) /group homes/rehabs/shelters/group homes/lockdown 14 residential /crisis centers, bouncing from all those from 2011-2018, trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018. I've been thru and experienced it all. I've seen and lived in hell. I know rock bottom, hell and trauma, pain and darkness from top to bottom. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Now I'm back with my mom. Amd I still help obsessively. 🌈🥀🔥IIf something or someone is causing u pain, let it go/them go ~Izzy M. Martinez Show me the way, Lord thank u for all the lessons blessings and pain. Amen Live like it's your last day on earth Thank u for being alive *Feel It For 4-5 Secs take long as you need to *U feel that? That's purpose This to shall pass Tell yourself these things Your enough Your worth it Your life matters The world needs me You matter Your feelings matter Your important. You have a story A voice A reason A story A purpose A message I am me written by Me (Izzy M. Martinez) Remember why your fighting so hard in the first place 🌈🥀🔥I wanna make the world and everyone in it happy && ok🌈🥀🔥 @ California 🌈🥀🔥hey it's izzy(: your life has value and u have purpose. Know your worth your gonna be OK love. Thank you for breathing x take shit one day at a time. Everyone tells me that I help obsessively. But I learned I gotta take my meds as prescribed x thank u I'm grestful for every single one of u. Don't settle for less, get what u deserve. I'm here for all of you x please note ; mental health ain't no joke. So stop faking mental illnesses. Don't judge x your enough x I have about 20 different mental illnesses, am I proud? No. Please take care of yourselves x ~Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez xx🌈🥀🔥🌈🥀🌈🥀🔥 🥀🔥🌈Izzy here again, If U Have A Pulse U Have A Purpose x imma keep showing u your worth until u see it for yourself x one move can change your life x I’m here 4 all of u , be you , don’t be a copy X be the original , also I’m a safe space , if anyone needs support x but take your time x u don’t have to do anything your not comfortable with x love u all~Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🔥🌈🥀 🌈🥀🔥Hey I'm izzy xx I'm here for everyone x "Keep doing what's best for you There's a universe inside of all of us Be careful, my loves, your a universe that hasn't been found x your important your life matters x x "-me Also, I've had 4 amazing days with no mental breakdowns, mental health symptoms, flashbacks. Or suicidal thoughts *claps hands* I'm here OK, don't give up I'm not OK right now, but I will find my way again xx🔥🥀🌈 🌈🥀🔥I wanna make the world and everyone in it happy && ok🌈🥀🔥 🌈🥀🔥this is my 2nd good day in a row. I'm here to help care and be there in anyway u can. You deserve happiness. I'm by your side, God is amazing. I'm also 1 year and 8 months sober, I haven't been to the mental hospital in almost a year. Your wanted, your journey doesn't end here. And battles don't fight themselves. I'm here for all of you message me anytime. ~Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me, lol) 🔥🥀🌈 Songs Used (Slowed Down) (Intervention by Anna Akana Sweet Ophelia by Zella Day 1-800 by Logic True Lies New Division Don't Leave Me Here by Coldsteeze Paradise By Cold play Heavens Only Wishful by MorMor High Right Now by Tyla i Every morning or and night. Keep a journal of 5 or more things your greatfull for and 5 or more things u need to work on~Izzy Forgive but not forget Goal: new therapist Battles Don't Fight Themselves x 🔥🔥🥀🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!! THIS IS MY SOBRIETY STORY!!! No pity sympathy attention empathy worry concern (and yes I will be repeating myself so be prepared, this is MY STORY and u can't tell me how to write it, u all deserve happiness, and to be OK and I'm here for all of u, no matter what, and don't let anyone or anything define your worth or make u feel worthless, do what's best for YOU, DO NOT GIVE UP YOU'VE COME THIS FAR, ur enough and ur worth it x and I'm glad your alive and breathing. Stay alive., One Day @ A Time ;; Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It! I am over one year sober, and I'm proud of myself x keep fighting)🥀🥀🔥🔥 🔥🔥🥀🥀Hi I'm izzy, and I'm a drug addicted alcoholic, I never thought I would make it this far, being clean and sober. I realize that the life I chose (while in my addiction) was suicide x I was popping pills, shooting up, snorting, smoking, anything I could get my hands on. I was tortured abused and raped my whole life (but in my addiction I got it worse where people injected me with shit and tortured me daily) , but when I was using, I was numbing my pain,. I was homeless on 13 different occasions and I became a monster, it made my mental health worse and since I have over 10+ mental illnesses, it made it worse. One time I overdosed on a mix of meth cocaine heroin acid and oxys and I almost died and I ended up in the hospital, I got severe brain damage, I was selling myself, getting drugged up abused tortured and raped for money to raise Anthony, and I got my drugs from my drug dealers by torture and sex if I didn't have the money. When I used I used obsessively. And I'm so proud of how far I've come. Drugs will put u in situations that u will regret later, once you start you can't stop, and it becomes your best friend, you "NEED" IT TO SURVIVE X but it alters your reality, and makes u a person that you could possibly could never get back from. (in a bad way) you can die even if u think your not taking it to far, but u never know "how far" is "too far" and you'll end up in jails, institutions, and death🥀🥀🔥🔥. ___ 🔥🔥🥀🥀Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with over 1 year clean! I’m 21. I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , I’ve done mostly every drug, I have a sponsor now!! I’m on step 2 and going to NA meetings every Sunday! I literally read the whole NA basic text book xx I have the NA Big Book as well as everything. I have been thru brutal hell/trauma/torture occurring 24/7 since I was 4, till July 2018. Can we please , have a moment of silence For the addict who still suffers In and out of these rooms Y’all are enough man, my drug dealer moved back into town, and he’s tortured me, I have had over 10 different drug dealers, my drug of choice is meth and herion. I lost my unbiological son , who I met in one Out Of the three foster homes I was in, my deceased ex girlfriend tortured me and made false accusations against me that I gave Anthony drugs, and I had to sell myself , prostitute, get tortured , drugged, abused, raped , almost killed etc etc so I can provide a home for Anthony , I was raising him as my own, I was homeless at the time, again. I failed rehab twice, at Cedar House . And I’ve been to 3 other rehabs. I’ve got a criminal record which has been cleaned after I became an adult . This Is For The Addict Or Alcholic That Might Die Tonight The One Who’s Killing Themselves Or Getting Tortured For Drugs 3 out of the many of my drug dealers. Have tortured me brutally I don’t use to “look cool” I use to numb my pain I first thought it would take my pain away I now have severe brain damage Plus over 10 mental illnesses It was MY CHOICE I remember lying on the side of the street , I lost my mom , I lost my self I lost my life, and I wanted to die I’ve been thru mostly every traumatic thing, experienced mostly it all, and done mostly it all No pity no sympathy no attention ... I have lived and seen death, hell, and I’ve been down this road I’ve been around the block Not saying any of you havnt Cuz I don’t know u #YouKnowMyNameNotMyStory #DontJudge I’m here for all of y’all Y’all are enough and y’all are worth it I’m greatful all of u are alive today And if any of y’all need me, cuz I’m here Feel free to contact me I believe in all of u xx Keep holding on I know it’s hard But I’ll be your hope God; Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change The Courage To Change The Things I Can And The Wisdom To Know The Difference AMEN! Keep Coming Back It Works If U Work It One Day At A Time!🔥🔥🥀🥀 ____ 🥀🥀🔥🔥Damn this was last year , I was drugged up big time (now I'm over one year sober) This was my 13th time being homeless x I had a huge psychotic break (I've had plenty) so bad I had several near death experiences (over 300 of them without intent of suicide) and over 100 with intent of suicide x this episode led me to being rushed to the ER, the nurses , staff and my mom said I was "uncontrollable" they fed me charcoal, they reported that I was like a 3 year old ; I couldn't remember my name who or where I was, they had to bathe me , my toungne stuck out , my body was moving uncontrollably, they had a 1:1 watch me , plus 4 to 6 back up 1:1s cus I was that bad , they said I had a seizure, they later transferred me to Loma Linda BMC mental hospital (I've been in 215 of them) they were the ones who told me the report, they also said that when they asked my name I said "Liz Ramos" (which is one of my alters/demons) I was making animal sounds , I moved units a lot (I've been on every single unit in that hospital, not bragging btw) they didn't release me to my mom , cus she couldn't handle me , it was all a huge blur ,back to before I went to the ER, I got my shit stolen and in this video I can tell I'm clearly on something, right? Again I didn't know wtf was going on, I walked on the side of the freeway, this was around Anthony's birthday (my unbiological son who I was in the same abusive foster home with , ive been in 3 total , 2 were abusive, I sold myself , got tortured and raped and abused for money to raise him , but got taken away cus of Kimberly's false accusations, she tortured me worse than my dad , she hung herself in front of me) I bought him some flowers for his birthday and they got stolen , I only have the pink bear now , anyway now that ur caught up , back to the mental hospital x they released me to another treatment center x they said I was making no sense at all , and they said the people at The Crisis Stabilization Unit (CSU; which I cant go to anymore cus I've beel there to many times) that I was like an animal , and randomly acted out , they had to have a 1:1 they'd watch me) anyways I didn't remember any of that right? Well, surprisingly I actually filmed most of the CSU experiences, which is somewhere on my YouTube channel. Anyways , drugs will mess u up so bad and sometimes you don't come back from it x the grass is green where u water it x I'm always here for you all x you all are warriors x and I'm glad you all are alive , you shine how you wanna shine , your enough && you matter , your life matters! YOU MATTER! Plz don't do drugs , it's NOT easy to quit x stay true y'all, throwback and not a good one x stay true yo, Keep Being U, message me anytime:) stay blessed angel x God is Good&& it took me so long to realize that x Keep Fighting, Soldier🔥🌈🌎💙🏳️🌈💜❤️ x, Yours truly , Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez🔥🔥🥀🥀 ____________ 🥀🥀🌈🌈My Diagnosis (Most Caused By Drugs) •bipolar •depression/insomnia •anxiety/PTSD •ADHD/OCD/ODD •Autism/Narcolepsy •anorexia/borderline personality •schizo-affective •dissociative identity fugue •multiple personality disorder •critically/clinically insane •severe brain damage 🌈🌈🥀🥀 🔥🔥_____Thank U For Coming To My TED TALK! Sobriety ain't a piece of cake, but staying sober is one of the best decisions in my life ___ I'm izzy and I am a drug addicted alcoholic /"Izzy" _________🔥🔥 ••What I Deal With xx•• 🥀🖤🔥🌈🙏💙🌷🌙💎Trigger Warning ___heyy I’m Izzy xx I don’t know where and Idk who I am I can’t recognize anyone or anything I’m extremity suicidal but I have no plan I feel like I’m dying physically I’m already dead mentally I feel like I’m being possessed I get possessed every day I now have over 40+ mental breakdowns a day every day I’ve been losing contact with myself and reality I feel like when I function (ex : talking, moving , etc) I die, black out , and have a mini seizure every mili second My body twitches, shakes, dissociates I don’t wanna burden anyone Cus it happens everyday All over of my 10+ mental illnesses come at once -Extreme psychotic episode -massive panic attack -physically feel like I’m malfunctioning -extreme dark depressive suicidal unsafe numb , lost , really really deeply bad state of mind -feeling like I’m in a dream (nightmare or not) -feel like I’m in a horror movie -can’t explain anything I’m feeling -nightmares every night -extreme dissociation where I’m not on this planet or in my body -my mania gets so high THAT I act out dangerously -acting like an animal/3 year old but NOT INTENTIONALLY -making no sense. Abusing myself -vivid flashbacks so bad I’m literally re living it but it occurs everyday -can’t remember my name -my mind is inprisioning me -I can’t move / off balance -been on every single medication for mental health but nothing works Like I mentioned before I’ve been in 215 mental hospitals the next time I go I’m getting sent to a state institution I don’t want any pity sympathy or attention -the trauma that occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 always appears in vivid flashbacks that I can’t escape from , Every night and day Here’s A list of my mental illnesses (DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE) -Bipolar Disorder -Schizoaffective Disorder -PTSD/ADHD/OCD/ODD -Anorexia Nervosa -Major Depressive Disorder -Panic Disorder (Anxiety) -Insomnia -Dissociate Identity Fugue (Different then Multiple Personality Disorder) -Autism -Narcolepsy -Severe Brain Damage -Critically/Clinically Insane -Borderline Personality Disorder -Multiple Personality Disorder Look I know I repeat myself, and right now I feel everything at once then to nothing at all I can’t feel my body I can’t feel anything or anyone else Last night I was crawling on the floor cus I couldn’t stand up and I passed out , I am losing balance extremely bad I repeat myself I’m sorry I feel like a superhero on PCP The objects are living to I am losing control of myself I am losing control of everything I often imagine me killing myself and or getting killed I feel insecure I’m sensitive I am over empathetic and caring I black out in the middle of my regular day I feel like I’m being controlled , like my body and thoughts are not my own and I am not me , I go on a rage spree , (extreme anger) My body has uncontrollable body movements , I twitch and shake Darkness is taking over me I still feel alone no matter what I do or who I’m accosiating with Can’t remember how to walk talk , function I am in so much mental and physical pain This occurs every day And everyone gets tired of me I’m over 1 year sober from drugs and alcohol I either have little or extreme energy/emotions I don’t know how to explain what is wrong , going on , or what I’m feeling I’m using all my coping skills I learned in my life I don’t wanna burden anybody , it’s my job to be there for them not the other way around I’m like a puppet on strings. I’m doing my best , I don’t need any sympathy pity empathy attention concern or worry I’m honestly not sure how long I can exsist for. But I’m staying strong for others, not for me. I’m sorry🥀🖤🔥🌈🙏💙🌷🌙💎 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🔥🔥🔥🔥trigger warning! No pity sympathy or attention. I can't take much more. Everyday I now deal with : _blacking out/memory loss _All Of My Mental Illnesses (I have over 10+ of them, now Intensified _now I have over 40 mental breakdowns a day _ALVARO POSSESSING me _My eating disorder/Autism _the trauma I experienced 24/7 from 2001-2018 coming in vivid flashbacks _insecurities _being sensitive _suicidal /unsafe thoughts _things I can't explain _dissociating 90%+ of the day _knowing I can't ask for help cuz I've been in 215 mental hospital (next time I go I'm going to an institution) + no treatment centers will take me back cuz I've been to many times _struggling to stay alive _wanting to please everyone _physically sick _not wanting to burden people _been dealing with this since age 4 _not doing anything right _my mom and brother not wanting me home _repeating myself cuz it never stops This is everyday and I'm getting worse I should be dead already but I gotta keep fighting I CAN'T DO THIS, FUCK MAN🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 TRIGGER WARNING!!! No pity sympathy or attention I’m not glorifying anything, this is all written by me , and my experiences, yes I’ve always been a girl lol I just dress how I want to !!! 🌙🔥🌟Hey its izzy, My goal is to save help fix care and support and be there for all living and non living things, the universe, the worlds. And the galaxys ans everything. I wanna make my own hotline. Since i already help everyone and everything obsessivly. Ill do anything i can to makw a difference. Stay alice uall im always here.🥀🖤🦋 It’s Izzy again , Hello, don’t be afraid , insanity’s coming to take u away , I’d stay up all night if it meant saving someone’s life , I’d be the super hero in every movie , with a hint of insanity , or maybe all hints lol. I’ve been to 215 mental hospitals, 3 foster homes (2 were abusive) group homes , homeless 13 times, many unlocked/locked , short and long term treatment centers, a level 14 residential treatment center in Utah (Copper Hills Youth Center) , no home from 2011-2018, crisis centers , boarding cares , rehabs and I’m part of the LBGTQ COMMUNITY!!! I’m Izzy (I’ve always been a girl) I’m a biromantic asexual, I hate sex. Don’t date at all,I’m 21 , I have an unbiological son , Anthony Castillo-Martinez, who got taken away from me cuz of false accusations, stay strong yo It’s Izzy here once again Hey if u wanna die tonight , let me convince you otherwise, ur worth it and people are to blind to see that You shine so bright that the sun covers its eyes , trust me I know what it’s like , over 10+ mental illnesses, and trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, Bipolar isn’t just mood swings , it’s dangerous mania and physcotic breaks Schizoaffective isn’t just voices and visions , it’s possessing and physcotic episodes, ur so out of reality , ur demons come inside u , they become alive , getting paranoid man , there after me , I made a whole world in my head x not knowing reality Anorexia isn’t just an eating disorder, it’s calories and starving yourself and obsessively hating your body , no matter how skinny you get u still feel fat, feeding tubes and passing out and hospitals OCD isn’t just obsessing , it’s fearing something bad will happen if u don’t do what it tells u ODD isn’t just defiance , it’s massive explosions that come out of nowhere BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER isn’t just anger , it’s everything intensified and it’s out of reality spells ADHD isn’t just not concentrating, it’s not knowing who u are at times ,it’s jumping off walls and uncontrollable hyper ness and uncontrollable behavior PTSD isn’t just trauma ,it’s reminders of the trauma , it’s nightmares and flashbacks and it effects ur daily life, trust me I have had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018 , no pity sympathy or attention , from torture abuse rape , drugged up , anything man I’m non functional INSOMNIA I can’t sleep for days , no matter how many meds I take , I still lie awake , I hate sleep but it is also an escape from reality, I stay up for days , but I’m not intoxicated , I can’t sleep at all. DEPRESSION oh man , I wanna die every day , I’m drowning In an ocean and I can’t swim ,I feel worthless hopeless alone , like I have no reason , it comes at random times , I can’t escape this state of mind , I’m trapped in my mind . ANXIETY is something that u feel like ur crawling out of your skin , panic attacks so bad I got rushed to the hospital , I’m scared 24/7 , anxiety also catches u In ur sleep , u have restless dreams , you feel like u can’t breathe , like everything’s either slowing down or speeding up. ADDICTION AND ALCOHOLISM I’m over 1 year sober from drugs and alcohol , I was getting tortured for drugs , I used 24/7 to numb my pain , the drug was just as addicted to me than I was to it , it was my only friend , I’m on step 2 and I have an amazing sponsor DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY FUED , I can’t process reality , I dissociate to many alternate universes, I’m out of reality I’m in a dream I feel like I’m in a movie , physically I’m here but mentally I’m not , I’m so far gone .where am I , who am I , what why when am I ?? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER , am I you or am I , I . I have many alters that switch , the demons possess me , I don’t know who I am, over 50+ alters/demons I become them , we become clueless AUTISM I got diagnosed when I was a kid , I get marked “retarded” but I have high functioning autism (aspbergers) or however the fuck u spell it . I was always in special ed SUICIDE I’ve attempted suicide over 100+ times, and I wanted to never wake up or even be born or exsist , I feel like I’m poison to this earth , and nobody wants me , I wouldn’t care if I didn’t wake up , I’ve been there before, I tried every method of suicide there is , but I learned that suicide ends ur pain but passes it to someone else ,I wanna be painless .if any of are suicidal, plz message me , I’ll stay up all night so I can save your life SELF HARM until u see it bleed and take away all our pain , we continue to make scars and we can’t stop,I’ve been self harming ever since age 9, and I’ve self harmed in every method possible , and I’m not proud of it, I’m not glorifying at all, if any of u feel like hurting yourself plz talk to someone, talk to me .please I know it’s addicting..... I’m here for you all NARCOLEPSY I fall asleep out of nowhere , even In the day, it’s hard man ,I never got put on medication for it cuz my doctor said my medication CAUSED IT !! CRITICALLY/clinically INSANIE Multiple doctors diagnosed me “Critically/Clinically Insane” I’m the most high maintenance case in the system. Now that we’re done here, please don’t go , I’m here to lift u up,I’m here for all u like I said in the beginning of this post . Thank u all for breathing for being alive for being here , I’m tearing up as I write this , i wish I could fix and save all the living and non living c, read the first part of this post again . If u need me I’m here , I’ve always been a girl lol I just dress how I want to .
🔥⭐️🌈Hey It’s Izzy (obviously lol) Your All Enough && Yo All Worth It, Fuck What The World && Society Tells U && Excpects U To Be xx I help everyone and everything obsessively, but I wish I could change the world , fix everything and everyone. This society disgusts me , this is a lesson I learned in my early childhood, the world is full of hate , salt and sugar look the same, and some people are disgusting, not everyone u associate with is your friend . I wanna save fix help care love be there , be by your side till the end no matter what, I’m here for you, don’t let anyone change who u are, ur not alone . I’m here for all y’all always, fuck all those assholes who try to mess with u . Fuck It Man, I love all y’all, and a big fuck u to all the abusers out there, just cuz u have a bad day doesn’t mean you have to make other people’s day bad as well. You Are You && Theres Only One , Be Kind , U Never Know What Someone’s Going Thru , I’ve been tortured raped and abused most of my life , I have over 10+ mental illnesses, and I’m watching the world being destroyed, yes I’ve fucked up in the past, no one is perfect, yes I’ve been an asshole , but I’m fixing it now. For all y’all who are going through shit and even if you are not, you matter YOUR feelings are valid , thank u for breathing, you’ve come this far, don’t give up now, I’m proud of y’all, and I’m here for u , message me anytime:) stay strong!!-Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🌈⭐️🔥 🦋🦋TRIGGER WARNING!!!! hey it’s Izzy here, and yes I wrote all this, you are YOU && YOUR AN AMAZING YOU! sure u make mistakesX but that doesn’t define u as a person, if u have a mental illness(es) that doesn’t define u at all, it only makes u stronger , ur stronger than you realize , your battling your mind every day and night , your a warrior , if your thinking about hurting yourself or thinking of suicide, don’t do it , trust me I’ve been there , you may think hope is lost but I’ll be ur hope, as hard as it is to ask for help, it’s one step closer to u not being dead, I know for some of us being alive is painful, dealing with abuse torture rape etc any kind of trauma , and u feel alone, put ur hand over your heart, feel it for about 30 seconds, feel that? That’s purpose , to those of u who have been bullied, I wish I could fix it, but what they say about u is a reflection of themselves, I know it doesn’t make it any better, but they will get there karma, U ARE NONE OF THOSE THINGS AND THERE TRICKING U TO THINK THAT ITS TRUE ! not all people are good and not all people are bad, to those of you who feel like giving up, stay one more night , I know it’s not easy , but I’ll stay up all night with u until ur ok, suicide takes. Away ur pain but passes it on to someone else, u may not think there gonna be affected by it , some won’t but some will, on one of my suicide attempts I never thought my friend cared cus she showed she didn’t care, her dog was wining and howling when I was on the floor and I was fading In and out , my friend called 911. And after that incident the dog passed away , and my friend tried to take there life , I’m glad ur alive hun I’m glad ur breathing that ur here, the world wouldn’t be the same without u , I would miss u. To those of u with mental illnesses ANXIETY: I have this one, your mind is tricking u, u gotta our run ur anxiety , I’ve had anxiety attacks so bad I ended up in the emergency room, I want u to step back , I want u to turn on LoFi Radio (there’s an app) and meditate to it , I want u to breathe In for 4 seconds , hold for 4, and let out 4, but do it slow , and remember WHO THE FUCK U ARE! If any of you are on the urge of feeling out of ur body crawling out of your skin , can’t breathe , everything’s either speeding up or slowing down, you think everyone and everything is after u, it may not be easy . But I’m here for you. BIPOLAR: I have bipolar mixed episodes , and I’m manic and I become dangerous , I feel like I’m on top of the world , what I need u todo is sit somewhere that u can use all ur senses , and use each time one to snap back into reality, sometimes are senses are intensifying and we can’t control it , but u need to see a doctor for medication, and DO NOT STOP UR MEDICATION COLD TURKEY (all at once) it takes a couple weeks for medication to kick in and adjust to your body . Go into the mirror and scream (if u can) that ur a survivor u are strong u are worth it and keep doing it until u believe it, It will take time. PTSD: I have this one as well , first off u are Not ur trauma cx and remember that u will see triggers constantly, think about this, ur not there anymore , u are not who u were back then, I have flashbacks constantly that it happens every day , write a letter to yourself and or ur trauma as a whole , I’m here for you , I know trauma from top to bottom , if ANY of u wanna talk to me about it , u don’t have to , I’m always here. Ur not alone , I go to outpatient therapy, not a lot recently tho , but If u keep bottling shit up it’s gonna explode one way or another ,I’m not a therapist or a professional. DEPRESSION: I have this one to, you feel hopeless, I’ll be ur hope, u feel worthless, u feel like ur drowning in an ocean and u can’t swim, u feel like darkness is controlling you, ur depression is lying to u, u are worth it your important you are enough! U matter ! U are not worthless or whatever ur depression is telling u , it’s not “trendy” to have a mental disorder y’all, ur depression keeps u In bed , u lose motivation so much where u can’t even eat , or lack or to much sleep, I want u to fight it , push thru , I kno , easier said than done, but u gotta force yourself to do it , if u literally can’t move ur body, trust me I’ve been there, I want u to think of something that u would get out of bed for (emergencies, saving someone) something that motivates u more than anything in the world, and count backwards from 10 and I know it’s not easy , but moving around decreases ur depression than staying in one spot , overthinking is something I need to work on. ADHD/OCD/ODD: I have all of those snap your fingers when ur trying to concentrate on something and only focus on the snapping of the finger , OCD fight off the urge to follow thru ur routine and think if I don’t tap my fingers a certain amount of times , is the outcome of not following thru logical? As much As u believe something bad is gonna happen , it’s just ur mind playing annoying paranoid tricks on u. Once again it’s easier said than done. AUTISM: u are NOT STUPID RETARDED SLOW ETC! U are actually the sweetest caring people out there , take ur time c ur doing the best you can, so what if u learn slower than others , ur smart and amazing in ur own way , if u know someone who is Autistic , don’t judge them they are people to, be patient with them! I have high functioning autism. BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: to be honest I didn’t know what this was until a doctor at in one of the mental hospitals I was in diagnosed me with it , then it all made sense, my advice is to remember to NOT let ur emotions and explosions control u , we are Not attention seekers , when u have extreme emotions or emotion and/or intensified emotions is to remember we’re not ourselves when it’s happening, and when u come back from it u regret it , right? And the next time u have one of ur breakdowns is to have someone observe where it starts and when it stops so u know ur triggers . A lot of people think it’s “cool and trendy” to have BPD, newsflash Karen, u don’t know and it makes it harder to have it cuz people like u think it’s cool, step a day in our shoes, if u don’t have it don’t pretend to , and this also goes for other mental illnesses, no one is gonna be impressed by u having a “mental illness” cus u think it will get u places. Don’t let anyone bring u down or change you! INSOMNIA: I have insomnia, what I do is download sleep and meditation apps on my phone , if u want message me if u want some suggestions for apps I use . DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY FUED: I have this one to, I dissociate most of the day, I can’t process where I am and o go to many different alternative universes, I feel like I’m in a dream or a movie , what I do is ground myself and even if I can’t process it I use all my senses together and try to break back into reality. I meditate all day and I snap my fingers and try to process where and who I am , I know easier said than done . ANOREXIA AND BULIEMIA: I have Anorexia, u are not fat ugly etc , ur slowly killing yourself , I can’t give u advice on this one cus I wouldn’t follow it, I would be a hypocrite. MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: I have this one as well, what I do is try to remember who the hell u were when it started , its hard I know , but I’m here for you NARCOLEPSY: I have this, I don’t know any advice cuz I don’t know myself but I would consult a perfessional SCHIZOAFFECTIVE/SCHIZOPHRENIA: I have schizoaffective, study ur voices visions demons alters etc. and drown them out with loud music or just listen to LoFi and meditate I try and snap my fingers by my ear , and then ask myself , is this real? Even if you can’t tell the difference, try to ask someone’s round u, did u hear/see that ? PARANIOA: I have this , same advice I gave on my schizoaffective disorder , ask someone who you can trust if it’s real or not but make sure there around u, scream at the demons . Anyways , thank u for being alive for being here for breathing!me having over 10 mental illnesses makes it hard To help myself but easy to help others I’m here always, Stay Alive_Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (Me)🦋🦋 Trigger Warning! 🥀⭐ My anorexia. Is getting worse. I have breakdowns so bad that I turn into a 3 year old or an animal. I'm not gonna hurt myself. I just have thoughts. I'm not used to people caring. And I'm great full for you and ur life. Like idk how to explain. What's wrong or going on but the breakdowns happen daily. I have flashbacks vividly of my past everyday. From being tortured abused raped drugged up. Homeless. Witnessessing murder. Like I said the trauma lasted 24/7 from 2001-2018. I don't need. Pity sympathy I just feel like I'm going insane more everyday. People get tired of hearing it. I repeat mys3kf a lot and I'm sorry. My demons literally possess me && all my mental illnesses intensify. Everyday I try to be the best me. And I help obsessively. I still feel alone. I'm autistic which makes it harder. Even the highest level of care couldn't handle me. And everyday I get hell from my mind. I try to help others. I can't hurt myself cuz remember I've been in 215 mental hospitals x the next time I go I'm getting sent to a state institution. Even with people that care I still feel alone. I told u about Anthony. My unbio son who I raised while I was hom3less. Ive been homeless 13 times. I got tortured daily by my ex deceased fiance, Kimberly. Who made false accusations that I gave him drugs. He got taken away. I met him in one of the abusive foster homes (I've been in 3) I sold myself got tortured and abused and raped on the daily 4 money so I can raise Anthony. Kim hung herself in front of Me. I haven't had a home from 2011-2018. I am extremely insecure. My mind controls me. I'm over 1 year sober. I cry every night cuz the hell never ends. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. I've been almost one year out of the psych ward. I don't feel like I'm in my body and I dissociate most if not all of the day. Alvaro is one of my main demons/alters. My therapist doesn't wanna help me. No one can and everyday the breakdowns and vivid flashbacks happen. Idk how to explain. What's going on. I turn into someone else. I'm tired of being sick & tired and I feel so alone. I don't want pity sympathy or attention. I just don't wanna burden people so I keep to myself but I still help obsessively. Idk what to do. I've tried everything. I feel lost. And everyone gets tired of me. I don't feel right. I do have severe brain. Damage. My mom and brother don't want me home. And I've been diagnosed critically/clinically insane by the state. My dogs are dying. And I live with my mom cuz of certain circumstances. I just feel helpless cuz whatever I do I get hell. Whenever I'm trying to leave the past behind it comes back vividly everyday. I can't even leave the house. I can't function. I've been in multiple unlocked locked treatment centers, group homes, homeless 13 times, foster homes, mental hospitals. Boarding cares rehabs short and long term treatment. Crisis centers shelters the streets. None of those places want me back cuz I've been there to many times. Whenever I go to the outpatient they always try to put me in patient. Which no impatient will take me back. I feel like a failure. I've tried all meds and none work. Different combinations dosages etc. They named me most high maintenance in the system. My mom is getting older. She's the only reason I'm alive. I try to explain how I feel or what is going on with me to people but no words can explain it. My body has twitches a lot and like I said in my 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. Some are less severe and some are more. To the point of I become literally an animal and a 3 year old. I have constant nightmares of PTSD and even during the day. But I try my best to save and fix everyone else.🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙 🖤🔥🥀🌙TRIGGER WARNING; HOPE WRITTEN BY ME, IZZY MAGDALINOZ-MARTINEZ🌙🥀🔥🖤 Ps: I don't need sympathy pity or attention I'm not proud of any of this. I'm not glorifying any of this. X thank u for breathing for being alive. "Lost in my mind Demons by my side Hold on tight Sweetheart.we're in for a wild ride Lost my will to live All I wanna do is give Let the darkness take control Were breathing in We're letting out The monster is inside me The monster is me. The pain has set me free Became to comfy in the pain Became so used to the trauma Became someone I didn't know I'm here to put on a show I'm here to let people know That there not alone, not alone Your life matters, you matter Your feelings are valid Your face is shattered No name no face I'm a big disgrace" Bipolar/Schizo-affective: I have it. Mood distortion and alternate realities, mania oh so dangerous I get psychotic. I have over 55+ akters/demons. Some possess me. I don't know who I am. Not even who I was. Bipolar isn't just mood swings. It's delusional thinking and distorted reality. You feel like a superhero. Then one moment you lose complete control. High without the high. You are detached from reality. It's not just voices or visions. It's full blown paranoia and psychotic breaks. Which is more rare and more worse then a normal mental breakdown. You arc not your diagnosis. You shouldn't let that define your worth. On to the next. Anorexia: did u eat, Izzy? "yes" but in reality it's been 20 days of self starvation. "I'm fat" no your not your skin and bone. "I'm not hungry" I hate food with a passion. I ended up in the hospital on many occasions. This is my 4th time with anorexia. They had to feed me thru a feeding tube. Counting the calories of every thing I eat or drink. I'm still fat.insecure and that I was ugly. And I remember when people used to shove food in all my body parts. And injected me with it. Called me a fat slob. But I'm never gonna be good enough. You are perfect just the way u are. Inside and out. Don't let someone or something define your worth. ADHD/OCD/ODD: I'm all over the place I can't concentrate I'm losing my way. If I don't follow a certain routine. I have a sense that something bad is gonna happen. It's not just about being clean. ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I get angry really fast. I can't think straight. I'm obsessed with my routines I have to follow. A very tough act to follow. Depression/Insomnia: darkness hopeless I'm drowning in an ocean I can't swim. No motivation. Wanna die everyday. Feel lik3 a waste of space. I'm being drowned in pain. Sadness won't go away. It's not just sadness. It's full blown darkness. Insomnia can't sleep for days straight no matter how much medication I take. I can't sleep. Over thinking? Maybe. PTSD? Maybe. Nightmares? Maybe. Wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Am I already dreaming? Anxiety/Borderline Personality: panic attacks so bad I end up in the hospital. Everything's either speeding up or slowing down. Feel like everyone hates me. Everyone is after me. I can't stop shaking. I can't breathe. It's not just nervousness it's full blown passing out and getting shots to calm you down in the hospital. Ur mind is scattered and it's like a runaway train. Stay sane. Maybe? Borderline intensifying every little thing. Dissociation && u feel the emotions are times 100. Every thing is bigger than u know. U lose your identity. Who am i? Who are u? Outbursts and losing contact with what's real. Your gonna be OK. Love. Dissociative Identity Fued/Derealization/Multiple Personality: I dissociate to many alternate universes. I can't process reality. I feel like I'm in a dream. Like I'm in a movie. Out of body experiences. Km the Queen of Jupiter. Idk where I am. Or what's going on. Derealization. I have multiple personalities. Over 55+ alters and demons. My demons possess me. U never know who's gonna take over me. Stay up FAM. It's gonna be alright. Just breathe. Xx PTSD/Narcolepsy: PTSD triggers all around Me, flashbacks daily. Trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, I can't let go of the past if I get vivid flashbacks everyday. Of the torture the abuse the rape the kidnappings the streets the deaths the near death experiences the being drugged up the night I lost my unbio son. The 2 abusive foster homes. Witnessing my fiance hanging herself. The shootings. The daily torture. And many more. No pity tho. I'll be fine. I really wanna die. But I'll be alright. Narcolepsy like I'm daydreaming but I fall asleep in the middle of the day not tired I can't help it. My mom wakes me up when I fell asleep standing up. On the counter. On the floor. Out of nowhere. Man. Autism/Critically-Clinically Insane: I always has a learning disability always in special Ed. Learning slow and can't socialize properly. I'm really actually retarded. A mentality of a 3 to 12 year old. This does not define me. Nor you, at all. I got diagnosed by the state "critically/clinically insane" I've been to 215 mental hospitals. Multiple unlocked and locked short and long term treatment centers. No home from 2011-2018. I've been known as the most high maintenance case in the system in California it sucks. And I don't function like a human I function. More like an animal. When I was 12 I had the mentality of a serial killer. I'm literally insane. I still am. Group homesz, homeless 13 times, rehabs. Crisis centers. Shelters. Boarding cares. And much more Suicidal/Self Harm: I've attempted suicide over 100 times. All failed. Has to drink charcoal. And get my stomach pumped jumping in the freeway. Hanging myself.. Overdosing. Any method possible. I'm not bragging im not proud. No pity no sympathy no attention. Ur life matters YOU MATTER! Thank u for breathing. Self harm in anyway possible. Cutting slicing burning banging my body against walls. It's so addicting. I can't stop. Drug && Alcohol Addiction: hi I'm Izzy and I'm a drug addicted alcoholic with over 1 year sober. I used every drug on that shelf. I became homeless due to it. My drug dealers tortured me in every way possible for my drugs. My alcohol.I would do anything to get high drunk to numb the pain. I became a monster. Drugs fucked up my life. One day at a time. "if lose to get abused If I kill myself more everyday If I don't know what say Or how to fucking explain What's wrong or going on 22+ mental breakdowns a day. Cut it off my brain The wires say I'm insane Twisted damages and broken Leave me alone Leave me alone I fear myself I fear myself" 🖤🥀You matter your important u are worth it you are enough you are a someone. You have a story a message a purpose a reason a voice. Thank u for breathing. 4 being alive. Don't give up. You've come this far, right. I love u guys I'm here for all of u. I help everyone and everything obsessively. I have no purpose. But I'm the least important person in existence. I love u guys. Keep fighting. Soldier xx_xx _Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez🥀🖤 🔥🌙🖤🥀🌎Stay Alive🌎🥀🖤🌙🔥 && Lastly ⭐🥀TRIGGER WARNING!! Introducing Last Night At 3AM. I Lost Control. Yet Another Breakdown, I Had about 30 breakdowns. No pity sympathy or attention. && NO I WAS NOT ON DRUGS! I'm over 1 year sober. Alvaro took over (one of my demons/alters) && Dancing Fire (another one) possessed me to the point I almost got a cop call. I don't wanna be a burden &: I wanna save fix care support be there for everyone and everything. I'm sick of being alive. But I can't do anything stupid cuz of me getting concerved to a state institution (which is way different than a mental hospital) cuz I've been in 215 mental hospitals & got diagnosed Critically/Clinically Insane plus over 10+ mental hospitals. All I have is my mom. The breakdowns the vivid flashbacks the mental illnesses getting 10x worse. No treatment will take me cuz I've been to all of them to many times. I can't process anything. My mind imprisons me. I dissociate 89 to 99% of the day. I've been thru every single sorts of treatments/medication I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018. I'm losing my mind. And everyday it's the same thing and people get tired of hearing it.I'm so done with dealing with this everyday. I don't need sympathy. I just don't know man. My mom&& lil brother doesn't want me home, I can't explain what's wrong or going on. I don't wanna be a burden. I'm sorry man. I wanted to self harm again but I didn't. Imagine all my mental illnesses multiplied by 10. Imagine EVERYDAY HAVING VIVID FLASHBACKS AND 22+ Mental Breakdowns a day. I.am sorry if I'm negative. I'm sorry. I just wanna save and fix the world. When people ask me "how are u" idk how much reply. I'm sick of my mind. I feel like darkness is controlling me. I pray A LOT. Alvaro literally possesses me and gets in my body. I have mostly every mental health diagnosis there is. And NO I'M NOT PROUD OF IT I'M NOT BRAGGING OR GLORIFYING It. I just wanna help everyone and everything. Along the my mental health, I have autism, narcolepsy anorexia Etc. My diagnosis list is so long and I don't wanna be known for that. I can't even leave my house. When ever I feel a lil bit better, here comes Alvaro. But again I don't wanna be a burden. It's my job to be there for everyone else NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I can't take this anymore. No pity sympathy or attention. I can't seek help cuz then they'll send me to a institution cuz I've been in to many mental hospitals. I'm doing the best I can. But I'm about to snap. I can't function. And I'm getting worse. I don't want attention I want to be OK. I've dealt with all this hell most of my life. It's hard to explain. On top of that. My physical state is getting worse. I'm finding more reasons to die than to live. I'm over 1 year sober. I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes out taking my own advice. I don't love myself. But i am over caring sensitive and I help obsessively. I repeat myself idk I'm just not OK. I'm losing contact with reality. I'm scared to keep going. But I got this.🥀⭐ 🥀⭐Your Enough Your Worth It. Your Life Has Purpose This To Shall Pass Im here for all y'all in anyway I possibly can. I'm sorry if I'm annoying. I'm sorry Stay Strong && Keep Breathing ⭐🥀
