Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀 Xddc🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙 🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic with over 1 year sober. This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Being homeless 13 times. In 215 mental hospitals. In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth. I've had trauma 24/7 from 2001-2018, over 10+ mental illnesses. Some were caused from a few bad trips on PCP that I never came back from. I was sleeping anywhere I could rest my head, I had to be alert at all times. Tbh I havent been to a meeting in awhile. My sponsor is like family to me. I'm redoing all my steps. I'm on step 2. I've lost a shit ton of people to drugs and I was literally getting cop calls everyday. Drugs messed with my life. And having this much clean time is amazing. Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls. Any clean time is good time. And I'm proud of all of you in recovery drug addiction is a special kinda hell. Drugs become your priority and your best friend. I got tortured on the daily by people coming in one by one torturing me from orders from Kimberly (my ex fiance who hung herself in front of me) it was one by one. I got so caught on in drugs that it was the only way I knew. I used to numb the pain. I'm so blessed I found God again. Now I have 22+ mental breakdowns a day every day. I found out it had a lot to do with my drug use.🔥🔥🥀🥀 🥀🖤Thank you for breathing even when u wanted to die. Drugs kill you. There's nothing about it to be proud of its serious. You Matter Yo Important Yo A Someone Yo Enough Yo Worth It Yo Have A Purpose, Yo Have A Story, A Message, A Voice, A Reason, Yo A Warrior, A Soldier, A Survivor, A Fighter. You Are U && NoOne Can Be You, But YOU. Your Life Matters YOU MATTER, Yo Life Has Value &% I'm Glad Your Alive. Thank U For Being Alive. People say that I help everyone and everything obsessively && I don't stop. It's very true. This is a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤🥀 🖤🔥🥀I failed Cedar House twice. This was a rehab in San Bernardino, California. I lied my way out. And I regret it. Funny thing is I already read the entire NA Basic Text && The AA Big Book. I have multiple sobriety apps on my phone and I have an app that that has NA && AA Speakers on it. I'm reading the How && Why and I'm so proud of myself && I couldn't have got this far without my sponsor, Jaclyn. She understands me better than any sponsor I've had in recovery. Here's a list of my mental disorders, some were caused Or made worse by drugs and alcohol🥀🔥🖤 🌙🔥🔥Schizo-Affective, Bipolar ADHD, OCD, ODD, PTSD, Insomnia Depression, Anorexia Anxiety, Autism Borderline Personality Disorder Severe Brain Damage Attachment Disorder Dissociative Identity Fugue.. Multiple Personality Disorder Narcolepsy, Critically/Clinically Insane🔥🔥🌙 🖤🥀Listen I don't need your pity, sympathy or attention these were all diagnosed by over 5 psychiatrists, and diagnosed "Insane" by over 10 doctors. DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE!!!! Anyways. I attempted suicide over 100 times. Self harmed in anyway possible. They say I'm the most high maintenance case in the system of California. And the next time I go to a mental hospital I'm getting sent to a state institution. I would do anything to get drugs. Jeremy && Izzie Baraz were my street partners. They both passed away. All I have left in blood family is my mom and brother. My mom. Says if I pick up drugs one more time I'm never aloud back in her house. My dad injected me with meth and heroin at age 9. Keep Breathing; I'm Always Here xx🥀🖤 U don't deserve any of that! I love u and accept u for who u are and I'm always gonna be your friend. Your sister. What's really bothering me is I wish I could save and fix u. You are u and no one can change that. What's also bothering me is my deceased ex fiance Kimberly Marie Olivarez (aka Moo.Moo) she tortured me daily and she called people in daily 24/7 to torture me in every way possible. And it was every day all day all night. I also had to prostitute myself for drugs and money (cuz I was homeless; I've been homeless 13 times) to take care of my un biological son, Anthony. I got tortured raped drugged up abused for money to raise him. I met him an extremely abusive foster home (I've been in 3; 2 of them were very abusive) Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller ran it and tortured us daily in anyway possible. They tried to drug and kill us and we were prisoners. I took Anthony "Lil Toni" Martinez out and I always took the abuse from them to avoid anyone else getting abused. I raised Anthony and Kimberly did nothing but literally torture me, she made false accusations that I gave Anthony drugs, he got removed and Kim hung herself in front of me. My deceased dad tortured me from age 4 until he died in 2011 (I was about 12) and I've been in placements, treatment (unlocked/locked/short & long term) /group homes/rehabs/shelters/group homes/lockdown 14 residential /crisis centers, bouncing from all those from 2011-2018, trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018. I've been thru and experienced it all. I've seen and lived in hell. I know rock bottom, hell and trauma, pain and darkness from top to bottom. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Now I'm back with my mom. Amd I still help obsessively. 🔥🔥🌈TRIGGERWARNING I have over 10+ mental illnesses, that I deal with on a daily basis, I help everyone and everything obsessively, but idk who I am , I don't know , no pity , I also have borderline personality disorder as well, autism, anorexia, and everything else , I'm here for you all always , thank u for breathing for being alive for being u , u matter ur life matters, plz keep going, I'm by your side , if ur not ok plz let me know and even if you are plz let me know , no pity no sympathy no attention, here's my list of diagnosis from my psychiatrist.. I have had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018 Bipolar, Schizoaffective, Panic disorder (Anxiety) Major Depressive Disorder (Depression) , Adhd , OCD , Odd , PTSD, Insomnia , Autism , Borderline personality disorder , Dissociative identity fugue , Anorexia ,Narcolepsy, Multiple personality disorder De realization, Attachment disorder, Critically/clinically insane, Severe brain damage Look I don't want ur pity hun, I'm not trying to compare, if any of you need me plz message me, stay alive , ur doing the best u can and I'm proud of u , and I will keep reminding you all the good stuff about u and the good stuff you have done and are doing , I'm by your side on the battlefield, I would take all y'all pain away , if I could give my life to save all yours , I dissociate all day , my mental breakdowns have decreased and Alvaro is still possessing me , I love u all , CODE 890X0 in motion, I'm always here I'm Izzy I'm a girl always a girl , wtf is going on right now, stay you and if u needs me I'm here , MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE NOT A TREND !!! 🌷🏳️🌈💙⭐️🥀🔥🌈💜🖤 {these are NOT 4 ATTENTION PITY SYMPATHY OR GLORIFICATION!!}. Its izzy. ;) Thx u for existing. Your doing the best u can. Stay strong. Im here for u and here to help and be there in anyway shape or form i possibly can. No matter the circumstances. Thank u for everything x IM OVER 1 YEAR SOBER FROM DRUGS AND ALCHOL xIt's been a wild ride my loves. Hey it's izzy. Imma be here for u no matter how much it takes. Cuz your a precious diamond. Just don't give up. Sorry I haven't been replying. It's just I've been going thru shit. Take care of yourself x we will fight we will stand, we will get thru this. Featuring my shitty social skills. Just don't give up alright 💛 🥀🖤A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still Suffers, In And Out Of These Rokms🖤🥀 Cuz basically all my over 10 + metal illnesses I have plus my past plus my current situation plus all my symptoms of all my diagnosis are multiplied by 10. I've been thru brutal trauma/pain/hell/torture/bad experiences since 2001-2018. Occurring 24/7 I've been tortured abused raped almost killed. In 215 mental hospitals. No home from 2011-2018. Homeless 13 times,almost killed, drugged up lost many to death, my dad tortured me, 3 foster homes, many unlocked/locked treatment centers, group homes, shelters, rehabs, residential, been thru MOSTLY every traumatic thing, I have severe brain damage, anorexia, mom is very sick. I help to much. I can't explain what I'm going thru or what's going on. I'm the most high maintaince case in the system. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Been on all meds /beej thru all sorts of treatment. I have anger self harm. I'm a hardcore addict. No stable home. Ive been tortured/abused/raped/drugged/almost killed most of my life. I'm tell u a little of my life story You all are enough you all are worth it you al matter, your life is not worthless. Hun I know what it's like to hit rock bottom and back several times. I'm here for you if u need a friend I'll be there for u care for u help support show you your worth. I've been abused raped tortured homeless 13 times 215 mental hospitals bouncing from unlock and locked treatment centers. I've been in residential. My dad tortured me. I've had trauma 24/7 since 2001-july 2018 I got my son taken away. I've attempted suicide over 100 times im a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. No home from 2011-2018 I've been abused in all ways several times. . I've been in rehab. I'm not trying to get attention I'm trying to show that y'all aren't alone. Stay alive . You are important to me. I know I just met u. But I'm grateful for your life., LET GO & LET GOD! 🥀🖤Your feelings and life are valid If not today there's always tomorrow. Thank u for existing Stay U, And Believe In Yoself Don't Give Up Now, U Come This Far I'm Izzy, and Im a grateful recovering addict. Ur a fighter,don't give up Ur a survivor,nota victim U have a purpose,embrace it a story,share it a voice,useit A message,send it -Izzy M.🌙🔥 🔥🔥🥀🥀TRIGGER WARNING!!! THIS IS MY SOBRIETY STORY!!! No pity sympathy attention empathy worry concern (and yes I will be repeating myself so be prepared, this is MY STORY and u can't tell me how to write it, u all deserve happiness, and to be OK and I'm here for all of u, no matter what, and don't let anyone or anything define your worth or make u feel worthless, do what's best for YOU, DO NOT GIVE UP YOU'VE COME THIS FAR, ur enough and ur worth it x and I'm glad your alive and breathing. Stay alive., One Day @ A Time ;; Keep Coming Back It Works If You Work It! I am over one year sober, and I'm proud of myself x keep fighting)🥀🥀🔥🔥 🔥🔥🥀🥀Hi I'm izzy, and I'm a drug addicted alcoholic, I never thought I would make it this far, being clean and sober. I realize that the life I chose (while in my addiction) was suicide x I was popping pills, shooting up, snorting, smoking, anything I could get my hands on. I was tortured abused and raped my whole life (but in my addiction I got it worse where people injected me with shit and tortured me daily) , but when I was using, I was numbing my pain,. I was homeless on 13 different occasions and I became a monster, it made my mental health worse and since I have over 10+ mental illnesses, it made it worse. One time I overdosed on a mix of meth cocaine heroin acid and oxys and I almost died and I ended up in the hospital, I got severe brain damage, I was selling myself, getting drugged up abused tortured and raped for money to raise Anthony, and I got my drugs from my drug dealers by torture and sex if I didn't have the money. When I used I used obsessively. And I'm so proud of how far I've come. Drugs will put u in situations that u will regret later, once you start you can't stop, and it becomes your best friend, you "NEED" IT TO SURVIVE X but it alters your reality, and makes u a person that you could possibly could never get back from. (in a bad way) you can die even if u think your not taking it to far, but u never know "how far" is "too far" and you'll end up in jails, institutions, and death🥀🥀🔥🔥. ___ 🔥🔥🥀🥀Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with over 1 year clean! I’m 21. I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , I’ve done mostly every drug, I have a sponsor now!! I’m on step 2 and going to NA meetings every Sunday! I literally read the whole NA basic text book xx I have the NA Big Book as well as everything. I have been thru brutal hell/trauma/torture occurring 24/7 since I was 4, till July 2018. Can we please , have a moment of silence For the addict who still suffers In and out of these rooms Y’all are enough man, my drug dealer moved back into town, and he’s tortured me, I have had over 10 different drug dealers, my drug of choice is meth and herion. I lost my unbiological son , who I met in one Out Of the three foster homes I was in, my deceased ex girlfriend tortured me and made false accusations against me that I gave Anthony drugs, and I had to sell myself , prostitute, get tortured , drugged, abused, raped , almost killed etc etc so I can provide a home for Anthony , I was raising him as my own, I was homeless at the time, again. I failed rehab twice, at Cedar House . And I’ve been to 3 other rehabs. I’ve got a criminal record which has been cleaned after I became an adult . This Is For The Addict Or Alcholic That Might Die Tonight The One Who’s Killing Themselves Or Getting Tortured For Drugs 3 out of the many of my drug dealers. Have tortured me brutally I don’t use to “look cool” I use to numb my pain I first thought it would take my pain away I now have severe brain damage Plus over 10 mental illnesses It was MY CHOICE I remember lying on the side of the street , I lost my mom , I lost my self I lost my life, and I wanted to die I’ve been thru mostly every traumatic thing, experienced mostly it all, and done mostly it all No pity no sympathy no attention ... I have lived and seen death, hell, and I’ve been down this road I’ve been around the block Not saying any of you havnt Cuz I don’t know u #YouKnowMyNameNotMyStory #DontJudge I’m here for all of y’all Y’all are enough and y’all are worth it I’m greatful all of u are alive today And if any of y’all need me, cuz I’m here Feel free to contact me I believe in all of u xx Keep holding on I know it’s hard But I’ll be your hope God; Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change The Courage To Change The Things I Can And The Wisdom To Know The Difference AMEN! Keep Coming Back It Works If U Work It One Day At A Time!🔥🔥🥀🥀 ____ 🥀🥀🔥🔥Damn this was last year , I was drugged up big time (now I'm over one year sober) This was my 13th time being homeless x I had a huge psychotic break (I've had plenty) so bad I had several near death experiences (over 300 of them without intent of suicide) and over 100 with intent of suicide x this episode led me to being rushed to the ER, the nurses , staff and my mom said I was "uncontrollable" they fed me charcoal, they reported that I was like a 3 year old ; I couldn't remember my name who or where I was, they had to bathe me , my toungne stuck out , my body was moving uncontrollably, they had a 1:1 watch me , plus 4 to 6 back up 1:1s cus I was that bad , they said I had a seizure, they later transferred me to Loma Linda BMC mental hospital (I've been in 215 of them) they were the ones who told me the report, they also said that when they asked my name I said "Liz Ramos" (which is one of my alters/demons) I was making animal sounds , I moved units a lot (I've been on every single unit in that hospital, not bragging btw) they didn't release me to my mom , cus she couldn't handle me , it was all a huge blur ,back to before I went to the ER, I got my shit stolen and in this video I can tell I'm clearly on something, right? Again I didn't know wtf was going on, I walked on the side of the freeway, this was around Anthony's birthday (my unbiological son who I was in the same abusive foster home with , ive been in 3 total , 2 were abusive, I sold myself , got tortured and raped and abused for money to raise him , but got taken away cus of Kimberly's false accusations, she tortured me worse than my dad , she hung herself in front of me) I bought him some flowers for his birthday and they got stolen , I only have the pink bear now , anyway now that ur caught up , back to the mental hospital x they released me to another treatment center x they said I was making no sense at all , and they said the people at The Crisis Stabilization Unit (CSU; which I cant go to anymore cus I've beel there to many times) that I was like an animal , and randomly acted out , they had to have a 1:1 they'd watch me) anyways I didn't remember any of that right? Well, surprisingly I actually filmed most of the CSU experiences, which is somewhere on my YouTube channel. Anyways , drugs will mess u up so bad and sometimes you don't come back from it x the grass is green where u water it x I'm always here for you all x you all are warriors x and I'm glad you all are alive , you shine how you wanna shine , your enough && you matter , your life matters! YOU MATTER! Plz don't do drugs , it's NOT easy to quit x stay true y'all, throwback and not a good one x stay true yo, Keep Being U, message me anytime:) stay blessed angel x God is Good&& it took me so long to realize that x Keep Fighting, Soldier🔥🌈🌎💙🏳️🌈💜❤️ x, Yours truly , Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez🔥🔥🥀🥀 ____________ 🥀🥀🌈🌈My Diagnosis (Most Caused By Drugs) •bipolar •depression/insomnia •anxiety/PTSD •ADHD/OCD/ODD •Autism/Narcolepsy •anorexia/borderline personality •schizo-affective •dissociative identity fugue •multiple personality disorder •critically/clinically insane •severe brain damage 🌈🌈🥀🥀 🔥🔥_____Thank U For Coming To My TED TALK! Sobriety ain't a piece of cake, but staying sober is one of the best decisions in my life ___ I'm izzy and I am a drug addicted alcoholic /"Izzy" _________🔥🔥